Are You Marriage Material? 8 Signs You May Not Make a Good Wife

June 30, 2012  |  
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Some women have dreamed of being married since the age of baby dolls and pigtails, so once they begin dating, every guy becomes a potential Prince Charming. As romantic as the notion of marriage may be, most people don’t stop to think if they are actually “marriage material.” Many think that simply because you fall in love and date for a year or two, marriage is the natural next step – but it’s not for everyone. If you DO decide that marriage is in your future, make sure you’re honest with yourself about what you bring to the table. After all, you can’t attract a man who possesses the traits of a good husband if you don’t display those traits yourself (and of course the same applies to men). If you’re unsure, these signs may indicate that you may not make a good wife – and have some work to do on yourself before you walk the aisle.

1. You’re Selfish

Marriage is not only a commitment, it’s a haven where the essence of love is in self-giving. This is not to suggest that you should lose yourself in your spouse, which can also be detrimental to a marriage. It simply means that if you’re only thinking about yourself, your spouse becomes an object – not a partner – and mutual love cannot grow. If you want him to cater to you constantly without reciprocating, you’re not good when it comes to compromise, and you don’t want to share him with family or friends, chances are your selfishness will eventually alienate and suffocate him. Most selfish people use their partner’s love against them and hold their partners accountable for their own happiness. If you don’t remember that you give up the “I’s” for a “we”, you’ll be putting an unrealistic expectation on your future husband to hold down the marriage on his own.

2. You’re Extremely Jealous

If you’re a jealous person by nature, this won’t change once he puts a ring on it – it’ll only make it worse.  We’ve all been a little jealous from time to time, and some may argue that a healthy level of jealousy is actually good for a relationship. However, extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and professing your love before God and 100 guests in a white gown won’t change feelings of low self-esteem or inadequacy. Now that he’s not just your boyfriend, but your husband, your possessiveness will increase tenfold and you’ll feel threatened by every woman he comes in contact with if you don’t get a handle on your jealousy issues. Be honest with yourself and get help if needed.

3. You’re a Party Girl

Most men wouldn’t take too kindly to their wife dropping it like it’s hot in the club every night. There’s nothing wrong with partying and having a good time, but when you have a man at home who wants to spend quality time with you, it’s not a good look. Going out with your girls from time to time is great, and he should get out with the fellas as well. No one is suggesting that you cut off the rest of the world where you have no outlet. However, the type of outlet and frequency should not compromise the amount of time you spend with each other. He may feel that stepping out to a club every weekend instead of spending time at home is disrespectful and that he isn’t a priority. In marriage, you need to find a balance between being together and being out with others. If you haven’t gotten your partying ways out of your system, you may want to give marriage a second thought.

4. You Do Not Like (His) Children

There is nothing wrong with not liking or wanting children – it’s not for everyone, and it doesn’t automatically exclude you from being seen as wifey material. However, you have to keep in mind that if you’re dating a man who wants children, or who has children already, and you don’t like children (or HIS children), then it won’t matter how much you love HIM…it’ll never work. He’ll resent you, and you’ll be miserable. Children are a commitment all on their own aside from marriage, so if you both aren’t united on this front, the marriage will eventually collapse. If he already has children, he may be looking to you to be a mother-figure to his kids – and if you don’t like children, no matter how good of a woman you are, if he can’t see you as a mother, he will never see you as a wife.

5. You’re Materialistic

Not only do some women dream of getting married, some dream of marrying a wealthy man – someone to take care of them. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable in a relationship, if you ONLY marry for money, you may be in for a rude awakening. Marriage is supposed to last in good times and bad, in sickness and in health and for richer OR poorer. Some women only focus on the “richer” part. People who are materialistic tend to be narcissistic and concerned with impressing people rather than focusing on their partner. And if your spouse suddenly loses his job, the stock market crashes or is unable to maintain your extravagant lifestyle, he may be afraid that you’ll move on to the next man with deeper pockets. He needs to know that you’ll be around when times get tough, not just when the money is flowing. If you can’t support your man through difficult financial times then you shouldn’t be walking down the aisle. Get you some business and maintain yourself…or marry a man whose money is so long, you won’t have to worry about the “poorer” part of your vows.

6. Promiscuous/Cheater

Let’s face it, you know if you’re a cheater or not. This is not to say that once a cheater, always a cheater – but most people who are repeatedly unfaithful in relationships don’t change unless they truly are ready and they want to. If you WANT to, then great – you can change and be a great wife to a wonderful man. But if you haven’t finished sowing your royal oats, then don’t bring anyone else into your mess. Remain single until you can remain faithful.

7. Non-Sexual, Low Libido

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s important, and anyone who says differently is either a virgin or is lying. Marriage is made up of love, respect, commitment…and sex, and if your libidos don’t match or your sex drive is non-existent, chances are you probably won’t even make it past the courting stage to a proposal unless you both have taken a vow of celibacy until then. Most couples relate to each other through intimacy, so if you rarely want to have sex, your partner may feel disconnected, and he will eventually look for that connection elsewhere. If you feel that your sex drive is abnormally low, check with your physician to make sure you are healthy – both mentally and physically so that you can work this out before entertaining the thought of eventually becoming a wife. The main idea is here is not to imply that being a good wife lies between your legs, but instead to consider real life circumstances when choosing a life partner.

8. You haven’t “found” yourself

Sometimes, the breaking point of a marriage comes at the hands of one person’s realization that they need to find themselves. When someone gets married too young or for the wrong reasons, they feel unfulfilled and feel the itch to do things that they should’ve done before they got married. If you haven’t invested in yourself and given yourself time to grow, don’t jump into marriage.

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  • TheyReallyDid

    Certainly the women of years ago made a much better wife than today.

  • TheRealBestTrueHonestAnswer

    It is very sad to say that Most women today are certainly Not marriage material at all since they have certainly Changed over the years which years ago Most women were so much more Faithful and many men were at that time which made their marriage work. And now with so many women today that are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry, well that is the real reason why many of us Good men are still Single today since finding a Good woman that Isn’t like that is very Difficult now for us which we really Can’t Blame ourselves at all since many of us are Not Single by choice.

  • truth teller

    Another article full of the nonsense folk tell themselves. Don’t believe everything you read people. Not everyone who writes an article is an authority or knows what they are talking about. Do you own research. Start with “the history of marriage”. Then follow up your own personal research on the “dynamics of male female interaction, old and new”. Lastly, finish with deeper dive “the effects of technology science and economy in western societies on dynamics of male female relationship”. Once you do that you won’t need the foolishness in this article. You’ll be well on your way to answers all by your lonesome! Good luck in your search!

  • FutureTVandFilmWriter

    Excellent Article!

  • Jessica

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  • donna

    Et tu Brooke? Why didn’t you just copy from the “stereotypes about Black women book ,” and paste it into your article.

    I confess I didn’t see your last one coming. You apparently substituted the “psycho” stereotype for low libido… This article sounds like the excuses a man gives to his new sex interest for cheating on his current woman. I am well into my middle age and I have not met one woman who is anything like the caricatures you describe. We are simply flawed individuals just like the men we meet and eventually marry.

    This entire article is shameful and I hope my sisters do not take it to heart. A grown man will find that you are good enough, exactly the way that you. The right one is just as human as you are and does not expect perfection.

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  • Khedra B Graham

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  • Khedra B Graham

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    My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Dr Alex the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Alex cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seen results about the spell….
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  • Vic

    This is a nice list. I wish it were common sense.

