Being Selfish or Being Sensible? What’s So Wrong With Not Wanting To Have Children?

88 comments
June 14, 2012 ‐ By Clarke Gail Baines

Depending on who you talk to, we are on this earth to procreate and keep the human race thriving. In the meantime, we get jobs, we achieve things, we possibly get married, we live and learn (and change hairstyles), but in the end, folks are conditioned to be ready to bring another human being into the world (once again, this depends on who you’re talking to). According to the media, everybody is doing it (“Teen Mom,” celebrities, hell the Duggar family just won’t stop), and people should follow suit. But what happens when in your mind, you’re the one person who doesn’t want to have kids?

For years, I wasn’t extremely amped about the idea of motherhood, maybe because of the fact that I’ve had nieces and nephews to help look after and keep entertained since I was 4 (I can barely remember when my first niece and nephew were born, that’s how young I really was). I liked the idea of naming kids, but the raising kids part seemed like more than I could wrap my brain around, especially when my mom would say,”When I was your age, I had TWO kids and was married!. Oh, okay.

But as the years have gone by and I’ve watched other nieces and nephews be born and grow, and now watch my sister go through her first pregnancy, I realize that IN THE FUTURE, I’d like a little bundle of joy myself. But a coworker of mine looks at the idea of motherhood the same way she looks at the rubbery stick of cheese she tried to ingest from 7-Eleven this morning…with a bit of confusion, or as I like to say, she gives it the “Oh hell no face.” She respects those who do it, but she’s over the whole “Oh, I want to have a baby” hysteria. Aside from naming the struggles of growing up in a big family, when I asked her what influenced her to pass on having her own children in the near future, she threw out a variety of scattered reasons and responses:

The Commitment: The reality of the fact that when a child comes out, it’s with you and yours until you pass on (God willing) was a little too much for her. Having responsibility over another human being for years and years was something she was a bit leery of, and even when a child grows up, that doesn’t mean the worry over them stops. There’s no vacay from being a mom.

The Financial Burden: From the cost of the pregnancy test, to the money you have to put together to help put them through college, children are indeed expensive. My co-worker says she realizes she’s not in a place in her life where she can shoulder all the costs, and isn’t sure she’ll ever be there  or ready to shoulder it at all.

The Thought of Taking Care of Children Isn’t a Pleasant One: While she might not mind taking care of a little cousin for a few hours, knowing she can’t give said child back to their parent at the end of the day is a tad bit scary. Dealing with their possible terrible twos and tantrums, their energetic personalities and more for 24 hours a day, seven days a week 365 days a year (of course, with school or daycare involved) is something that fills her with anxiety, not a sense of happiness or fullness. Forget diamonds, kids are forever!

After we discussed her issues with motherhood and childbirth, the conversation turned to the idea of whether or not having these feelings and being against the idea of having children made people self-absorbed. She told me a story about hanging out with a girlfriend while they had a conversation with a man about why they didn’t have kids yet, and her friend made it clear that she wouldn’t have a child if she didn’t meet the right guy. The fella decided to blast her friend for being “selfish.” As crazy as that sounds, it’s not the first time someone has tried to pull that on a woman. When Oprah made it clear that she wasn’t going to push out any babies and reiterated the point over the years, people wondered why a woman who could provide so much to a child wouldn’t want to have children, or even adopt them. Selfish, much? But it was an interesting question: Does not wanting children make a woman selfish?

While some women might not want to give birth for superficial reasons (“I’m trying to keep my body right!”), or for random reasons (they had a bad encounter with ONE child and are over them all), there are many who just really don’t feel the need to do have a kid. Not because they hate kids, but because they just don’t see themselves in the motherly role. Maybe they’ve had bad experiences being children in humongous families, or have aspirations to do a wealth of things that wouldn’t be baby friendly, but whatever the reason, while folks might not immediately understand it, I don’t think it makes someone selfish. That’s like a woman unsure of whether or not to get married to her boyfriend does so to please the folks who say she should, only to have a rocky marriage. If you know in your heart you don’t have an enthusiasm for the concept, why would you go forth and have a child? Why bring someone in the world that you don’t want? In reality, what would be more selfish is to bring a child in the world that you can’t provide for, don’t have love for, and don’t want to take responsibility of, and sadly, we see women do things of that nature every day. Instead of giving these ladies the side eye, you might want to show them love for keeping it real with themselves.

