Single Black Male: Stop Giving Up the Cookies Ladies, Men WILL Wait for Sex

100 Comments
June 18, 2012 ‐ By WisdomIsMisery
black-woman-in-bed

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I don’t know how this idea that men won’t wait for sex came about, but on behalf of men everywhere, I’d like to thank the creator. The greatest trick man ever pulled was making women think men will not wait 90 days or whatever arbitrary amount of days.

In 2012, it’s clear men don’t have to wait for sex. However, just because they don’t have to doesn’t mean they won’t. This scenario is the equivalent of saying a child won’t wait for dinner because you offered him dessert. The child ate the dessert because you offered it to him. Had he no other choice, I assure you he would have waited patiently for dinner. He might have fussed, whined, and even cried but that is not a logical reason to reward this spoiled child’s behavior. This is the state of affairs between men and women. Women are offering up their dessert before dinner, and when the man leaves, they declare men aren’t willing to wait instead of accepting maybe it’s because you spoiled his appetite.

Once upon a time, like almost a whole generation ago, it was traditionally accepted men and women would not have premarital relations. Unbelievably, the world didn’t end. Women didn’t offer up the cookies and men waited for dinner. It was that simple.

Since the end of that golden age, men no longer have to wait for sex. In fact, a number of women believe men will not wait even if they wanted them to. Therefore, they offer it up to him as soon as possible to satisfy an inaccurate assumption. Sex has become like a bank that gives away money to keep customers. Yes, such a strategy will keep customers it will also attract thieves. If you leave the vault door open on the theory that the “due on to others” principle will prevent people from taking advantage, then I can only admire your faith in the goodness of man.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: Many men are (pleasantly, yet alarmingly) surprised by how little work they have to put in, because after a certain age, most men aren’t driven by sex anyway. Sex is not a need; it isn’t like air – men can live without sex.

Besides, what have you lost if a man leaves because you made him wait? A man who only wanted sex from you? Why else would he run the second you mention that he will have to do something as crazy as get to know you as a person before you share an intimate encounter with him? If he is more interested in sex than getting to know you, then what happens when he loses interest in the sex part? Any man that leaves simply because you won’t have sex with him on a schedule he defines isn’t worth the hassle.

Men will wait for sex. Many of us are adults here. For many of us, once we lost our virginity, sex became a foregone conclusion; we know we’ll have sex again. However, it doesn’t mean you have to have sex to keep a man’s interest. That is ridiculous.

Whether you make him wait 90 minutes, days, or years is up to you. He’s not waiting to have sex. He’s getting to know you. There is nothing wrong with that. Any man worthy of possessing your body should be patient enough to possess your time until you feel comfortable letting him in the cookie jar.

WisdomIsMisery aka WIM uses his formal training as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM at SingleBlackMale.org and on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery.

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  • Grace Chinyerem Udechukwu

    Thank you for this inspirational message. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years cause I decided according to my faith I did not want to continue having sex. Due to this he decided he could not be with me. It is very hurtfull and I question if I made the right decision becay he was a great guy. Thought we were heading toward marriage so why could he just do that if he wanted me as his wife. Your words inspire me that I did make the right decision.

  • Brand

    How about you just focus on being the type of person people want to be around and you wouldn’t have to use Scarcity Tactics and all this scheming non-sense.
    Ever thought about that?
    Higher Mindedness.

  • Eric

    I’m hearing a lot of terrible advice on this subject. Here’s the honest truth about making a guy wait: (Unless he’s uber religious) A guy will wait to have sex if he has no other options. Me personally, I don’t believe in arbitrary rules about sex. I had a girl put off sex for 2 months before I couldn’t take it anymore and dumped her. I had sex the first night with my current girlfriend of 3 years. Seriously, are you going to wait 6 months to have sex and then get dumped? Or find out that the sex is completely lousy? Or wait until marriage and if it doesn’t work out get divorced instead?!

