I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs now and his ex will not leave us be! To sum it up, she has a child with him (as do I) but that does not give her the right to act the way she does (crazy, ignorant, drama queen!). He says he’s told her to quit doing certain things she’s done or does in trying to break us up and even I’ve tried talking to the girl and ask her to respect our relationship and stay out his phone unless it concerns their child. She’ll just laugh about it and want to start even more drama by wanting to talk mess or want to fight and claims “he’s hers” and they still love each other. We’ve been in those situations multiple times with the he said, she said bs. I feel like my boyfriend could do and say more than just ignore her silly attention seeking texts and phone calls but all he says is “I can’t control what she does” or “she has to get over it eventually,” (as in him being in a new relationship and having a child with me). I’m not sure whether she refuses to believe that he’s better off with me and doesn’t want him to be happy or some kind of relationship still occurs between them, whether it be a “friendship” or something more. He says nothing goes on between them and she’s just crazy. She’s done out of line things in their past to hurt him and even kept his child from him prior to them going through the courts. Whatever it is, I do not trust her for nothing, she’s manipulative, a liar and seems to be obsessed with him, not in love like she claims. I’ve done my best to avoid confrontation with her but I’m afraid that’s what it’s going to come down to if things do not diminish; that or him and I split up (which we really do not want). Him and I get along well and love each other very much, and after a rough couple of years, due to the economy more than her, are trying to form a family and make things happen right on both of our parts despite the problems that have tried to break us. It’s been almost 2 yrs. I know we can’t just delete her from our lives, unfortunately but what can he/I do or say to her or between us to get her to move on and let go? Or should I be the one to let go for now and let him deal with her drama on his own? Sincerely,
A Confused Lover
Dear Confused Lover,
Every man, regardless of race, culture, creed, or feelings about Tyler Perry, has at least one crazy ex in their past. In fact, there aren’t many subjects we like to bring up/discuss more than the crazy ex-girlfriend. Seriously, walk up to any random guy today and ask him to tell you about his “crazy, psycho-b–ch ex,” and be prepared to listen to 20-30 minutes worth of tales about hacked emails, keyed cars, passive-aggressive status messages, and unbelievable sex. (We always like to throw that part in there.)
What they won’t mention, though, is the fact that 999 times out of 1000, they did something to accelerate the crazy. It’s very, very rare that a woman just decides to go crazy without any help from the boyfriend/husband/Fawk buddy. I’m bringing this up because my spidey senses are telling me that your boyfriend isn’t being completely forthcoming about his relationship with his ex. If it’s been three years and she’s still doing the crazy-ex thing, perhaps he’s doing something to exacerbate the situation. And, by “doing something to exacerbate the situation” I mean “still Fawking her.”
I’m not saying that he definitely is still doing something with this ex, but, again, people usually don’t stay “crazy” this long. Perhaps you do need to give him some time to work out whatever needs worked out before you become the lead story on the 11 o’clock news.
If you have a relationship question you would like Damon to answer, feel free to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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