  • Mercy brown

    I’m Mercy brown by name I have a few testimony to share with you all about myself, I was in a relationship with this guy and for 3years and we were about getting married when we both have misunderstanding with each other and he ask me for a divorce and we both agreed and after 4months I head that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. Madurai the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is,

  • lexi

    i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady who en charm him with her beauty, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I complained to my friend and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Saibaba. who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. she ask me to contact Dr Saibaba. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two days my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness and that he never knew what came upon him that he will never leave me again or the kids. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Saibaba on any problem, he is very nice, here is his contact


  • lexi

    i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady who en charm him with her beauty, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I complained to my friend and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Saibaba. who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. she ask me to contact Dr Saibaba. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two days my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness and that he never knew what came upon him that he will never leave me again or the kids. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Saibaba on any problem, he is very nice, here is his contact

  • strife

    Preach on, Sistah!

  • nikky

    It was a complete sudden stop in my life when my relationship with my fiancee came to a halt without any reason and he said that he has fallen for someone else, it was Dr. Eziza who helped me get back my fiancee with a love spell and now we are happily married, thanks a lot Dr. Eziza. If you need his help to restore your relationship back, you can contact him via or +2348058176289

  • TheOutSider

    Seriously? Dr Abiza? Priest Andrew? Dr Abel? Prophet Mike? These people are charlatans and seek your money. I suggest that they returned without the need of these people.

  • Rose Marylove

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    Vera Williams.

  • Lisa

    i just want to share my experience and testimony here on how Priest Andrew.. i was married for 6years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to this so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the spell, after 4 days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy

  • Mike Olivia

    This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is Olivia mike, and I base in London.My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa Justus who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa Justus brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa Justus e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa Justus is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa Justus today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: Thank you great Justus. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)[You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison
    (11)Marriage Spells
    (12)Miracle Spells
    (13)Beauty Spells
    (15)Attraction Spells
    (16)Evil Eye Spells
    (17)Kissing Spell
    (18)Remove Sickness Spells
    (21) Charm to get who to love you.
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  • Lutrisha

    I thought everything was fine in my relationship until he explained to me he wanted out and that it was him and not me. I couldn’t understand because I thought everything was fine and that we were in love. Then I decided to look into this further and I looked at his Facebook account and then I saw the other woman that he was involved with, I was devastated and cried.The problem for me was that I still loved Joel and I believed in my heart that he was my soul mate. i tried to work things out but after 5 years in what I thought was the best and greatest romance of my life Joel didn’t want me and in fact he was planning to leave and during that time there was a lot of arguing that made matters worse. I had no idea of what else to do and so i took a chance at with the help of a spell and to cut the long story short, he came back and set things right again and now we are living happily together. If you ever need help in relationship issues, contact him on, Prophet Mike is his name.

  • nikki

    So what a virgin can,t think about sex being important to the relationship it is all about the sex

  • Marina Calis

    I know I’m marriage material but many men are not husband material…so women of color have two options.1. stay single 2. marry a white man..This article should be directed towards men of color…but of course there are some horrific women out there as well.

  • Gayatri

    I know women who have some (or all) of these flaws, and they are married.

    I naturally have very few of these flaws, and those that I do, I have been working on conquering.

    I’m 25 and have never had a single boyfriend.

  • girl, that was damn near PROFOUND.

    • Khedra B Graham

      Hello everyone i want to share a live testimony on how Dr Alex was able to bring my husband back to me, myself and my husband were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..
      My husband packed his things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with my husband, not until i met Dr Alex the great spell caster who was able to bring my husband back home, Dr Alex cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seen results about the spell….
      Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Alex all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Alex kindly mail him on( ) or call him on +2347036013351, Sir i will forever recommend you!!! …

  • Dan

    This list is a good one, but it’s too black and white. Life is full of grey areas. The problem with these magazine lists is that they put a couple into a standard category. Sort of a “fit into box”. If you don’t have these flaws, then your a good wife or husband. I have seen cases where the couple has none of these flaws and they are still in a miserable marriage. I have also seen couples who have all these flaws yet maintain a happy marriage. My advice to a man or woman is to communicate extensively and not pay attention to these lists. Remember that these lists are made to sell a product or products. Marriages need work to be stable and fulfilling. I’m here to refute the list as it does delve deep enough to be effective advice

  • snapoutofit

    How sad is it that the black woman blames the black man for her woes and the black man blames the black woman for his and the black people blame the white system. What happened to just doing for yourself and making the right decisions in the first place. Like not getting married or having kids. Focus on positive things in your life like working and helping others

  • White Woman

    WOW! If this isn’t one of the most racist commentations I have read in a while I don’t know what is. If you think that having children only to get more welfare is attractive, you might have a thinking problem. Some people like being married, some do not. It is not a law stating that you must be married to have children ..but the term ” My baby Daddy” didn’t exsist 30 years ago. I think at some point all people think of marriage. Black, right, male , female, gay , straight, Catholic, Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Islamic etc..All I know is I waited until I was married before I decided to have children. I knew I did NOT want to be a single Mom. I also used contraceptives until I was ready to have children. I choose my destiny, my life, my husband. I took control of my life. I know lots of woman that do not want children. They are not broken, nor does that mean they hate men. Bringing a child into this world is a subject that requires 2 consenting adults ( for the most part). Men are the ones who typically want to marry. Why?
    Last thoughts: If you had to a pass a drug test to get welfare would you get it AND
    if you lost your welfare if you got pregnat with another child while on many kids would you have? It is not the white mans system.It is a government run program. If you are married you do not qualify for welfare. REGARDLESS of color.

  • Celexiey

    @wepo1:disqus When did you date all Black Women just as there are good black men there are great black women, that have morals love God, theirselves, their man and their children….let’s not forget about all the drama the black man gets running with or to their white women, can you say O.J. Simpson she was a very busy woman getting it on with all his buddies…look at Kim K. who hasn’t been with here…it’s never the race of one but their integerity….you have some of all kinds in all colors and nationalities….sometimes it’s best to think before you open your mouth.
    the men behind bars that are there because of their own greed and selfishness are you also blaming the black woman for that as well?
    Now, what about the couple that we’re bring up their children together, but the man died of an untimely death are you saying that she is unable to raise her boys….well sir know it all once again you’re proven wrong not only has it been done….but the boys have gone on to be respectable model citizens to society and in the professional world or sports as well….surprise!
    what you fall to miss is that you can’t speak on what you don’t know….God never gives one more than they can bear …..Did you see waiting to exhale….fiction but also true no one can ever make one do what they desire not to …I see you still have alot to learn.

  • jwilson44

    Did you interview my SIL to write this?

  • GeekMommaRants

    The truth is the truth, if you wish never to be divorced, guess what you should not do? Those preaching marriage should stop, drop and research the divorce statistics. This maybe a huge waste of time and money.

  • casey

    whoever is making it seem like all black women are hoes are ridiculous. white people are also ghetto and trashy and having babies out of wedlock…any episode of maury will reveal this. black people may have a higher rate of teenage pregnancy but thats cause white teens get abortions instead. also socioeconomic status is the main factor of all these situations…most teen pregancies are in lower income/low education areas regardless of any race! blackpeople are also more likely to be in a disadvantaged socioeconomic situation.

    now im not making so many excuses. black people like to blame everyone else for their problems, but we need to take responsibility. i was watching the bet awards last wek and was laughing at all those ignorant buffoons. some fools like swizz beatz and rick ross are middle aged and still walking around with gold chains and their pants off talking about nonsense! black people glorify idiots like nicki minaj while real lyricists are never heard of. they plaster fake video vixens and b.s. rappers on their walls but couldnt tell you who marcus garvey was. sad part is kids worship these clowns. black people need to stop being retarded, stop buying rim and chains when you cant even pay your rent, get some priorities, go to school, dress themsleves and conduct themselves with pride. if you act ignorant youre going to get treated like so.