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  • A girl

    I hate the assumption here that all woman would prefer to wait. If a woman views sex as the most valuable thing she has to offer a man, and sees choosing to have sex as ‘giving it up’, and thinks she should ‘make him wait’ x amount of time (cause apparently she has no desires herself) I’d say she’s got bigger issues than trying to figure out the perfect timing for sex.

  • Kristina Tramel

    Why is it that women are suppose to stay virgins or celibate for men that aren’t even doing the same?

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  • BlueCornmoon

    I totally agree! Too many women put out right away; some get pregnant & then the guy leaves. Then they become bitter man haters & take it out on NICE guys, who soon learn to avoid them. Some of my male relatives,who are nice guys, have encountered such women.Just listen to some of the Strawberry letters on Steve Harvey show. I read part of his book & it’s mostly the same advice my parents gave me when I was a teen in the 60’s. The main difference was that there was NO 90 day rule; just the WAIT FOR MARRIAGE rule. Altho I’m single because I haven’t met THE ONE ,I’ve never violated that rule & consider it one of the best
    decisions I’ve ever made. My closest single pals agree. No worries about disease,unintended pregnancy, baby daddy drama that messes up kids’ lives,being used,etc. I’ve never been mistreated by a man because that decision kept all the playas,fools, & bad boys away ,& all guys that know me respect me. I was able to date a better class of man. I’ve known numerous girls who made the same decision . Some are married now, a few divorced & some still single.

  • Ifuaskme2

    I think women should stop waiting for sex as well. Shoot, why wait 90 days only to find out he’s a lousy lover?

  • HiPricedPearl

    OMG!! THANK YOU!! It’s about time somebody exposed how Black women are their own worst enemies with it comes to relationships!! The problem is that most women define their womanhood/self worth by what they have to offer–sex and food! Some folks don’t know how to date without sex. And sadly, in the “Black” community, we use sex to determine maturity/adulthood. This article is so dead-on. I love it. I wish Black women valued themselves more and appreciated the CONTROL we have!! Much respect to the author!!

  • Lissy

    It is true that men will wait for you if you allow yourself to be waited on. If you want men to respect you then RESPECT yourself and stop being so damn easy. Be the long term woman not a 5 minute ho.

  • higly annoyed

    i am dealt with this situation just recently. I decided to stop dealing with a guy. like many below have said, you dont have sex with them they leave you, you do have sex with them they have a stripper girl and side piece on call for when you tell them not tonight… ive been here time and time again and i dont want to be bitter but im tired of men lying to me dead in my face, when im 100% honest with them. now i feel as though i cant trust your further than i can see you. how the heck am i supposed to build a relationship with someone who is having sex with another to satisfy his needs. i have needs too???? can i try and build a relationship pleasing in GOD’s eye? how do i do that and you having sex with anyone that will satisy your needs.
    im at a point right now where i cant trust them further than i can see them. and im not sure if its worth the bs you must go through. im not sure how i will handle it but i cant tell you what a guy can do to get me to trust him (throwing my hands up) I give up

  • http://destroy.theinna.net zillz

    thats a lie. dont believe that man.

  • Just saying!!

    This is a big issue I have been having. I’ll be twenty two next month and I’m a virgin. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost two years now but we have been long distance for awhile (like really long distance). We have lots of arguments about sex cuz he has been alone and abstinent which he isn’t used to at all. I know he isn’t with me FOR sex, but I do worry that if I don’t have sex with him when we Are together next, he will be tempted to cheat (cuz we will be long distance for a while after that visit). I know he loves me an I wouldn’t mind losing my virginity to him (even though I originally wanted to wait for marriage) but I need some stability and don’t want to have sex with him and just leave and not see him again for a while. Idk maybe I’m overreacting but I assumed that wouldn’t be a good way to lose your virginity!!

    • River

      That’s not a good way to lose your virginity. You are not over reacting. Stick with your gut instinct on this. You don’t have to have sex with him if you’re not ready…period. If trying to manage a long distant relationship is to much for the two of you, you may need to reevaluate the relationship.

