Black Girls Never Tell? Kandi Says Sex Is Still a Taboo Topic in the Black Community

28 comments
June 20, 2012 ‐ By Alissa Henry
"Kandi"

Source: Realitytea.com

For sex to be such a “taboo” topic in the black community as RHOA’s Kandi Burruss says, she sure had no problem discussing it with Bethenny Frankel on the reality television star’s talk show Bethenny.

Kandi came on the show to talk about her line of sex toys and why black men don’t like vibrators, and according to NecoleBitchie.com

“When Bethenny asked Kandi how she became a voice for black women who wanted to be more liberated when it comes to sex, she responded:

Well the crazy thing is I didn’t try to make it a race issue. I think because I’m black, obviously, I had a lot of people come up to me and say “Did you realize you’re the face of black women being more liberated and talking about sex,” and I didn’t realize that until now. In our community, that black community, it is very hush hush to talk about sex. Everything is hush hush, like you can’t talk about that.

Bethenny also asked Kandi about the stereotype of black men not liking toys in the bedroom and Kandi responded:

Black men a lot of times are not down with that at all because it’s this whole thing of ‘Black men are supposed to be swinging,’ which a lot of them are not! But they feel like ‘You don’t need that, I’m handling things around here.’ A lot of times men are pretty much guaranteed to get the “AHHHHH” moment. We don’t always get the “AHHHHH” moment every single time. So if we don’t get that every single time, why can’t we get a little bit of extra…?”

Sex doesn’t seem to be as much “taboo” a topic as it is just intimate. There are some things you don’t have to talk about on national television. Keeping certain topics to yourself doesn’t make those things negative, it just makes them private. I don’t understand how she figures black people don’t talk about sex anyway. What alternate universe does Kandi live in? From my view, it seems that is all black music, movies, magazines, reality shows and Black Twitter talk about lately. If anything, in our current culture of overshare, privacy itself is taboo.

What do you think? Is Kandi right about sex being “hush hush” in the black community?



Alissa is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink

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  • Seriously

    No community freely talks about sex. I grew up with Asian and white people, and their parent are even more strict. My friend’s parent told them, don’t do it at all. I remember, when we were so curious and we went on the internet reading about contraceptives. And, sex education is free in schools. Sex is not a taboo. Black parent just don’t have the balance. I think black boys are clueless about responsibility. So, they have sex with no condom and the girl goes along. And, black men are the ones who mostly say I hate condoms and don’t realize you are putting the woman in danger. Kandi, expecting black women to be more open to sex toys is a waste of time, because it will always be uncomfortable for women in general to talk publicly about sticking something down there especially as a mother. If you are interested, there are sources out there, do it and keep some things private.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/marcella.kelley Marcella Kelley

    I don’t think this is a black issue I think its more of a community issue. A lot of people aren’t honest when it comes to the bedroom. Sex is a beautiful thing, but maybe the reason why people aren’t talking about it could be a religious, spritual, or moral connection. I think a lot of people need to stop putting everything under a microscope and dig deeper and stop trying to make everything a “black or white” issue.

  • MLS2698

    Everything is so taboo, but supposedly, we are the ones suffering from sexually transmitted diseases the most. I think everyone should take a anatomy & physiology class ( not college level, but one easier to understand), and also, human sexuality, which would help with speaking about sex.

  • http://twitter.com/Imani_Badu Imani Badu

    Growing up, sex was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and I pretty much turned out alright.

  • http://twitter.com/Imani_Badu Imani Badu

    Maybe it’s just we have more respect for ourselves as black women (god I hope so). B. Frankel’s show seems kind of like Wendy Williams’ show: Trashy.

  • Seriously

    Kandi, I know you are trying to sell your products but you sound stupid right now. Sex is a taboo in the black community, homosexuality is a taboo in the black community, etc. Yet, we have the highest rate of teenage pregancy, the high rate of abortion and many fast girls/boys in our community. Is that a taboo too?The recent statistics show black people being HIV/AIDS, the highest it’s ever been. Enough already, nothing is a taboo. We need to start focusing on important issues to better our community. I don’t see white women going around openly talking about their sex lives, if anything they are the queen of acting so innocent. Being publicly overly sexual is not attractive or appealing. I don’t see any of the women in Housewives of beverly hills gathering together and talking about sex all the time. Sell your products, but don’t make ignorant statement. Black men who complain about us being so uptight sexually need to go get a life. With all the sex going on, you would think relationships will be better but it’s still not enough. Time to readjust our priorities.

