Yes, You Can Relax; Just Relax

May 18th, 2012 - By madamenoire

By Jessica Dufresne

It’s the never-ending black hair debate: which is a safer option, natural or relaxed? Too often, relaxing gets the shaft, mainly because of the age-old assumption that it’s too damaging. (The moral arguments are a whole other topic.) In reality, the only times when relaxing is bad is when it’s not applied correctly, done too often, or you’re simply not taking care of your hair. Contrary to popular belief, you can have perfectly healthy, strong hair with a perm—as long as you know what and what not to do.

Why not relax?

So is it actually possible to have healthy locks despite perming? “Absolutely,” says celebrity hair stylist Tippi Shorter. “It is a chemical that alters the natural structure of your hair, but there is most certainly such a thing as healthy relaxed hair if you’re using it properly.” Shorter, who works on the healthy manes of Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Jada Pinkett-Smith, among others, says any damage experienced is due to “over-relaxing, using products that are too harsh on the hair, and trying to get an unrealistic finish.”

Just like Shorter, hair stylist Winston Scully, a 22-year hair industry veteran and owner of Hair Vibes salon in New York, contends that when it comes to relaxers, it’s all about the process. In fact, he says what causes damage is when a relaxer is left too long on the hair. Its active ingredient, lye (which comes in the form of different types of hydroxides: sodium, calcium, etc) has—as we all know—the power to break down any substance (remember the scene in Chris Rock’s documentary, Good Hair, where the soda can melts?)—but that’s only if it’s allowed to sit for an extended period of time. So as long as your perm is washed out when it’s supposed to be, you won’t have to worry about your hair melting off your scalp.

Brand matters

When you do decide to perm, it doesn’t pay to shop around or to assume you know which one to use. Shorter says just like all hair types are not equal, neither are all relaxers. “There are brands that I favor because they contain way more essential oils, they’re gentler, they don’t smell, they don’t irritate the scalp, they have a no-lye version, a sensitive-scalp version, or are compatible with hair color.”

According to Scully, while all relaxers contain a type of lye (the chemical that breaks down the curls), the conditioning agent is what separates the Hawaiian Silkys of the world from the Mizanis. “[when deciding which perm to use] I’m looking for one that contains the conditioning agent that is going to be beneficial to the individual’s hair.”
And how do stylists know which is best for you? Both Shorter and Scully agree that’s determined by careful examination of the hair and by experience. That said, both also discourage women from doing home perms. “I’ve seen so many horror stories,” says Shorter. “I know times are tough financially, but it’s hard for me to recommend or suggest someone to do it.” However, she does concede that if self-perming is a woman’s only option, “ I will try and steer [her] the best way possible.”

Time heals all damage

Overprocessing occurs when a relaxer is applied onto already-straightened hair—so it’s imperative to wait before touching up, or risk damage (and in case you think going natural will solve that problem, Shorter and Scully beg to differ). When you visit a new hairdresser, make sure it’s been at least six weeks since your last touch-up. The exact time to wait will depend on your texture and cut, as some women can go as long as 12 weeks in between touch-ups, while others may need them as frequently as every two weeks. Keep in mind that a good hair stylist will not perm your hair if you don’t need it (no matter how much you think you do).

Keep it tight

Regardless of whether or not your hair is chemically treated, the same maintenance rules apply: regular deep conditioning; trims every six to eight weeks; moisturizing your scalp; and even the right kind of roller set. A good set will leave you with a bunch of rollers on your head, as opposed to a few, which occurs when there’s too much hair per curler (and that volume, says Scully, causes stress on the hair). And, of course, your nightly habits matter: wrapping or roller setting and wearing a silk scarf are highly recommended.

