It’s My Life, Don’t You Forget: 7 Things A Man Should Never Make You Give Up

May 30, 2012  |  
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Being in love should transform you. It should make you want to be a better person. It should give you new, broader ways of looking at things. It should make you more comfortable in your own skin. But, do you notice that last point? While being unwilling to change at all makes you—honestly—a miserable partner, the changes you make for your partner should never make you feel restricted, like you have to look over your shoulder constantly, or feel less comfortable in your own skin. Don’t ever let a man think he’s “improving” you by making you give up the following things.

Talking to your friends about your relationship

If your man asks you not to discuss your relationship with your girlfriends, there are two issues here: 1) Women bond over discussing their relationships! He’s keeping you from one of the most fun parts of hanging with girlfriends, and 2) WHY is he so worried about your friends hearing about the details of your relationship? The only reason he should care is if he thinks those details will make your girlfriends stop and say, “Hold on. You need to end this relationship! It’s not healthy!” But, if that’s the case, it is so whether your friends point it out or not, and even he knows it.

Being hot without him

It is SO antiquated, old fashioned, and stupid—but plenty of men still ask, “Why do you have to wear that?” if their girlfriend is headed out without them, and is flaunting what she’s got. Sorry, but only men with control and/or jealousy issues care what you go out in (but at the same time, I wouldn’t recommend going out looking like the hooker Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman). He should trust you enough to allow you to enjoy your body via showing it off with your swexy wardrobe, even without him! A secure and kind man understands women enjoy going out, and want to look beautiful while doing so–that doesn’t mean they have any intentions of cheating. You didn’t put together that delicious wardrobe just to lock it up once a jealous man locked YOU up.

Your desire for a relationship

This one applies to a man that you’re just casually seeing. Don’t ever let a man talk you into keeping things casual with him, when you genuinely desire an intimate and committed relationship. Men can be selfish (as can women), and while a man may not be ready to commit to you, he might want to keep you around for when and how he wants you. And when you threaten to end things because you’re not getting what you want out of love and life, he might give you those puppy eyes and ask you not to go. You shouldn’t let a man take away your opportunity to pursue another man who could be ready to commit to you (aka, don’t be held back).

Alone time

There is nothing wrong with needing alone time. It has nothing to do with not being with any one person in particular—it’s just about needing YOU time sometimes! Don’t ever let a man make you feel guilty for wanting a day or two to yourself. Many men instantly think something is wrong with the relationship if the woman asks for this and even though they let her have it, they bother her the entire time—calling a lot, or even sending mimicking texts that say things like, “How’s that ‘alone time’ working out?” Your man shouldn’t panic when you’re away and he shouldn’t ruin the few sacred moments you get to yourself. He should understand you need time to reconnect with who you are, outside of a relationship.

Your thing, for his

Sometimes your very important event—a friend’s bachelorette party, a work party, etc.—coincides with a very important event your man wants you to go to. Let me ask you this: is either of you more important of human beings than the other? No. So neither of you owes the other one your company more. Don’t let a man take you away from things that are important in your life because he “needs” you to be with him somewhere. Yes you should want to support your man, and if you want to accompany and support him somewhere, go. But, if you’re in a relationship where his events always trump yours, and he’s not compromising, not only are you losing your identity by skipping out on the things that make you, you—you’re dating someone who thinks their success and happiness is more important than yours.

Your spotlight

Are you the more social one in your relationship? Well, your boyfriend knew that when he decided to get with you. Are you a social butterfly who flutters around every party, wanting to chat with everyone? Are you the first one singing karaoke at the bar? The last one dancing on the table even when the bar is closing? Great! A man shouldn’t sit in the corner, giving you dirty looks about it or in any way make you feel bad for liking the spotlight. That’s one of your biggest joys in life! He should want you to have that. A man who is comfortable with who he is understands he may be the quieter one, and that’s okay. He should never see you as competition, but simply different, and hopefully, complimentary!

Your quirks

Do you snore? Chew too loud? Don’t keep your apartment as clean as you could? Are your clothes always wrinkled? A man can recommend you fix these things for your own happiness and success in life, and certain things that you know can be annoying for others might need to be altered, but he should never make you feel embarrassed or bad about your quirks. He should never criticize them with a tone of anger or condescension. If a man fixates over things as small as wrinkled clothes or a messy apartment to the point where he is aggravated, he does not know how to enjoy life. And you probably won’t enjoy it with him.

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  • Really

    why in the hell are there all these romney campaign ads all over this website, with every single click. really people? is that how you make your money? by selling out? how about an obama campaign video for a a change? just sad …



    • superwoman

      I think you are missing the point of the article. I think the point the author is making is that whatever it is that you do whether it be dancing on tables or is a very talkative person at parties etc, do not date a person who wants you to change for him and will not allow you to be who you are. Everyone is not the same and has different values etc. Basically, we all should be free to be who we are…whatever that is!


    Who ever wrote this article is obviously not married or never has been married. The first six were generally applicable, but NO man wants to be married to a woman who is a slob. It’s the equivalent to a man that’s lazy or has some other immasculine trait. It just saps some appeal for that person from you and causes pressure on the other person (whether it;s the man or woman).

  • Nia

    OMG! Number 4! My ex would never let me have time to myself! My last straw was this memorial day weekend when he got upset I was having a BBQ with my family and didn’t answer my phone. He called me a liar and said he couldn’t do this anymore. Oh well! Neither could I! Buh bye!

