Dear Gay Best Friend,
I don’t know where to begin, but I need your advice on where to go from here. So here’s the story.
I have been in a relationship with this man for four years. Two years into the relationship, he proposed marriage which I proudly accepted. However, throughout our relationship I NEVER met anyone face to face, nor via phone from his family — no kids, no friends, no church family. NO ONE! I constantly questioned this, but was always told that since these loved ones lived in another state it was difficult to get them all together. So, I let it go.
Anyway, the wedding planning was taking place quite smoothly, yet there were times when I constantly had to nag him for his list of guests and their addresses. Needless to say that he NEVER came through with a complete list for me. Yet, he told me that all of his guests knew all the pertinent wedding information.
Now, on to the good part. Two days before the wedding, he tells me that his mom (who lives in another state) became very ill and was hospitalized in intensive care. Therefore, he told me that some family members would not be attending the wedding. The very next day, he claimed that there was NO change in his mother’s condition and that more of his family members would not be attending and he was thinking of going to see his mom also. So, I responded with, “I understand your feelings for your mom, but how do we handle all the other guests and family that have traveled for this big day?” Well, the next day comes around, (which is the wedding day), and I get two calls that morning. First, he called and said that his mom took a turn for the worse. Then the second call, (an hour later from the first), he called and said that his mom had die. So, I immediately jumped into action by going to him to console him for his loss and to try to arrange for him to leave at some point that day to meet other family members to handle arrangements for his mom. While all of this is going on, I called around to tell all the other guests the news and that we would be delaying the ceremony for an hour so that the groom could get himself together, and he would be leaving right after the ceremony.
While guests are arriving to the church they find the church locked and no one inside. Out from nowhere the groundskeeper appears and asked why the guests are there? They responded they were there for a wedding. The groundskeeper informs them no wedding was set to take place. After many phone calls back and forth between my guests, the groundskeeper, and my potential groom it was discovered that the groom NEVER asked his pastor to officiate our wedding, nor did he book the church for the wedding. By that time it seemed to me, and others, that he simply DID NOT want to get married, aside from the grief he was suffering from losing his mother, which looked suspect after finding out the truth about the “locked” church. So, it was confirmed two days later that the groom lied about his mother’s death because he wanted to cover up the fact of NOT completing his wedding task as he should have. He claims he failed to do his part of the planning and came up with all these lies because he was scared and afraid that I would leave him for being lazy and procrastinating. I was devastated and humiliated beyond belief that I could have been left at the altar like that. To this day, this man constantly calls and asks for forgiveness and another chance at love with me. But, why would I even want to give him an ounce of my time? Am I being too harsh to someone that I undoubtedly truly did love? Or, should I just admit that I deserve better and let him and his deceitfulness go elsewhere? – The Jilted Bride
Find out what the gay best friend, Terrence Dean, has to say about this at HelloBeautiful.com.
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