Giving You The Best That I Got: 7 Signs You Might Be Giving Too Much In Your Relationship

June 6, 2012  |  
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You have to be generous to have real love in your life. You need to be willing to change and compromise from time to time, but, it’s too easy (especially for women) to be the only one changing, compromising and giving for the relationship. It worse if you change so often and so much that you start to not realize it. And if you’re constantly in that type of relationship, you may have codependent tendencies. Here are some common signs of codependency:

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You never try to disagree
A major trait of a codependent person is a strong desire to avoid conflict, at all costs. You may think it’s no big deal when your partner says one little thing that you don’t agree with, but you swallow your words so as to avoid conflict. But, swallow your words enough and you’ve got a partner who thinks you agree with him on everything, and you’re not being yourself, all for the sake of being with somebody. It’s all right to have an opinion…and a backbone.

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You instantly apologize
Just because someone gets mad at you or a little frustrated doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. But, when a codependent person sees their partner become upset with them, they instantly grovel, apologize, ask how to make it better and assume complete fault. The healthy response would be to pause and analyze both parties’ behavior: “Did I do anything wrong here? To what degree is my partner correct, and to what degree is he just being emotional?” Codependent people skip that step once again for fear of creating conflict.

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You fight all the time
But you’re still together…Why would you be in a miserable relationship? To simply be in one. At least, that’s why codependent people do it. If you have a history of staying for a long time in tumultuous relationships, it could be because you’ve been too afraid to let go. A healthy individual without codependent tendencies realizes, “I’m not happy in this relationship…I want out.” A codependent person panics at the thought of being alone, and clings onto the unhealthy relationship.

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You’re distracted when apart
If you’re codependent, you prioritize relationships too much, and so you worry all the time about yours. You’re constantly wondering if your partner is happy with you and if he still loves you. While you should care about these things, you shouldn’t worry so much about them that you’re distracted at work, around your friends, and in general cannot enjoy a moment if your partner isn’t there. You shouldn’t have to constantly worry about the state of your relationship.

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You can’t just enjoy a party
You should be able to socialize without worrying constantly about whether or not your your partner is having a good time. Codependent women always keep one eye on their partner when out at a bar or party—does he need another drink? Does he feel trapped in that conversation? Should I save him from it? Does it look like I’m flirting with this man? Will my partner get mad? Am I staying by his side enough? If any of these thoughts sound familiar, you may have some codependent tendencies. In a healthy relationship, you should feel comfortable just forgetting about your partner for a minute, trusting that they just want you to have a good time as much as you want them to have a good time as well.

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You’ve accepted abuse
There is absolutely no excuse for abuse. If you’ve accepted any sort of abuse—psychological manipulation, verbal abuse, a man who tries to control what you do, or God forbid, physical abuse—and you found some way to justify it, this is the ultimate sign of codependency: you’re accepting abuse just so that you can keep that person around.

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All in all, you change (too much) for him
You should of course take an interest in your partner’s passions. But have you ever heard the term “relationship chameleon”? This is someone who takes on their partner’s identity—dressing the same, trying to follow the same shows/music/activities as their partner, talking like them, taking on their values, etc. You’re losing what makes you, you.

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