Who knows, my co-worker’s feelings could change in the future. The right guy could come along, sweep her off of her feet and make her want to start a family. Or maybe she’ll continue to work her way to the top of the fashion world and leave all the babies and the baby talk to everybody else. In the end, I know what I would like for myself, and she clearly knows what she doesn’t want for herself. Coming to terms with the fact that you don’t want to have kids and being okay with your choice doesn’t make you selfish though, at least in my opinion. But uh, good look getting your family to be as understanding…

What are your thoughts on women who don’t want to have children? Is it selfish?

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  • selfishn’lovin’it

    I think it’s selfish and narcississtic to bring children into the world the way it is without stability, solid foundation, or a future.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/jvbzook Jeffrey V Brown

    As an African-American substitute teacher, I, everyday see the consequences of kids, especially our black boys and girls, being raised with no fathers and in poverty. I made a vow, that I would never participate in making a baby till marriage and until i had a job making enough $$$ to provide for him/her. In the meantime, I try to mentor kids and their parents though 100 Black Men and through my substitute teaching!!!!!

  • MLS2698

    She had a baby, but it died. Maybe that experience let her know that she didn’t want to be a parent.

  • ned

    no kids at 38 yes yes yes ..keep um(i do have a niece though) married 4 8 yrs and me n hubby r chillin!

  • kameria

    I’m only 24, and I know for a fact that I do not want kids at all. I just dont want to end up being the statistic of being a “baby mama”. There’s nothing cute about that, and in my age and generation, not a lot of people are getting married, and creating families. (Husband/Father, Wife/ Mother, then children….all with the same last name.) Most (not all) get caught up in situations where they end up baby mamas and baby daddy’s, and they get stuck, and that’s what they settle for. Not me.

  • Pivyque

    Honestly, I don’t care if it sounds selfish. I have never wanted kids. I knew it from the moment I took family planning in high school all those years ago lol

  • car1

    I love children and i used to want to have one but now that i’m real close to 40, i don’t want to have kids anymore especially not by myself….i get “side eye” looks when i say i don’t want kids, but i think it would be better to know you don’t want a child and not have one then to have one and not be the best mother that the child deserves, b/c there is a BIG difference between wanting a baby and wanting to be a mother.

  • http://www.writeousbabe.blogspot.com/ javacia harris bowser

    Thanks so much for this post. I am happily married, in my 30s, and I don’t have children. At least once a week someone asks when I’m going to start having kids because “the clock is ticking” and when I say I don’t think I want children they act as if I said I bite the heads off puppies for fun. It’s refreshing reading these comments and realizing I’m not the only woman on the planet who isn’t certain she wants kids, because sometimes I certainly feel that way.

  • http://www.newyorkcitysinglemom.com/ NYCSingleMom

    How is it selfish? Some people truly do not want to have kids and society’s notion that they should have kids is outdated. As far as I am concerned lots of people have kids who shouldn’t for all the reasons you raise.

  • Candacey Doris

    I understand why people don’t want to have kids. Once you have kids you’re life has to change. You can’t pretend otherwise. Children are loud, messy, expensive, demanding, self absorbed and generally a hassle. Those are just the downsides though. Raising a child can be rewarding and great if you have the temperament for it. I won’t have them unless I’m in the right circumstances to. I love children, but if i haven’t gotten my life together an have the resources to correctly raise a child i have no business having one. People that don’t want them at all should take steps. If they don’t and end up getting one the child may not be as loved or as well taken care of and that’s not fair to the child. In the end, it’s a person’s choice an trying to tell people they need to have one or shouldn’t have one is a serious intrusion into their lives. Basically, people should mind their own business on the subject of reproduction.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1151786392 Ronique Nicole

    It’s better to sensibly admit that you don’t desire to have children, then have children that you don’t want. I know what that feels like, having a parent regretting your existence…per say.. so I wish more adults would fall back and THINK before they reproduce. No I don’t desire to have children, that doesn’t make me less of a woman, that makes me, me.