  • Hrdblkman

    Here’s the problem, the waiting to have sex doesn’t help black women why well they aren’t in demand in the dating world. Sex is only a currency if you are desirable aka pretty. Most men would pay to sang a white chick than for free with a blk woman

    • Ladylanita

      In demand in what sense? For easy sex? Yes, that’s what some men turn to white women for because they don’t present a challenge. Sorry to be stereotypical (unlike you) because we all know people with sense don’t pick partners based on popularity contest.
      Now let’s get to the real! There are people that have become trendy for the moment and that’s supposedly what makes the desirable (ie Asian women for white men: that trend originated from the myth that Asian women are submissive. Now they’re pimping white men and money-grubbing; black men for white women: in the US that coincided with hip hop becoming popular with white kids in the burbs. Basically, every black guy that was corny, didn’t have his game tight, and had a hard time getting some found it easy to get a white girl who was down for the experimentation) That about summarizes the trend. But look how many of those white female/ black male hook ups turned into disasters. I know two black men personally whose former white partners won’t even let them see their kids. And one black guy that ended up committing suicide when he found out is white wife was cheating on him with his best friend. Sorry to say it but most of the black men I see “running to white women” don’t no black woman with sense want them. And once their relationships with white women turn sour, they don’t want them either.

  • WHOISBSQUARED?

    SO SINCE U SO SINCERELY BELIEVE THIS PHILOSOPHY…..WHERE THESE DUDES AT THEN? CUZ, THE H*S OVERPOPULATED THE REAL,M ATURE, GREAT GUYS THAT ACTUALLY WANT SOMEONE

    • Onyx

      Too late…pandora’s box has already been open. You have women, s0-called good women with degrees and careers, who think you are gay or on the DL if you don’t try anything with them. There is too much vava on the market and the the stock is plummeting. Women seem to be sending mixed messages these days. You can see it on this thread. You have the “we want traditional values camp” against the “a woman has a right to choose and screw around just like a man” camp. You ladies are harping on the men in these situations but for some reason give the women these men are dealing with a pass. They are adults making adult decisions, own it and stop blaming the big bad black man for their issues. If you want change then advocate for change by advocating for traditions again. But I doubt most of you will as some of your sisters view traditions as oppressive. I am sorry…those days are gone. Gender roles are all but destroyed now. You can’t expect men to behave a certain way when most of you are not behaving any better. You better ask somebody whats going on. Young teenage girls have 46+yr old men as sugar daddies on the regular now. Keep looking at the men and not at the way these women and girls are behaving out here.

  • unknown

    i hate this subject. the guys ive met beg for sex its so annoying. but after they get it their gone, when they dont get it their gone.. seems like either way you lose. idk what to say about this subject besides my cookies will now be in the jar until someone puts a ring on it and walks it down the aisle.

    • Ovrusedmale

      I wonder how many females on here keep want to go out on dates, want this, and want that, milking, and then leaves after having him “wait” and wasnt even interested in the first place

  • unknown

    im

  • http://twitter.com/JohnWilson John S. Wilson

    The funniest thing about advice like this is that it doesn’t take into consideration that women actually like to have sex. A lot. And not always while in a relationship. So It’s not something a man has to manipulate a woman into. Advice like this just perpetuates the paternalism that exists in our society. The notion goes that a woman isn’t comfortable having sex outside of a relationship so if she consents, it must be the man’s doing as to why that’s taking place. Um, no. Far from it.

    • Naija

      “Whether you make him wait 90 minutes, days, or years is up to you.”

      As far as I’m concerned, that line negates what you just said. This post is clearly geared towards women who are under the impression that a man will leave unless she opens her legs for him.

