You Are Not The Father! The Most Memorably Ratchet Moments From The Maury Povich Show

July 3, 2012  |  
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Once upon a time, Maury Povich was a true, hardcore journalist but like his colleague Jerry Springer, he’s made history for transitioning from a respectable profession to one ratchet-history-making position as host of The Maury Povich Show. It’s sad to say but we’ll forever come to associate Maury Povich with the line “You Are Not The Father” rather than remember him for his coupledom with Connie Chung or his past award-winning journalism career. If you don’t know by now, the show has come to cater to the confused and misdirected, who fight to assign parenthood to a lost lover, ex-boyfriend or one night stand.

Day after day, women come on the show looking to prove that a certain ex or side-piece is the father of their child or children. It’s interesting and mind-boggling from a sociological perspective. I always wonder, is this a set up? Are these ratchet folks faking to get a free trip to New York or are they really not keeping track of  who they’ve had unprotected sex with around the time of their pregnancy. I mean, is it really that hard to know? In any case,  it’s a crazy song and dance (literally) as the accused deny, deny, and deny that they had anything to do with their accusers until Povich speaks those fateful words: You Are ____The Father! Ahhh, same story, different people and always ratchet. Check out some of the funniest episodes, snippets and celebratory dances that have come from the paternity paradise that is The Maury Povich show.

The “You Are The Father” Victory Dance

In this video we see a signature of the Maury Povich paternity shows: the celebration dance. In this case, a woman celebrates sticking it to the man she claims that has fathered her child. I wonder…with so much competition in the world of Maury Povich celebration dances, do you think the victors practice a routine before they appear on the show? 

The 11th Guy

Before Maury, we would never have thunk this would be possible: one woman and 11 guesses at who the father of her child may be. This snippet offers all the classic elements of a paternity episode: Telia goes from being confident (that the 11th man she’s testing is the father of her child) to straight up shocked by the results. The smarter-than-average viewer cringes at the dissappointment of those like Telia, whose basically proven herself to be a slore. But guess who really loses? The child who will now forever remember the embarrassing and public search his mother launched to track down her sperm donor.

All The Way Live

Okay, this has to be one of the best clips ever. We didn’t just get a celebration dance, but we got choreography all throughout the segment (even before the results came in). And Maury kept it gangsta on this one. He reminded his guests that “on this show, there’s she said, there’s he said, and there’s I said. #bestMauryEver 

“I’ma show you how serious I am”

Lord, lord, lord, can it get any funnier than this? This woman right here is mighty graceful for her size. She wanted to show her possible baby daddy just how sure she was about him being her baby daddy that she did the splits.Maury himself is taken aback. You can tell he’s thinking: What in the hell does this have to do with anything? And the dramatics didn’t stop there. Peep what she does AFTER she hears the verdict on paternity.

 

Is Precious calling out Precious?

Jasmine has to be one of the most animated and loudest guests to ever grace daytime television. She’s got a whole lot to say, and has the nerve to call out her “baby daddy’s” fiance for looking like “Precious,” even though she’s overweight herself.  As for the “baby daddy,” he claims that the baby looks like the tasmanian devil. Now making fun of a baby and calling him ugly is a low blow and is an extremely ratchet move even for a Maury Povich guest.

“I have nappy hair, he has good hair.”

Don’t you love it when the mothers get up on stage and point out similarities between their babies and the men who they believe to be the fathers? Somehow, they’re the only ones who see what seems to be a very strong resemblance. In this case, the mother is pointing out that her baby got good hair just like her daddy…but don’t all young children have delicate hair? But again, the sensible questions are for another show.

Black baby, White Parents

You may not even need to watch this to understand the foolery of it all but let me just set it up for you: one white couple and a son named DeAndre that seems “too dark” to be the son of his mom’s boyfriend. Yeah, you see where this is going, right? Although the “father” believes DeAndre to be his son, he admits that his girlfriend has cheated on him before. In the end, the obvious is revealed. It’s sadly perplexing.

The volatile current girlfriend

You gotta love it when the current girlfriend of the man getting the paternity test is more angry and heated than even the man himself over his situation.  Just skip to 1:56 mark to see the kind of ish we’re talking about. We see this all the time on Basketball Wives these days but Maury and Jerry are the men who put this woman on woman violence on full display years ago.

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