If you have the media tell it, being a single woman on the planet is one of the worst things you can be and if you hurl the black factor into the equation, you may as well buy your single burial plot now because we’re single FOREVER (side eye). Television shows, movies, articles on how to snag a man are always within eyeshot anywhere and everywhere we are. But I have to tell you ladies, I’ve seen the lonely land, I lived in it for three years, don’t believe the non- hype!
The other day my boyfriend and I were very upset with one another. We bickered, the bickering turned into shouting and the shouting found me contemplating if this relationship is for me. We resolved the issue, made up and in the aftermath of the “fight” the one thing I was most proud of was the fact that I held my ground. I was right and that’s not a shallow assessment of the situation, I was. I was right and I was willing to walk away from this relationship had he not apologized. What he’d done wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if we’d been in a relationship a few years ago, back then I was ready to ride or die for my guy. I’m a different woman now, I want a different kind of relationship and this thing he’d done could now very well be a deal breaker. My standards have changed (for the better) all because I weathered the single storm that wasn’t a storm at all.
I never minded being single for an extended period of time (three years). When my last relationship ended, I needed a break from the whole sordid fairytale of being part of a couple. I thrived in my newfound freedom and hence the prolonged singleness. I vacationed with friends, I went out every night all night, I thrived in work, I bought my own place, I meditated, I worked out, and I laughed hard. And I’ll admit, there were lonesome nights too but more than any of those things I did, I got to know and love myself. You can roll your eyes; say what I’m writing is cliché but is it? If the cliché is that single women have fun why is it I can’t find one fun single woman in the media that’s truly enjoying it? And the real single women in my life many times ignore the blessing and instead continuously complain about the disparity of single life.
If you’re a single woman why don’t you buy or believe that you will find someone (because you will) but in the meantime focus on you, get to know you, date and meet men you would never consider and those you would. Be single so that when you are in relationship, you don’t take any BS because you’ll know that being single is not the nightmare everyone wants you to believe it is. I’m not saying you have to force yourself to be alone but why rush into being in a relationship? Maybe a break, no matter how short or long is the universe giving you some time to work on you, get to know you, have fun with you. If you do single right; it may help you set some awesome new standards for yourself, standards you can live by!
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