15 Going On 30: Are Today’s Teens Rushing Into Adulthood? Why They Shouldn’t…

June 21st, 2012 - By Toya Sharee

MadameNoire.com

5.  A Few Insanely Expensive Purchases

As I type this I am still geeked over the $200 Jeffrey Campbell hidden wedge sneakers I just purchased.  Were they worth it? Probably not.  Do I care? Absolutely not.  When it comes to budgeting, being a wife and mother are filled with second guesses and buyer’s remorse that are often absent from the single life.  At this point the only one paying for your over-spending is you.  When your family grows but your income doesn’t, you have to be more conservative about your spending and sacrifice your own needs; if that means getting the thirty dollar pumps so your baby can have a warm winter coat, you have to do what you have to do. Indulge yourself while you still can.

 

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6.  Falling in Love With Your Line of Work

Unfortunately, many women are forced into jobs instead of choosing a career because they have mouths to feed and bills that need to be paid. There’s a freedom that comes with your typical twenties that allows you to really focus on your professional path and craft a career that involves doing what you truly enjoy.  You remember the character Bernadine from Waiting to Exhale?  She spent so much of her youth being a mother and wife that when it seemed to be slipping away, she had to revisit what once made her happy.  You owe yourself a chance to chase your dreams before becoming burdened with the responsibilities of reality.

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7.  That  Ability To Distinguish Your Friends from Your Frenemies

It’s harder to focus on making true friends when marriage and mommyhood come into play.  If you’re fortunate enough to have a team of devoted divas, naturally you have less time to spend with your gal pal.  When you settle down but still have single friends, relationships become strained.  True friends will  be there no matter if you’re shopping for shoes or school supplies.  Hopefully you’ll know exactly who these people are before your half-a** homegirls run for cover when the wedding vows and baby formula start flying.  Being a wife and mother can be challenging and it’s important to be able to find strength in your other support system.

 

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8.  A Look in the Mirror Where You Realize That Frankly, You’re the Ish

I see so many women try to use a relationship or pregnancy to give them the happiness and confidence they should already have.  During your youth you’re crafting your individual style, personal choices and interests.  If you’re lost, getting married and having a child won’t help you find yourself or your purpose, it will only leave you more bewildered.  A  husband or newborn baby shouldn’t have the task of helping you realize how great you are or can be.  You should feel complete being exactly who you are while those relationships only enhance your fabulous-ness.

What did your twenties teach you about life?

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog Bullets and Blessings .

 

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  • FromUR2UB

    I think some of you are going to have to reach your 30s and 40s before you realize how young the 20s are. No one is guaranteed to have a successful marriage at any age. I’ve known people who married young, usually high school sweethearts or because of an unplanned pregnancy, and a few of them have held it together. But when they’re honest, they’re not recommending that others do the same. Their whole adult life has been about considering another person in every decision they make. They can’t remember the last time they had the luxury of being selfish. People who’ve been married a long time may still love each other very much, but the way they love and their reasons for loving each other change. When it doesn’t last, sometimes it’s just because they grew in different directions. It’s not just about finances, either. Money can ease a lot of burdens, but it doesn’t necessarily mean things will be better for a young celebrity than another young person, because of it. They have to go through a process of learning who they are too. Possibly moreso, because they’ve had the unusual circumstance of assuming adult responsibilties as children: working, paying people, bills and expenses, and sometimes supporting their families.

  • FromUR2UB

    I think some of you are going to have to reach your 30s and 40s before you realize how young the 20s are. No one is guaranteed to have a successful marriage at any age. I’ve known people who married young, usually high school sweethearts or because of an unplanned pregnancy, and a few of them have held it together. But when they’re honest, they’re not recommending that others do the same. Their whole adult life has been about considering another person in every decision they make. They can’t remember the last time they had the luxury of being selfish. People who’ve been married a long time may still love each other very much, but the way they love and their reasons for loving each other change. When it doesn’t last, sometimes it’s just because they grew in different directions. It’s not just about finances, either. Money can ease a lot of burdens, but it doesn’t necessarily mean things will be better for a young celebrity than another young person, because of it. They have to go through a process of learning who they are too. Possibly moreso, because they’ve had the unusual circumstance of assuming adult responsibilties as children: working, paying people, bills and expenses, and sometimes supporting their families.

  • jason vorhees

    To me what people are forgetting about when they make comments “back in the day folks got married young had babies etc” is that the work/social life were very different. Women werent working like they are now, seeing the world was pretty much left to those in the military and people werent going to college at the rates they are now. Like Lame stated these celebrities are RICH! The girls growing up in impoverished conditions wont ever get to enjoy the lives these young rich girls will. Why try to compare?

  • Welp.

    Better to be married early than pregnant / single parent early. or sleep around all ur life. It is possible to live life and be married early. Look at our grandparents.

