What Would You Do If Your Child Said College Wasn’t For Them?

June 7th, 2012 - By Clarke Gail Baines

First and foremost, let me say that this story isn’t about my child in particular, but about a niece of mine with a lot of talent and potential. I just thought I would bring this scenario to you guys to get your opinion on it and know what you would do as a parent (as I know many of our readers are mothers).

So during a recent trip to see my family, I had the chance to see almost all of my nieces and nephews. Two of them, twins, my family has been somewhat estranged from because of their mother and her rocky relationship with my brother. They’re both married to different people, but they still don’t get along all these years later. I also had something of an online argument with her and her sisters after one of my nephews other aunts decided to publicly disrespect my brother–his father–via Facebook after HE did the same. After some good time passed, my niece and nephew came to my mother’s home for the first time in years during Thanksgiving and we all got to reconnect. At THAT time, they were talking about their post-high school plans, their sports (which had always been a huge part of their high school career) and what they hoped to study.

Fast forward to graduation time and my visit home in May. As my sister picked up her doctorate, my cousin graduated from high school and talked about going away to a Big 10 University in the fall, and my nephew was asked to play baseball at a Division I school, my niece was the only graduate I knew who didn’t seem to have any after-the-fact plans. When I talked to her father about it all, since she was doing a good job of being MIA after all the festivities, I was quite disturbed to find that she had told him and others that she really didn’t think she was going to go to school. Though she had been accepted to a good school that wanted her to play softball in another state, she didn’t want to go that far because she didn’t know anybody out there…

Always one to stand out and stand on her own, even as a twin, she all of a sudden wasn’t ready to stand completely alone for the sake of her education. It was almost June and she hadn’t said yes or no to any school, and it seemed she was just going to take a break from school altogether. I could understand her reservations about attending a school far away from home, as I was the last child in my family and was somewhat scared about making  the decision to go out-of-state for school back in the day. But to have no plans and to say you’re not really feeling the idea of school? C’mon, this is 2012, and in this world and in this tepid economy, NOT going to school these days is unacceptable in my opinion.

And I’m saying it’s not acceptable because I think it’s a wack way of thinking or something like that, but rather, because as a friend would say, these days a bachelor’s degree in SOMETHING is your ticket in the door. At this point, it’s what the high school diploma used to be, and while many would say that a college degree doesn’t guarantee you any kind of job in this shoddy economy, we know that it at least offers you a shot at something and you won’t have your resume immediately put in the “No, thanks” pile. Many fields require a bit more, but a bachelor’s degree is something you should strive to have, whether you’re taking a few classes while working, or if you’re literally in the books full-time solely focused on your studies. If my niece decides to take some time off, that’s fine, but the whole concept of saying, “School’s just not for everybody” is on the nonsense level at this point. It’s for everybody, son. Even if she doesn’t go away, she needs to take her behind to school and not waste too much time waiting to do so. Her parents don’t seem too bothered by her choice at the moment (only time will tell how they’ll act if she’s sitting around on her mother’s couch in the fall), but as her aunt, I’ll say I’m clearly a bit worried. It’s already tough out here, I hope she doesn’t make things for herself much tougher.

So I guess that leads me to my question for you: As a parent, how would you react if your child (or even your niece or nephew as in my case), told you they didn’t want to go to college? No big deal? Or big problem?

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  • Treacle234

    As parents, after the child reaches 18 years. Leave them to let them make their own decisions. I mean you had your chance to live yours, let them live their own. It’s by making their own mistakes they learn and regret decisions. I mean, you may not like it but be there for them and share with them options. As long as the child does not want to stay at home and become a bum or a sloth, I’m am cool with them not going to college. But they must be doing something economically rewarding (legally) such as, starting a legit business, doing charity/volunteer work, becoming certified in something -cook, bartender etc. But going to college for the experience/freedom etc is a wonderful thing. College is not only about academics the social life helps you figure out who you are.

