My ex-boyfriend is still relatively close to my family but after we broke up, there was an unspoken acknowledgement that if he knew my presence was required, his wasn’t. Our exchanges are always cordial, friendly but most importantly short. But this time I was fuming. Why was he trying to ruin MY day?
This is exactly what I didn’t want. This is why I didn’t want him to meet my family. I could feel my current relationship morphing into something else in my mind, something less pure, something tainted with images of ex boyfriends and the stories and actions of my varying family members. All this and my family hadn’t laid eyes on the man yet. Maybe I should make it eight months? Could I make it a year? Did they have to meet him now? I racked my brain for a b-plan. I tried to compose a text to my boyfriend thinking of nice ways to cancel the meeting, without making him feel rejected. However every time I composed the text, something, call it intuition, wouldn’t let me send.
Why should I let my ex ruin this moment? I thought, this was about my man, meeting MY family, and just like that, everything in me wanted nothing more than for this meeting to happen! But somewhere between the church and the after-party, I realized the meeting I wanted, was the meeting between the two men in particular, the one I thought I loved and the one I’m falling in love with. But they never met. Not to my knowledge. Somehow throughout the party, they managed to not be in the same room and though, the psycho in me wanted these two to meet, I wouldn’t necessarily be heart-broken if they hadn’t.
My boyfriend went on to meet my family-without a hitch- we took pictures, he ate, we laughed and calm came over me again. As the night came to an end and the last of the guests were making their ways out, my ex approached. But the nerves I thought would be there, weren’t there at all. He said good-bye and left. I didn’t make an introduction; none was necessary. He knew who the man beside me was, he was the man he wasn’t, isn’t and the minute that clicked in my mind, I realized I was nervous over nothing.
My motivations weren’t driven by ego; if anything, they were driven by the opposite. I was embarrassed by the feelings that my ex boyfriend brought to the surface. I was upset at myself for thinking more about how my new man would come off to the old one, rather than to my family. I was mad that I was even comparing them because there’s no comparison and no competition. It just took a hairy situation for me to realize that.
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