You Are Not The Father! The Most Memorably Ratchet Moments From The Maury Povich Show

July 3, 2012  |  
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Once upon a time, Maury Povich was a true, hardcore journalist but like his colleague Jerry Springer, he’s made history for transitioning from a respectable profession to one ratchet-history-making position as host of The Maury Povich Show. It’s sad to say but we’ll forever come to associate Maury Povich with the line “You Are Not The Father” rather than remember him for his coupledom with Connie Chung or his past award-winning journalism career. If you don’t know by now, the show has come to cater to the confused and misdirected, who fight to assign parenthood to a lost lover, ex-boyfriend or one night stand.

Day after day, women come on the show looking to prove that a certain ex or side-piece is the father of their child or children. It’s interesting and mind-boggling from a sociological perspective. I always wonder, is this a set up? Are these ratchet folks faking to get a free trip to New York or are they really not keeping track of  who they’ve had unprotected sex with around the time of their pregnancy. I mean, is it really that hard to know? In any case,  it’s a crazy song and dance (literally) as the accused deny, deny, and deny that they had anything to do with their accusers until Povich speaks those fateful words: You Are ____The Father! Ahhh, same story, different people and always ratchet. Check out some of the funniest episodes, snippets and celebratory dances that have come from the paternity paradise that is The Maury Povich show.

The “You Are The Father” Victory Dance

In this video we see a signature of the Maury Povich paternity shows: the celebration dance. In this case, a woman celebrates sticking it to the man she claims that has fathered her child. I wonder…with so much competition in the world of Maury Povich celebration dances, do you think the victors practice a routine before they appear on the show? 

The 11th Guy

Before Maury, we would never have thunk this would be possible: one woman and 11 guesses at who the father of her child may be. This snippet offers all the classic elements of a paternity episode: Telia goes from being confident (that the 11th man she’s testing is the father of her child) to straight up shocked by the results. The smarter-than-average viewer cringes at the dissappointment of those like Telia, whose basically proven herself to be a slore. But guess who really loses? The child who will now forever remember the embarrassing and public search his mother launched to track down her sperm donor.

All The Way Live

Okay, this has to be one of the best clips ever. We didn’t just get a celebration dance, but we got choreography all throughout the segment (even before the results came in). And Maury kept it gangsta on this one. He reminded his guests that “on this show, there’s she said, there’s he said, and there’s I said. #bestMauryEver 

“I’ma show you how serious I am”

Lord, lord, lord, can it get any funnier than this? This woman right here is mighty graceful for her size. She wanted to show her possible baby daddy just how sure she was about him being her baby daddy that she did the splits.Maury himself is taken aback. You can tell he’s thinking: What in the hell does this have to do with anything? And the dramatics didn’t stop there. Peep what she does AFTER she hears the verdict on paternity.


Is Precious calling out Precious?

Jasmine has to be one of the most animated and loudest guests to ever grace daytime television. She’s got a whole lot to say, and has the nerve to call out her “baby daddy’s” fiance for looking like “Precious,” even though she’s overweight herself.  As for the “baby daddy,” he claims that the baby looks like the tasmanian devil. Now making fun of a baby and calling him ugly is a low blow and is an extremely ratchet move even for a Maury Povich guest.

“I have nappy hair, he has good hair.”

Don’t you love it when the mothers get up on stage and point out similarities between their babies and the men who they believe to be the fathers? Somehow, they’re the only ones who see what seems to be a very strong resemblance. In this case, the mother is pointing out that her baby got good hair just like her daddy…but don’t all young children have delicate hair? But again, the sensible questions are for another show.

Black baby, White Parents

You may not even need to watch this to understand the foolery of it all but let me just set it up for you: one white couple and a son named DeAndre that seems “too dark” to be the son of his mom’s boyfriend. Yeah, you see where this is going, right? Although the “father” believes DeAndre to be his son, he admits that his girlfriend has cheated on him before. In the end, the obvious is revealed. It’s sadly perplexing.

The volatile current girlfriend

You gotta love it when the current girlfriend of the man getting the paternity test is more angry and heated than even the man himself over his situation.  Just skip to 1:56 mark to see the kind of ish we’re talking about. We see this all the time on Basketball Wives these days but Maury and Jerry are the men who put this woman on woman violence on full display years ago.

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  • fineaswine

    I wouldn’t do it but I can understand why its for the child not them

  • Tony Williams

    40% of the kids on the show, are not the kids of the guy, USA needs to have a new law, that every child in USa born more get a DNA test with the “so called father”

  • Sandy Shore

    Most of these shows are rehearsed….some are just looking for free mini vacation both people knowing damn well whether they either are or not the parent way ahead of time (smh)

  • Ms.LeaseONlife


  • My2Cents

    The same ppl clowning the ppl that go on the show are contributing to the ratings and fostering this behavior by watching it.

