It’s My Life, Don’t You Forget: 7 Things A Man Should Never Make You Give Up

17 comments
May 30, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin

Being in love should transform you. It should make you want to be a better person. It should give you new, broader ways of looking at things. It should make you more comfortable in your own skin. But, do you notice that last point? While being unwilling to change at all makes you—honestly—a miserable partner, the changes you make for your partner should never make you feel restricted, like you have to look over your shoulder constantly, or feel less comfortable in your own skin. Don’t ever let a man think he’s “improving” you by making you give up the following things.

"Girlfriends having cocktails"

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Talking to your friends about your relationship

If your man asks you not to discuss your relationship with your girlfriends, there are two issues here: 1) Women bond over discussing their relationships! He’s keeping you from one of the most fun parts of hanging with girlfriends, and 2) WHY is he so worried about your friends hearing about the details of your relationship? The only reason he should care is if he thinks those details will make your girlfriends stop and say, “Hold on. You need to end this relationship! It’s not healthy!” But, if that’s the case, it is so whether your friends point it out or not, and even he knows it.

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  • Really

    why in the hell are there all these romney campaign ads all over this website, with every single click. really people? is that how you make your money? by selling out? how about an obama campaign video for a a change? just sad …

  • JBROOK

    AND WHY WOULD A MAN WANT A WOMAN WHO DANCES ON BARS??

    • superwoman

      I think you are missing the point of the article. I think the point the author is making is that whatever it is that you do whether it be dancing on tables or is a very talkative person at parties etc, do not date a person who wants you to change for him and will not allow you to be who you are. Everyone is not the same and has different values etc. Basically, we all should be free to be who we are…whatever that is!

  • RJMANUP

    Who ever wrote this article is obviously not married or never has been married. The first six were generally applicable, but NO man wants to be married to a woman who is a slob. It’s the equivalent to a man that’s lazy or has some other immasculine trait. It just saps some appeal for that person from you and causes pressure on the other person (whether it;s the man or woman).

  • Nia

    OMG! Number 4! My ex would never let me have time to myself! My last straw was this memorial day weekend when he got upset I was having a BBQ with my family and didn’t answer my phone. He called me a liar and said he couldn’t do this anymore. Oh well! Neither could I! Buh bye!

  • Annie

    We were just talking about this yesterday my friend’s aunt is married to a white man who hates anything African, he doesn’t let her cook African foods bcs they smell, she can’t dress in African garments etc she has aged really badly cos she’s not happy and she can’t divorce him bcs they’re jehovah witness. She complaints about it to everyone but there’s nothing she ca do which is sad really bcs you’re not the owner of your own life anymore

  • Annie

    We were just talking about this yesterday my friend’s aunt is married to a white man who hates anything African, he doesn’t let her cook African foods bcs they smell, she can’t dress in African garments etc she has aged really badly cos she’s not happy and she can’t divorce him bcs they’re jehovah witness. She complaints about it to everyone but there’s nothing she ca do which is sad really bcs you’re not the owner of your own life anymore

  • Msmykimoto2u

    I had a very egotistical ex who bascially tried to style me to the T, to make me look like a trophy gf. He was also in competition with me that he would try to do out do me in things I was good in that he wasnt as good in and if I was better he hated it. He never congratulated me but when he felt he did a good job with something, he wanted me to stroke his ego which i never did because he does enough stroking for the both of us

  • Chessica450

    I disagree with the first one “Talking about your relationship with your girlfriends” for me personally the less ppl know about my relationship the better (the less ppl know about you and your personal life the better) you can share things with ppl but not EVERYTHING…there’s a limit/boundaries/details about your relationship that should just be respected and be between just you and your significant other, your “girlfriends” don’t need to know everything or about every fight you had, ppl can talk in your ear especially if you have to make an important decision, they can taint your judgement to make a concise decision and first and foremost if I feel uncomfortable about my partner telling ppl OUR business I have a right to say something, because after all he is not only talking about himself he is talking about me as well…and nowadays you have to be VERY careful with who you share your personal business with because not everyone genuinely cares, some are just curious, and everything you tell someone can and will be used against you..I’ve seen it so many times on Facebook smfh…not just social media, but just ppl in general running their most telling their “girlfriends” their business..even if it’s your girlfriend you still keep some details/things out…jus sayin

  • Crossfire757

    Talking to your friends about your relationship is a dangerous thing for both males and females.  Details of your relationship should be private and intimate.  Too many relationships have failed because someone in the relationship is a blabbermouth.  I understand the notion of “someone from the outside looking in may see something you dont” but if a woman or man is truly happy in her relationship, this is then unnecessary.  In many cases, friends can disrupt a relationship, plot to break up your relationship and try to get with either the one of the ones who were in that relationship in the first place….

    • Chessica450

      AMEN!

  • http://twitter.com/vashtikk11 ♥♡PURE ESTROGEN♡♥

    I disagree with 1, 2 and 6. The more details about your life that you share outside your marriage, the bigger a fool you are in my opinion. If you’re with someone, your friends do not need to know intimate details, plans, etc. That’s so immature and idiotic. It’s no wonder some women find that their best friend stole their man or that they are the only ones with their dirty laundry aired. Also, it’s okay to look good, but anyone who dresses to impress when out with their friends will give off the vibe that they are looking for something. People act shocked when they are approached, but if you dress for attention, you will get it and it’s up to your significant other to caution and protect you if you can’t think for yourself. Lastly, it’s okay to back out of the spotlight from time to time. Nobody genuinely respects someone who is “the life of the party.” That person comes off as cheap and common. Over time, a sensible man wants a woman who is respectable, not a show monkey. I know it comes off as harsh, but that’s a reality and the man you get will be determined by how you live. 

    • Chessica450

       Glad am not the only one that thinks this way

  • CeCe

    I’m not all the way feeling the one or two. I agree that women can bond over discussing their relationships, but I don’t tell ANYONE my relationship stuff simply because it’s none of their business. Sure, I’ll tell a funny story about my marriage here and there or if I’m giving advice to somebody I’ll use a past situation of ours to help them with theirs. Outside of that. No. It’s not up for discussion. TOO MUCH DRAMA can come from that. People start forming opinions about your spouse and Lord knows that can lead to mess… or that insecure Jezebel is just waiting to sneak in and use that info to her advantage to get with your man… Ish is crazy nowadays! Nope. MYOB.

    And secondly, I agree that you should feel beautiful when you walk out the door with or without your man, but I don’t feel it is necessary to “show off” my body to anyone other than my Husband. My opinion is that you are insecure if you feel like you have to do so. You know you’re going to attract certain types of guys, but if you are with a man you love, then why is that outside attention necessary?

    • Chessica450

      AMEN! PREACH! SISTAH!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/L6SG6SWCRNHZB24DTHR6EFQIFE Erica

    OMG. My ex, who lived across the country from me when we were together, would make me take a picture of what I was wearing when I went out with friends.  He would call all night. Even though we were distant, his control issues were alarming.

    And this same guy, would constantly nag me about a glass or two on his table (the few times a year I was able to go visit).  I usually left them with juice or something, and would always come back and dring them later.  His constant demeaning attitude about this small issue also contributed to him being my ex.

    • Mz. v

      Wow my current bf is the same way. I can’t stand it! I’ve been contemplating making him an “ex” too