It’s My Life, Don’t You Forget: 7 Things A Man Should Never Make You Give Up

May 30, 2012  |  
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Being in love should transform you. It should make you want to be a better person. It should give you new, broader ways of looking at things. It should make you more comfortable in your own skin. But, do you notice that last point? While being unwilling to change at all makes you—honestly—a miserable partner, the changes you make for your partner should never make you feel restricted, like you have to look over your shoulder constantly, or feel less comfortable in your own skin. Don’t ever let a man think he’s “improving” you by making you give up the following things.

Talking to your friends about your relationship

If your man asks you not to discuss your relationship with your girlfriends, there are two issues here: 1) Women bond over discussing their relationships! He’s keeping you from one of the most fun parts of hanging with girlfriends, and 2) WHY is he so worried about your friends hearing about the details of your relationship? The only reason he should care is if he thinks those details will make your girlfriends stop and say, “Hold on. You need to end this relationship! It’s not healthy!” But, if that’s the case, it is so whether your friends point it out or not, and even he knows it.

Being hot without him

It is SO antiquated, old fashioned, and stupid—but plenty of men still ask, “Why do you have to wear that?” if their girlfriend is headed out without them, and is flaunting what she’s got. Sorry, but only men with control and/or jealousy issues care what you go out in (but at the same time, I wouldn’t recommend going out looking like the hooker Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman). He should trust you enough to allow you to enjoy your body via showing it off with your swexy wardrobe, even without him! A secure and kind man understands women enjoy going out, and want to look beautiful while doing so–that doesn’t mean they have any intentions of cheating. You didn’t put together that delicious wardrobe just to lock it up once a jealous man locked YOU up.

Your desire for a relationship

This one applies to a man that you’re just casually seeing. Don’t ever let a man talk you into keeping things casual with him, when you genuinely desire an intimate and committed relationship. Men can be selfish (as can women), and while a man may not be ready to commit to you, he might want to keep you around for when and how he wants you. And when you threaten to end things because you’re not getting what you want out of love and life, he might give you those puppy eyes and ask you not to go. You shouldn’t let a man take away your opportunity to pursue another man who could be ready to commit to you (aka, don’t be held back).

Alone time

There is nothing wrong with needing alone time. It has nothing to do with not being with any one person in particular—it’s just about needing YOU time sometimes! Don’t ever let a man make you feel guilty for wanting a day or two to yourself. Many men instantly think something is wrong with the relationship if the woman asks for this and even though they let her have it, they bother her the entire time—calling a lot, or even sending mimicking texts that say things like, “How’s that ‘alone time’ working out?” Your man shouldn’t panic when you’re away and he shouldn’t ruin the few sacred moments you get to yourself. He should understand you need time to reconnect with who you are, outside of a relationship.

Your thing, for his

Sometimes your very important event—a friend’s bachelorette party, a work party, etc.—coincides with a very important event your man wants you to go to. Let me ask you this: is either of you more important of human beings than the other? No. So neither of you owes the other one your company more. Don’t let a man take you away from things that are important in your life because he “needs” you to be with him somewhere. Yes you should want to support your man, and if you want to accompany and support him somewhere, go. But, if you’re in a relationship where his events always trump yours, and he’s not compromising, not only are you losing your identity by skipping out on the things that make you, you—you’re dating someone who thinks their success and happiness is more important than yours.

Your spotlight

Are you the more social one in your relationship? Well, your boyfriend knew that when he decided to get with you. Are you a social butterfly who flutters around every party, wanting to chat with everyone? Are you the first one singing karaoke at the bar? The last one dancing on the table even when the bar is closing? Great! A man shouldn’t sit in the corner, giving you dirty looks about it or in any way make you feel bad for liking the spotlight. That’s one of your biggest joys in life! He should want you to have that. A man who is comfortable with who he is understands he may be the quieter one, and that’s okay. He should never see you as competition, but simply different, and hopefully, complimentary!

Your quirks

Do you snore? Chew too loud? Don’t keep your apartment as clean as you could? Are your clothes always wrinkled? A man can recommend you fix these things for your own happiness and success in life, and certain things that you know can be annoying for others might need to be altered, but he should never make you feel embarrassed or bad about your quirks. He should never criticize them with a tone of anger or condescension. If a man fixates over things as small as wrinkled clothes or a messy apartment to the point where he is aggravated, he does not know how to enjoy life. And you probably won’t enjoy it with him.

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