If I Wanted to Deal With Kids, I’d Have My Own: A Letter to Parents Who Think Everyone Loves Their Kid as Much as They Do

June 25th, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

I have a really bad habit I’m trying to break: mean mugging kids. I know, it’s terrible, but I think I’ve found the correct place to redirect my anger—their parents—because most times the things that bring me to turn up my nose at these little ones really isn’t their fault. They don’t know any better. However, their grown parents should and that’s why I’d like to share a little knowledge with them. Nobody cares about their kids like they do.

Generally speaking, I don’t hate children. I hate children I have to deal with through no choice of my own. And since kids under the age of 4 or 5 are generally oblivious and innocent to the world around them, I really hate their parents who think everyone else’s world has to revolve around their kids just because theirs does.

What I’m really talking about here are random situations that possibly may not even bother the average American with a normal blood pressure, but for someone who was absent the day they passed out patience in school, these things drive me crazy. Take for instance waiting in line to order food from a restaurant. You know how there will be a mother-child pair in front of you and the mom doesn’t think to ask the child what he wants to eat until the cashier actually calls on them and then we’re waiting another two or three minutes for him to decide? The first 30 seconds of “umms” and I don’t knows” and “no, I don’t want that”s are cute, but when you’re about to make 10 people late for work just to give your 18-month-old child a choice of what he wants to eat for more breakfast, it’s not.

Or what about the parents who think the grocery line is the right time to teach their child math? I support learning and I’m definitely glad to see a parent being hands-on. However, when I have one item and I’m standing in the one line out of a possible 30 that’s open in Target and I have to wait for you to explain the difference in value between pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters the first time you let your child try to pay for a pack of gum, I have a problem. And then the parent always looks back at you with that half-grinned “sorry” that makes you look like a jerk if you don’t smile back and say, “it’s OK,” when in your head all you want to yell is “get out the emm-effin way!” At this point I really don’t care if they pass their first grade math class or not, go pick up a workbook on aisle 9 and spare the rest of us.

Now, like I said I have absolutely no patience so while those may seem like harmless examples of children being in the way, there are also the times when kids are literally in the way, like physically. I’m not a small person and I have no interest in trying to tiptoe around someone else’s child who actually is and I would appreciate it if other parents didn’t make me. Guess who looked like a jacka** a few weeks ago in the checkout line at the store when I went to walk away from the cashier and unknowingly stepped on a little girl who proceeded to collapse to the ground and cry and scream outrageously loud like she was murdered? All I was trying to go about my childless business and now all of a sudden I was getting stared down by angry onlookers like some sort of child abuser for not looking out for some unknown kid. And where was her mother? Over at another register completely oblivious to what was going on. I stood there saying sorry over and over again and asking was she OK til the mom finally looked up and was like, “oh, she’s fine it’s OK.” Well, glad to see you’re not about to flip on me or anything but how about you keep your child by your side next time?

Then there are the instances where you see a kid clowning in the middle of the floor, sidewalk, street, walkway, etc. from a mile away and maneuver yourself so that your paths don’t cross because you see their parent obviously doesn’t have sense enough to tell them something like I don’t know, be still, let this stranger walk by, get out the way, excuse me, stop doing acrobatics in the middle of the walkway. Without question, 99 percent of the time that child is somehow going to run straight into you, hit you with something, cause you to trip, cause you to cause them to trip, or something in the like. Now you’d be wrong to hit somebody else’s child back (right?) but for some reason, parents just think their child is free to roam freely in the great out- or indoors like the world is their oyster and throw adults off their path. Sorry, mom and dad, about 1 in 5 women are out in these streets without any bambinos, and like I said in the headline: if we wanted to be bothered with children we’d be bothered with children of our own.

I may totally feel different, should an amazing act of nature akin to the immaculate conception occur and I somehow become someone’s mother down the line, but I honestly don’t see it happening. You can tell the type of parents who think everyone should have to deal with their child, they’re the type of adults who think everyone should have to deal with their mess. I genuinely try to affect other people’s lives and wellbeing as little as possible on a daily. I’ve got my debit card out before I’m at the register, my metro pass stays handy, I know what I want when it’s time for me to place an order, and I’m not trying to waste anybody else’s time or my own. I know it’s hard being a parent and learning opportunities surround us 24/7 but um, I’m not trying to be a part of your social experiment. Keep that child rearing contained to you and yours, the same place where that child needs to be—next to you and away from strangers.

Do you get sick of dealing with other people’s kids in public?

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com

Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.