  • http://policydiary.com/ John S. Wilson

    The funniest thing about advice like this is that it doesn’t take into consideration that women actually like to have sex. A lot. And not always while in a relationship. So It’s not something a man has to manipulate a woman into. Advice like this just perpetuates the paternalism that exists in our society. The notion goes that a woman isn’t comfortable having sex outside of a relationship so if she consents, it must be the man’s doing as to why that’s taking place. Um, no. Far from it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551680935 Eric McDaniel

    I’ll wait but I’ll be having sex with other women until you decide to.

    • Nope

      Basically. Wait for her, but not with her.

      • Ladylanita

        Let me put it to you like this. I’m fortunate–no blessed– that I’m an intuitive person. I have only slept with two people, the second one I married. The first one was because I got bored from waiting. But I did it on my terms, was not in love with the person, and new flat out it wasn’t going anywhere. I really think all women know, they just get impatient. But if more acted upon their female intuition, gut, instincts, sixth sense, whatever you want to call it, most of ya’ll would be out of business. Frankly I have never enjoyed the touch of a man that I’m not feeling 100%. I don’t know how and why women think they’re missing out on men like you that post what you wrote above. Obviously, there wasn’t nothing there between the two of you as cavalier as you are about it.

    • Ladylanita

      Fortunately I can spot men like you a mile away. Something in the eyes always gives it away ;)

  • Nope

    If you want to make a man wait fine, more power to you. Seriously. Just be prepared to deal with it if he doesn’t want to deal with you. And if you’re not his girlfriend (outside of your own head and hopes) then he’s free to exercise his options or change his mind. Period.

  • Nope

    If a man has enough women in rotation (which the numbers are strongly in his favor for that), “waiting” is very, very relative anyway. Most women will eventually give it up to be liked or to 1 up another woman. There’s not fighting or denying that.

  • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

    sex is awesome for a reason. every man isnt relationship material, but every pen!s isn’t fawkable. and everybody talking about STIs… just stop it… condoms and dental dams are very effective at preventing STIs. so unless you plan to wrap your celibate, abstaining self in a plastic bubble LIVE LIFE DANG! u only get one!

    • grateful

      very effective , true, but how many times do condoms break? and how about Herpes that you can get while wearing and how about the fact that most people nowadays aren’t using protection?

      • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

        what about that potato salad with the mayo you ate after it was left out the fridge the nite before? or what about the brakes on your car, they aren’t quite stopping the same as the used to?.. get my point? hypothetical situations are limitless. PERSONALLY,i love MY body too much not to believe in safe sex (and like EVERYone else, i post STI results online. 29, disease/kid free, single with at least 4 good ones in rotation) I’M HAPPY because i LIVE! that’s all i was saying :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julia-Durant/500767921 Julia Durant

    I started talking to a guy I kid you not two days ago and he flat out told me he was a sexual person and that I needed to understand that he’s a sexual person, that expects sex. Very put together, masters degree, has his own place and in his thirties. We were getting along fine. I had let him know I wanted to wait 6 months to have sex because I was trying to build a friendship first and didn’t want to get hurt. I had to stop talking to him because although he claimed to understand what I meant by going slow, it was like sex very early on was an issue. I’m a lot older now. A lot of guys don’t see it how females do but sex should be meaningful and it should be part of a relationship and not mandatory in order to help it function or be expected. Sharing yourself sexually means you care about a person enough to want them with you on what is probably closets to being connected spiritually. It takes time and emotions. Sure you have things like Think Like A Man and movies or other books telling you what to do. But ultimately, you have to do what lines up with your own personal values not a man’s.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lashonda.johnson.92 Shonda Johnson

      Are you related to Kevin Durant?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julia-Durant/500767921 Julia Durant

        He’s my cousin. Just saw you replied to this.

    • MLS2698

      He’s not all that ” put together” if he doesn’t understand your principles. He is a likely candidate for being HIV positive because he has other parts of his life in order, but not his sexual health. Two days, and he had the sex talk?

  • Julia Gotardo

    Ok, mam will wait. But what if I don´t want to wait ?