How you choose to wear your hair doesn’t speak to the type of person you are, but how you take care of it does. You can use a relaxer for most or all of your life and, if it’s done right, it won’t cause any damage to your health or hair. The bottom line is there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with chemically straightening your hair, and it’s not a question of being addicted to “creamy crack;” if something works for you and doesn’t jeopardize your well-being, stick with it. There’s an old saying that everything ain’t for everybody and the same applies to hair.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/sadgegoddess Donalda Goncalves

    Black women chemically change the texture of their hair to conform with prevailing standards of beauty. Nearly all of us believe that silky straight hair is superior to our own kinky hair. That’s why black women who are considered sex symbols, actresses, politicians, business women the first lady have relaxed hair and/or weaves. We’ve been told all our lives through media, from family, from men than beautiful hair is long, straight hair. We’ve also been told that our hair is “bad” hard to manage and just plain ugly and doesn’t grow. So let’s be real about why we relax and weave. That said, it doesn’t mean you’re not proud to be black but on the other hand we have clearly been brainwashed. I wish we could stop relaxing and weaving, but I don’t see that happening. I don’t want to be a “hair nazi” women can do what they want. I feel those attacking natural hair women as nazis for speaking the truth feel uncomfortable because they know what those natural women are saying has some truth. I decided after burns and bald spots to never weave or relax again. And on a more personal note, the way I’ve heard women with naturally straight hair talk down black women, how ugly we are, how ugly our hair is and who are we trying to fool, that makes me even more determined to not try and emulate the prevailing beauty standards in any way shape or form.

  • Ken S.

    I agree with accepting one’s self. Additionally, recently I saw a bumper sticker that said,” Hair relaxant doesn’t fool anyone.”

  • Ken S.

    Stay natural. Don’t be a walking lie.

  • Ken S.

    Stay natural. Hair relaxant doesn’t fool anyone.

  • me

    I had healthy relaxed hair (protective styling REALLY helped) but stopped perming because I wasn’t interested in putting harsh chemicals on my scalp anymore. I coudln’t live in denial thinking that my body wasn’t absorbing at least a tiny bit of it. Anyway, other people might not care and to each his own. I just think everyone should at least have experience knowing how to handle their hair naturally AND relaxed but i’m just being idealistic.

  • Main1143

    You can have healthy relaxed hair. After having my daughter and getting back to a healthier lifestyle which includes using good products and vitamins, my hair when from thin to thick. I have been using relaxers since I was 10 and tried going natural at 15. Lets say that didnt work out for me.I think every one has a different type grade of hair. Some people can do natural, while others can’t. Sometimes its not based on any type of self-hate and not wanting to go back to our roots, but more so of a level of comfort and individuality. There is some truth though about going to beauticians who are out to make money and not CARING for your hair. When I took over caring for my hair it grew longer with no thinning spots and less breakage.

  • http://twitter.com/MoZaic MoZaic

    I agree that you have to apply relaxer when you actually need one, but even then its still damaging to your hair and scalp. Yes you can have long healthy hair with a relaxer, but  as the years progress they attribute to thinning hair, scalp & skin conditions. After being relaxed for many years I stopped the relaxers because of the skin condition that it help progress. I was tired of a oozing bleeding scalp, thick yellow dandruff, allergies, and sensitive scalp. It makes perfect sense that those who make relaxers don’t deal with the long term effects of relaxer because it is how they make their money. I don’t knock their hustle, but I do wish people would become better informed about the products they use on their skin and scalp because truthfully they are doing more harm over long periods of time than they are helping. 

  • CocoaQ

    I was natural until I was in middle school then my mom allowed me to get it relaxed. When I was 24 I went natural. I’m now 28 and recently decided to go back to being relaxed and get a short Nia Long-esque cut. I liked the style of my hair when it was natural hair and now I like the style of my short relaxed hair. As the hair stylists in the article suggested, I have maintained the same conditioning regimen on my relaxed hair that I did when I was natural and my hair’s been doing great.

