Ok, so honestly, I don’t really know why I’m writing you since I kind of know the answer, but I guess I need another opinion.
So I started dating this guy and our relationship became serious pretty fast. We were so in love. After only few weeks, he had introduced me to his whole family as the woman he wanted to spend his life with. He requested to meet my family as well. I am 28 years old and this is the first boyfriend that I had ever introduced to my mom, that’s how much I loved him.
After only 2 months into our relationship, he expressed his desire to move to the next step and marry me. I was so excited. Here I was in this amazing relationship with the man of my dreams. My answer of course was YES. We were planning to move in together by the end of the year and get married next year…..
Shortly after that we did a special getaway weekend to Atlanta and stayed at my relative’s house for the weekend for a family gathering. He was blending perfectly with my family as if he was meant to be there (and God knows that some of my family members can be over protective, but they LOVED him). That only reinforced the fact that I knew we were truly meant to be
So….a few weeks after returning from our trip, I noticed that he was a bit distant. I confronted him about it, but he assured me that there was nothing wrong. He just needed a bit of space. He was tired, but didn’t really know why.
Unfortunately, the situation got a lot worse, to the point that we were seeing each other once a week, but see, the only day that we were supposed to spend quality time together, he would stay in his pajamas and watch TV or sleep up to 3pm. This situation lasted for months. I really tried to talk to him, but his only answer was….”I’m just tired” or “There’s nothing wrong with us. I still love you and want to be with you, but I’m just tired, that’s all.”
I was worried, sick and decided to confide in his brother. I thought that this would help, but he just got completely upset and did a 180 in only 5 mins. He went from loving me and wanting to build a future with me to not knowing if he wanted to be with me anymore, because I had “the audacity to seek help for him.”
We discover after that he might be going through a depression. I tried to be there for him and support him, but he completely shut me down, ignored all my attempts to contact him to the point that I surprised him at his place. The only answer that I got to justify him disrespecting me was “I just need to figure out my life, that’s it”
Ok….I was still dumb enough to wait for him to get better. I mean, how can I plan a life with someone if I can’t be there for him right? After all, it was not his fault. Depression is a serious matter. The problem is that only few weeks after him admitting that he might suffer from depression, he started going out again. Enjoying life as if nothing had happened and he never tried once to get in touch with me….Hell, he even went a few times on vacation outside of the country with his friends…..and I still stayed there waiting even though all my friends including his own best friend told me that he was just playing me.
But, I couldn’t just believe that a man would go to all the trouble of introducing me to his mom and to his whole family, plan a life with me only to fake a depression and dump me. I mean, we never really broke-up….that’s the worst part. He just pulled up the disappearing act….
Now, guess what. He is dating a new chick….lol.
So….I guess I just need to know how do I move on from all of this when there was never any closure?
In Need of Closure
Dear In Need Of Closure,
Since you already know the answer — if you look up “closure” in the dictionary, the definition will be “the moment that n*gga started dating someone else” — I won’t spend too much time on that. Instead, I think everyone should heed your situation as an example of the dangers of moving too fast. I think what happened here is that ol’ boy was infatuated with you and, once he ended up meeting your fam — the “serious shyte” — it dawned on him that perhaps he had been too hasty with moving so quickly. Obviously, he should have handled it much better — doing the “I’m depressed”/disappearing act is a Beyotch move — but it seems like that what was going on. Perhaps the depression was due to the fact that he realized that he bit off more than he was willing to chew and didn’t want to just come out and say it.
The silver lining for you is that it took six months for you to learn this. For some people, their mates pull the disappearing/distant for no reason ish six years into the relationship. I know it hurts, but the best way for you to move on is to realize that it’s over, start dating again, and slowly get to know people. Take your time.
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