  • staccee

    No one is forcing these women to come on the show. They want a free trip to make themselves look supid after sleeping with 7 or more men and the still can’t find the baby daddy. Yes , Maury, Jerry, Jeremy, Steve,my judge shows, are my guilty pleasures. And I ain’t shame to say it.

  • ourchildren

    WHELP… these individuals do not represent me as a woman, a black woman, or as a mother..

  • Rashida

    I love me some Maury… I’d watch it every day if I didn’t have to work…

  • kameria

    Most of the moments on Maury are ratchet…..And someone could only pick this many….as long as black women keep degrading themselves by sleeping with all these men, (and can’t keep count) and have all these children, or better yet sleep with all these men and only have 1child, the Maury Povich show will stay on the air. I know someone will say that not all black women do this, or there are a few white women on the show….it still shows majority of Black women. I don’t even watch it no more, because every day it is the same fuc(kery)…..I wonder what is going to happen to the show when the government legalize “in womb” DNA testing……

  • doesn’t matter

    And this is gives yet another reason why people stereotype us. A bunch of hood rat folks looking for a quick way to make some money by airing all their hood rat ways on television. Sadly black folks just lining up with no disregard as to how it makes them look…This show is HORRIBLE…

  • simply me

    All young children do not have good hair…maybe 6mths or younger but some of em look rough. Especially the ones that have an inch of hair and they have five million pony tails. Mothers stop doing this to your kids it should be a crime.

  • KamJos

    I find it so sad that this show has found no shortage of Black men and women to disgrace themselves. Think about it. Maury used to have shows with a variety of topics but he now has no need to talk about any of it. He has such an endless supply of women who don’t know who the father of their child is that he needs to do no other show.

  • I’m a 1000 percent sure that one of the 20 men I slept with last month is my baby daddy!!

  • whooo

    gotta love the way maury greets shane though… like he been in the hood lmao

  • IllyPhilly

    CTFU @ the 11th guy. Damn. Remember the PR chick who just gave up on finding her kid’s dad after like 13 guys wasn’t the dad? LMAO fact is stranger than fiction.

  • wepo1

    The black women and DNA paternity test shows how the black woman has lost her morals, but I know black woman will say “white women do it to” as if whites and blacks are equal in America!

  • bluekissess

    All the moments are embarrassing

  • CA Pullen

    This so foolish and ignorant. I don’t understand why these women would run to NY to make a complete fool out of themselves. I think they want to be on television. I don’t even watch his show anymore. I was very disappointed with Polvich. Most of these women that go on these shows I believe know who the father of their children are. Why do you want to play games with these children lives? The child is the one who ends up getting hurt and have to pay the price for these ignorant parents. PLease if you are going to have sex, you need to use protection or just don’t do it. Go somewhere and sit down somewhere. It will save you a lot of heartache. This is what happens when a second of pleasure can cost a lifetime of pain. People need to be careful who they lay down with. I am so tired of seeing mostly black women acting like a fool and ignorant on television. I know you have ignorant women of all races. But black women really need to stop the foolishness.

  • Stacy L

    I’m not going to lie, on the days I don’t have to work early, I am right on the couch watching Maury. As ratchet as it is, it’s very entertaining and hilarious to me. (hmm, seems like a FEW other shows we all watch, just saying)

    • Bobbi O. Mayweather

      a slow day is my guilty pleasure and this was slightly entertaining-

  • I sat here and watched all of these and my IQ dropped at least 20 points but I dont have anyone to blame but my ding dang self

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    But at the end of the day, you running up to New York to make a fool of yourself letting the world know that you lay with the scum of the earth who deny you and your child doesn’t make your situation any better. Just cause he knows he’s the father doesn’t mean he’s going to step up and do the right thing, not to mention if he’s not, you’ve just told the world that you sleep around with multiple people unprotected and you can’t keep up with who you throw your “goods” out to. . .

  • CUT the BULLSH!T

    Anything to feature black folks in a negative light, huh?????

    • Candacey Doris

      White people go too. And the ay i saw an Asian woman there i stared for a few minutes.

      • KamJos

        The VAST majority of women on these shows are Black women. This “White people do it too” mantra needs to stop. In the spirit of my Nana I say if all White people jumped off a bridge would you do it to?

        • Candacey Doris

          I never have an never will do that sort of thing. I’m just saying that it’s not a show that sets out to feature black people in a negative light. It’s a show that seeks to get ratings. Most people go on there to be on TV and get their 10minutes of fame. Some are actually in need of Maury’s “services”. But really, no one is forcing them to be there. So stop acting like people are dragging black people on there and saying “Dance negro!”. It’s not true. At some point, you have to make people take responsibility for their own foolishness. Like having 10 possible father’s for their child or sleeping with 100 different men at 16.

          • KamJos

            Well that answer I can understand.

  • sammi_lu

    I can’t front Maury on a slow day is my guilty pleasure and this was slightly entertaining- teehee

  • leah4cali

    The author of this post is just as ratchet for putting this together…

  • Tonya

    How come the date of this article is January 2nd? Was this a re-post or is that just a typo?