    • Big Mike

      This is the most sensible post on this entire thread.

      Thanks, Casey

  • janthonyrose

    Well, in reading the article, it wasn’t just about cooking and cleaning, it was about traits that men AND women should possess to be good spouses – it just happens to be wriiten for women.

  • T

    Then why don’t the bum hoe bm use a damn condom???

    • this man ain’t sh*t remember.. Do you really trust him to use sound judgement? At the end of the day she allowed him to sweet talk her, say nice things to her, enough to the point of her opening her legs…

    • HonestBrotha

      Ummmm…he’s a bum. It’s funny how you blame the retard for being a retard but not the person willing to make a retard a father. Some sistas have it twisted beyond belief.

  • T

    BM ain’t marrying nobody anyway!! Almost 70% are single and never married!!
    When you talk about single mothers don’t forget to speak on SINGLE FATHERS!!

    Face facts most BM are bum hoes, hiv carriers, jailbirds, etc.
    Colorist and crazy picky fools coddled by mama cause dad was an absentee bum!!

  • I know I’ll be single for life. I am faaar too set in my ways to let some chic’s random son tell me anything about living my life. The only males I want to deal with full time are the 2 I gave birth to. Single, proud, and free: dat be me.

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  • jt

    Women have most of the reproductive power. They determine when and if they become mothers and when and if men become fathers. Men can’t decide to make women mothers against their will. They have the power so they get the blame.

    • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

      I am aware of that, however, the fact of the matter still remains that it takes an egg and sperm to create a child. If the man is not using protection then he is equally responsible for the fact that the woman has gotten pregnant, regardless of what comes of the pregnancy.

    • juilie see

      rape? hello?

  • janthonyrose

    Articles like this are in women’s mags because only women read them. And MN HAS written articles on how to spot a man who man NOT be marriage material. If this article was titled “Signs You May Not Make a Good Husband” who’s going to read it? Women will, not men…because men typically don’t read women’s magazines, so the message will be lost because it doesn’t apply to women. Women get bent out of shape when these artlces are written, but there ARE some women out there who WANT to get married, but maybe shouldn’t, or have some maturing to do before they do if that is THEIR wish. If this list doesn’t apply to you, then why be mad about it? There are articles written everyday on MN about how to maintain or products to use for natural hair. I don’t have natural hair…so should I be mad that they wrote an article about it? If you don’t want to get married, then skip over this article because it doesn’t apply to you. There are some women (of ALL races) who may not be ready to get married, or who want to but are wondering why they’re not in the right relationships – so they may read this to get some understanding. All the women on this thread who say they have no desire to get married, shoudlnt’ have read it in the first place because it doesn’t apply to them.

    • It isn’t just this article. It’s everything surrounding it. The only reason article exists like this is because little girls are groomed at a very young age. How many people have said they’ve been planning their wedding since they were a little girl? How many kitchen playsets,baby dolls,princess theme toys are geared towards little girls…I don’t mean to sound like a hardcore radical feminist, but it gets annoying. While there is nothing wrong with marriage in itself, I think being married is a very wonderful thing. But you said it there are some WOMAN of all races… And that’s the point articles like these are geared towards woman… Why aren’t there marriage related articles in men magazines? Why is there no articles prepped towards men to make them marriage material? With men it seems that they can’t and shouldn’t be changed, they’ll marry you whenever they want to. But woman we have to learn how to cook,clean,take care of children..keep our body count lower than a certain number.. It’s just annoying.

  • Peach

    Thank you for wasting 5 minutes of my time with an article full of common sense and common knowledge

    • Courtney

      You assume all women have or USE their common sense. Clearly there are people who get married anyway, despite having traits that are contrary to being in a marriage situation. Not everyone can be you.

  • No.1

    wow!!!! it is so amazing to me that most black women here are using character flaws in some black men to justify their behavior, after dating and studying black women I think a lot of sisters moral compass have sort of went to the left, The black woman used to be proud, strong, respectful and chaste even when the male counterpart failed the black community. The black woman used to be praised by every race for her ability to maintain a household, nurture children, maintain her dignity even when wronged,and also for their common sense (intelligence) but somewhere along the lines some young black women have shunned and shamed the mantle left behind by their mothers and grandmothers proudly as if the burden just got too heavy to be a dignified black woman. I won’t go into details but dignified and good women just don’t do certain things (some are on the list above), of course people make mistakes but I’m just gonna say to my sisters that I love so dearly, please just respect yourselves and don’t stop being the best you can be professionally or morally because of your differences with black men and please stop speaking negative of black men at every turn. if you don’t want it ignore it…..

    • GeekMommaRants

      Sir, I most take your thoughtful comments to task. The level of violence in our community has made me, (I will speak for myself) rather shy. One really cannot expect honor when terror is the name of the game. Thank you for your comment.

  • Bianca

    I think number seven is a bit much.

  • HaHa

    It is funny how many females get angry when someone dares say they are not as desirable as they think they are. Grow up and get over yourself.

  • customcalendars4u2

    I’m not even curious enough to scroll through all them pages….For What? Because there are no magic answers! People fall in & out of love everyday and many Never get to the core of what that type of commitment means.They don’t even look at compatibility issues like sleeping habits, communication,respect,family history medical & mental,money and RELIGION being a Big issue in some marriages.Great Sex fades and then what,are you really in it for the long haul? People change some for the better and some for the worst,but there are some Key things you wanna find out before you take the plunge.

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    i m glad you ask this question most black woman are good woman they work and provide for their family sometimes her mate is decease or incarcerated and her man has experience hardship he leaves sometime because he can’t provide for his family or maybe he saw his father leave his mother when he was young so he carry that hate with him when things get tuff he gets mad and leave and go to the next woman when that does not work he goes out and find an easy yes yes woman even through he is wrong— all woman have attitudes—-every black women is not trying to have babies with these lost men okay the people that put black woman down are bitter with self hatred they probably didn’t have fathers at home so they blame the black woman they never talk good about a black woman who is paying her own bills educated travel around world knows how to handle an intelligent conversations not living off a baller’s money there are black women who pick there men up when they were down on their luck she polish him up for the next woman and she love that man how do you think she feels? some of u punks on this site talk very bad bout black women it is wrong but good thing about the computer you can say anything because you are hiding and scarce could u look me in the face and talk bad about blk women? good black women don’t have time for you bums and nonsense

    • CowCow

      Lord, give this person some PUNCTUATION. Good women of any race should know how to speak and write their native language.

  • They forgot to mention if you want to kill your significant other or their kids it may be best not to get married.

