Last week was a very big week for me.  One of my sisters, who had been living overseas for two years, was moving back to the states.  I was going to finally meet one of my nephews, and it was time for all of us to be together again. So we all decided to stay at our parents’ house; kids, husbands, and all, so we could hang out anytime we decided to.  However, my daughter, who is used to only being around me, was so excited to be around all the other company that the first night she had a problem going to sleep.  By two o’clock that morning, I was exhausted, my head was hurting, and all I wanted was for her to go to sleep.  I brought her downstairs to try to give her something to help her sleep, and that’s when my irritation level began to skyrocket.

A certain family member, who had the BEST intentions in the world, I do understand that, started getting in my face and my daughter’s face and started dictating to me about what I should do to help my daughter go to sleep.  Now, I appreciate tips, especially from people who have been mothers before me, but the way she was doing it was just… so intrusive.  One of my brother-in-laws, and my sister became quiet because they could see the frustration in me rise, like mercury in a thermometer on a hot day.  Wanting to yell at “helpful family member” to get the (expletive) out of my face, I held it in, and excused myself to the office, were I sat down for a second, calmed myself down and then returned to the task of getting my daughter back to sleep.

Like I said before, I completely understand that she was trying to be helpful, but there’s a way to do it.  When someone is frustrated, tired, and already visibly upset, getting (literally) 3 inches in their face, and trying to explain what they’re doing wrong, and then talking over them after you ask them a question is really asking to have that person blow up on you.

Now, I take criticism very well, and I always wondered if this is the reason why certain people in my family give me answers to questions that I never asked them.  But, being the human that I am, I’m going to need some people to realize the times that they need to fall back and give a person some space. In case you’re one of these people, here are a few helpful hint.

You might be overstepping your boundaries if…

When you ask a person a question, and while they’re trying to answer and you start talking over them.  – Why even ask the question if you don’t want to hear that person’s answers?

When you dictate what they should be doing. – No one wants to feel like they’re being dictated to.  We know that you have good intentions but sometimes it’s better to offer advice (“hey, I think I know something that might help, do you mind?”) than to just force it on people (Do this!).

When nothing in your criticism is constructive. – If all you’re doing is telling a person what they’re doing wrong, but not offering a way to fix the problem, you’re bound to get the side-eye… maybe more, depending on how close on the edge the person you’re talking to is.

Signs the person is giving you that you’re treading close to getting snapped on:

When you’re talking to them, and they give you their profile.

According to body language experts, when a person is angry, annoyed or about to become hostile, they’ll give a person who is talking to them their side profile.  It’s a physical way of shutting that person off.

They avoid giving you eye contact when you’re talking to them

Eye contact is a friendly gesture; one that lets people who are talking to you know, “hey, I’m listening to you, and I appreciate that dribble that’s coming out of your mouth.  Please continue.”   If you’re talking and the person is staring intently in a different direction, please just stop.

The audible sigh

Apparently, you haven’t gotten the hint with the profile and lack of eye contact, so this person is going to try to make it a little more clear that they don’t want to hear what you have to say.  Sighing loud enough so that the person hears you is their way of playing the music that plays at the end of the Oscar speech.  Get to the point or get on.

Silence

There’s a phrase “the quiet before the storm” that pops in my head when I’m very agitated and I realized that I’ve gotten extremely quiet.  That’s the same phrase that should pop in your head too.  People, when you’re on their last nerve, will get real quiet, and usually, where that silence ends is where yelling begins.  Just letting you know.

Kendra Koger appreciates the love and the criticism.  Share it on her twitter @kkoger.

More on Madame Noire!

• LIVIN’ LARGE! Celebs Who Made It BIG By Being BIG
• DOPE DENIM! 12 Of The Hottest Summer Denim Dresses
• GO WITH YOUR GUT: 7 Times Women Should Trust Their Intuition
• He’s Just Not That Into You: 7 Lines That Simply Mean He Doesn’t Like You
• Don’t Be His Fool, or His Doormat: Excuses Women Need to Stop Making For Men
• OOoo Girl, No! 6 Hair Mistakes You Need Not Make
• You Could’ve Kept That: 9 Movie Remakes and Sequels That Shouldn’t Have Seen the Light of Day