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http://twitter.com/PostmodSexgeek Madame C

While the extremes of misbehavior certainly are annoying for everyone, not just childless folks, for the most part what the author talks ab.out just sounds to me like she needs to work on some patience. Maybe because I grew up as the eldest grandkid in a Mexican family, I have very few issues with kids in public spaces and as for having to put up with other people, I’m far more annoyed by obnoxious adults who get in my way or can’t make a decision than I am by kids. Kids have an excuse, grown ups, not so much. The fact is, tiny humans are a part of life and yeah, you will have to deal with them out and about. It’s called socialization. Sure, they don’t need to be in some places and they need to be kept out of harm’s way (theirs and yours) but expecting them to be out of sight, out of mind all the time ain’t realistic. And for the record, I don’t have children so I’m not trying to defend my precious spawn here.
Miss_Understood

This article may not be the most well-written but I get the point. I do not have children but I work with them everyday and many of my friends have them.

I can honestly say that I have never met a child/adolescent/teen that makes me want to have any of my own. If anything, I desire to have them less…children are adorable blessings from God but they are also annoying, hyperactive headaches. The worst part is parents who think everything their kid does is excusable or cute.

I hate to use this comparison but you know how you’re walking down the street and see someone with their big menacing dog and you hesitate before asking them to get a hold of their dog and they say “oh he’s fine, he won’t hurt you” then that sob gets loose and bites the sh-t outta you and the owner is SO shocked?! This is how I feel about parents and their bad a$$ kids.
Cheetah

I know what you mean. I was in a buffet recently and there was this little boy in my section super hype and running everywhere. At one point he almost ran into me, and I almost dropped my plate, but I swerved out the way at the last second. The boy kept on running right out the door and his mother passed by me without even a glance of acknowledgement or an apology for her son almost crashing into me and acting the fool. Fortunately, they left soon after that incident and I was having Chinese food, my favorite, so I quickly got over it. Another little boy in my section, again, was behaving loudly and being obnoxious in general, but his mother shut him up real quick, so I was glad someone was controlling their children.
Miss Criss

Sounds like she’s overweight, lonely, probrably single. Well guess what, I hate, slow fat people!!!
Bits

People with no children can never give sound advice on the subject of parenting. period. most if not all of these people who have all of the answers are childless. If you have no children you should not speak on the best ways of parenting. Your opinion is irrelevant. Until you walk in the shoes of a parent trying to raise a child(ren) you have no right to judge parenting skills.
IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

parent thats fine, but the article is talking about people who let their kids run around and get in people way. just because someone doesnt like kids that doesnt make them a jerk either
Ash

I see where both sides of the argument stands. I have to agree with the author on this one. I worked in a waterpark while in high school and saw many well-behaved and unruly children. (Knocking over displays that I spent all morning perfecting because they’re horse playing and Mom grab their hand and leave) Hopefully, the birth control portion of Obama Care passes and people use contraception to their advantage.
http://www.facebook.com/brittbrandon1992 Brandon Darius LaScott Britt

I am frankly quite disappointed with MadameNoire for letting rubbish like this appear on the blog. I am a firm believer that opinions are just empty speak if they have no basis in experience. How can anyone’s opinion, thought, assumption be relevant if they are night even slightly versed in what they are talking about? This article is pointedly audacious and quite ignorant. This author is not a mother, and this is a slap in the face to a major audience of MadameNoire (MOTHERS). Parents are parents 24 hours a day. They are responsible for supporting and teaching this impressionable being at all times. If a parent is keeping that child alive, feeding them, loving them, and sacrificing themselves for that child I am pretty sure they have the right to care less if you need your day to move 45 seconds faster. Just like you said, they are parents to their children, not you. I think the real problem is you. And the fact that you believe that if you were to become a mother your mind would change demonstrates that you know what you are saying is empty. Clearly you have no patience, and for a grown woman, that is more childish than the children you speak of. These kids you disdain are well within their rights, fresh out of the womb. Grow up. And please MadameNoire, opinions are cool….but not when they are this absent-mindedly polarizing.
- IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe
  
  HOW IS IT IGNORANT, OF WHAT, it just how someone feels, its nothing to be debated, its not empty minded either, its basically saying kids are cool but keep them out our way in public places-its your kids just be conscientious
- renee
  
  This article is warranted just like any other. I’m not sure how much of MN’s audience is mothers. That’s neither here nor there. There is PLENTY of content geared to its unmarried and childless audience. No parental experience is necessary for this article, duh, otherwise, her point would be moot. This is how the author sees it. Some agree; some don’t. And???
  
