Let a Man Be a Man: 10 Things You Can Do By Yourself But Should Ask Your Man To Do

June 11, 2012  |  

 

Do you make an effort to make your man feel necessary? Does he feel needed in your relationship?

Some women balk at the idea of “needing” a man to do anything or the idea that they should “help a man feel like a man.” However, there are other women who feel loved and appreciated and want to reciprocate that feeling. These women know a good, spontaneous, well-timed ego stroke goes a long way to mutual happiness in a relationship. Of course, that doesn’t mean a self-sufficient woman should morph into a helpless toddler. That would be disingenuous, but there are times when a woman should consider taking a break from running the relationship and allow her man to handle business.

Let him change your tire/Jump A Dead Battery/Check and refill the oil

When I was 16, my dad taught me how to change a tire. “I will never have to do this,” I told him. “I will always have my phone and therefore, always be able to call someone.” He customarily responded, “You can’t rely on people.” So there, in the middle of a parking lot on a bitterly cold, snowy winter evening, at the direction of my dad, I changed a tire. My dad also taught me how to use jumper cables to jump a dead car battery and how to check/fill my oil if the light came on.

Many women are capable of taking care of their own car troubles, but it doesn’t hurt to let your man feel like the hero while you chill in the car. Especially when it’s cold outside!

"Bad customer service"

Let Him Complain About the Service

When ditched in line, most women have no problem tapping into their inner Tasha Mack and letting the Starbucks barista know she was next. But instead of always being the one to flag down the waiter, call customer service, or demand a refund at the arcade, let your guy try his assertive hand sometime. Being defended while you stand by and watch is not the worst thing in the world…in fact, sometimes, it’s kind of nice.

"Mr-fix-it"

Let Him Fix Things

All men are different. Some men like to fix things that are broken and some like to buy things to replace that which was broken. Figure out what kind of man you’re dealing with and let him do his thing when it comes to taking care of you. Sure you can afford to buy a new dresser after the dresser drawer broke, but if he wants to bring over some nails and a drill to make it like new, why not let him? You can get your phone fixed, but if he wants to buy you a better phone, why protest? If a man likes to show his love by taking care of you, don’t deprive him of that. It doesn’t make you needy it just makes you receptive of his helpfulness!

"black man and woman talking"

Let Him Give You Advice

Why do we assume our best friends are experts at life and our significant others are idiots? We listen to our best friend tell us to date a guy, buy a dress, or excommunicate a friend, but when our guy chimes in on a dilemma we are quick to wave him off. Here’s something to try at least once: acknowledge his wisdom, thank him for his input and (gasp!) take his advice.  It doesn’t have to be life-altering advice like quitting your job or kicking somebody out of your life, but if he suggests ways to deal with a crazy co-worker, givethe advice a chance. He’ll feel appreciated because you listened to him and you’ll acquire a new perspective on a sticky situation.

Let You Cook a Meal and Serve It To Him Once in a While

We live in a generation where it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman not to cook. My husband is well aware that he didn’t marry Rachael Ray. However, when I do get in the kitchen, I am often so exhausted by cooking the simplest meal that I end up flopping on the couch and pointing to the kitchen as notification that dinner is ready. This is no way to treat a person I love! Of course my husband knows where the plates are, but sometimes it’s nice to let the man relax while I cook a meal then serve it to him on a plate with a napkin and a beverage. And afterward? He knows it’s nice to wash the dishes!

"Beyonce and Jay Z"

Let Him Drive His Way 

The days are over where women allow strange men to pick them up from their apartments – and for good reason. But after being together for a while, a woman can be reluctant to give up the driver’s seat. Why? Let him drive sometimes. Sure he may hold the steering wheel at 10 and 2 the entire time, or lean his seat dangerously far back, or drive super slow or make a wrong turn, but none of us are perfect drivers. Besides, he’ll appreciate the opportunity to drive around town in a nice car with a beautiful woman riding shotgun. And the fact that this nice car he’s driving is actually yours? Well that can be your little secret!

Let Him Pick the Place…And Not Complain About It 

There are few things worse than the “Where do you wanna go? I don’t know, where do you wanna go?” back and forth on an otherwise nice evening out. While women have attributed this to a man’s lack of initiative, sometimes I wonder if it’s not due to a man’s refusal to listen to his woman complain all night. Of course, if you have a strong preference, voice your opinion, but if you truly don’t care then let him choose. And when he does, don’t complain about how wack said place is. In perspective, you’re out on the town with the man you love, so what does it really matter where you go?

"black man doing housework"

Let him do the dirty work

When I lived alone, I would have standoffs with a ladybug that could last for a full hour until I would muster up the courage to spray it from 30 feet away. Eventually, these standoffs would shrink down to five minutes until I got to the point where I could see a spider and kill it immediately without incident. But why kill spiders, plunge toilets, or inspect the weird noise downstairs if you have a man around to do it? Unless he is hopping on the table next to you to get away from the ant that just scurried across the floor, he would probably get a kick out of you calling him in from another room to kill a bug. It seems silly and archaic to you I’m sure, but he’ll love feeling necessary and appreciated.

