How Important is “The Ring”?

June 26th, 2012 - By Veronica Wells

Today my friend called me and asked, what I originally thought was an obvious question. “Gurl, how important is an engagement ring to you?” The question came with a story about a couple of her coworkers. One of them, a man who’s in his early 20s proposed to his girlfriend of seven years. Though, he had the ring when he initially proposed, he had to send it back to Kay because it was the wrong size. All of this would have been acceptable if homegirl’s engagement parties weren’t coming up. She was going to be without a ring for her parties and that was unacceptable. She called Kay’s corporate headquarters complaining about their tardiness.

In that case, the ring wouldn’t have been that important to have. Sure one would like to have an engagement ring for engagement parties; but if it’s not there because it’s being resized, then that’s something I could live with. My engagement, and the subsequent celebration, is more about the person I’m going to spend my life with than the ring said man bought me.

Apparently, another one of my friend’s coworkers shared my sentiments. But she took it a step further. She told my friend that though she had been married for eight years, she’d only received her ring two years ago. She rationalized the statement by saying that “I didn’t need a ring because I married for love.”

Hmm… Sure, the ring is not everything but I can’t cosign going without one for eight years.

I know I’m not the only woman who thinks the ring is a symbol of the love a man has for you. In other words, if a man knows you want a ring, the love he has for you should compel him to get you one. And I don’t say that to mean that it has to be extravagant. We’re going into this marriage under the assumption that we’re going to be together until death. So if you have to go the cubic zirconia route in the interim, I’m cool with that because we can always upgrade. But a ring of some kind is important.

And in all honesty, I want the ring to mean a lot to him too. A man who always has an excuse as to why he just can’t wear his wedding ring is a suspect individual. If you’ve lost weight and it no longer fits, congratulations…but you need to be in the process of getting it adjusted. If you get your hands dirty during the day, that’s nice but it needs to be in your work locker, in the car, or on a dresser so it can be replaced at your earliest convenience. If you’re a married man walking around with no so much as a tan line where your ring should be, I have to question your commitment.

We all know that there are women who will throw themselves at a man, your ring serves as a deterrent…at least for the women who have some semblance of a moral compass. (We all know there are plenty who are actually attracted to the ring.)

Your wedding ring is a physical sign of your spiritual commitment.

But that’s just me. Ladies, how important is the ring to you?

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  • kristen

    is the RING important?? Let’s look at Kim Kardashian as an example = 20 carat engagement ring and the marriage lasted how many days…72!! NO, the ring doesn’t matter! It’s about commitment!

  • kristen

    I’ve had this discussion with my boyfriend many times. We’re both wanting to get married but he’s been waiting for 2 years for “the ring” — I’ve told him time and time again that a ring doesn’t matter to me but he’s determined to get me the ring of my dreams. I used to be so annoyed by this bc I just want to tie the knot but after reading your article it makes me happy that he’s so determined to get me an amazing ring :) ) <3

  • kameria

    The ring isn’t important, if you don’t spend (waste) your life chasing after one.

  • WHOISBSQUARED?

    I 2ND WHAT THE CHICK SAID ABOUT MARRYING FOR LOVE….I BELIEVE THAT. CUZ A RING COULD LOSE ITZ COLOR…NEEDS CLEANING, ALL THOSE ASPECTS, BUT LOVE….TRUE LOVE? WILL ALWAYS BE THERE, THAT SHOULD B UNCONDITIONAL….LIKE WHEN I GET MARRIED, HOPEFULLY, I DON’T WANT AN ENGAGEMENT RING….ONE RING IZ GOOD FOR ME. CUZ AT THE END OF THE DAY, MY HUSBAND LOVES ME AND I LOVE HIM. N THAT LOVE WILL ALWAYS B THERE, NO MATTER WHAT

  • Pivyque

    Before I met my husband a ring didn’t mean anything to me. I was engaged once before and I never wore my engagement ring. Once my husband proposed, I only took it off when I got in the house. In all honesty, the ring only became important to me once he proposed. Mostly because of the symbolism behind it and the other portion was because he put so much thought into it. He had been planning and saving for a year to get me this ring (for a college student..it was tough) and I was oblivious. I even remember him asking me what I like in jewelry and I told him I don’t wear any lol So, I think it’s only as important as you make it.