  • CRhae

    I will give it up when i am good and darned ready, if he is still there, nice, if not, who cares, NEXT!!!!!

  • SheBeTN

    IMO, we as women have to learn that we have control over the situation. Why? We have the vagina this the right to say HELL NO! Blaming men is no longer going to work especially when we are the main ones raising them.

  • Tagirl

    What a great article!

  • JustMe

    I understand what some of you are saying about women having sex simply because they want to. Hey, thats their business. No major judgement here.
    My personal choice of celibacy isnt about keeping a man or getting one. As many of you pointed out, if he’s gonna leave, he is going to leave no matter how long he waits for it….Whether its 2 minutes or 2 months…..
    I am celibate because I dont feel every man that I come across or date should know what I feel like or know me in that intimate way. Get to know ME. Sex is merely a fraction of what I offer as a WOMAN. Maybe he and I met to be great friends to each other…
    I love sex just like the next person but at this stage in my life, it simply needs to mean more. Again, this is just what works for ME. To each its own.

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  • Stanley

    These articles help the readership of the site a lot. I can tell you that because this should be the # 93487 of this kind.

  • RedButterfly81

    After my divorce from my ex, I was single for 3 years and talked to guys but the first thing they talk about was sex, sex and sex and I threw them away like trash and kept it moving. Then I met my boyfriend at church 7 months ago and he was more interested in getting to know me, taking me out to dinner, beach, Navy Pier, and Six Flags than trying to get into my pants. Plus I just introduced him to my daughter a month ago and she likes him. He respects my celibacy and thank god!

    • Nehemiah53

      That’s all well and good but I bet you he is like I would be, he is getting sex from another lady even if he got to pay for it!

      • WHOISBSQUARED?

        UM….YEAH, I SECOND THAT NOTION

        • Nehemiah53

          Just being honest, it’s my duty to put the sister wise!

          • ringtone

            That’s the great thing about waiting, it helps differentiate those who can wait ”forever” smh… and those that are easily tempted.

      • tbaby

        that so sad. im dealing with that now. can a couple really get to know each other over time and not have sex with someone else in the mean time???

      • Mel

        WIth a name like Nehemiah, that was such a disappointment. I hope RedButterfly knows that not all men are like you.

        There are some men out there who are waiting for their wife (regardless of whether or not they had sex in the past).

        • Nehemiah53

          Just being honest, a man nor a women can’t wait forever least they be temped by Satan [1 Corinthians 7-5], it’s against nature!

          • BlueCornmoon

            Some people are more susceptible to satan than others. Smart folks already know that That statement is directed toward the weak ones. You know, the ones spreading HIV, HPV, chlamydia,gonorrhea,etc thru our communities. The sex maniacs that don’t need to breed since they mess up our gene pool.

            • Nehemiah53

              very good point.

  • Anon

    What about the chicks that just wanna have sex because….. they want to? If a relationship happens to come out of it then fine, if not…. oh well. Even if you wait 6 months that doesn’t mean the man is going to want to be with you. After all that time, the guy could still decide he doesn’t want you. To each their own, but I’ll certainly sleep with whomever I feel comfortable, when I feel comfortable to do it whether its after 2 weeks or 2 years…. Do what you feel is best for you and the person you’re dealing with. I’m not advocating sleeping with a man because you think he’ll leave if you don’t. I’m saying that time limits are bs and you should do it when you want to if your comfortable with it.

    • Guest360

      That’s not what the author is talking about though. Generally speaking, most women want relationships, boyfriends, husbands, etc. and use sex as a way to get any of those things which was the author’s point. If you want to sleep with him, go ‘head and do it but if you’re doing it solely to get him or keep him interested in you or because he’ll “get it somewhere else”, you don’t need to. If a guy doesn’t want to get to know you for you or develop something real with you without you sleeping with him, why would you want him anyway? That was the point the author was making. If you genuinely like someone, you don’t have to sleep with them to get them to like you back and if you do, he’s not the right one for you anyway.

