No More Bad Boys: How to Learn to Finally Start Liking Good Guys

June 22nd, 2012 - By Julia Austin
"Man checking out woman at a bar"

madamenoire.com

Stay away from the “casual” types

There’s nothing wrong with a guy for wanting to keep things casual. However, there may be something wrong with you if you continue to pursue men who flat out tell you they’re not looking for anything serious. To learn to like good guys, you need to learn to walk away when there is a red flag, right from the get go, that tells you things will be more difficult with this man than with another man. Why walk into that situation? If you truly want to start liking the good guys, you need to stop pursuing paths on which there are inevitable roadblocks that will keep you from ever getting serious or intimate—like the “casual types.”

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  • Nice Guy

    This article misses one crucial point – nice guys do not want much to do with the type of woman that dates bad boys.

  • Justice

    Forget all that! What is dude’s name that’s getting out of the pool?!

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    I don’t know about this article, but I like the main picture lol.

  • Rhonda Chambers

    A lot of “good guys” are usually mixed up with “bad’ women. Opposites attract and that’s just the way it goes. I dated a “nice “guy who had a history of a crazy xwife and a slew of crazy ex girlfriends. I treated him well and he didn’t accept it . I figured he just love the crazy chicks with all the drama and I just said see ya dude. I”m not about that life.

  • FromUR2UB

    I feel the reason a lot of women end up with men like that, is because those men are usually the ones who have the nerve to approach women. They’re very confidant, and that’s attractive to women. I’ve never been one to go after guys, so I usually ended up dating the ones who had walked up to me and talked to me. The thing about them is that they pursue, and are persistent. So they usually get the women – or as many women as – they want.

    Parents, especially fathers, of daughters should think about this too. When they’re really strict with their daughters, in an attempt to protect them from the bad boys, in some ways they make them more vulnerable to them. Bad boys seem to see that as a challenge, so they pursue those girls until they win them over. So, instead of not allowing daughters to talk to boys on the phone until age 16, and then date at age 17 – like my parents did – allow the girls to invite boys to your home while you’re there to supervise things. Boys should be among their friends, and not just associated with romance. She’s also developing a basis for comparison. That way, boys don’t seem as much an enigma to girls, that they have to try to begin figuring out when they go away to college. That’s the one thing I did differently from my parents, in raising my daughters.

  • Anonymous

    Most women don’t know what they want. I don’t feel sorry, for women who repeat the cycle of bad boys, with several heartbreaks. You think you are grown, you put yourself in it, so deal with it. What I find disturbing about most Black women is their definition of love/attraction. If you don’t feel butterflies or instant heart racing, it’s not for you. If a black guy is not trying to be bad, maybe curse you out, or doesnt have “swagga”, not ready to always prove his manliness, or doesn’t have drama, you rule him out. Fun, is really what you make it out to be. It’s so immature, and it’s pathetic some 30, 40yr olds are still in that phase. In other to recognize a good man, you have to be a wise woman yourself, so deal with yourself first. You wonder why some of these good brothas end up with non black women because you are waiting for your “Babyboy”, refined thugs to sweep you off your feet. I like good men, I appreciate it when I see one, and I’m thankful to have one. For good brothas out there, continue to be that and the right woman will come along.

  • Mrs. A

    Sad but true!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=536872959 Aaron T. Starks

    Oh, and to make it particular to the Afro-American community, a LOT of black women find mature, intelligent, nice, respectful black men “corny”, period. Talk to me, sistas. Am i off base?

    • Rhonda Chambers

      Compatibility isn’t just about being intelligent and mature. You’ve got to relate to the women in your environment. Maybe they don’t relate to you and maybe you don’t relate to them. People often gravitate towards other people they have similiar backgrounds and life experiences with.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=536872959 Aaron T. Starks

    The #1 thing I can’t stand about girls (and I use that term intentionally, because women don’t act this way) is the immediate rejection of any guy that is kind or respectful to them. I know the confuse “swagga” and lack of attention and affection as “strength” and kindness and respectfulness as “weakness”, but is so silly.

    And these same girls, after getting burned 5 times in a row chasing boys in men’s bodies have the nerve to whine about “no good men being out there.”

    It’s insane.

  • linda86vog

    Amazing article!!

  • neka24

    Great article and I already know I have a good guy, this article just proved it. :)

  • Looking for Mr Right

    I Love the photo and want him to be my good guy! Dang

  • sabrina

    This article described my “bad boy ex” to a T. Every. Single. Point. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve soooo been ready for a good guy. I’ve actually been on dates with some. But the attraction thing is just not there. I just haven’t felt butterflies or excited to see any of these nice guys so I had to break it off. *sigh* I hope that’s not wrong of me.

    • Guest

      OMG…I have been going through the same experiences. But you can not force the attraction. Soon the good guy and the attraction will come along! Gotta have faith! :-)

      • sabrina

        thanks girl :) and im glad im not the only one!

    • FStubbs

      Maybe you’re just attracted to “bad boy”s. If it’s easy and natural you aren’t attracted to it.

  • Roses

    So on point! I know better but damn if it don’t feel good sometimes lol…But I’m growing out of that phase now, I just don’t have the energy for it anymore…Smh

  • TRUTH IS

    Bad boys aint no good; Good boys aint no fun

    • Angela

      I love my Mr. Wrong!

  • GalaxyEmpress

    Great article!!!!

  • msnaimah

    Absolutely hit the nail on the head! #pow