  • Numero Uno

    I personally do not want to have kids. At least that’s how I feel right now in life. All the reasons the friend in the article gave, are all part of my reasons I do not want any right now. I don’t find it selfish at all for a woman to make a decision about what is going to be coming out of her body. And I wouldn’t call it superficial because a woman doesn’t want to have a baby because she doesn’t want to “ruin” her body. That’s her choice. Now what is selfish is people popping out kids every year knowing they can’t take care of them and are leaving them with questionable people all the time because they woke up and realized that yes child care is hard work and they suddenly want their life back. It is difficult but I’m sure it can be rewarding for those that truly understand what it means to be a mother and father and have the means and the patience and time to take care of them. When people ask me when am I going to have kids, I just tell them when I’m good and ready to.

    • laur

      Amen to that! Finally a place where more than zero people feel the way I do. I have commented a couple times already and I never make comments online except for my private twitter feed with 5 followerS, most of which are reciprocal businesses lol

  • vpd4

    I don’t think I ever thought much about not having kids. In my family we were always able to make our own choices. I just never had the desire. When I got to that age where I thought my biological clock was ticking, I pretty much overode that. I guess when I see women who have kids just to be having them, they’re not thinking about the child in this case, especially young unmarried girls. I don’t like to see any child suffer because of an unthinking parent, but a lot of them do. That’s what’s selfish in my opinion.

  • victoria

    Frankly, Im over all of the people who dont want kids screaming about not wanting kids. Who cares? Women are so quick to state that they dont want kids. Then they look for your reaction. There is no debate…if you want kids then have them if you dont want kids then dont have them. I will say this. Recently, my mother was discussing the duties of children taking care of parents in old age. My Aunt who is childless wondered who will take care of her. My mom placed that responsibility on me. Being that I live in another country and have a husband and children, I doubt I will be able to take care of my Aunt. So that is something childless men and women need to ponder.

    • kmoaton

      So are you saying the reason to have kids is to have someone to take care of you in old age? Just like there are parents who don’t take care of their kids, there are adult children who shuffle their parents into a home and go one about their business. A better plan would be to set up your financial planning and legal matters to ensure your care as an elderly person, with or without children.

      • victoria

        So are you one of those people who get offended by a simple statement? Why get your panties in a bunch b/c I mentioned a situation that took place within my family regarding this topic? It’s a personal experience that I chose to comment on. My mother took care of her mother (my grandmother lived with my mother unil her death). So the topic came up concerning children taking care of their parents when the children live states, and in my case, a continent away. And speaking of financial security, my Aunt is a millionaire in her 60s with a very secure financial porfolio, but she still asked who will take car of her being that she doesnt have children to do what my mother did. AND btw, my grandmother was also very financially secure. Money wasnt an issue concerning my grandmother’s care. But health issues, doctor and hospital visits,driving, taking care of documents, paying bills…all of the matters that may arise when a person ages and becomes unable to take care of themselves was the reason why my mother stepped in.
        And to answer your question…NO, I dont believe the reason to have kids is to have someone take care of you. So please…Slow down, take a breath, compose yourself.

        • kmoaton

          No, actually I asked the question I wanted to ask. Is having someone to take care of you as you age a legitimate reason to have children? I understand you have some very personal dealing with this and that explains your reaction to the question but why is it fair to burden the child with taking care of the parent? Is is only because you gave birth to them or should it come from a place of love? I can understand having to step in to ensure parents are taken care of as they age but by telling someone “it’s your responsibility” can only lead to resentment and anger on the part of the caregiver. Some people have no problem taking care of others but there are some who want no part of it, especially if you have your own children.

          • victoria

            For me, when the time comes, taking care of my mother will NOT be a burden. There are reasons why children take care of their parents…one being that once a person ages they may not be PHYSICALLY, not only financially, capable of caring for themselves. My original statement was not to offend, but to point out the discussion that took place within my family and it was a legitimate ”food for thought”. Many without kids will, like my Aunt, will have to face this issue. It’s not something I made up to offend you or others. And yes, we know not all children tak on the responsibility. But that doesnt negate the fact that it is still an issue for those without kids.

            • Nia

              Childfree women think long and hard before they declare the wish to be without children. WTF are you talking about?
              If you think for one second that having kids will somehow give you a built-in caretaker, you’re sadly mistaken. nowadays people can’t wait to shove their old parents into nursing homes.

              Plus, you sound like a bitter one who got babies by accident. LOL!