      • Anon

        ooooh ok. I misunderstood. Thanks for clarification.

      • Monnie

        Exactly!!! U said everything that wz on my mind! Besides, just sleeping with a guy because you want to is one of the main reasons why women are being plagued with diseases. Don’t give up the goods just because you “feel like it”, your worth more than that.

        • Stanley

          If you don’t want to give it because you feel like it, why and when would you give it? It’s gonna be the right time when you feel it. That means, you have to have sex when you feel like it.

          • Monnie

            There is a difference between the “right time” and f”feeling like it”

        • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

          so waiting prevents diseases?

          • River

            Common sense. No sex…no diseases.

  • guest

    the writer of this article is right. If he is the right guy for you then he will wait to be with you. if you give it up to fast more then likely he will leave eventually. Sometimes thats not the case and its the exact opposite, however in reality men become bored of the women who is giving it way and paying more attention to the one who is not why? Because she is a challenge and men love a challenge. Thats a known fact.

    • Miss Anonymous

      I somewhat agree. If a man wants you he will be with you if you gave it up 5 mins, 5 months, 5 years. You can make him wait but if he just wants to have sex with you, he will sex other women and then when you give it up he will be happy to have conquered you.
      I made my ex wait a year and a half before we had sex, he was a great guy before the sex. Afterwards he treated me badly and then it was found out that he had a fiance back home (he was army) even though he never showed any signs. My close friend on the other hand had 3 kids with different fathers, met a single man and had sex with him on the first night and they got married two months later and have a son and will be married for a year in August.

      • Angel

        No offense but ur friends story dosent sound very nice. I would rather be in ur position.

        • Miss Anonymous

          Yeah none taken, but my position doesnt come without consequence though. Im currently owe school loans and stay with my parents and have to deal with the comments of how I dont know how to “keep” a man, my female parts must not be you know what cause I couldnt get a army man to wife me and the “well atleast your going to school to be able to take care of yourself because you cant get a man cause of your dark color, you should date men with kids or go white because ” Gotta love the south where if your not married or atleast had a kid your a old maid at 24. lol

          Its kinda looked at that if you have a ring on it (married/engaged) your better than the ones who are single. Even if you have a man and he doesnt work and you have to take care of him, it the “atleast I got a man and you dont” response.

          • angel

            Im from new jersey and its completely different up here. Up here u will hear alot of women talking about establishing themselves before getting married and having kids and thats how i operate. Anways, even with all that u have to deal with I still would rather be in ur situation versus having FOUR kids .Honeslty If i were u i would just keep doin me lol.

        • kelly11

          LOOOL I’m sorry but this comment made me chuckle

          • Angel

            My comment?

  • Pivyque

    Thank you! If you want to have sex on the first date…ok…that’s what you WANT to do, but to do it because you think they won’t wait is ridiculous. My husband and I waited until we got married. It was hard and there were times when I wanted to make that call lol but I knew it was something I wanted to wait for and luckily he felt the same. Worst case scenario it helps you weed out the ones that only want sex.

  • Melisa

    Thanks for this. I’m a pretty lovely person I was recently dating a nice guy who seemed like my match, and then I told him he would have to wait but I wasn’t very specific. He said he didn’t really want to but that he would. He seemed really into me and said he just wanted us to date and have an exclusive sexual relationship when the time came. A week later I found out that he had “found” someone (obviously he had been seeing someone else or flat out lied to me) who he had sex with and decided he wanted to establish a serious relationship with her, what he called a “grown-up relationship.”

    So thank you I needed to be reminded that men will wait if they are interested in me, and not themselves and their needs.

    • guest

      grown up meaning she was putting out and you were not. what a loser that guy is. the funny thing is that same girl will constantly get cheated on because he obviously did it with you.

      • RedButterfly81

        He did you a favor, he was a jerk and couldn’t respect your standards.