  • http://twitter.com/itsmeYamilee Yamine

    At 21, I look forward to enjoying life, establishing my career, traveling and simply having fun. I have a friend who is married, 21 with 3 children already but is very responsible. I myself couldn’t imagine that right now. But everyone has there own paths in life. And as I tell all my friends enjoy you twenties, cause I sure will.

  • TRUTH IS

    Brain empty….too daft….love hard life….teen get ready to go to college…babies aint cheap

  • LAME

    We can’t compare celebrities to normal people in this respect. When I say “normal” I mean average people that aren’t paid millions and followed by paps while millions of people they don’t know, worry about every detail of their life. Celebrities are exposed to a lot and kid celebrities have to grow up much faster. So those crazy industry parties, regular folks trying to make their way up the social/professional ranks are trying to go to, these kids are going to at 14 lol. Heck I’m 24 and after the partying, college, serial dating, traveling, and living a pretty awesome life, settling down doesn’t seem like a bad idea. I just think this is all a result of being exposed to so much so young.

  • CA Pullen

    Some of these teenager think it is “cool and a fashion statement” of getting pregnant at an early age. They fail to realize the responsiblities of taking care and raising a child. I give these people props for doing the right thing and getting married in some cases. But they are missing out on some thing that teens do at a certain age. I think it is really sad that these people see celebraties like Brittany Spears sister Jamie Lynn get pregnant at an early age, these young girl think it cool and in style.

  • JustSayin

    I guess I fall under the “exception” to this rule because I have a child and I am in my twenties… and still been able to do all of these things. I have a great support group and I take care of my son… but still manage to have wild splurges, fall in love with work, go out on adventures and maintain home. I think people tend to forget that it was less than 20 years ago that it was the norm to get married in your twenties or even teens. It is just now becoming “okay” to date around, test the waters and then sow your “wild” oats (in my Coming to America voice.) Everyone reaches that “stage” in their life at different times (if they even want to go in that direction) and its okay. Even if they don’t work out… it won’t be solely because of their age. There are plenty of people that marry in their 30′s or 40′s and are divorced a few years later. Just depends on the structure of the relationship.

    • JustSayin

      Also; that is another thing. In the sub-headline of this article it says… you have your entire life to … save for retirement. That is the problem people are facing now. They are not saving for retirement. Instead people are making it rain vs. saving for a rainy day.

    • JanaeMichelle

      I have a son and I’m in my late 20′s. I went to college away from home and got to do a lot of the things listed here. But I take advantage of my support group as well and I definitely don’t feel like I have or I am missing out on anything. I think it’s that way for my friends without kids. People always bring up topics like this but when they are just getting started at 40 we’ll be getting ready for high school graduations and sending our kids off to college. I’d rather change diapers now than at that age because at that age you could be changing a spouses diaper soon enough. How about a break?h at 40

    • JanaeMichelle

      I have a son and I’m in my late 20′s. I went to college away from home and got to do a lot of the things listed here. But I take advantage of my support group as well and I definitely don’t feel like I have or I am missing out on anything. I think it’s that way for my friends without kids. People always bring up topics like this but when they are just getting started at 40 we’ll be getting ready for high school graduations and sending our kids off to college. I’d rather change diapers now than at that age because at that age you could be changing a spouses diaper soon enough. How about a break?h at 40

    • JanaeMichelle

      I have a son and I’m in my late 20′s. I went to college away from home and got to do a lot of the things listed here. But I take advantage of my support group as well and I definitely don’t feel like I have or I am missing out on anything. I think it’s that way for my friends without kids. People always bring up topics like this but when they are just getting started at 40 we’ll be getting ready for high school graduations and sending our kids off to college. I’d rather change diapers now than at that age because at that age you could be changing a spouses diaper soon enough. How about a break?h at 40

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003300022260 Pierre Lend

    Miley announced an engagementand not a pregnancy…she is rich and most of these yound women aren’t, Miley still has a man standing by her, and most of these pregnant teens are single mothers and should not be a young woman’s goal in life

  • Anonns

    Babies having babies is the result of what we see in our community. These adults acting immature, that are bad example to their children probably started having children at a young age. There’s so much to still learn and experience about life. Many mistakes to be made, that you should learn and grow from. And, I understand it’s better for some young people to marry instead of sleeping around. I just hope they have a better guidance to show them positive examples, and a good marriage counselor. The cycle of teen pregnancy and babymama needs to stop.

  • ieshapatterson

    how long do you think any of these will last?? i’m not wishing for the worse,but realistically their young,REALLY young. marriage isn’t a game and it’s shouldn’t be played as one. still,i want to say congrats to Evens for getting married and THEN having a baby.you don’t hear about that too often.

    • Ashley

      Yea, i actually don’t mind the age of Evans when she got married, cause she actually did things the right way, she just did it at a young age. Teens and young adults use to get married all the time in the olden days and their marriages actually lasted a decent amount of the time…. Though times have changed so most young people who get married wont last, and half of them just manage to get knocked up instead.its just that society is trying to make the young years last until the age of 25 or something. Tiffany Evans just basically went old school on everybody.lol