  • Treacle234

    Sex is taboo subject in many communities especially when religion is involved

  • IllyPhilly

    SEX! I don’t hear anything about sex in the Black community especially in rap music. It’s all books and college,

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  • Lorenzo

    I’d like to submit myself to Ms. Burruss, toys and all. I find her quite interesting. I have a toy I would like her to try. Of course, I suspect there are several men that would like to do Ms. Burruss. I would like to be done by Ms. Burruss then I would like for Ms. Burruss to let me do her, toys and all, god given and man made.One good turn deserves another.

  • http://twitter.com/NewNaturalSista High GrAdE KarMa

    Yea it is very taboo. I know im the most open person bout sex in my smalll southern town!! They call me a freak but I tell them that SEX is one of the most important essentials in life!!! I remember when I had to instruct a group of HS girls on how to masturbate. Them girls looked at me like I was ghost. I told them that if you dont wanna touch yourself then who you think will?? Masturbation is so taboo to a lot of black women smh!!! Masturbation is very safe and will lower the risks of teen pregnancy and it is also a good source for virgins that when exploring masturbation will learn more about their sexual selves before anyone else will. Do you all know that there is so many women that have sex before masturbating??? and they wonder why their first time is uncomfortable!!! learn yourself first before you have sex!!

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      sooooooo true

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      sooooooo true

    • blackinthehat

      What the hell??? Gross

    • blackinthehat

      What the hell??? Gross

    • blackinthehat

      What the hell??? Gross

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    personally i feel that you can keep some things intimate. but let’s be honest, why are we hush hush on things that everyone experiences? i’m not saying we have to go in every sordid detail about our sex lives, but i’m pretty candid to the point it might make some people uncomfortable or feel like i’m giving to much personal information talking about the emotions behind it and how I feel about sex in general because it is what it is. we all experience the same thing so why the need to be so shame and taboo? sex is human, it’s natural so I’m never ashamed to talk about pretty much any aspect of sex except in dept details about every single thing I do sexually. . .

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      so true

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      so true

  • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

    yeah you dont have to broadcast but i know off many black parents that never even talk to to their about intercourse. i cannot generalize but in my high school (i graduated in 2009) not to long ago-i hung around many teens and when i was around the preppy and the mo white tees they talked about sex and even admitted that they were sexually active, but they never got pregnant EVER, even i would hang around the black teens they never brought it up EVER yet they were the ones always getting pregnant (in my senior year, over 100 teens got pregnant that year) majority of them being black students. (FYI IM BLACK)

  • calixteliss

    I totally agree with the author of this article! If anything, we nedd to get off the topic and discuss more important things. Furthermore, what goes on in the bedroom does not need to be broadcasted.

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      although you dont have to broadcast it still is taboo, im 21 years old and i learn ed more about sex and sexual health from old white ladies i hung around volunteering at the nursing home, i can safely say they i know more about sex and sexual health then my mom and im a 21 year old virgin. I hate generalizing to the black community so i wont but it isnt talked about at all, its very important to learn about your body, your health (pap smears, breast examinations)-sexual knowledge is power not to be taken advantage of too

      • NaNa Baby

        Wow, your opinion speaks volumes because of your age. We as parents an as leaders in our community DO need to explain more about the physical and mental aspects of sex. Although a national talk show really is not the platform, we need to take our young brothers and sisters sit them down in the kitchen and really give them a dose of the knowledge that we posses.

        • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

          exactly and a national talk show can help, it helped me. There used to be a show on OXYgen called “Talk Sex with Sue JoHanssen” (i think thats how you spell her name-that was one place most of my sex health information, i used to come on every sunday at 11pm. sue was a nurse for over 40 years and answered peoples intercourse, health, and relationship Q’s- it helped alot, more than any parent would tell you, she had doctors on her show and referenced people to books to read-no longer on the air but her information was amazing-i watched when i was 14 years old.

        • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

          exactly and a national talk show can help, it helped me. There used to be a show on OXYgen called “Talk Sex with Sue JoHanssen” (i think thats how you spell her name-that was one place most of my sex health information, i used to come on every sunday at 11pm. sue was a nurse for over 40 years and answered peoples intercourse, health, and relationship Q’s- it helped alot, more than any parent would tell you, she had doctors on her show and referenced people to books to read-no longer on the air but her information was amazing-i watched when i was 14 years old.

No thanks