      • Anon

        How did he cheat on her? If they weren’t in an exclusive relationship they were both able to date other people. The guy could have just picked somebody that was on the same page as he was which explains him telling her he found someone else. Doesn’t mean he was a loser but it does show some consideration. A lot of guys would just disappear instead lol. A loser b/c he was honest? Imagine that.

        • Guest360

          What makes him a loser is the fact that he considers a “grown up” relationship one where the woman puts out and he doesn’t have to practice self-control. There’s no harm in ending things with someone if you two aren’t on the same page but to be insulting about it just because the woman wants to wait to have sex and tell her you want something more “grown up”? Makes him a loser.

          • Anon

            I took the “grown up” portion of his response as more of a definition of what he expects from a relationship as an adult and an explanation for why he doesn’t think their relationship could go any further. I guess his words being insulting depends on how each person takes it.

          • BlueCornmoon

            It makes him no better than a spoiled kid who searches for someone who’ll let him have his way. He’s probably cheating on her right this minute

        • Melisa

          Well I didn’t mean for this to cause such a discussion. All I was saying was that I agree with the article, but to give further clarification: I was dating multiple guys when I met him and I told him that. He said he was only seeing me. Then he told me in order for us to be together I needed to see him exclusively sexually. So I ended up choosing him over the other guys I was dating. But I wasn’t ready for sex because I didn’t feel that I knew him that well, he said it was fine.

          I had to call him a week later to see what was going on and then he told me he had sex with someone else. He was the one who asked to be sexually exclusive. To be honest I wouldn’t have cared, we weren’t together, but he shouldn’t have asked me to be sexually exclusive if he wasn’t going to do it himself, that just shows a level of selfishness and cockiness I still can’t really comprehend.

          but anyways like I said I agree with the author and it is good for us to remember this point.

          • BlueCornmoon

            His response was just a stupid attempt to put you down & make you think you lost something great when he left you.How childish & arrogant !!

    • Guest360

      He did you a favor. Now you don’t have to waste your time with someone who isn’t worth it.

    • Tagirl

      lol @ grown up relationship. That’s pure b.s. Wow. ITA, he just moved on to the next one who was willing. He’s immature. A real man(adult period) doesn’t behave that way. It’s called self-control and self-respect. You’re better off doing without anyone who values sex over getting to know people.

      One thing one of my cousin’s told me is to set your standards and don’t waver on them for any guy.

      Just like guys are waiting for that gem of a girl, wait for your gem of a guy.

    • Nope

      lol @ all of these comments dissing the guy for being honest. He didn’t dog her out, in fact he didn’t owe her anything. Amazing how women will take any opportunity to (1) dog a man out when they don’t get their way (life is full of odds, and they won’t always work in your favor) ( 2) dog out another woman to make themselves feel better. That man wasn’t on layaway. He had the option and FREE WILL to wait…. or not.

      • OSHH

        welp he was honest and eliminated from her dating pool, because dating is a process of elimination right!

        • Anon

          He wasn’t eliminated from her dating pool, she was eliminated from his. He moved on to a girl that gave him all the things he wanted and she’s still single. Its great she didn’t give into what she wasn’t ready for but he decided not to settle for less than what he wanted as well.

          • jerseryvixen

            What we fail to see is yes a man will wait, but lets say he connects with you and you give him no sex, he wait, but hold up , he started connected with another girl who’s putting it on him… you think he’ll wait for you? that’s the point. It’s just reality. it’s not right or wrong. But I have asked men about the waiting game, they all tell you that they will wait for a girl they really like, but if they are dating multiple women before committing you run the risk of them developing intimacy with a girl they are sleeping with (assumming she meets their other qualifications/and chemistry/connections).

            • HiPricedPearl

              And that’s why a lot of women don’t wait–because they think having sex with a guy makes them more competitive against any other “girl” they’re “dating” or hanging out with. But sex doesn’t DEVELOP intimacy. It ENHANCES it. That’s why sleeping with guys too soon usually does not end in a long-term relationship. When there’s nothing to enhance, the interest fades. And the sex was just an activity–an activity that can be done with anyone. The “guy” having sex with multiple women doesn’t really respect ANY of them–and chances are will not marry any of them.

