Single Black Male: 7 Reasons Black Men Take Longer to Put a Ring On It

37 comments
July 9, 2012 ‐ By WisdomIsMisery

black-man-angry-alone

Black men don’t view black women as a team member.

Many men view women as another achievement once they’re successful. While we can unite as a people when we are called upon for a cause, on the day-to-day front black men and women have a very independent structure. To the best of my knowledge, we are the only culture that champions the ‘independent woman’ and ‘M.O.B.’ manifestos in song. I’m not saying this is good or bad. I am saying it wasn’t always this way. Many young black men and women view themselves as independent. In fact, to be seen as co-dependent is seen as a weakness not a strength. If we don’t see a need for each other, is it any wonder why we act like we don’t need each other?

Result: Many black men feel they need to be established before they can approach the woman they want or he won’t be “worthy” of her. Further, some women believe, as Kanye West so ingeniously put forth in song, “I aint sayin she a gold digger but she aint messin with no broke n….” Success takes time, especially when you’re determined to do it alone instead of as a team.

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  • Ur Fine A$$

    finally some relative points that have nothing to do with the relationship as the focus point. there are outside variables that contribute to this issue. I’m gettin tired of the ole black man problems tho lol

  • Jaybeezie

    It’s also not stated that men oftentimes have a lot more to lose than women do. If he is the main breadwinner In many states he risks losing at least half his assets if the get divorced which happens about 50%the time. When children are involved he gets hit with child support and often an uncooperative ex-spouse. An unsuccessful marriage can and often is financially devastating to a man and men are less apt to recover and receive support from the state or family members. Why buy the cow?

  • Nikki2012

    Well I think all men will get married when they feel ready. It takes some longer than others to get there and it also depends on the age they first started their relationship. I got with my partner when I was 20 and nearly 6 years on, we’re only beginning to discuss marriage now. If we had gotten married earlier (as some family members were hoping!) I don’t think it would have worked out. We needed time to grow together and reach this level of maturity. Bottom line: you know your relationship better than anyone else. Don’t get peressured into meeting other people expectations.

  • Tonefa-Lafaye

    “Twisterrificly” stated WIM, thank you for this! I really like the picture of Zelmyra & Herbert (the old couple). They were unified and had a great team together because they were married for over 80 years. Good Job!!

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  • B

    “Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?”: Yep, that sums it up. If a woman gives a man what he wants without being married to him then what’s the point of getting married?

    • BIG BAKED APPLE

      Bull. That’s not stopping other groups of men from getting married. Hell i hasn’t stopped the black men who DO get married. We know plenty of black men getting free milk while they put the cow on layaway.

      Find a better excuse than this.

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  • Hmmmmm

    “Women want to be whatever they choose (housewife, career woman, etc), and men must accept it. That’s fine, yet women still want men to be the traditional man (husband, father, provider). If you ask me, men are simply exercising the opportunity to choose what they want to be as well.”

    Despite the brush off by the author I am not sure women have it right on this one sounds a lot like anything but equal. One day a truly brave and progressive feminist might actually tackle this. It’s real.”

    • Beef

      Hmmmmmm I got something for you lol

  • Anon

    Solid points. Now, that we know, what can we do to help. What will also help black men, go after your goals, aspirations and be realistic with it. If you have to go to school or pick up a technical job to start from somewhere, do it. Men that are busting their butts in school or working hard in their jobs understand what they have to do, to get them to where they will like to be. Men who have manageable/stable jobs have more confidence to start a family. And, once men get everything for free, with no expectation or boundaries, why rush anything. If we women don’t make it clear from the beginning of the relationship, it will be let’s see what happens, which will lead to long years of whatever. Women don’t want to come off desperate, so they go with the flow. I made it clear to my bf of two years now, after six months of getting to know each other, knowing we both like each other, I want a committed relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. Children after marriage. Sometimes, some of these men just need some form of encouragement, help and healthy support to get them on the right track.

  • curiosity.killed.the.cat

    Lol, why does it say that as a scorpio WIM has had death wished on him by women ? I’m confused. Is that a joke ?

  • RedButterfly81

    I totally agree.

  • http://twitter.com/bagaybon Bagay Bon

    Same old! Same old!

  • Adrina

    bravo on this article…definitely sharing!

  • Gigi

    Ditto, Brotha WIM!

  • http://www.facebook.com/APeachJ Ashley Jones

    I actually agree with this article 100%! Great Job!!!!

  • Shak75

    This was my favorite line: “…black men and women should be on the same team and hopefully working towards the same goals.” I truly believe this.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551680935 Eric McDaniel

      Somebody actually voted you down. That’s crazy.

    • Abed Victor Dessalines

      That was the best part….men usually feel like they have to be finically stable before marriage, accumulating money takes times that’s why a lot of times men wait til their 30s or so to get married. If more women were about “us” then about “them” then maybe marriage will follow a lot sooner

      • Shak75

        I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with the last part of your comment. We all have seen many people (especially women) support their significant other as they are building a foundation, and then once he or she strikes gold, they move on with another person. We live in a new world where everyone knows they are replaceable, without a second glance from the person you invested emotionally in. From a woman’s perspective, when you’ve either experienced or witnessed something like this happening all around you, it would be in your best interest to have your own goals in place and work toward them in addition to offering support to your mate (who must do the same). This is what I interpret as the give and take in a stable relationship. The error is when one person is doing all the giving and the other doing all the taking – those roles have to shift back and forth in order for there to be balance.

  • SagLady85

    No blambing, just valid points….Very good points. I love it!

    • amansview

      I agree.

    • amansview

      I agree.

  • MG

    Great article, thanks!! Will forward to my (Scorpio..sigh) man of almost 7 years who is dragging his feet to put a ring on it and see what he thinks.
    Although he may be too busy drinking his free milk to read it!!

    • Adrina

      It’s not old too you yet? 7 years?! smh

      • WHOISBSQUARED?

        …………U READ MY MIND…..IF I WAS TRULY SERIOUS ABOUT MY WORTH, I WOULD’VE BEEN SAID SUMTHIN……ONLY MY OPINION

    • http://www.StephanSpeaks.com/ Stephan Labossiere

      If you acknowledge that he is drinking “free milk” then why do you continue to supply it? I know it can be hard and scary to walk away, but unless you are happy with where things are something needs to be done. Not tomorrow, but today.

      • MG

        True, I’m giving it to the end of thr year- he said we should be married by this time next year but if no solid plans are made I’m not doing this for a decade! We have a one year old so not so simple.

    • http://372i.org Agbahizzal

      As a scorpio male, I gotta say the reason any (Scorpio) man will not put a ring on a chicks hand is because she isn’t trustworthy enough. To get married in America, I have to be willing to sacrifice my future net worth for the hope that you will stick with me FOREVER and that you are willing to sacrifice the idea of independance to the sake of us being lead me. You simply do not sound like you could be that women. Look up capricorn women. That is want a Scorpio man would want in his life. Devotion, Loyality and someone who understands that what we do is not to be displayed in public.

  • IllyPhilly

    Thank You!!

  • psylocke_2001

    good stuff!

  • Nope

    This was a very good article. Props.