  • Thank God

    Im almost glad I have no desire to get married!! If your young focus on you and you only..and if a man comes around thats WORTH getting married to..the marry him… if not you will already know how to enjoy YOURSELF..not being dosent equal being can still have meaningful relationships with the opposite sex, you just dont have to bind yourself to him legally or for any other matter..unless that is what you really want..but not all women want that and for good reason..some people just refuse to believe that you can be single and still be happy and fullfilled..most of them are to scared to find out..or they find out when its too late..there is much more to life than relationships ladies..please understand this and find what makes you happy and one else can or will do that for are not going anywhere trust me!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thank God

      #not being married dosent equal being lonley

    • jane


  • guesswho88

    i agree with most of the comments. they’re constantly talking about bw or women in general need to stand on their head , and all of the above to get married. but men today have no grooming articles. especially bm whew lawd just sad. a lot of bm don’t have a clue as to what a real man , husband,and FATHER is. some of them think having a bunch of kids is being a man lol. some think because they’ve got a big member and a bunch of low self esteem brawds running behind them thats being a man. tsk tsk. and what dramatic typing said was nothing but the truth, the real reason hardly any of us are married is because BM DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED. that is unless they can throw all their back child support and bad credit on you. married men ask me what i do for a living. and i can tell their wives is the breadwinner and they just do the bare minimum thing. and their silly wives brag to everybody about how perfect their fake , UNFAITHFUL , marriage is. i look at the wives and just smh. marriage today seems like a crock of sh**!

  • koffybrown

    Well I’ve known for years that I’m not marriage material…lol Trying to satisfy a man needs is too much freaking work. I’d whether die old and happy,than old and bitter.

  • GeekMommaRants

    I will never buy the “you gotta have a man” steez.

    As women globally, we are to morph into what ever men think they want in a woman.

    To Get Married, women must consider actions:

    Act like you need to be managed
    Act like life is too hard for you to be self-reliant
    Act like thinking is above being a woman

    To Stay Married, women must consider their responsibilities as wife’s

    If the man cheats, it’s the wife’s fault, she is not taking care of her man.
    We are expected to give in order that men receive.
    We are to manage men’s emotional stability, their eating habits, and their physical

    Lastly, this lifestyle is the very best any woman could ask for?

    • jane

      Yep! To hell with that!!! Sisters, look for a man who has a partnership view of marriage, or just have boyfriends and never marry (and don’t bring kids into it either).

      • Bianca

        I have the solution to this issue. Marry out of your race.

  • You notice in this article and other articles like it (like in woman mags) always prep the woman on how to be better for her man. It’s always “101 ways to please your man” , “How to make a good wife” or “how to keep him from cheating”…. etc… From early on girls are taught how to be good wives… Remember the reasoning why alot of mothers would tell the girl why they need to learn how to clean and cook… the reason is usually ” What man is going to want a woman that can’t cook?” etc.. or something along those lines. It’s annoying that woman are trained,molded, and fit into cute little packages to hand off to a man. If your body counts goes past a certain number (because god forbid a woman gets h0rny) suddenly that makes you a horrible woman, and a horrible potential marriage mate. (you know the stigma turning h*e into a housewife)!

    It’s sickening. But like another user said… when it comes to a man…. it’s he can’t be changed, he’ll change when he wants,blah blah blah….. give me a break. and all the men complaining can have several THOUSAND seats, because that mindset seems to be very prevalent in today’s society.

  • Fuzzy Frisson

    All of these pointers can easily apply to men. Fundamentally, it’s all about simple human care, regardless of gender and such virtue is amplified in importance in a marriage (and other types of relationships). Anyone lacking that vital element should really be left lonely.

  • KeptWoman

    LOVING THE PARTY GIRL PHOTO! Does anyone else besides me recognize Gabrielle Union and Regina King in this photo giving you their “B Girl” pose. Lol! I wonder how old this picture is?

    I can’t figure out who the other young lady is.

  • Alright ladies so if you have such a problem with marriage for the sake of ALL of us stop having babies out of wedlock.Children are meant to be raised in a two parent home.Any woman who believes in God and calls herself a christian would not detest that.Women who shun marriage don’t necessarily think marriage is bad and she doesn’t want to get married, she just knows she isn’t marriage material and she is not willing to make the adjustments to her character that WOULD make her wife material because she is too selfish.Women today are pathetic.

    • Thank You

      I want to know why when ever the topic of relationships and marriage come up does someone always bring up christianity. NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN ARE CHRISTIAN. We do not all govern our lives based off of christian doctrine.

      • 305MovesLikeDagger

        ha this is so true, black people always assume that you are Christian, its freaking annoying!!!

    • Children may be meant to be raised in two parent homes but would you rather get beat on cheated on and ran over in a marriage for your kids or would you rather be single and raise them alone while happy???Answer that and get back to me! Secondly, just because a woman decides to have a baby out of wedlock does not make her a bad person, it means that either she could not afford an abortion like most women have at some point, or she decided to lay in the bed she made and raise her kid…even if that means being alone…..smh

      • guesswho88

        i agree sis but you forgot one thing and i’m gonna let you have the floor lol. there are men who go around convincing women to have kids. i believe that is the real reason. you know the type “i’m gonna be there and we’re gonna get married”. those old tired lines. they double dog dare you to get an abortion with their child. they beg and plead and promise. that is until the child gets here and the real work starts. then they’re gone like vapor. this imo is the real situation with so many women. and if you never had a strong male figure to show you love and respect then i’m sorry you might as well walk around with a target on your head. its a vicious cycle. little boys grow up thinking having a child means having a bunch of kids and when it gets too rough move on to the next unsuspecting fool. little girls grow up thinking they’ve got to do all these things to keep a man , or just having low self-esteem period. just lost souls looking for love. this is the real reason the bc is tore up. as long as this continues we will always be the same position. insanity is doing the same sh** over and over and expecting a different result!



  • wepo1

    The black woman does not care about marriage! If the women don’t value marriage then why should men!The black woman only wants to have babies out of wedlock, because she glorifies being an unwed single black mother! If they can’t control black men the way they want they take his seed and use it against him! Being an unwed single black mother defines the black woman’s unwillingness to change her attitude and to accept the woman’s place in a family! The black woman wants to rule her family and that attitude conflicts with having a husband!



      • wepo1

        you crazy!

  • Have we reverted back to the 50s? O_o. Why do I feel this article is bias and sexist? This goes both ways by the way and can be said of men two. Besides, marriage is not and should not be the be all and end all of someone’s life.

  • Get you some business and maintain yourself…or marry a man whose money is so long, you won’t have to worry about the “poorer” part of your vows. Really? But don’t be materialistic? Really? The idea of being married is too much of a corporate idea now. With shows like Bridezillas, SYTTD and Four Weddings it’s very easy to see why there are articles like this. How about let’s not get married til you have a clear picture of what you want and stop letting the media tell you what to do? Or not at all? It’s not the be all end all.

  • Honeybee30

    I realize that in order to be a good wife. There are 2 things I need to work out to be good wife for myself that is on this article. Otherwise, I can’t see myself married again. Marriage is hard work.

  • 305MovesLikeDagger

    Marriage to me is obsolete, my parents have been married for 27 but the modern day women is not worth putting a ring on their finger, they can’t cook, can’t clean, can’t be good mothers, have had a whole football team of sausages in their taco. Seriously who wants that anymore, I get severely annoyed when my mom keep mentioning this whole wife and kids thing as if that is what I want to do with my life. Single, successful and no kids!! If a guy gets married and his wife wants to divorce he screwed!! Alimony, child support, etc. etc. Screw that lifestyle.



    • Numinex

      Can you cook ,clean, and raise upstanding citizens of the world? Are you a Vestal virgin? Or is this some double standard you’re hoping to impose on women? Don’t expect it from someone if you don’t expect it of yourself.