  • Lady85

    when I’m blessed with a man that wants to marry me, I really would like to have a ring (more like a boulder) to symbolize our engagement, however there are a lot of heifers out here with “shut up” rings from a man that will never marry them but gave them a ring to fend off the “when are you going to propse?” pressure. I’ll take a good husband over some jewelry any day (but I pray I never have to choose one over the other)

  • Echo

    I’d rather have a home, college savings for our children, and love and devotion from my partner than a ring. If I drop the ring down the toilet, or it’s stolen from me, or what have you, he’s still my husband and I’m still his wife. I understand that a ring is supposed to symbolize a man’s love for his woman, but what matters more in the long run (to me) is the substantive work that each of us puts into making our relationship/marriage work. With or without the physical presence of the ring, the commitment and the bond remain. Of course, I love pretty things and sparkly jewelry! But I have that already and can obtain more on my own. So at the end of the day, what is more important to me is the love, the commitment, the partnership, and none of those things does a ring in and of itself guarantee.

  • Percy

    Ya’ll can judge me if you want to but in hindsight I wished I got my wife’s rings off craigslist. Yup I said it! Just take a look at the jewelry section on there! Unfortunately not everyone makes it to the alter and a lot of people want to unload that nice expensive piece of jewelry their former mate wanted them to get so badly. But they will only maybe get 25% of that retail value after she realizes she just wanted to be married but not necessarily married to him. That’s when the bargains get listed! And hey if this doesn’t float your boat then where is your ring at hahaha.

    • Pivyque

      I agree with you. My husband wants to “upgrade” my ring. I am not a flashy person and I told my husband that if he gets me a huge ring, it will be returned lol I am a simple person and I work with my hands. We have young kids so there is a lot of finger painting and playing in the dirt going on! A bigger ring just wouldn’t be practical. I’d much rather save that money for a rainy day or a vacation.

  • http://twitter.com/AlissaInPink Alissa (Uh-LEASE-Uh)

    “If you’ve lost weight and it no longer fits, congratulations…but you need to be in the process of getting it adjusted.” Hahaha! Love it! I have a wedding ring on my left and engagement ring on my right, not by design, that’s just how it worked out. It’s nice though, so these dudes out here can see I’m married coming and going lol. I would think most guys would WANT their wife to be wearing a wedding ring. It definitely fends off the thirst…well, at least most of the time.

  • Nubian Princess

    I don’t think the ring is a deal breaker but I would like to have one. I don’t think I wouldn’t marry a man if he didn’t give me one. Society is just so materialistic these days and people like to show off. My fiance bought me a ring from Zales and it was so beautiful to me. It wasn’t an extravagant ring because we don’t live an extravagant lifestyle but it was from his heart and that’s all that matters. It’s a 1/5 carat diamond ring but I treasure it as it it were 24 carats because it was given to me with love. He says he he saving money to buy a bigger one but I’d rather put that money into having a beautiful wedding because we have a big family and I just graduated Nursing school with my RN degree and we have a new home. He’s a Security guard up for a promotion to supervisor and he always promises to get me a bigger rock LOL but it doesn’t matter to me I love that ring and I’ll cherish it forever Because I love him as the cliche’ goes it’s the thought that counts.

  • Anon

    Its clear that women write all the articles here, from a female perspective, even when trying to share a male opinion lolololol! I think the ring is nice but not necessary. I plan to wear mine but wouldn’t make a fuss if my husband didn’t wear his all the time. And a ring is a deterrent? LMAOOO who told yall that? There are a lot of women that purposely seek out men with rings because they assume they’re nice, respectable men, not afraid of comittment. Rings are not a deterrent if anything it gets some women open. Sad but true. And a ring isn’t a deterrent for the men either, plenty of husbands have approached me ring flashing and all smh.