  • Annie

    We were just talking about this yesterday my friend’s aunt is married to a white man who hates anything African, he doesn’t let her cook African foods bcs they smell, she can’t dress in African garments etc she has aged really badly cos she’s not happy and she can’t divorce him bcs they’re jehovah witness. She complaints about it to everyone but there’s nothing she ca do which is sad really bcs you’re not the owner of your own life anymore

  • Annie

    We were just talking about this yesterday my friend’s aunt is married to a white man who hates anything African, he doesn’t let her cook African foods bcs they smell, she can’t dress in African garments etc she has aged really badly cos she’s not happy and she can’t divorce him bcs they’re jehovah witness. She complaints about it to everyone but there’s nothing she ca do which is sad really bcs you’re not the owner of your own life anymore

  • Msmykimoto2u

    I had a very egotistical ex who bascially tried to style me to the T, to make me look like a trophy gf. He was also in competition with me that he would try to do out do me in things I was good in that he wasnt as good in and if I was better he hated it. He never congratulated me but when he felt he did a good job with something, he wanted me to stroke his ego which i never did because he does enough stroking for the both of us

    • Msmykimoto2u

      Not to mention he thought every Tom, Dick, Harry, Ashley, and Cynthia wanted to get under my skirt….im not even gay

  • Chessica450

    I disagree with the first one “Talking about your relationship with your girlfriends” for me personally the less ppl know about my relationship the better (the less ppl know about you and your personal life the better) you can share things with ppl but not EVERYTHING…there’s a limit/boundaries/details about your relationship that should just be respected and be between just you and your significant other, your “girlfriends” don’t need to know everything or about every fight you had, ppl can talk in your ear especially if you have to make an important decision, they can taint your judgement to make a concise decision and first and foremost if I feel uncomfortable about my partner telling ppl OUR business I have a right to say something, because after all he is not only talking about himself he is talking about me as well…and nowadays you have to be VERY careful with who you share your personal business with because not everyone genuinely cares, some are just curious, and everything you tell someone can and will be used against you..I’ve seen it so many times on Facebook smfh…not just social media, but just ppl in general running their most telling their “girlfriends” their business..even if it’s your girlfriend you still keep some details/things out…jus sayin

  • Crossfire757

    I am all for a woman being beautiful with or without your man on your arm but remember that there is a line and limit to all things….some may disagree but i feel that a man or woman should dress in a way that does not disrespect their spouse….for example…if a woman who is married or with someone decides to go to the club with her girlfriends, and decides to wear a miniskirt or sundress with no panties, that would be a case in which I would find it most disrespectful…..but maybe thats just me

  • Crossfire757

    Talking to your friends about your relationship is a dangerous thing for both males and females.  Details of your relationship should be private and intimate.  Too many relationships have failed because someone in the relationship is a blabbermouth.  I understand the notion of “someone from the outside looking in may see something you dont” but if a woman or man is truly happy in her relationship, this is then unnecessary.  In many cases, friends can disrupt a relationship, plot to break up your relationship and try to get with either the one of the ones who were in that relationship in the first place….

    • Chessica450


  • I disagree with 1, 2 and 6. The more details about your life that you share outside your marriage, the bigger a fool you are in my opinion. If you’re with someone, your friends do not need to know intimate details, plans, etc. That’s so immature and idiotic. It’s no wonder some women find that their best friend stole their man or that they are the only ones with their dirty laundry aired. Also, it’s okay to look good, but anyone who dresses to impress when out with their friends will give off the vibe that they are looking for something. People act shocked when they are approached, but if you dress for attention, you will get it and it’s up to your significant other to caution and protect you if you can’t think for yourself. Lastly, it’s okay to back out of the spotlight from time to time. Nobody genuinely respects someone who is “the life of the party.” That person comes off as cheap and common. Over time, a sensible man wants a woman who is respectable, not a show monkey. I know it comes off as harsh, but that’s a reality and the man you get will be determined by how you live. 

    • Chessica450

       Glad am not the only one that thinks this way

  • CeCe

    I’m not all the way feeling the one or two. I agree that women can bond over discussing their relationships, but I don’t tell ANYONE my relationship stuff simply because it’s none of their business. Sure, I’ll tell a funny story about my marriage here and there or if I’m giving advice to somebody I’ll use a past situation of ours to help them with theirs. Outside of that. No. It’s not up for discussion. TOO MUCH DRAMA can come from that. People start forming opinions about your spouse and Lord knows that can lead to mess… or that insecure Jezebel is just waiting to sneak in and use that info to her advantage to get with your man… Ish is crazy nowadays! Nope. MYOB.

    And secondly, I agree that you should feel beautiful when you walk out the door with or without your man, but I don’t feel it is necessary to “show off” my body to anyone other than my Husband. My opinion is that you are insecure if you feel like you have to do so. You know you’re going to attract certain types of guys, but if you are with a man you love, then why is that outside attention necessary?

    • Chessica450


    • Nisha136988

      I think you missed the point of the second slide. They are not saying dress like a w***e but at the same time it is okay to look swexy. You’re not doing it for the outside attention your doing it for you. You don’t have to show skin to be considered dressing wsexy, it can be classy but still swexy. If your man has a problem with you looking good if he’s not around to monitor you then that’s the problem. I have a man and I still put on my little black dress when I go out with my girls.

  • OMG. My ex, who lived across the country from me when we were together, would make me take a picture of what I was wearing when I went out with friends.  He would call all night. Even though we were distant, his control issues were alarming.

    And this same guy, would constantly nag me about a glass or two on his table (the few times a year I was able to go visit).  I usually left them with juice or something, and would always come back and dring them later.  His constant demeaning attitude about this small issue also contributed to him being my ex.

    • Mz. v

      Wow my current bf is the same way. I can’t stand it! I’ve been contemplating making him an “ex” too