From Mama’s Boys To Mommy Issues: How His Relationship With His Mother Affects The One With You

3 comments
July 2, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

From YourTango.com

By Alisha Cornett

Men. We’ll never understand them. And even more confusing, the bond they share with their mothers will forever be a mystery. No man really wants to be labeled “mama’s boy,” but most are. They must be, because they reflect her influence, positive or negative. The relationship a man has with his mother determines what he thinks of himself, and of women in general.

A mother and son’s relationship directly affects yours and your partner’s relationship, too; the way you handle certain situations as a couple, the way you make decisions, the way you manage your household.

I talked to four female friends last week to get their perspective about their partners’ relationships with their mothers. It was enlightening to hear what they had to say. Three ladies are married, and one is engaged. Their ages range from 22 to 50. I’ve always been a fan of Little Women, so let’s just go ahead and call them Jo, Beth, Meg and Amy.

Four big truths came out of my chat with these four women. Let’s talk about them.

1. Mother-son relationships can be strained, and you may not know where you fit in.

“I expected her to be like my parents, but she was just, well, not,” Jo said. “She made no effort to see us or spend time with us. If we saw her, it was because we went to see her.

“My parents were constantly coming to see us and we were going to see them—it was reciprocated. She always used how busy we were as an excuse not to see us.”

Jo’s husband has been getting in contact with his mother more, and they talk now more than ever. However, she says the bond is still distanced, especially her relationship with his mom. They still only see his mother a few times a year, comparatively less than they see her parents. Jo continued to say how different her husband is from his mother. She hopes that their relationship will continue to improve, but what’s next for her and his mom? It’s a mystery.

If he’s not close at all with his mother, this may be a sign that he has intimacy issues, which you should watch out for. However, if he at least makes an effort, like in Jo’s case, but the effort isn’t reciprocated on the mother’s part, then you can commend your mate for trying to close that gap. Understanding the difference between him and his mother can better help you know how to understand their relationship—and hopefully maintain something of a relationship with her yourself.

Check out the other 3 truths Alisha learned from her chat on YourTango.com.

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  • DeepThinker

    My grandmother’s meddling not only help destroy my parent’s relationship, but it put a strain on his relationship with his children. My father eventually began to resent my grandmother and they did not speak for 10 years. Now he’s dead and all the “alienating” she was doing to try to keep strife going has backfired and hardly anybody – her grandchild and ex-daughter in law want to be around her. Mothers take care of and protect your sons while your are rearing them. When they are a man, be confident that you raised him properly and he will make the right decisions or know how to rectify poor ones. Continuing to raise him after he is grown only cripples him and can destroy his life.

  • melaninman

    Great, another article to explain away why man just isn’t that into a woman. Sometimes it’s just as simple as that. These growing lists Must Haves and Watch Out Fors are just going to keep women single, bitter, and unrealistic.

  • MLS2698

    I have one child, a son, and I vow to NEVER be like my ex-husband’s mother. The best way to not fall into the ” hated” mother-in-law trap, is to be as rounded a person as possible, know who you are, and what your role is.

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