      • 305MovesLikeDagger

        Let’s see I don’t sleep around, I am a 22 year old college graduate, pretty well paid(didn’t major in a joke major in college), I keep in shape by hitting the gym after work every day, I can clean, lol can’t cook yet and I pretty sure I can raise an upstanding citizen. So yeah, I have standards and no I will not marry down, a woman has to bring just as much to the table if not more!!!

  • meL

    I agree with most of.this list but #3 implies husbands are waiting for their wives at home for QT is funny. The majority of involved/married men wish their wives had more social lives so they can get off their backs lmao. maybe the married readers can weigh in…

  • bluekissess

    My parents have been married for over 20 years that doesn’t mean I want to. The times are different. Finances do play apart in the 21st century marriages.

    I don’t plan to marry. Its not to many to choose from. I’ve been told to take care of you (stable career, my money, my own car etc) before being in a relationship. I know women who have those things and are still lonely. I think a women knows when she’s ready. Her mind is clear and her heart isn’t bitter. We all might not be marriage material WE HAVE FLAWS. but hopefully those flaws will be over looked

    • kameria

      Well said. I agree.

  • DramaticTyping

    If the black community badger black men like they do black woman about marriage then maybe more woman might be. From the time a black woman is born she told go to school, make good grades, don’t do this don’t do that or the penalty was or YOU GONNA BE BY YOURSELF like they dangling this effing carrot in front you like you starving dog…. to the point it made a lot of y’all feel like not being married is worse than spending your life with someone who incompatible and you have no other purpose in life but to be married STAWP THE MADNESS. We have a boat load of critiques for black woman but in reality ain’t nobody raising husband it assumed a woman must be PERFECT or this is the reason you alone while you must accept a man as is and allow him to grow ….am I the only one see something wrong with this IDIOTSOLOGY……..Some black woman need to consider not getting married at all find another purpose in life or dating outside your race because some men just DON’T WANNA SETTLE DOWN SOME MEN NO LONGER SEE THE VALUE IN MARRIAGE 70 percent of black woman and black men are single the difference between the two is 1 of you is desperate the other is is just unwilling no amount of changing and manipulating is gonna make unwilling participate get married to you when he see no benefit in it. I’m getting sick of media and everyone else tying to make a quick dollar off desperate woman when the answer is really simple.

    • Soso

      Love this so true esp this line: “a woman must be PERFECT or this is the reason you alone while you must accept a man as is and allow him to grow”

    • Thank you

      Thank You! ALOT of people dont need to be married period ever!!Alot dont want to get married!! Im so sick of women revolving thier lives around having a man oand getting married and then have the nerve to look at another woman crazy who has REAL aspirations and goals that dont include marriage.

      • wepo1

        Black women need to stop having babies out of wedlock because it is destroying the black community! It goes against nature for women nature to think they can raise boys into men! Just like everyone doesn’t need marriage, everyone shouldn’t be a parent! Black women want to raise a family by the white man’s system and that unwed single mother trend is genocide to the black community

        • dddooonnnttt

          They aren’t getting pregnant alone, and I doubt most of them are expecting (however foolishly) that the man would not stick around for their child.

          • 9 times out of 10 he wasn’t ish before they got together so he still won’t be ish after the baby comes out. The truth is these woman ignore all those signs, and look through rose colored glasses because he has “swag”. Suddenly when the baby comes now “he ain’t a real man” or “he ain’t ish”, or my personal fav “he ain’t ish with a lil d**k”

          • wepo1

            They easy, way to easy, why keep getting pregnant from random nuggas! They have no problem dropping babies but have a problem with marriage!

            • T

              Bum hoe bm have no sense to protect his seed. even asians and mexicans with no money marry -to protect the kids.
              You’re just another broke bum hoe bm -go kill yourself.

              • wbx

                Marry to protect kids!does the child trap still work?

                Did you finish the pills your psychiatrist give you.

        • Debater

          Shut that mad black man foolishness up…..I peep yall angle a long time ago its so easy to pick fights with black woman you have a crew of cowards to cheer you on …..instead of fighting against the people who really killing
          black men…. black woman did not make this system that BLACK PEOPLE are design to fail in. A naggy black woman don’t hold a candle to what WHITE AMERICA has done to you…. so kiss my azzzzz because men like you mis direct your anger toward black woman because you 2 coward to stand up against your real enemy. Its so easy to pick on Black woman everybody do it so why not join in. SELF HATING BASTUD.

          • wepo1

            The Black woman is the black men’s number 1 enemy because millions of black men die from dealing with her lying whoosh!

            The black woman also sold the black man and family out by glorifying her bad attitude and dealing with the white man’s court system and government program!

            • jane

              If that’s the case then perhaps black women should leave these black males alone, right? We should all just leave you alone to do whatever you want and we seek happiness elsewhere? More and more of us are doing just that and are finding true happiness.

              • wepo1

                That is a good idea, because I tell black men to stay away from women without morals(mainly black women) all the time!

                The reason black men date outside the race is not because of color, its because other races of women have morals, better attitudes, and they vales men more because they don’t rely on welfare and child support to be their child’s father!

                Black women are free to date whomever that want and that has always been the case, but reality shows no race of men want belligerent,unmoral,and loudly aggressive women!

                I can promise you these other race of men will not let black women create a bassterd race of children with they seed! They will cut all government programs and force programs if that happen and make unaccountable whoes be accountable!

                • Society has mind screwed you into thinking you aint ish and you believe it!!!!!!!!! Black men do what they want to do! They fight cheat steal lie and do wrong because they want to! Kill your foolish excuse saying its the black women that drove them to it! So you basically just said that the black men has no real backbone or self esteem and are basically society’s puppets because they will let any and everything persuade them into foolishness without thinking! Brothers, thank this man for the insults!!!!!LOL

                  • wepo1

                    Black woman just look at the 70%unwed black mother rate and then tell me who has society messed up! If Black women claim to be Christians then they already know that if they create life without a foundation they will yield children that run wild!

                    • T

                      Since BW brainwashed not to swirl as the BM does then LOGIC tells you they are preg by BM.
                      70% unwed father rate!!
                      Don’t get it twisted!!

                    • j

                      Thank you! For every single mother there is a singler father. If the mother (or father) is taking care of the children, then she is the HERO. The parent who neglects the child is …

                    • Sabrina

                      and do those women have those babies by t hemselves? How about the black men taking some personal responsibility (and condoms) with themselves????

                • Sabrina

                  Wow…what a self-loathing jerk. A woman of any race is doing herself a favor by staying far, far away from the mysoginists like you.

            • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

              If Black men are dying because they CHOOSE to involve themselves in drama over a no count Black woman then that is a decision they have made. That decision also shows that certain Black men are no count in their own right if they cannot recognize their worth and CHOOSE to get involved with a woman that does not have their best interests.

              It all goes back to choice and what you are willing to accept. Black men AND women are equally guilty of this.

              Why is it so hard for you to see that wepo?

              • wepo1

                Those black men are being raised by unwed single black woman so your still placing blame on the black woman!You are in denial! These men don’t know how too be men because the black woman goes out to get pregnant out of wedlock like a whoe! She has no morals because if she did she would know that great responsibility comes with being able to create life, and to make sure your family is built on a sound structure before going out to get pregnant is the most important rule! The black women thanks she can use the American government courts to raise her black children into black men and woman!..smh!

                All black women need to do is stop making babies out of wedlock! the funny thing is Black women claim to be so Christians but cannot agree that having babies out of wedlock is wrong and the bible teaches of what type of children you will have when that is done!

