PAPA PAINS: Signs You May Have “Daddy Issues”

32 comments
June 16, 2012 ‐ By Brooke Dean

outlish.com

I’m sure we’ve all heard the term “Daddy’s Girl” – you know…that “Princess” who was spoiled rotten by her father and has him wrapped around her little finger. Most women fortunate enough to have a special relationship with their father wear that title as a badge of honor.

But for others who weren’t as fortunate, they carry a different badge that reads: “Daddy Issues.” They say a woman has “daddy issues” when her behavior or mindset indicates that her father was either absent in her life completely, or physically present but emotionally unavailable.  These issues can plague a young girl into adulthood, especially if she’s trying to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father in her relationships. While a woman may seem to have it all together at first glance, there are certain characteristics women with daddy issues display – and if you’re not sure, the following may be a few of the signs.

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  • jayde

    So our fathers leave us in someway, so we crave love and stability. But when we receive due their absentees we cannot accept that love and scare them away. That’s fucked where can I return these issues? I didn’t pay for this ish

  • WBOTB

    Number 4 REEKS of male chauvinism! Being promiscuous has nothing to do with daddy issues. These girls just wanna get laid, just like guys who are promiscuous who wanna get laid. So guys who sleep with lots of women have mommy issues? Palease!!! Enough is enough already with this backward way of thinking. Let’s stop perpetuating this bs and get REAL!!!

  • wow

    i might have daddy issues not sure yet. but my dad didn’t leave he died when i was 7 i still feel abandoned though. so is it still considered daddy issues.

  • Royaltee

    My Father was 14 when I was born and he always told me he did the best he could at the time and I’m grateful for his honesty. He and I spent lots of time together when I was young up into my teenage years when I started to dislike like his choice of women. He was always very affectionate with me lots of hugs and kisses and til this day he never ends a conversation with me without saying “I love you boo”. He didn’t spoil me but he never says no if I ask for something. I have friends who were spoiled by their fathers and they too have a lot these issues in the article because they feel as though men owe them something and act like little girls whining and crying all the time in relationships. On the other hand I have friends who did not have fathers and they find it very hard to trust men or always pick men who treats them badly. I think the father daughter relationship is a very delicate one because ultimately you father will shape your views on men for a life time. I pretty much have only had 3 serious relationships in my life time at 27 yrs old but all three of those men respected me, showed me love and affection, and were honest with me because I look for men who will treat me the way my father did. My Fiance now reminds me so much of my father because of his affection, providing nature and his honesty. I thank my dad for shaping my views on men because I was able to find the love of my life.

  • Amber

    I am definitely my daddy’s princess. He spoils me rotten and makes sure I have everything I need and want. Although some people don’t see it I am very appreciative of my Dad. I am lucky to have not only a father, but a Daddy.

  • Bits

    A lot of the “crazy black woman” stigma comes from black women having daddy issues. the insecurities, the jealousy issues, the choosing the wrong partners/fathers of our kids can all be traced back to having father issues. It is something that is looked over and not recognized as a real problem. Part of the reason is because most people think that once you hit 18 the adult button erases all childhood issues and everyone should get over whatever haunted them as children. Its not that easy at all. All of these “crazy” adults are really just wounded big children. Therapy is not embraced within the Black community. And I’m not talking about “church therapy”. Many of us need mental counseling from an outside, non-biased source that help clear up the mental hiccups that formed when were children. Hats off to all of the Black men who cherish their daughters. Those daughters are lucky and blessed because the true love of a real father is priceless and will benefit them for the rest of their lives. Just ask women like Michelle Obama. To my fellow women with father issues, don’t worry ladies. Its harder for us but there are books, counseling and prayer that will get us through.

  • RedButterfly81

    My father died when I was 10 years old and #2 is just like me. I’ve never dated a younger man, my ex-husband is 6 years older and the man I’m dating now is 10 years older than me and I’m only 30. I can say I’m like #4 too, LOL!

  • jackieOsassin

    i know….a LOT of women like this. : (

  • missmoomoo

    I’m not even gonna deny all this, because they all (but one) apply to me… #dayumyouDADDAY!

  • Guest

    Don’t forget number seven: Trying too hard to please. Sometimes women that try to hard to please, or even as a child to “fit in”, has daddy issues, because they never feel that they are good enough and fear that if they don’t put their ALL and then some into a relationship, that they will be “abandoned” or overlooked.

  • Mary

    Nice Article MadameNoire. You should now do this for men with daddy issues.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

      Men don`t have daddy issues. They have no father issues. There is a difference.

      • Bits

        please explain…

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

          The best way i can explain it is:Men don`t compete with their fathers per say,but they usually come to terms early on who he is or isn`t.However,no father means no reference.So the mother or female gaurdian(s)become the reference.I hope that clarifies my p.o.v.

          • Bits

            I see where you’re coming from but, a boy growing up in a household where his father is emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, abusive etc. definitely constitutes “father issues”. The young boy being a witness to his father dysfunctional behavior will directly affect him in his adult life. That is how men can have father issues.