  • Miss D

    I’m not a parent, but if a younger family member told me they didn’t want to go to college, I’d encourage them to think up a plan – one that would allow them to have a stable career and finances as soon as possible. There are plenty of other 2-year options that offer a stable career (dental hygenist, radiology tech, medical billing, etc.). Besides, many people with bachelor’s degrees are struggling to find work. As long as they were getting some training and doing well, I’d help as much as I could.

    However, I’m all for education. I grew up in a family where education wasn’t an option – you took your black arse to college and finished no matter how hard it was. School was very, very stressful – I contemplated quitting more than once – but I had supportive family and friends who stood by me until I finished my masters. Aside from employment opportunities, I learned so much about myself and met so many amazing people. That’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world.

  • MyaC

    If I could go back, I wouldn’t start college right after high school, if at all…

  • http://twitter.com/NewNaturalSista High GrAdE KarMa

    Not everyone is fit for school. Im a college student about to obtain my Bachelors in sociology and I can honestly say college is like a grown up high school and some people are really over that bull of HS drama or they feel as if college is too much (new people, drama, stress, finaces). But even people who go to a technical school to recieve a certifications in the same field im recieveing a degree in will earn higher than I do or on the same pay range…so whats the big deal??

  • Merriegirl

    I don’t think children should be forced to go to college because it probably won’t end well. However, they need to fully understand what the other options entail. Children should eventually move out of the house. So if they do not want a formal education and want to pick up an hourly job, a trade, or some form of hobby…they must be able to one day support themselves outside of their parent’s home. I think a lot of parents are experiencing difficulty getting their children who are in their mid/late 20′s to stop being dependent on them for housing and their finances.

  • Trisha_B

    As a college student, i can say college is not for everyone. I honestly don’t feel like school is for me, but i want to be a nurse & to be a nurse you have to spend a lot of time in the classroom. Going to college doesn’t guarantee a job. There are 2 year trade schools, can be a plumber, bus driver, do billing & coding. If my mom forced me to go to college, i would not have enjoyed it & would have been miserable. B/c she let me decide what path i wanna take, i work hard for my goal & enjoy it. I have friends who just graduated from college last month & they are out looking for jobs & getting turned away. But then i have friends who didn’t go to college & are living very well. I wouldn’t let me child sit around & do nothing after high school, but i wouldn’t force them to go to college either. I sit w/ them & talk about their options. While they are deciding on school, they must have a job.

  • Yvette

    When my son graduated from high school I knew he did not want to go to college but my husband and I made him go. Looking back now it was not the right decision to make because all he did was party and waste my hard earned money, and when he came home for Christmas break he didn’t go back. Instead, he registered at the community college. He went for a year but still wasn’t feeling school. After a lot of conversations with him, he has decided that the military is what is right for himself. I know I may get some not so positive responses but I really do believe that college is not for everyone and if I had of just listened to my son in the beginning I would saved a lot of money! If your child doesn’t want to go to college tell him/her to develop a plan and stick to it!

    • Ladybug94

      You’re right about it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    She should at least go to a trade school.

  • Gigi

    I went to college right out of high school-scholarships and everything. However, 3-4 years in, I lost focus because the dream I was working toward was not mine, but what was expected of me from people like the author. I didn’t finish my bachelor’s until I was 29 because I had to figure out for myself what I wanted and needed. It’s not just that college isn’t for everyone. In this situation, I don’t believe this child knows what she wants, and shoving her off to college will likely be a waste of everyone’s time until she decides that she WANTS it for herself. She can’t go because everyone else tells her that’s what she should do. At the same time, in no way should she be allowed to live rent free in her parents home. She should be told to find a way to support herself-whether that be a job, the military, or whatever- until she does decide what she wants for the rest of her life.

  • Tamara

    We need plumbers as well as doctors. Bus drivers and teachers. My son is 12 and I tell him that it’s better work with your mind than it is to work with your back. If he told me he didn’t want to go to school, I’d let him take a break for 1 semester and decide his plan. While there are other options, college is the best one. As a parent sometimes you have to let a child make his own decisions and mistakes.