                • T

                  BM are the hoes. 70% unwed father rate! Mulitple kids!

                  The BM is a bum hoe, violent.

                  • wepo1

                    How silly and ignorant are you? See, the problem with black women is they want to be men! So, you lose all your morals trying to try to be like black men! White women are not trying to be like white men!

                    Men have the double standard world round and can not be whoes! The woman is the creator of life and that is a potions that comes wilt responsibilities and morals! If all women had no morals like black women the world would crumble because the earth could not support that much life!Crime and would be through the roof because having a world filled with bassterd would be genocide! Black women don’t get it!..smh

                    There is a reason why women get married and do things the right way, they don’t do it just for fun! The women of the world do not have the white man telling them how to be parents or giving them assistance for being unaccountable for the creation of life like black women do!

                    • Dude, what? There are a LOT of white women on welfare. I’ve been on Medicaid and WIC before, which a lot of people call welfare. Worked at Wal-Mart down in the Deep South and I don’t remember seeing any food stamps or WIC coming through my line that was black but I remember seeing a whole lot of white ones.

                      White women try to be like men (I assume you mean as far as trying to get jobs and make their way in the world, OH NO, WOMEN WANT TO WORK AND NOT SIT AROUND WITH THEIR HAND OUT–if we stayed at home you’d call us gold-diggers) just as much as you’re saying black women do about black men. And have you noticed there are seven billion of us in the world today? And a lot of those are starving, now.

                      I’m not saying you’re right, but you are putting some groups of women up on a pedestal that doesn’t exist. You’re idealizing people, you’re going places that have no basis in reality, just so you can trash your own community’s women. That is sad. Why don’t you try listening to these ladies who are trying to tell you how it is, and quit being so full of yourself.

                    • wepo1

                      Really, you just gonna twist my words like some white supremacist?

                      I never said a thing about black women not wanting black women to work!

                      I really don’t even understand what your rant is implying!

                      I’m trying to build up black women so they don’t have to do what white women do because the result is not the same!

                      White women may want to be like man but I never hear talking about how strong and independent without white men like black women do! They don’t own blogs that main purpose is to uplift themselves over their men, nor do they bash or blame them! White woman want to be equally important as their men, not excel over them just to emasculate them!

                      Black women like you got this feminism thing all wrong! You use it to gain independents from some mysterious oppressor but the white women uses it for equality with her man! I’m just telling you the facts!

                    • Sabrina

                      Dana’s right. I live in the Pacific Northwest which is easily 99% white and you’d be surprised at how many blue eyed bottle blonde welfare queens there are around here. Sure they get married…3, 4, 5, 6 or more times…all it makes them is a hoe with several wedding bands. lol

                    • Sabrina

                      Then if you sleep with women who want to be men, what does that make YOU?

                • Sabrina

                  Yeah, yeah, and you black men need to seriously consider your own flaws. Getting women of all races pregnant while being on th down-lo sleepinig with other men! HAH!

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            • That is self hatred at its finest!!!!Noone is to blame for their actions but themselves!!! Sex has become easily accessible through ALL races, thus giving no real men anything to chase but money, women have become desensitized to bullcrap and have completely halted at standing for anything but the best! Forget the double standards they died after men started sitting on their behinds and letting women go to work and do jobs they could be doing, that madness youre talking is what high school kids do, FULLY GROWN ADULTS dont argue or fight over anything but what is right…..

              • wepo1

                Your comment is complete retardedd and you don’t live on this earth if you think that! 70% unwed black single mother rate speaks fro it self!

                Real women know that morals start with a women because she is the one who creates life! That woman must know that her responsibility before giving life is to make sure her child has a solid foundation and family structure to maintain life! Black women get pregnant because they trust that they can depend on the white man’s American government courts and programs to help raise and father black children into adults! How silly is that!

                The black women tries to hard to be a man and that is her problem! She let the white call her angry, strong and independent, and no other race of woman would have worn such a horrible title as a woman!

                • juilie see

                  mysogynistic self-hating black man. we don’t see other girls seeking you out, mr. bad credit criminal man–as said by the white man.

                  • T

                    Word! Crazy bum hoes!! Bm are bum hoes!

                • T

                  The black man is a bum hoe.
                  The black man is a colorist hypocrite.
                  The black man is weak and drops his kids like hot bags of trash.

                  When was the last time you went to a wedding of a black man?
                  Bums! Weak, lazy, violent bum hoes!!

                  Wish they were the white man but to scared to be a real man!!

                • Sabrina

                  So if the black woman is trying so hard to be a man, then she wouldn’t be getting pregnant. Your logic doesn’t even make sense. What a hater you are.

            • What the hell does “not expressed by thugs” mean? WTF?

        • Thank You

          Black men need to stop havin sex. PERIOD!

          • wepo1

            Black women need to be real women and stop being whoes! They can learn how not to be so easy from the other women of the world since they have no problem following what white woman do!!

            • Thank you

              oh please…not being easy is the last thing to learn from white women…

              • wepo1

                I said since you have no problem following white woman so you are shouldn’t have a problem follow the other women of the world morally!

                • GeekMommaRants

                  You have no issue banging them! Oh, only fattest, most unattractive snow flake you find. Oh, what about Asian women? Don’t you dare!! The Asian women will not SEE YOU!!! LOL

            • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

              Takes two to tango.

              • wepo1

                That is stupid dumb nugga way of thinking, because only the woman is stuck with the kids and the government only force people to pay money, not parent children! That government setup destroying the black family because black women don’t see it for what it is!

                • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

                  That is not a stupid way of thinking…if you are going to call women hoes, then what does that make the men who sleep with them? My point overall to you is this: women as well as men have flaws and are full of fallacies. You keep trying to blame one over the other when individuals in general are responsible for their behavior.

                  Furthermore, if the woman is stuck with the children then that further proves there are faults on the woman’s AS WELL AS THE man’s side of the relationship.

                  I will, however, stop trying to reason with someone who has no logic.

          • T


        • Bianca

          Your thinking is way off. White women are single mothers too. What about the single dads?

          • wepo1

            No, your morals are all wrong because you think because white women are doing something that makes it ok!

            70% of unwed single mothers are producing a heavy dropout rate and black on black crime wave! Not to mention they raise men that disrespect women and black women with no morals!

            Black women cannot do what white women do because white women have the double standard, and racism on their side!

        • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

          You say that Black women need to stop having babies out of wedlock. This may be true, but remember, it takes a man’s sperm to help create these babies. Why are you only looking at this issue from one side instead of equal opportunity responsibility?

        • I mean, a black woman cannot have babies out of wedlock without the man…and many times, it is a black man. How about we agree that the black community needs to work on many problems together, rather than blaming and resenting our counterparts? That is what is actually destroying the black community. Constantly hating each other and for some, our own selves. Blaming the other. Forgetting where we came from. I have been told many stories by our elders how black people use to stick together to protect each other and fight this system. But now, only thing we do half of the time is live in discord among each other. What do we need? To be oppressed and beaten down again before we decide that it is in the benefit of the black community to stand together and strong?

        • Sabrina

          It takes two to tango, why aren’t you addressing the black men who won’t keep their pants zipped and stay faithful to one woman?

    • Yolanda Marie

      DramaticTyping: First of all, I don’t know why but I love your name lol. Secondly, I completely agree with everything you said and there’s nothing left for me to say.