    • Elle

      Not at all. Having a child just so they can take care of you when you are older is a poor reason. Also there is no guarantee that it will happen. I have already thought about how I will care for myself in old age, financial considerations and where I will live. None of these plans involve a child taking care of me someday.

  • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

    ALL MY LIFE i’ve known i do NOT want kids/motherhood burden my mom says while my friends were plyin house, i was playin Monopoly! children are a RISKY INVESTMENT! financially, emotionally… ppl put ALL this $ and effort into people who will grow up to ignore you, but still have their hands out! i’m good!!! i’ll stack my paper and be the old fly chic traveling, stretch mark free!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

    What never made sense to me are these ppl who tell you that having children helps perpetuate the human race.So your suppose to bring life into this world because 50 eons from now, the race might not be here?Listen, live your life ppl,those concerned about the human race don`t really care,they want you to be in the same predicament as them.

  • wlknluv

    im 48 yrs young with no children and happy with the decision. i decided if i was not married by the time i was 35, that i would not have children. i was blessed to be raised in a 2 parent household and wanted the same if i had children. raising a child is a huge responsibility and sacrifice and i don’t think it’s selfish for a man or a woman to decide if they don’t want children. anyone can have a baby but it take mature, responsible and loving person to recognize that raising a child is a full time job and not to be taken lightly.

  • Neecee401

    I just hate when women are fully capable of having children and don’t. Makes me feel bad for the women who want kids badly and can’t have them. But to each his own.

    • Nikki

      Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood and if you know that about yourself then that’s never a bad thing. I do feel for women out there who want kids and can’t have them just because it always sucks when you feel deeply about something and it won’t come to fruition, but that doesn’t make it wrong for women who can and choose not to. There is always adoption for those who feel that they were put on this earth to be a parent.

      • Elle

        Right. When I read her response, my first thought was that there are plenty of kids who want parents badly. So a woman who isn’t capable of having a baby naturally can adopt a child or even have a surrogate. There are so many options now for a woman who is unable to carry a child.

        I hate it when a woman has children but can’t take care of them or beats them senseless. Every time I take public transportation, I see some woman usually screaming at her kids and the kids’ faces are so sad. Sometimes I look at the woman like it’s not that serious because really young kids don’t understand sometimes. But I digress.

      • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

        i knew i shouldn’t have kids when i was discussing the topic w/ a friend. she asked why i DIDN’T want kids, a trillion reasons. But when asked why i DID want kids, all i could come up with was “to see what it’d look like”… after that, someone else could take over. i’m SO damaged

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Goldie-Treasure/100001545308532 Goldie Treasure

          That’s the only reason I could come up with too to have kids lol.

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      there is a difference between being mad at something and being mad at what things represent to you. you are not mad at childless women you are just mad at what they represent to you

      • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

        SWEET FREEDOM! :0

      • Nia

        They used their power of CHOICE! I wish more women were this smart.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

      Never occurred to you that you just need to mind your business? You’ll feel less hate.

    • Miss D

      And you know what I hate? When women have children they can’t support,and those babies end up in the foster care system, or in dysfunctional, abusive homes.

      My ability to bear children has nothing to do with a woman who cannot.

    • Numero Uno

      Yes it’s a shame to see women who can’t have kids who have to go through hoops to have one, but like others have said, there are options, particularly adoption. Because one woman isn’t able to conceive shouldn’t put pressure on women that can. If it’s not in a person’s desire to procreate, it shouldn’t feel like a requirement.

  • beevb

    I applaud anyone who makes an informed decision related to becoming a parent and child rearing. The most selfish person, in my opinion, is the person who has a child, but chooses not to parent that child. Every person with a child is not a parent!!! Parenting is very demanding and difficult and requires lots of time, money and work. As I come out on the other side of it, I am glad I chose to only have one child. I got lots of flack for that, there was always someone telling me how awful it was to make my child suffer as an only child.

    • Nikki

      This is real talk! I have friends who are only children and they are not suffering.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    The thing that makes me mad is that, as far as woman have come, they’re still expected to pop out kids by a certain age. The whole “I need to get married and pop out kids before I reach a certain age” mindset needs to stop. Just because a woman has a uterus doesn’t mean she wants to use it. That’s not being selfish it’s called exercising your free will over your life. Think about it would you rather her be selfish before she has kids or after she has kids.