  • Ms.lady

    As a college graduate I say college isn’t for everyone. Depending on your major you are in the same boat as H.S. graduate bc you dont have experience. I still wonder if it was a great choice bc friends of mine who didn’t go have careers and house whereas some other college grads are looking for jobs and end up with jobs we could have gotten w/o degrees.

  • Truth

    Honestly, and I am speaking as a brother with a Master’s degree, I say she should weigh her options. In todays economy you do not necessarily “need” a Bachelor’s, in fact, we are learning now that 2-yr technical degree from a local community will give you around the same earnings as a average bachelors, depending upon the field you choose to pursue. College is the traditional route toward success and it certainly can increase your overall opportunities, but the economy has shifted and so has the demand for more technical jobs. The important factor in life for whatever you decide is 1.) Always have a plan 2.) Research the pros and cons 3.) Surround yourself around positive, hard-working people 4.) Continue striving forward, no matter what. If you’re not earning a Bachelors, get an 2-yr associates, and certifications. Get involved in your community through local organizations and network in the field you desire.

  • jason vorhees

    1. I’d tell them thanks for saving me the money. 2. Tell them unless they are going to go to a trade school that they had to get a job. 3. Recommend if its a girl to immediately get on birth control on my dollar.

  • Life

    Military all the way

  • quest

    My son is 19 and was not ready to be away from me and his little brother. I told him he had to do something. He attends community college. You can’t let them just hang out and do nothing. Time flys and you have to utilize it.

  • TRUTH

    Who? What? When? Where? Take your arse to college or you’ll regret it!! Survival of the fittest

    • Ms. Blue

      Preach! Life is hard WITH a degree. I can’t imagine not having one.

  • CarmyneRevolver

    I’m coming from a daughter’s point of view (24, no kids, but I have a loving, supportive mother with a degree from NYU). There was a point in time when I didn’t really know why I was in school. I was doing poorly (even though I maintained a 3.9 in high school), started partying, etc. Just going about things in a real wayward manner. My mother stuck with it, offered encouraging words, and basically believed in my ability when I had just about given up on myself. Fast forward 3 years later, I’m graduating in a month and a half with my degree. If a mother does not push her child, when that child needs it most, and instills a value of education in said child, that child will (most likely) not do well. Maybe the parents should step in and explain to her the choices after high school in terms of employment. My mother told me the same thing (go to college or go in the military OR go get a job). It was never a thing where I would have time to sit down on the couch to think about various things. Life stops for nobody. You don’t want to look up one day and you’re a 60 something year old mother with a 30 year old, live in child. I’m proud to say that because of my mother’s actions at a critical period in my life, I not only will be graduating very soon, I got accepted into a masters program for my field, and I live 2 hours away. That should be the moment of joy in any parents’ life, when their children have really really become adults.

    • Ladybug94

      Going to college doesn’t make you an adult, neither does graduating from college make you an adult. Your situation happened to be the right one and worked out in the end but people don’t have thousands of college tuition dollars to test these waters. There are plenty of entrepreneurs who don’t have degress but who have done research on th business they are in. Military is another option. Not all MOSs are combat so their are other choices available. I wouldn’t push someone into college who is just going to waste time and money.

    • Ladybug94

      Oh and btw there are 60 year olds going back to college to get their degress so there should never be regrets. As long as you are breathing anything is possible.

  • Kyana

    Better she stay home than go to college and waste her parents money. College isnt for everybody. I wouldnt make her go to college but she would have to something (learn a trade, get certified in something)

  • Ms. Blue

    I would tell them to go to the military or get out of my house and get a job and a place of their own. No grown kid of mine is going to stay in my house after high school.

    • jason vorhees

      so im assuming that if your child is going to a community college with no dorms they need to find a place of their own to live?

      • angel

        Birth control?

        • angel

          @Jason im sorry that was a reply to ur other comment

      • Ms. Blue

        No Jason. I wouldn’t make them leave if they were going to community college. Not at all. I would encourage them to go to a 4 year university, however if a community college was their choice I would support them. But I do need them to have a plan for their life it they are going to live under my roof.

  • IllyPhilly

    Nothing, now if they said crack was for them then that’s different. College isn’t for everybody!!

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