    • Nope

      I agree. I think most men don’t even notice rings or are indifferent to them (we notice T&A), whereas a lot a women actually go for rings on a man for the reasons you stated.

  • Nope

    Lets be honest, the ring is mostly about one upping other women. It’s like getting a new hand bag, pair of heels, and roses delivered to your job on Valentine’s Day X 10. Some women seem to have a lot of opinions about things they’re not coming up out of pocket for.

  • Na Na

    I think that the ring is important. I believe that if 1. Your husband to be cannot afford any type of ring then he is not prepared financially to provide for a household and a family. 2. If he just doesn’t want to have rings that’s a little suspect. 3. If at a special time like this he isn’t excited about fulfilling your wishes happily (even if it is a band or what people would consider small) then maybe this man doesn’t have the excitement in his heart about you that is necessary to sustain a lifelong commitment.

  • Mystify23

    In today’s age of Bridezilla, Say Yes To The Dress, look at me TV etc….I think too many people don’t know the difference between getting married and entering into a marriage. If people spent as much time researching, and studying, and preparing themselves to be bonded to another as they did planning all the festivities, .divorce numbers might be lower. A ring is a beautiful symbol, but for her to call Kay about something that wasn’t their concern or fault…that’s being a lil silly. Companies such as DeBeers have programmed it into mainstream culture that a man has to spend X amount of months salary on a ring, which I personally think is ridiculous, but that’s just me. I watched a show one day where the bride to be refused to marry her fiance’ until he could get her the ring she wanted, and that was something like 8 years. What kinda foolishness? But, he went along with it. I married young & was widowed young. I found out after my honey passed away how much he paid for my little engagement ring and was kinda shocked. An entire 700 dollars. I wasn’t working yet, and he worked very hard. He wanted me to have that ring. I didn’t need it. He could have slapped a ring pop on my finger and I’d still have said yes a thousand times over. I’m sure I am the exception rather than the norm.

    • FromUR2UB

      That was my point. My parents didn’t have any rings when they married. Apparently, the “symbol” of the marriage wasn’t critical to either of them because they were married 25 years before receiving silver wedding bands from my sister, as their silver anniversary gift. Afterward, that ring and a wristwatch, were the only jewelry my father wore. If my mom had wanted rings prior to that, I’m sure she would have been after my dad to buy them, but I’d never heard her express a concern about the lack of rings. They were simple people, and they never felt any less married during those years they didn’t have rings. They had been married 3 months short of 50 years, when my mom died. So, you’re right. The whole bridezilla attitude, behaving badly because “It’s my special day!”, doesn’t amount to anything. I’m surprised those guys don’t run away after seeing the brattiness of those women when things don’t go their way. The engagement ring, the wedding are nice, but none of it guarantees the longevity of the marriage. If people start the marriage deep in debt because of the rings and wedding, they’ll probably end up becoming the wedges that drive them apart.

  • KamJos

    There’s the ring, the actual physical object and The Ring, the commitment. Some women place a high premium on the actual object, and DeBeers has certainly spent a fortune trying to make us buy diamonds, when in reality diamonds aren’t rare and they purposely withhold diamonds to keep prices up. I’m not even going to talk about conflict diamonds. But I know many long lasting marriages where it’s just a simple wedding band. To me the person and commitment is more important than the ring.

  • Ayisha

    The Ring is extremely important, Marriage is a wonderful thing, and it’s not cute playing house. If a man loves you and is committed to you, I believe he should make you his wife. I am a very traditional woman, and marriage means a lot to me. I believe a lot of women are giving up on marriage and saying it isn’t important because they are dealing with mean who don’t see their worth. When it comes to having a family, I must be married first, no ring no baby.

    • FromUR2UB

      I was under the impression that the author was referring to the actual pieces of jewelry, and not the institution the ring represents.

    • Nope

      Reading Comprehension 101 is down the hall, second door on your left.

      • kristen

        bahahahahaha

  • FromUR2UB

    The ring is nice. But It’s only the frosting, not the cake. It shouldn’t make or break a relationship.

  • L-Boogie

    Important but not as important as the commitment.