  • http://twitter.com/MrsNicoleP2 NicoleP

    I also have decided not to have any children. One reason is I grew up in church all my life and in my personal opinion the only ideology amongst my fellow church sisters was and is making biscuits and having a whole tribe of children (and I mean a tribe). I agree with the Scriptures concerning “be fruitful and multiply” however, I just cant. Church folk in my opinion has taken this whole ideology to another level where the only object in life is to be (only) a wife and mother. I am not knocking the institution by any means I’m just merely pointing out examples from my experiences with growing up in church and the views of (church sisters). No all church sisters do not feel this way so I am not generalizing but it is quite a few who have this mentality and its sad. Moreover, to each its own but because of my experiences in church and the insanity of the world we live in I do not want to be in a super maxed correctional facility with the worst criminals in the country because someone decided to be a pervert. As the rap says “not going to be able to do it”!

    • Ladybug94

      Right, we are to be fruitful and multiply but every woman in the bible was not a mother plus some are infertile.

  • Activist1

    I helped raise a younger sibling and nieces and nephews. I’m done. That’s enough for me in this lifetime, maybe next lifetime I’ll do the kid thing…

    • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

      agreed

    • car1

      i pretty much raised my sisters kids that’s part of the reason i don’t want kids either, its HARD work

  • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

    Every article I read like this (not just on MN), I just don’t understand WHY people feel the need to judge how another chooses to live their own life. If it’s not hurting me or anyone else, then I say live and let live. Kids or no kids? Breastfeed or not? Natural or relaxed (had to go there)?? If it’s not your body the child is coming out of or your wallet the support is being taken out of, who the heck is someone to tell someone else whether or not not they should have kids?

    It almost seems like this kids vs. no kids debate is starting to create a real divide among this generation. I just read an article informing people of the best “kid-free” neighborhoods to live in. The “kid-free” restaurants and zones. The “kid-free” flights some airlines have been discussing. Since when did kids and families with children become the new “undesirables”? Is this the new Jim Crow?

    Pretty soon a lot of mothers are going to start “passing” as childless just to get ahead. Last time I checked, didn’t we all start out as kids? What if everyone started treating us and our moms like they didn’t want us around anywhere. Sheesh this generation I tell ya. The more we “progress” (technology, education, wealth) the worse we get, at least when it comes to tolerance for others who are different than we are or believe differently than we do.

    • jason vorhees

      I think alot of the “kid-free” stuff came about with people just wanting a choice. If i spend several hundred to several thousands of dollars for a plane ticket i’d like to know that my seat wont get kicked the entire flight, i wont hear a crying baby, i wont have to keep re-arranging myself for a child thats climbing back and forth over seats. The parents think its cute. They’ll look at you and smile like they are expecting you to say “awwwww so precious”. As a former waiter/bartender the idea of kid free restaurants would be great. How many trays have been topple on the floor or on patrons from kids running around and you trying to play circus act to avoid them. I dont think its a US vs THEM situation but more so a comfortability and getting the best situation for your buck.

      • MLS2698

        LOL! Kid-free restaurants would be discrimination, but most high-end restaurant patrons leave the kids home, anyway. Red Lobster, not so much.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Goldie-Treasure/100001545308532 Goldie Treasure

        Yes!! Will you marry me? Lol jk,but it is great to know there are childfree men out there.

    • kid free for life

      wow!! I didn’t know there was kid free neighborhoods. Where?

      • jason vorhees

        You can google your city to see if they have kid free zone blocks. The govt housing dept is if im not mistaken trying to crack down on this practice but usually its neighborhoods that contain alot of either elderly, GLBT people and the hipster crowds. There is a village in toronto and another in ireland that are trying to ban children from the areas completely.

        • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

          thats interesting, i know places where they cater to senior citizens

        • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

          sounds like heaven on Earth!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

      because small misbehaved, screaming kids are annoying. So people don’t want to be bothered.

    • http://www.facebook.com/rae.beancounter Rae Hodo

      It’s not “undesirables” when it’s a minority of the population that would like to have the kid-free options. Kid-friendly is the default, the norm…kid-encouraged is becoming more popular. There are movie theaters set up so that parents can take the babies and nurse or whatever during the film, with a crying room where there is a view of the screen and the sound is piped in so a parent (or both) can still get some of the movie without disturbing everyone else. Remember, the childless are considered to be the oddballs in our society. When did it become expected that one should be able to take his/her kids anywhere and everywhere without regard to others around them? Babies will cry when they cry, but who the hell lets their kid kick the seat in front of them? Since when is it okay to allow your child to screech or run wild in a plane, restaurant, etc? That is appropriate behavior for the park, recess, playing outside. Those who want an acceptable experience shouldn’t have to seek out – and most likely pay a premium – special child-free options.