    But when I feel like changing it, I will. I may cut all of it off and start over…who knows? For me, it’s a hairstyle…nothing more, nothing less. I really wish, as black women, we’d find more ways to unite and lift each other up vs finding more ways to divide ourselves. We should learn how to respect others’ choices. It’s just hair.

  • Miss Anonymous

    I just say live and let live. I had my hair natural for 4 years and decided I wanted to get it relaxed and cut real short. In another 3 – 4 years I will probably decide to cut it all off and go purple. Will this affect anyone? Nope. Being either natural or relaxed you still have to take care of your hair. 

    When I was natural my friend was natural too and we got on the subject of hair and she scrunched up her face at what I would do for my hair (wash once a week, keep moisturized, deep condition, etc.). “Girl black people cant do that, we can only use black products and wash like once a month” This same girl hair stayed in the big chop stage a year and a half later when she decided to get braids because they “help” her hair to grow. She calls me complaining how the girl messed up her hair cause her braids where so raggedy after two weeks. I asked her did she use braid spray, tie it down at night and keep it moisturized. She said “no thats why I got braids so I wouldnt have to worry about taking care of my hair”. She then asked if I could come over to her house to do it for her. I got quiet and just shook my head.

  • Entyce986

    Sure you can relax your hair. What does anyone care what you do with your hair? Especially these companies who are making a major profit off of women running to buy them making them richer. Oh and let’s not forget our trusty beauticians who will tell you anything to keep you coming back to them so they can get their portion. IT’S A BUSINESS! They’re not suppose to care about anyone’s hair. It’s about making a profit at the beginning, middle, and end of the day. Last thing they care about is what happens to your hair, rather its flourished and healthy or bald and patchy. Its not about your hair or yourself as a matter of fact. Just the all mighty dollar! Think about it.

  • Dlmcnare

    Ha ha ha ha….I love how the picture to click this article is of a lady with natural hair in front of a woman, with another woman playing in her head as if to explain to her “Yes, dear. You can relax your hair. Nobody is gonna be mad at you if you do.” Ha
    Answer is yes, it is more healthy for your hair to remain natural. The chemicals that are used, including processes like Brazilian Blow-Outs, to me are the equivalent to getting plastic surgery. I’m not judging ladies who relax their hair, or even those who get plastic surgery (I started relaxing when I was 11 and foolishly did it incorrectly for years and happily wear weaves now), but it would be nice to see how many women do keep their natural, regardless of what their textures look like. 

    • ok_dayumm

      Whats even funnier is the picture on this page…(I’m assuming is a representation of relaxed hair) of a woman with an obvious braid weave..lol.

  • Jsajsa28

    I guess a woman should keep relaxing if she doesn’t feel she looks pretty enough to wear her hair natural. Women who relaxes their hair must need it badly, because relaxers have the stinkest smell and the fact that it can burn your scalp, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. GROSS! I’m so glad i can wear my own hair, and also that i don’t have to put chemicals in my hair every 6 weeks.

    • Elle

      Of course a natural hair nazi had to make an appearance. Wearing a relaxer has nothing to do with self esteem or not feeling beautiful with natural hair. Good for you and your natural hair. But since this article has to do with healthy relaxed hair, why even come on and comment about something that you know nothing about.

      I’m tired of trifling people who feel they need to pass judgement on someone’s self esteem based on a trivial issue like hair. I mean really? 

      • Jsajsa28

         I’m commenting because i have worn a relaxer before, it does take alot to put crap like that in your head, be real with yourself. Why do you wear a relaxer, because your mom relaxed you hair, or is it to difficult to manage. Have you ever worn your hair natural? NO im not a natural hair nazi, I am just speaking the truth, geez some black women need to stop making so many excuses as to why they relax their hair.