  If you don’t like an article- just pass it by and keep moving. SMH. And how dare you as a MAN, say how a grown woman without patience is childish.
- Bits
  
  Wow! wonderfully stated! flawless. And thank you from a Mother who’s a frequent visitor to MN.
karmell

I love kids… well behaved kids. I can’t stand lil loud mouth obnoxious getting all in the way kids – but at a certain age, it’s not their fault, it’s the parents’. However, I know that I can say “excuse me” and most children will move out of the way. If you’re in such a rush in a line, you could have gotten to the store sooner, or you can get in another line. life is too short to be mad about such nonsense. now, teenagers who should know better is a whole other ballgame, but kids 6 & under, cut ‘em some slack. sheesh, I hate to see what happens when you have to stop for a school bus!
http://www.facebook.com/imani.finn Imani Finn

i’m sorry, but it seems like the only people saying this article is wrong are probably the parents of these exact children being spoken about, or act like this themselves. My mother raised two kids. We would have never, EVER, acted like any of these things in public. PERIOD. Nor was she a neglectful mother. I raised my niece for a while when she was younger, she would never act like this, she knows better. To anyone saying that the author is saying “be seen, not heard”, i don’t see it that way. I think she’s saying, keep your kids under control, stop being such a self-absorbed parent, and be mindful of your children in public venues, because children are not always capable of being mindful of their own surroundings. It is up to the PARENTS to tach children how to behave in public places. If your child is obviously blocking a pathway, and you do nothing to move your child…then you are doing something wrong. Period. And you probably are one of those adults who lack proper decorum anyway.
Adrina

And then the parent always looks back at you with that half-grinned “sorry” that makes you look like a jerk if you don’t smile back and say, “it’s OK,”
I don’t smile and say “it’s ok lol. I agree with you.It’s annoying to deal with ill-mannered children whose parents are nonchalant about it all. I was a kid once, and my mother put down the law, so I behaved very well in public. And I see some kids who also behave in public, which leads me to believe…parents get on your job! Kids raising kids don’t help the situation either
Sugar

Lol. I say this about my friends daughter. she can be a bit of a brat and i had to check her a few times. we cannot get to where we have to go because her daughter wants to go everywhere else. or her daughter wants her to buy her something from the store or her daughter isnt ready to leave yet.
I told my friend “the world does not revolve around this child.” ” you need to let her know she isnt BOSS. and i will not have my day spoiled because you afraid to discipline her.”
Na Na

Nope, but I get tired of self absorbed adults who don’t plan their time accordingly and are now frustrated that I took 49 seconds to place my order instead of the customary 22 seconds. I am tired of people who live in a world that moves so fast that they are stressed out and angry troll mongers in line at the grocery store. Its not the kid, its you. Get over it and calm down. 65% of the country would not be on Prozac and other psychotic meds if everybody just slowed down. And SN: you not being able to squeeze through the side space in a line has nothing to do with the little girl standing behind you.
- MLS2698
  
  She was a kid, once. I wonder if anyone gave her the courtesy that she hates to give to children, the kind that allows for learning, and growth?
Zettai

Maybe if you could spank your child in public without getting DCFS called on you like in the old days this ish wouldn’t happen as often. (I am talking spanking, not beating.) Over the last 10 or more years the media has brainwashed people into thinking that physical and immediate consequences for an action are child abuse. Instead of having an instant consequence for an action (spank) you get a delayed one (“you’re going to your room when we get home!”) that is rarely as effective.
- Ash
  
  I’m sure you can find an empty aisle.
Merriegirl

Three Pieces of advice for the author.
It takes a village to raise a child, and if you’re in the vicinity of that child you are apart of the “Village” whether you like it or not. Children are our future, just as the preservation of our natural resources or the earth we are all responsible for their outcomes. Children must be socialized, and this occurs through them interacting with the public.
You may not like children, and never want to have them. But should at lease be able to empathize with the fact that you were once a child, and I doubt your mother/father taught you everything about life inside of your home.
Lastly, take some of your own advice and stop being so self-centered. Just as you, “Don’t care if they pass their first grade math class or not” that mother does not care what you are in a rush to do either.
- IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe
  
  I dont think the author meant that, sometimes parents should just be wary of certain fast-paced public areas, and think others dont mind it, even if a childless person is not being self-centered, it is very inconvenient to hold others up while teaching your kid-you could always do that, you just never know, people have emergencies.
  
  I remember being in the grocery store to buy things for family really quick right after i found out my dad died an 1 hour earlier, i just wanted to hurry and get out, counting pennies in the line will drive me crazy, you could do that standing in the line or after getting out the line.
  