  • RedButterfly81

    I think it’s smart that someone not rushing to have kids. My aunt is 66 and she doesn’t have any kids because she doesn’t think she’ll be a good mother and she’s a grade school teacher. Everybody has the right to make their own life decision.

  • jason vorhees

    I had a vasectomy at the age of 26 and im 36 now. The faces i got from family members and some friends was complete shock when i told them. Ive known since i was a teen that i NEVER wanted children. Ive been called selfish etc but i never understood why. To me those who chose not to have kids and take the steps (for men) that i have i see as being very responsible people. If i was out making babies left and right that i was not able to care for i’d be called a no good deadbeat dad (baby daddy) but because i choose NEVER to put myself in that possible scenario im selfish?! Ive never seen myself as the type who could be a father and its the reason why i dont date women who want children or their kids are already grown and out of the house. To me the selfish people are the ones who make babies and are not financially capable of raising that child outside of the taxpayers dime.

    • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

      i’ve been asking for a hysterectomy since i was like 12-13, they WON’T perform it unless i have a child or a life threatening illness :/

      • Guest

        Since 12-13? Wow. Never heard that one before.

        • Lady

          I’m 28 and my dr won’t give me a IUD due to the possibility of becoming sterile. She doesnt want to have that on her if it happens an i eventually want kids :/

          • Pivyque

            Get a different doctor.

      • Guest360

        Because it isn’t necessary. Taking out your uterus when you don’t have to is dangerous at worst and incredibly troubling at least. Your uterus helps keep your estrogen and other hormones in check during your child bearing years. You don’t just take it out just because you don’t want kids. There are other options for that that don’t include taking out vital body parts. You can get your tubes tied (much like a vasectomy but for women) or get an IUD that lasts 5-10 years and then get it replaced until you hit menopause. Your doctors were right in not performing a hysterectomy on you when you don’t need it.

        • GeekMommaRants

          Sorry, no true, hysterectomy’s are denied to women unless your married and husband agrees. This is the worst reason possible, It says, women can’t make a decision like this without some other approval. This is disgusting.

          • Guest360

            No they aren’t. Hysterectomies only occur when you medically need them to. No doctor is ever going to take out a perfectly healthy uterus just because a woman (or a man going by your post) tells the doctor to take it out. It’s the center of too much regulation for a woman’s body for it to be taken out without there being a necessary reason to such as cancer or a massive trauma that occurs in the back/abdomen. And then when it is taken out, a lifetime’s supply of drugs will be taken to facilitate the regulation of hormones that the uterus would do if it was there. All in all, if you don’t need it, you won’t get it which is why they denied the above poster. Doctors hold fast to that rule.

            • GeekMommaRants

              Actually, having had a hysterectomy, but still have ovaries, My doctor clearly stated that hormone regulation with intact ovaries is not an issue.

              To your point about regarding drugs and cancer scares. It is my contention that this is a ruse. Unnecessary surgery and women go hand-in-hand. I had to have a physical issue to get my Uterus removed, but can get concrete added to my behind at will. This is the point I was attempting to make.

          • Candacey Doris

            You don’t need a complete hysterectomy to not have children. They’re dangerous and play havoc with your hormones and body in general. Just get your tubes tied, an IUD or some other birth control. A hysterectomy is NOT a good idea if nothing is wrong.

            • GeekMommaRants

              Actually, I’ve had a hysterectomy but kept the ovaries, I’ve no issues. I still contend that scare tactics are in play when it comes to women’s fertility.

              • Candacey Doris

                There are scare tactics, yes. But it’s not all bunk. Health is important. So women should be informed before they take out a piece of themselves, right? And keeping the ovaries is a good move. Without those it all goes out the window.