        • Elle

          Yes I have wore my hair natural and it wasn’t manageable. And you are not speaking the truth. It really is none of your business what another black woman does with her hair. Since you seem to care so much about what other people do with their hair, then yes you are a natural hair nazi.
          And that’s bull about every other race of women wearing their hair. So white women don’t dye their hairs—wow someone tell Clairol, girls with curly hair don’t try to straighten them–quick someone go tell Chi, etc? Believe me I don’t consider my hair so “ugly” that it needs a relaxer and I haven’t heard anyone else make that argument. For a variety of reasons all women chose to wear their hair the way they want. 

          And girl please with the slave mentality crap, that’s just your low self esteem trying to project something on to others. Believe me when you and others walk around with natural hair or when I see women with weaves, I don’t feel horrible as a black woman because of what I  or others have decided to do with their hair.

           My value and worth as a black woman doesn’t rest with what I do with my hair. Maybe you should download I’m not my hair by India Aire and play it a few times—and then realize basing self esteem on hair is pretty trivial.

      • Jsajsa28

         If hair is so trivial you wouldnt be putting a stink a** relaxer in your hair. It’s more so a mentality issue or shall i say slave mentality if we want to go that deep. Why is that every other race of women can wear their hair but black women have to walk around hiding what GOD gave them. Do you want to know want to know one of the reasons i became natural? For one i walked around the whole day counting the amount of women that wore their hair natural vs relaxed or weaved and out of lets say 60 women only 2 were natural. That made me feel so horrible as a black woman, I asked myself why can’t we wear the hair that we were born with. Why do we consider our hair to be so ugly?????????

      • Jsajsa28

         Hair is not a trivial issue, it is apart of who we are and what sets us apart from other races. One of the reasons i went natural is because I walked around one day and out of about 50 women only 2 wore their natural hair. What does that say about us as a people. When every other race of women can walk around comfortably and wear their own hair, but we can’t! That saddens me!!! Why do we think our hair is so ugly, that we can’t wear our kinky or curly hair.

      • http://twitter.com/EternallyAmber Vicious Claws

        Aside from the “Can you have healthy hair” and “self esteem”  issues,

        I want to know why do so many of us feel secure with putting a flesh eating, highly toxic chemicals so close to our brains, the center for our own body?

         And why are we so secure with using product that we know nothing about?

         We don’t know where these relaxers are coming from, who’s making them, how they are made, and how it changes the DNA structure of our hair……we just pick up a box with a pretty picture. AND MOST WOMEN DON’T EVEN READ THAT!

        That’s what I’m curious about. People can do what they do, but we really need to learn about the product we consume and how they are made and work….before we hand over our money. 

        • me

          same thing goes for people using 10 different products a day that a cocktail of different chemicals most of which are manufactured in a lab. There are some chemicals BANNED in European Union (EU) products that are used commonly here but it’s all about $$$ especially in america…our skin absorbs EVERYTHING into our bodies…it’s the reality of the world we live in. Some people don’t care and they have the free will but to me, I can’t imagine that there are no long term consequences to the body. Companies did not do studies and they will never care to do so because all they care about is $$$$

    • Playbaby4

      I’m natural as well and I feel that your comment is uncalled for.  There are pros and cons to both natural and relaxed hair.  If you need to feel that you are better than someone just because you are natural, you just might have some issues. 

  • Milesb

    I have gone natural and now have Sisterlocks but that’s because it’s was the right thing for me. Many of my friends want to do the same because they think their hair will be healthier, I tell them otherwise. I’m gonna forward this article on so that they get the message. The information here is extremely helpful and useful.

  • http://twitter.com/justjujoki Judith Jokinen

    I’ve had relaxers since I was 6, every 6 months. My hear is healthy and shiny. Obviously you have to let your roots grow out and take extra care -hair masks, trims, etc; but I can’t go natural as my curls are so difficult!

  • Truth

    Thank you!  My mom taught me these things way before I read this (no color she insisted also).  You must let your roots grow out before perming again.  I wear no weaves or wigs but  I perm.  My hair is to hard to manage if I stop perming!  Deep treat your hair often and cut chappy ends

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