      • Melisa

        To give further clarification: I was dating multiple guys when I met him and I told him that. He said he was only seeing me. Then he told me in order for us to be together I needed to see him exclusively sexually. So I ended up choosing him over the other guys I was dating. But I wasn’t ready for sex because I didn’t feel that I knew him that well, he said it was fine.
        I had to call him a week later to see what was going on and then he told me he had sex with someone else. He was the one who asked to be sexually exclusive. To be honest I wouldn’t have cared, we weren’t together, but he shouldn’t have asked me to be sexually exclusive if he wasn’t going to do it himself, that just shows a level of selfishness and cockiness I still can’t really comprehend. I didn’t ask him to give up his free will, he volunteered and then backed out. Not dogging out anyone, just giving the facts.

  • TT

    On the other side of the coin, how about men stop trying to hump everything that walks? Its a 2 way street. Women aren’t the only ones with self control…

  • JustMe

    bluekissess this is not just an Tennessee issue. Maybe I took a little offense to your statement because I am from Tennessee. Memphis to be exact. Yes, the place where those broke arse baby daddies are from. Never met them (thank God) and most of my male friends and family members are vastly different from that triflin-ness (yes its a word). LOL. If you think this does not occur in several other areas you are sadly mistaken. I am single, 29 yr old female, and I dont have any kids. Neither do several of my family members and friends. *shrugs* Tennessee women DO know how to keep their legs closed.
    I appreciate an article like this. I have been celibate for quite some time and a few of the men I have met look at you like you have 10 heads when you choose to abstain. Its a struggle sometimes but hey, I want more. The right one will wait.

    • SheBeTn

      THANK YOU! As a Memphian I appreciate it!

    • bluekissess

      First of all that’s a joke. I was referring to the 80 kids those three men had in Tennessee Second I’m no dummy I’m fully aware of this issue. The solution is simple don’t open your legs like a drive through. This shouldn’t be an issue if woman are taught

      • JustMe

        Its not that serious love. I was just making an observation. I wasnt trying to come at you wrong or anything. (Note the LOL and jokes throughout my post). Its cool. However, I had to voice my opinion.

        • bluekissess

          You didn’t have to do anything you chose to

    • Lissy

      I am also 29 without any kids and I surely do not run around opening my legs to any man that comes along. You have to respect yourself and know the right one will wait for you especially if he cares about you like they said they do. So well said.

  • JustMe

    bluekissess this is not just an Tennessee issue. Maybe I took a little offense to your statement because I am from Tennessee. Memphis to be exact. Yes, the place where those broke arse baby daddies are from. Never met them (thank God) and most of my male friends and family members are vastly different from that triflin-ness (yes its a word). LOL. If you think this does not occur in several other areas you are sadly mistaken. I am single, 29 yr old female, and I dont have any kids. Neither do several of my family members and friends. *shrugs* Tennessee women DO know how to keep their legs closed.
    I appreciate an article like this. I have been celibate for quite some time and a few of the men I have met look at you like you have 10 heads when you choose to abstain. Its a struggle sometimes but hey, I want more. The right one will wait.

  • bluekissess

    I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore. Wait, won’t wait, give so he doesn’t have to wait. It’s ridiculous. Maybe if the women in Tennessee took that advice it would be any children.
    Do I think women give it up easy? Yes… why they do it… I don’t know

    • RedButterfly81

      Sweetie, I was born in Chattanooga, TN and I no baby mama and I don’t give my goodies up that easily. This ain’t no Tennessee thing, it’s a US problem no matter what race.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lashonda.johnson.92 Shonda Johnson

    I think single African American men and women should date whomever,but I don’t think they should have intercourse with every men they come into contact with. Me personally,I personally think,people should remain virgins until they get married or try……