Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: Signing Papers & Dating Younger Men

8 Comments
May 16, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

Shari: As a slightly older female, how should I go about dealing with a guy who is younger than me?…The attraction is there, but I’m a little hesitant because I’ve always been into older men? Thanks.

DY: The answer depends on how much younger he is than you. If it’s a few years, I don’t think things would be much different than dating a guy a bit older than you. If it’s over a decade or so, though, you run an increased risk that the guy isn’t in the same “place” you are, and isn’t looking for the same things from a relationship. Either way, I’d advise you to proceed the same way you should with anyone else — with caution.

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  • Sophie

    lmbooo @ the how do you know a woman loves you question…

  • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

    I don’t know what the link #2 (sheesh) lady has going on in her life, but, honestly, I can understand her reservations. There isn’t that much info, but if the guy still went out without her instead of going to her place to spend a little time with her or seeing how she was doing, I would be wary. It’s possible that his “looking out for her” actually just gave him an out to do whatever. Maybe.

  • Crystal_sn

    Damon: I ve been with my bf for 6 yrs. We broke up for a yr and I recently found out in that time he slept with one of his so called friends(gal). Thing is he didn’t tell me this when he was begging me to get back with him. I got suspicious n started diggig cos he always gave off the “Iam guilty” kinda vibe. To be fair I broke it off cos I was going thru so much at the time an couldn’t handle being in a relationship. Now I can’t trust him n it’s been 3 mths since I found out but I can’t get intimate with him. I feel so hurt n there is this cute guy at ma work telling me how I’ve been his fantasy since I joined the company. Am tempted to stray so much and at this pt. I can’t even tell ma bf I love him. I think am falling for ma work mate and i don’t know how to leave ma bf… Help

    • SweetT

      Call the BF out on his ish and cut your losses. It’s not like he can deny what you have already found out. Trust takes a while to build, but just a moment to completely ruin. Why would you hold back from doing better for yourself over a guy who can’t even give you what you deserve? Life is too short. He got to be selfish, now it’s your turn.

    • EE

      Lets Take your Statement line by line…..
      “I ve been with my bf for 6 yrs. We broke up for a yr and I recently found out in that time he slept with one of his so called friends(gal).”

      You broke up for 12 months and you are mad because within the course of a YEAR he slept with someone else…that is what happens when you break up. That is not fair to him to just sit there while you figure our if you want to be in a relationship

      To be fair I broke it off cos I was going thru so much at the time an couldn’t handle being in a relationship. Now I can’t trust him n it’s been 3 mths since I found out but I can’t get intimate with him.

      YOU broke it off…did you ever think YOU can’t be trusted? Let me explain…women can take a lot, but when you cheat on them (which you man did NOT do), women lose it…but when women reject men (for relationship, and God forbid when he gets on one knee) then we lose it…Seems like he wanted more from you than you could give…He EXTENDED his Heart to YOU (which YOU rejected) and then he went on his way…

      I feel so hurt n there is this cute guy at ma work telling me how I’ve been his fantasy since I joined the company. Am tempted to stray so much and at this pt. I can’t even tell ma bf I love him. I think am falling for ma work mate and i don’t know how to leave ma bf… Help

      YOU Definitely need help…and a new brain

      • Csystem_sn

        Ee: for starters did I mention he came bak to me?! Doofus read again. Yes I broke up with him, I didn’t beg him to come back. If u really care for someone, u wud tell them u were sleeping with one of ur mutual friends if u expect to start again on a clean page. Especially when they ask u to be honest.

        If I said I broke it off aswell cos I was goig thru alot them u ought to check ur brain cells before u utter some rubbish like “u couldn’t give wat he wanted” foolish man I already stated that innit.

        If you have nothing of importance to say, be gone and shut the hell up before releasing ur regurgitated vomit yuh.

        • Ifuaskme2

          I was willing to read on until you started dissin Ee. First off, grammar helps. Where do you work Mickey Ds? Second, your ‘man’ was never your man. The friend is the only one you found out about because you bothered to check her out. You can bet the farm he was with her the same time he was with you. Third, if you don’t want advice, don’t write. Its obvious that you were not ‘wifey’ material since 6 years is a LONG time to be playing house. E was right on point. You just don’t want to believe it. Now you want to leave one sorry man telling you lies for another? So he came back. You’re the one who let him. Why are you so afraid of being alone Ma?

    • Sophie

      stray?!!… girl you’re not obligated to the man… shoot keep it movin!