    • I completely agree but I don’t think this pressure is just for black women. I think this is for ALL women. For example, the stepford wife mentality is something associated with white women but really there isn’t a male equivalent to it. All women of any race are expected to be a certain way in order to be a “good wife.” The problem is the way society views the roles of all women. Not just black.

      • wepo1

        Black women are the only race of women having babies largely out of wedlock, and that is creating a race of angry women hating and self hating bassterd children!

        This is a government plan, because black women had more values than any woman on earth up until welfare in the 70’s!

        History has shown that the black family started to quickly fall apart in the 70’s! This is much like introducing something foreign in an animals ecosystem that changes the animals whole way of life which ends in extinction!

        We have a race of women who don’t value how they create life, nor care about how to preserve life without the white man’s courts and programs! Black women must take a step back from the image white America has given them, because this falsehood of strengthening yourselves by making every unmoral think you do into an accomplishment is weakening the black family!

        The church, sold-out black men, and the government are all making money by lying to you! They are using your denial, naiveness, and reproductive organs against your own family and community!

        Katrina was a test and it showed how weak the black community was without the help from the white man’s government! The next time this happens it will not be a test and we will see masses of blacks only dying because we cannot produce and have no structure applied to our existence!!!!

        • j

          That government stuff may be part of the problem. However, I think by far the cause of the low marriage rate is the fact that the gender ratio in the black community is really lopsided. There are not enough black men. In all societies and ethnicities, when women outnumber men, there is more promiscuity, single-parenting.

          • wepo1

            When you have one black woman with 3 baby daddies that does not help the ratio either!

        • Sabrina

          That is NOT true. Most of the young girls on those 16 and Pregnant type of ‘reality shows’ are white. There are women of ALL races having babies out of wedlock, not just black. We just judge black women more harshly for thing that all other races do, and that’s not fair!

    • KIR12

      I’ve got your #. Now, you want to blame black men? Black men did not always abandon their families and kids. This woman comes from the previous groupthink feminist black women who said we don’t need a man. These women were brainwashed by white feminist and liberals into thinking they knew better than their black ancestors post slavery and even their own black mothers. Letting these white folk into their homes and beds. In the end the black woman was left on welfare and alone while the white feminist woman went home to her husband. Don’t you all see the marriage state that the black woman is in today is a SELF INFLICTED tragedy. Created by propaganda and lies. If you repeat a lie enough the ignorant and immature will start to believe it. Black women, black kids and the black community was nothing more than human guinea pigs used to test liberals theories on marriage and the nuclear family. Before these liberal, feminist knowitalls came along black women had the highest marriage rate of any group of women including white women. Fact, go check marriage rates of black women all the way up to the 1960’s. lol & smh at the same time.

      How’s that working out for you black women? In spite of abject poverty, racism, segregation, discrimination and Jim Crow laws the black community was productive, functional and extremly stable. Almost every black child had a BLACK FATHER in the home and the overwhelming majority of black women were married. Today 31 percent of African American women by their early forties have never married as compared to only 9 percent of White, 11 percent of Asian , and 12 percent of Latino women in the same age group. Black illegitimacy went from 24% to 72% (85%+ in the very worst ghettos), 50% abortions of all black pregnancies, overcrowding of abandoned/abused black kids in CPS, blacks kids have 50% H.S. dropout rates and 15 to 20% unemployment (46% for teens), only 7% of businesses are black, crime is out of control and black families are now 3rd and 4th generational welfare recipients with generation poverty. 70% of the men of all races in prison come from single parent homes……70%! In spite clear documented facts that women (of any race), AS A GROUP, can’t raise boys we’ve got dingbats like this woman saying marriage is not essential part of a productive community. Yet, after 4 generations they can’t name one black community with a high illegitimacy rate that is productive and educating black kids in this country. Not one.

      • DramaticTyping

        All those numbers are FALSE but you get a E for effort on making it look valid … The real issue behind men like you is you are manipulative cowards men like you don’t want woman to have options therefore if she in a desperation state you do not have to put forth any effort that leave the burden all on the woman to be 100 percent for a 20 percent man…. while men like you act like dictators instead of a husbands and friends but that concept is foreign to a man who are chauvinist with identity issues and get their rocks off on dominating and belittling woman. I never said marriage is obsolete or not necessary but its not for everyone and it should not CONSUME anyone life to the point they feel desperate because they not married. The tactics being used to manipulate black woman is gone to far……. I feel like men like you use this as manipulation tactics to not look at yourself. Its possible you may also not be worthy of a relationship. Just because Black Woman outnumber Black Men that does not automatically make Black Men Blameless or in the right. Stop Smoke screening me with Ghetto Black Woman argument that is not a trump card to win and argument. This further proves your IDIOTSOLGY is based on Racism and Hatred not Truth.

        • KIR12

          Care to be specific about what’s false? See, that difference between between me and you wannabe(white feminist do not look at you as an equal) black feminist. Any info I’ve posted is all over the net by respected reputable sources. I can’t post links. Goggle “40 years of lies the black family”.

        • guesswho88

          2000 stars if i could dramatic typing. get them in line girl!

      • Bianca

        Where are you getting these numbers from?

        • KIR12

          It won’t let me post links Google black marriage pre 1960’s/50’s. There is literature from respected sources all over the internet. You can start by Google “40 years of lies the black family”.

    • KIR12

      You’re also overly dramatic. Black women don’t co-sign this nutcase (ie eccentric, crazy) woman. lol I read her comment before looking at the 7 signs and thought these signs were going to be outrageous and overly demanding. Not! Woman, what exactly are you willing to do?

    • Bianca

      Just want to comment on the dating out of your race. I actually started dating a white man about a month and a half ago. I am so happy. He isn’t perfect but I have been treated better than I ever have before. Before I met him, I had no intentions on getting married or having children. Now that has changed after meeting him.

    • WELL Put!

  • kameria

    I know that I’m not “wife material”, and I accept that about myself. Some of these statements apply to me, but I know at least I’m not wasting my life chasing after a ring. As far as not liking “his” kids…..That stood out to me the most becuase often time it’s hard for a woman who has kids to find a decent man, and one who is willing to marry them at that. Maybe it might be my age showing, or it might just be me, but I know what I don’t want, and what I’m not settling for.



  • FromUR2UB

    Oh, c’mon. People who possess these traits marry every day. The fact that someone was willing to overlook someone’s particular flaws and marry them anyway, doesn’t mean they’re more worthy of marriage. Men don’t change who they are to marry or be in relationships. When they love a woman enough, it doesn’t matter whether she wears a few of those traits, as well as dances on tabletops and swings from chandeliers, they’ll marry her. It often seems that the women who give men the most grief, are the ones they love most intensely. So be a sweet, considerate, good girl if that’s who you are. But don’t try to adjust to a man’s whims because if you’re not who he wants, it won’t matter what you do.

    • Ash

      I agree, but remember the divorce rate in this country was at 50% in 2008. (I think it would have went up if people could afford to get a divorce through this rough economy.)

  • SK

    There are men who have these characteristics as well…

    • Courtney

      the author says that in the first paragraph of this article, – she says it applies to men as well, but since this site is geared towards women, that’s why it’s written from a woman’s perspective. There have been articles here describing traits that he won’t make a good husband too.