          • Waverley Heights

            “Men don’t compete with their fathers” – take a Psychology 101 course and learn about the Oedipus Complex…a very famous Freudian theory.

  • guess who88

    there most definitely a difference between a father being loving and caring from not there at all. i’ll use a friend of mines as an example. her real father was never around. she doesn’t even know him. her mother married another man and he took the role of being a father. she is strong-minded, respects herself, and seems to have high self-esteem. another friend i know she had the type of father that came around here and there reminding her he was a father until he finally died when she was in her early teens. she is not sure of herself, attracts the wrong kind of guys (abusive physically and mentally), and her self-esteem is not in tact. so having a loving father around and especially in the household is a big , BIG difference from not having one .

  • guest

    definitely have daddy issues. ive probably expereinced all 5 but now that i know i have father issues. i do i make it better I do love myself but that doesnt help me any better in the dating realm when i continue to fall for the same guys that im trying to date because i dont want to date a man that shows signs of turning out like my father and so on and so on. but now what do i do! what have been helpful to add a page 7 and give some suggestions on how to really make a change in the dating world! #thanksfortnothing. now im just another statistic

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1209233959 Tiffanie Kinney

      Get some Christan council. Dont date while you find yourself. Learn to love you shoo you can love others

  • HOUSTON

    I THOUGHT ABOUT ROYCE FROM BASKETBALL WIVES. SHE HAS DADDY ISSUES. SHE MAKES IT SEEM LIKE SHE IS THE DADDY’S GIRL, SHE IS JUST A GIRL WITH A DADDY. WHAT GROWN WOMAN ACTS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL IN HER 30s?

    • Tagirl

      She’s like 23.

      • Tagirl

        Okay, I always thought she was that young, but I see that she’s 30.

  • Tagirl

    Point 3 is a great point because a man can be in the household and provide material things for his children but not be healthy for their emotional needs which can lead to issues. I know from experience that just because you have a two parent home and things look good to the outside world, that there can be lingering issues. That’s why mom’s have to step up and do double duty for their children.

    • TatumPascal

      I agree with you completely. From the outside looking in, my family was enviable. I was raised in an upper middle class family in a big house, got a car for my 16th bday, went to college on my parents dime, and everyone thought we were perfect. My father was a functional alcoholic drug abuser and my mother was a woman who was – and still is -fighting her own lifelong demons. I was esentially left to twist in the wind. But as I got older, I did realize the power of forgiveness: forgiving myself for the things I couldn’t control and my parents for the things that they have control over.

      • Tagirl

        I’m working on the forgiving part. My situation as a teen was similar and everyone thought I was spoiled but never walked in my shoes. My dad worked and provided but he had issues and I credit my mom for raising me. So many people think that working and providing is the only thing a father needs to do. But that’s not true. I could always get the material things from my dad, it was emotional needs that were unfulfilled. Because of that, I’m not really that impressed with people coming from a two parent home as many others are. God bless those who had two parents that were healthy for them.

        I won’t lie and say that I don’t have issues as a result of my upbringing but a lot of other issues were combated because my mom prayed and kept me in church. I had an awesome youth pastor who always had us involved in mission trips to other countries, ski trips and other fun activities. It kept us busy and out of a lot of trouble.

  • Tagirl

    See I don’t know about this. My dad worked and traveled for a living so it was basically my mom at home raising me. So I don’t necessarily agree that these type of issues arise because a father was absent. A strong mother can combat a lot of issues for girls. Many women have to be both mother and father. That’s not the way it was designed to be but there are some successful situations.

    • Bits

      the issue is when a father is absent AND emotionally unavailable. its one thing to know your father is off working and trying to provide for his family while at the same time staying in contact and showing his love via phone calls, letters etc. Its entirely different thing when the father is away AND emotionally unavailable.

  • WHOISBSQUARED?

    I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS ARTICLE BECUZ, I AM ONE OF THOSE GURLS ON THAT LIST………N I TRY TO OVERCOME IT N I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO, EVERYDAY…..

    • Bits

      You can do it girl! I sought therapy and it is doing wonders for me! If your insurance doesn’t cover therapy sessions then please consider making the investment if you can. Just keep praying. It will get better.

  • http://twitter.com/NewNaturalSista High GrAdE KarMa

    This article was on point with everything that was mentioned, but I feel like most of these things could come from other insecurities than not having a father figure. Choice three to six I can say is very much true from my understanding because my dad he was always around and did fatherly things but he would never show affection to me and my sisters. He was in the military and was strict and showed hard love not the love my mom gave. So everytime I date I look for a man to show me constantly that he loves me or be more affectionate and full of emotions unlike my father. I love my dad though thats probably about the only thing he did was wrong when raising daughters

    • WHOISBSQUARED?

      MY DAD WASN’T THERE TIL LATER ON, AROUND 15. BUT THEN HE LEFT, TO FIND A WOMEN AS HIS WIFE, N HE PUT HER OVER ME. SO, N MY SITUATION, I HAVE NO FATHER. AT ALL. HE DOESN’T EVEN CLAIM ME AT THIS AGE NOW, 24 YEARS OLD.

      • K

        WHY ARE YOU YELLING

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