"Obama fist bump"

Let him feel your respect and support in public

“In public” is the key phrase here. None of that arguing on social media or jabbing him below the belt in front of your friends and family. Sure you can look at him and feel like he’s the only other person in the room, but make sure he is before you criticize, contradict or even tease him. Be cognizant. A comment that may roll off his back in the privacy of your home can be humiliating to him when in front of others. You’re a team, so, if possible, be on his side at all times. Brag on him. Openly compliment him in front of others. Save your bickering for the privacy of your car ride home.

"happy couple"

Let him be kind to you and you be kind to him.

My mother-in-law once said, “You should always be your kindest to your spouse.” This seems easy, but when you’re with your significant other all the time, the gloves can come off. Take care to consider his feelings and desires like you consider your own. And don’t always think he is up to something when he is being kind to you. Let him compliment you without you being so quick to negate or be suspicious of any compliment sent your way. Just be gracious and say thank you. Sure you don’t need a man’s approval of your outfit, looks, material possessions, career choices, personality, etc., but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t accept kindness and be kind in return. And if you’re feeling especially kind, let him “win” an argument. He is your “Mr. Right” after all…right?

What have you found that you can do for yourself but enjoy asking a man to do?

Alissa Henry is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog: This Cannot Be My Life  

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  • Good Stuff

    “You should always be your kindest to your spouse.” What a jewel! Thanks for sharing. That’s great relationship advice.

  • Lisa

    I agree with most things in this article, except the one about letting the guy drive my car.

  • totallywack

    this is great and all, but you’re married to a white guy and a step away from being a housewife. Your disconnected.

    • What makes me “disconnected”? My husband is white (thank you for reading my blog), but I don’t see how that is relevant. And any wife or husband who works is one step from being a housewife/househusband. What’s the step between working and not working? LOL. I don’t get it.

    • KeikoKaveri

      Wait…What does Alissa being married to a man who is not black have to do with the price of tea in China? And she’s a step away from being a housewife? It must be nice to know her life and cut her checks, huh? Oh, and it is *you are disconnected or *you’re disconnected. Good day.

    • I’m married to a black guy and I AM a housewife. This is the way we do it baby. I’m sorry you get stuck with losers. By the way; if the men in your life are all the same, YOU need to change.

  • Janelle

    This is dumb, just be your self, whats the point of going out of my way to ask someone 2 kill a bug when I can just do it myself, I am already there. Times have changed, women need men but not for the things listed in this article.

  • guest

    Am I wrong because I do ALL these things on my own? No matter if a man is around or not I have gotten used to doing these things by my self. Maybe its because the right men can’t handle being around a woman who does all these things on her own but I’m used to being myself and I don’t feel like I should down play that for any man. You wanna make it easier for me? Pay a bill!! LOL J/K

    • JustSayin

      I am fully capable of doing these things on my own as well. BUT! I also want a man that can take care of me and I want the opportunity to take care of him. Therefore that is where these examples come in. It is important to have that balance and make sure your “independence” does not scream…”I Don’t need a man, I can do this on my own.” There is a difference. Great that you have those abilities but it is also great for a man to take initiative to take care of his woman and show that he cares.

    • A man

      And there you go with the money BS. And so basically you are saying, I don’t need a man to do anything for me except pay my bills, and you wonder why you don’t have a man……..stop equating manhood with money.

  • I would’ve thought we all knew to be who we are without all these lists and rules and stuff?

  • NoMatter

    You better he hope he knows how to do these things. The men of yesteryear were equipped and trained to do these things. Today’s men, however, are not. …Yes, both men and women need to go back to the drawing board.

    • The men of today don’t know how because they haven’t (1) been expected to know – their lady is independent or (2) been shown how to do these things by a male mentor. Today’s “independent women” sometimes don’t know how to step back and allow the man to be the man because they are so used to HAVING to do these things alone because (1) she expects her man not to know how or (2) don’t even know how to accept a man doing things for her – it’s foreign to her.

  • Corey

    Great article, we need to revisist this topic often. With the many issues facing our community, we have to start somewhere. This article touches on family oriented matters and we will only be as strong as our men and families. Our family structures have been so torn that men don’t know how to treat women and vise versa. As old fashioned as the article may come off to some, it is full of truth.

    • Native_Noir

      I second this!!!

  • Thisis me

    i can’t stand women that act so “needy” all the time. yea he can cut the lawn and take the trash out but you can pick up a shoe and kill a lil spider you don’t need to over do it

  • blackpepper007

    For a min there, I thought I was reading the 10 Commandments.Well written

  • juliemango

    Lovin this well needed post!!!

  • Tazeypooh02

    What is this 1950? Just be yourself ladies.

    • She Speaks

      I wholeheartedly agree!

    • corey

      I guarantee the black family structure was more stable in 1950 and many of the things this article stated were common place.

    • The year doesn’t matter. The needs never change.

  • msnaimah1985

    Great, great article! I moved into a new apartment last week and it came with a couple of tiny friends aka spiders! After a week I’ve gotten OK with killing them, last night I proudly whacked one and he looked at me kind of sad and said you did it baby all on your own and I had no clue what the look was about. Thanks MN, my big strong man will continue to kill all those spiders from now on!