  • DidSheReallyGoThere

    Nice article….but what about #8: Overly Ambitious….? So what? I wanna be ‘Oprah Winfrey, Jr.’ in regards to my finances?!?! I’m in my [very] early 30’s. Spent my 20’s with an engagement ring or two on finger….with Labor and Delivery in-between. Sadly; my wedding was not to be. One of the best people on the planet unfortunately succumbed to a heart attack (at the alarmingly young age of 33) right before it was to take place. It’s not too many men that can honestly accommodate the Package that I am. I WILL NOT compromise my career aspirations to assuage the fragile insecurities which the conventional Institute of Marriage premits; which tragically results in far too many wives losing themselves and putting their dreams on the back burner. Send me a Do Right Man with his OWN life….who’s willing to sign the prenup and accept me hyphenating my last name….and we’ll just see how much I love David’s Bridal after all! Jill Scott and Terry McMillan put a powerful bug in my ear…..

    • polymathk

      Both of those women are single, and that don’t look like its going to change for either of them. I think women are fooling themselves when they scream that independent stuff. There are men out there willing to support your ambition. I think what turns a good man off is a self absorbed woman. A woman who is not willing to aknowlege that there is more to life than making money. Life is about relationships. And there are few relationships in life that are as empowering as a good marriage. A good man adds to your ambition, and there are good men out there, your ego may be putting them off.

    • Meeow

      And that is why many successful rich women are single. Relationships are about compromising and being a team. If you aren’t willing to compromise and make it all about you (MY money, MY life, MY career, etc.) then why do you need a man let alone a husband? What do they have to offer in a relationship that isn’t just about their ego and their ambition? Wanting a pre-nup, a hyphenated last name, etc. just sounds like a woman is afraid to give her all completely into a marriage, again, it boils down to HER. So when would his needs matter? Being financially successful and independent is great but having a big ego and a self-centered, self-righteous attitude is not, it’s a turn off and puts off men esp. when you see him more as a barrier, burden, or nuisance to your independence.

      • Tiredofthefoolishness

        So the over inflated EGO that men have, which is just seen as par for the course, is ok, bit the self serving spirit of a woman, is wrong? YES! Women are tired of ‘giving her ALL completely into a marriage” because we have a VERY long history to show how untrustworthy, males are!! Women have been ‘giving themselves, last names included’ completely in marriage for thousands of years, and while it may have served to create ‘order’ and ‘stability’ in societies, it also created alot of depressed, unhappy, abused and neglected women.

        Men ALWAYS expect their needs to supercede everyone elses. Even the kids. When a woman says ‘i love you, but you are not the center of my universe’, men take that as her having an ‘attitude’ and not being ‘wife material’. Well, what does that say about being a “wife”? Most men are NOT looking for a PARTNERSHIP within marriage. They are looking to be CATERED to, and when a woman says, up front, that she expects RECIPROCITY within her relationship, she becomes the reason why society is crumbling. When marriage was about women being the property of males, not having any rights, not having claim to her own children, being legally and morally allowed to be raped and physically abused, MEN had NO Quams about all that. THAT was fine, as long as women ‘played their role’ and the kids ‘grew up with a father’. But now that women are saying we want to be respected as HUMANS and as full partners within our couplings, WE are being made out to be some kind of anarchists!!

        How come, when all these discussions happen, NOBODY, is talking to the MEN about what YALL need to be doing, in order to bridge the gap. We are NEVER going to WILLINGLY return to rules of 100 years ago, when women were completely dependent on males, and HAD to compromise our dignity, goals and self respect, just to eat and feed our children. SO what are me prepared to do, to catch up to the NEW reality and new paradigm? Sit and whine and complain, because you are not the center of the universe any more?

        How bout you stop having all these tantrums, grow up and learn how to be PARTNERS wit women. How bout you learn to how truly PARENT your children, and help with all of their daily needs, so that women are not so burdened by them? how bout YOU make some changes to YOURSELVES, instead of demanding that women go back to line of thinking, that did not serve us and was NOT in our best interest.

        You dudes talk about the selfishness of modern women. Men have been the most selfish creatures, on the face of this planet. Just look around at the state of the world – evidence of this is everywhere.

        Im so sick of whiny, immature black males, who REFUSE to come into the 21st century, out of some percieved loss of masculine power. Instead of seeking your manhood, thru the dominance over black women, how bout you got out into the world of MEN, and compete with THEM, for your prized balls? Black women are TIRED of trying to prop you up as kings…of NOTHING.

        You wanna run the roost? BUILD SOMETHING! But as long as both YOU and US, have to go to the men of OTHER groups, for food, water, clothes, jobs, law enforcement, and a society with an infrastructure and stability, you will ALWAYS be seeking to prove your manhood on the heads and hearts of black women. And we are deciding that that arrangement, no longer suits us, thank you.

        So get up, get out, and get something. And stop being grown babies. Nobody wants to hear that .

        Im sure there are more important things you, as a MAN could be doing, instead of posting angry thoughts on a black WOMANS website. How bout you expend some of that energy, rallying your brethren, to go clean up your communities, and stop waiting for black women, to do all the hard work for you?

        How bout that?


        • cheeze.wiz

          no matter what anyone says… you are correct… one partner gives up more of themselves than the other… for my case I gave up more… I went to college, was an all american athlete, got a great career opportunity in Cincinnati and turned it down because my boyfriend(now fiance) told me he couldn’t do long distance, this would have only been a 35 minuet drive from his house to cincy, actually I thought about living in the same city and driving to work each day. so i didn’t take it the job and just thought another would come around eventually so I took a lesser job and all it was was a dead in… then my husband convinced me to put two cars in my name, take out a loan to help “us” get through a hard time, put him and his children on my cell bill, buy clothes for him and the kids on my charge cards, add him to my car insurance… I also let him use my car for 9 months while we were just dating so he could work, he would pick me up and drop me off and then when he took me home he would leave and I would have no real way to get around because where we live has terrible public transportation… I did this all because I loved him, wanted him to know I loved him and love him and wanted him to know I was not in this for money… but now I am drowning and debt and have left him and now I found a job in my birth state that will basically triple what I made at my last job (because I quit my job and went to work for my husband who pays me by making the car note on my car once a month for 184 dollars)… basically i changed my whole self to be who he wanted and ended up giving up everything I wanted in my life and made my life about him and his children… and now he wants to work on our marriage when I tried to tell him how hard this was for me nd all he could come back with is “well you know this before marrying me…” he just tells me if I really loved him I would come back… but his car is in reposation and I really think he just wants to use my car to get to around. I do love him, but I feel used and unappreciated…

      • Kath

        Sorry, but what’s wrong with being single ANYWAY unless you truly would prefer a partner? Lol.. Stop deluding yourself that men are some rare specimen to grab at if one ever passes your way. You are not.

  • La-Di-Da

    On number 4, I actually have a friend whose father basically bounced on her & her siblings because his new wife didn’t like them and didn’t want kids. SMH, and they’re all grown kids so it really didn’t make a lick of sense. It’s a shame, but I guess that’s an exception to that rule..

    • quest

      This happens way to often and we can blame both men and women. Some women don’t care if a man is involved with his children or not. I personally don’t want to date a man who is not in his childrens lives. Thats crazy.

      • DidSheReallyGoThere

        It’s a sad but true…quieter-kept side of many folks’ obsession with Matrimony. There’s no excuse for children (who never asked to be born; by the way) having to experience the painful rejection that comes with their idiot parent/s choosing to accommodate the insecure demands of their new partner who’s clearly dangling their fear of being alone over their head. I pray that God reserves a special section in hell for these pathetic excuses of human beings—-and that he sends a profound comfort and healing to the innocent kids who have to suffer that Bull.

  • Candacey Doris

    I think this list goes for men and women both.