          • FromUR2UB

            Where is the disagreement? Guest360 said it’s not necessary to get a hysterectomy to prevent pregnancy. She’s right about the hormonal imbalance once the uterus is removed, so women then have to take estrogen. Tubal ligations are very effective. The first time I’d inquired about it, I was in my 20s, after I’d had my children. I was told I had to wait until I was 30, which I did.

    • Ladybug94

      I don’t see you as being selfish. If a person does not want to be a parent it’s bette they don’t rather than have a child and resent it.

    • FromUR2UB

      I totally agree. It’s peculiar to me that people are criticized for making such a personal decision, that is really no one’s business other than a spouse or future spouse. There are many people who shouldn’t have had children because they’re not responsible, attentive parents. If someone knows he/she is not willing to take on all that parenthood entails, then it’s responsible to prevent it, either temporarily or permanently. The wrong reasons for having children are for the sake of making your parents grandparents, your siblings aunts and uncles, or to join the club of friends whose lives changed dramatically after children, and have less disposable income because of it.

    • thankful Mom

      I agree with you. God bless you for being responsible enough to take the time to care and make the right choice. I am so tired of men/women having children and then just let them raise themselves because the realize they are young and don’t want to make sacrifices.

  • Elle

    I knew as early as 16 that I didn’t want kids. Now that I’m 36, I feel the clock ticking and I see cute kids everywhere. But I agree with the woman you mentioned in the article, I wouldn’t have a baby without being married. The desire to be a mother is not a strong one and I have made the decision to be married before thinking about a family.

    My friends are having kids and I have dated men with kids so it’s not like they don’t exist in my life. The decision to have children isn’t an universal one and I’m glad that women who chose not to have kids are gaining more acceptance in society. Most people hardly blink when I mention that it’s highly unlikely that I will have kids.

  • IllyPhilly

    At least those people are being honest with themselves and not waiting until the kid gets here to realize that they didn’t want kids. I’m sure a slew of names of kid killing parents can come to mind.

  • IllyPhilly

    At least those people are being honest with themselves and not waiting until the kid gets here to realize that they didn’t want kids. I’m sure a slew of names of kid killing parents can come to mind.

  • Anon

    Everyone gives me the screw face or thinks I’m just going through a phase because I say I don’t want children…. When I was younger I just knew I’d get married and have children. Every year I get older the less enthused I am about having kids. I’m still excited about marriage, but not kids.

  • Anon

    Everyone gives me the screw face or thinks I’m just going through a phase because I say I don’t want children…. When I was younger I just knew I’d get married and have children. Every year I get older the less enthused I am about having kids. I’m still excited about marriage, but not kids.

    • childless by choice.

      ditto. I long to be married, but never have children. actually i’m finding it hard to meet a man who doesn’t want kids. where are the single men who don’t want kids???

      • jason vorhees

        we are all over the place….but running from the women WITH kids looking for a man with no kids simply because they believe we should have more money stashed away! lol

        • IfUDontCareWhyYouReadingMe

          haha

        • Numero Uno

          Lol!

        • childless by choice

          is it hard for yall to find a woman who doesn’t want kids?

      • laur

        I found one! I grew up oldest of 7 children and knew early on I wanted none of my own, in addition to environmental concerns and thoughts of what the world might be like for them in the future. I married for the 1st time at 30 to a wonderful man who also does not want children. I feel whole and satisfied. I have had mothers tell me I don’t know what love is because I am not a mother, that I will change my mind and other such things. These are the same mothers that struggle to put food on the table and are not able to provide fully for. I love my life, my husband, my freedom. Am I selfish? No, I am smart for not bringing a child into this world that doesn’t fit my particular situation or beliefs. Selfish is having a baby you can’t take care of emotionally, mentally, physically or financially as happens to so many children. Many people that do have children have no business doing so. That is stupidity and selfishness and the child suffers.

      • Jennifer

        I did get married and did not have children and it is bliss! We stay out late, we take vacations when we want. We SLEEP IN! It is a very nice lifestyle. Children…no thanks!

    • Numero Uno

      Same here. I want to be married but don’t really feel the desire to have kids.

    • Royal Goddess

      You’ll never get married then…

      • Pivyque

        That’s not true. When I got married, my husband and I agreed to not have kids.

      • laur

        Bullcrap lady. seriously.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Goldie-Treasure/100001545308532 Goldie Treasure

      I’m the same way,can’t wait to meet my enchanted love but I refuse to pop out any babies.

No thanks