  Main Point: You never know what others are going through so try not to get strangers way
  - MLS2698
    
    And you can’t expect total strangers to accommodate your needs either. Counting the pennies allows for competent consumer awareness. Find another line because dead people aren’t rushing to go anywhere ( no disrespect).
    - Ash
      
      Strangers shouldn’t be an inconvienence either. Parents have a job to do, and unfortunately there are many parents that don’t.
      - IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe
        
        exactly people should just be considerate of eachother, kids or not you never know what someone is going through, just get in and get out or move to the side you know
    - IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe
      
      i dont expect that, what im saying is parents should not expect strangers to accommodate them-obviously you didnt listen-JEEZ whatever. i was rushing, count you f’n pennies in line while your waiting or when you get out the line, hell, do it at home before leaving the store
      - MLS2698
        
        I’m sure you would use any reason to justify ” rushing.”
    - IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe
      
      and it is disrespectful-your kid isnt going anywhere but if your kid was killed the last place you want to be is in a busy store, you would want to get back to your family and morning, the main point is BE CONSCIENTIOUS OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS-AND YOUR KIDS ESPECIALLY IF ITS GETTING IN OTHERS WAY
- Bits
  
  Wonderfully said! Thank you! It takes a village!
- Miss_Understood
  
  Sooo…if I am in the vicinity of a child I have to take on the role of a villager?? SIKE!!
  
  The village consists of the child’s family and teachers (maybe neighbors, if they WANT to be involved) not random strangers who have nothing to do with the kid. Plus if we the “villagers” try to intervene with a Bebe kid, we get cussed out or attacked by their lazy azz parents.
  - Merriegirl
    
    Yes you are apart of that village.Just as you expect that said child will grow into a high functioning adult, you are responsible for at least minor positive interaction with that child. If that child grew into a robber or a killer who attacked you or one of your loved ones you would complain about their upbringing and society’s negative affect on him/her. Well NEWSFLASH, you’re apart of society.
    - Miss_Understood
      
      1. Please stop saying NEWSFLASH
      2. If someone else’s kid grows up to be a robber, killer, etc. it will not because I didn’t choose to be a part of the village.
      
      RAISE YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS!
      - Merriegirl
        
        Have a seat. I can say whatever I want. & I dont you are capable of understanding my reasoning.
- eagles_fan
  
  It does not take a village. It takes parents. Parents are responsible for teaching their own children how to behave appropriately. Parents choose to have children. I never volunteered to be part of their village.
kin

Good article I hate bad kids too
1980babywipes

Actually, the author sounds like she may have been a spoiled child because she seems to think the world should assume she is in a hurry and adjust itself accordingly. NEWSFLASH we all have to wait sometime–for old people, children, omg the handicapped ;0 I believe people should try to raise well-behaved kids but not all kids have good parents. This article sounds a little like” how dare children bump into me, slow me down, learn to count, choose their food, EXIST on my time” Seriously ,lady. Just do like the rest of us say hi, bye, excuse me, or just say nothing but PLEASE get over yourself.
- Na Na
  
  I could not have said it better!
LOLA

I wont lie this article made me laugh loud and hard. I never do that. But you must grow patience because God def has patience with us … plus someone had to have patience with you. BUT there is a flip to this. Just because you let kids act a fool doesn’t mean that everyone else in public should have to feel uncomfortable as well.
This goes to the parents too. The article was a bit rude and harsh. But its honest. When you are having discipline issues it should not be punishment to ppl around you. Teach kids at home so they wont embarrass you. People who agree with this article. Calm down kids are little people learning and growing …. I dont know why a few minutes is enough to work anyone up. If that’s the case then never work in a field where you have to wait on the public.
jinski13

A lot of mixed comments here but I have to say bottom line is control your kids. Some say well its hard, have patience, etc. I don’t care…you were selfish enough to bring more kids to this extremely overpopulated world and that’s where your selfishness needs to end. I don’t intend to have kids ever so why am I putting up with your bad kids. I hate when parents let their kids run around like its cute, take them to late showings of rated R movies, let them just be a general problem. If you can’t handle your children appropriately then maybe you shouldn’t be a parent? Just an idea. You’re taking on a job becoming a parent and if you can’t do your duties in it why are you doing it? I get it…its hard …but I didn’t choose it so don’t let me be punished by your children’s ill behavior. And if your kid gets in my way I will tell you to handle your child. Call me rude and I say you’re a bad parent still holding onto your selfish ways.
sabrina

I’m sorry, but I was cracking UP at this article! Hahahahaha!

I have patience, and sometimes kids are too cute that I can’t help but smile and excuse them for running into me, staring me down, accidentally hitting me, etc. But the one thing I can’t stand is when I’m in a restaurant trying to enjoy my meal with a friend, and have some child running back and forth around my table while I’m trying to eat. Now THAT is annoying. Imma need you to take that child and sit it all the way down. And if he starts crying all crazy cause he wants to run around like a friggin’ banshee, imma need you to take that outside cause I don’t have time to be listening to all that mess.

But other than that, I love the little ones!

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