Help! He Never Calls, Just Texts

May 15th, 2012 - By madamenoire

From YourTango.com

If you are dating someone who has a strong preference for textual communication, you know how frustrating it can be when all you want to do is hear his voice on the other end of the phone. Thankfully, YourTango Experts is here to help.

In this video, dating coach, matchmaker and YourTango Expert Julianne Cantarella offers advice about what to do when your man opts to text you even when the occasion warrants a more personal form of communication.

“The way you get it to stop is by setting precedence from the beginning for no texting,” says Julianne. “Texting can create a false sense of intimacy allowing you to believe that you’re in an exclusive relationship when you really aren’t.”

Watch what this expert has to say about this subject at YourTango.com.  

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  • Philatg83

    I txt. Its communication. I just don’t talk on the phone that much, this seems like minro stuff that leads to nagging, that’s to the end of the relationship. Just saying.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I’m a female, but I actually do not like talking on the phone. It’s just a thing. 1. I talk on the phone sometimes 500+ times a day for my job. I don’t wanna do that when I get home. 2. If I’m in a relationship, we can see each other, if we can not see each other that night, then yes I will call or answer the phone, but I don’t want to spend 3+ hours all night talking on the dang phone. I’m not a big phone person. I text, skype, facebook but sitting there talking with a hot cellular phone on my face is not fun.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/PNSHJQOKDIMI4KXUCD747WUZK4 Santana

    I’m a man and absolutely hate texting!  Seems that women I meet can’t get enough
    texting though.  I always let any woman I get involved with that I don’t text
    like that and when they keep doing it, they get deleted!  Texting is lame as
    shhhhhhh!  I can call you and leave you a VM but you can only ‘text’ me back? 
    Deleted your dumb arse!  LOL….

  • Nitty

    You don’t like him txting?let him know
    if he doesn’t change,move on ladies.
    Seriously..don’t put up w.nothing that’s taking your joy away.
    Love don’t hurt..smh

  • Ms.Blue

    If he doesn’t call me, we won’t talk! I don’t do that texting mess with men. Texting is for people in meetings, sending addresses or contact information and folks who have sleeping babies or husbands and can’t talk on the phone.

    • Philatg83

      Out of all the people agreeing with you…I wonder how many are single right now

  • Herm Cain

    Me personally I’m not in high school there is nothing to talk about especially if shes not saying what I want to hear I can simply stop texting

  • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

    Finally! An article on this lame epidemic. I hate that texting has become so frequent within dating and relationships. In my last relationship I let him know from the jump I wasn’t into habitual texting, so during the pursuit phase he would call and want to spend quality time. When he thought he had me it became almost all texts. And infrequent texts at that! No thank you. All of a sudden it became, “I’m not a fan of talking on the phone.” Welp, I’m not a fan of liars. All that B.S. is for the birds. Honestly, it’s just downright disrespectful to disregard something as small as your partner not wanting to text. Imagine what bigger things s/he may disregard.

    • Philatg83

      Because he texted once y’all knew each other, he’s a liar? Lol, I think it’s overreacting. Really, to me that would be a red flag for the guy to see. To get this up in arms over something this small probably means you’re high strung, and is probably a defense mechanism cause by a previous situation. Either way, you  have to weigh whether that’s something you can really deal with. There are things women do to ensure that they stay single. Sweatin’ the small stuff is one of them. If a guy is doing everything else right, this is small.

      • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

        Actually, no, I’m awesome. There were other red flags. But I’m pretty sure the title referred to a problem with texting. Um, yeah. The lying comes in when calling becomes something a person suddenly refuses to do again. And if someone stops calling or receives a call and has time, but chooses to respond with simple one worded texts, that’s not cool…or true, mature communication for a relationship. Being single isn’t a punishment; I know plenty of men who will attest to that, yet you throw a negative connotation on it when it comes to women. Your past appears to have you feeling some kind of way about a particular group of women.

        • Philatg83

          Lol, I never said you weren’t awesome. But high strung and awesome maybe. I’m talking specifically about texting, because personally I’m a texter. I rarely talk on the phone with anyone. No one has ever had a problem with it. Whatever other red flags there were are your business. But the texting alone is not a huge deal in and of itself. Being single is fine, but being single for a guy is a different situation that for a woman most times. All of the black female friends I have who are actually single would rather not be single. Guys are built differently, I think women are definately more emotional creatures and desire an emotional connection of a relationship. I think it’s one of the reasons why you see otherwise intelligent women acting stupidly in their choice of men. My past is straight, lol. My dating has always been pretty good. But I get a little bit pushback from black females because there have been instances where I have dated outside my race. The overwhelming majority response from black women ranges from negative to down right rude. It’s a a sensitve issue. I would like them to understand that its’ not a case of me making it and wanting to upgrade to white women or asian women. It’s not a status symbol or anything like that. But I have found that personality wise there is less b.s. to cut through to get to know the person, when it comes to other races. I think that not all, but a lot of black women have some pinned up frustration/anger based on decisions they made. Men can tell, we’re not as dense as y’all think. So it feels like small issues  (texting) get blown out of proportion to become some sort of respect issue. Black guys get tired of the constant struggle. A relationship shouldn’t be a source of stress. It’s like, I’ve been at work all day do I really want to come home to a woman drawlin’ on me over the fact that I text instead of call?

          • Tsk

            Where did the white/ asian women come from? Anyway, its not that serious. It’s all about preference. I am a happy single black female, and I’m not into talking on the phone. Texting is awesome(not just simple one-worded texts btw). I also know that some of my male and female friends of different ethnicities hate texting all the time; this subject comes up amongst my friends often. So it isn’t just about black women being too angry and emotional to text, and black men being too cold and indifferent to talk on the phone. This issue has to do with personalities and characteristics, not gender generalizations. Furthermore, it’s just not that dang serious! Lol. Why are you bringing race into this issue, was that necessary for the point you were attempting to make? Anyway, its cool that you have yet to meet anyone that opposes your texting, I sure wish I could get people off my back! Lol

            • Philatg83

              But really, it was serious enought for you to respond. Really, the main point is beyond the texting issue. The issue is the damaged relationship between black men and black women. But both sides need to make some concessions. There are things black men do that aren’t acceptable, but there are things that black women harp on that aren’t worth it too. If a black woman is happily single then that’s fine, but let’s not act as though there is not a lot of hate when successful black men end up with non-black women. Ask Jill Scott, ask a the average black women. That stuff doesn’t sit well with most. There is a lot of black man bashing, all I’m saying is that it’s time the black women look at themselves too. That’s all I’m saying. The issue over texting is blown out of proportion. If all else is well, and you’d break up with a dude over that then you might be single for a while.

          • Kimster

            If you solely want to text – text. It’s not for everyone. But your argument loses steam when you pull the race card to negatively cluster numerous black women and go from talking about personal preferences for texting/calling to *your choice to date outside of your race. The article nor the ‘expert’ make any mention of race. You also conveniently refrained from commenting on or putting down the post of Santana below who is a male who adamantly dislikes texting in his relationships.

            • Philatg83

              I don’t even know who Santana is. My point is that black men get a bad rap. There aer some creeps, but there is a notion that there are a wealth of great black women and a large percentage of lame black men. All I’m saying is that, this texting situation is an example of some of the nit-picking black women do sometimes. Most likely because they got burned before by a guy. I hear a lot of complaining from black women about the lack of eligible men willing to date them. There is a lot of hate from the black female community toward interracial daters. ALl I’m saying is that, perhaps this is an example of one of those issues black women blow out of proportion, making them acome off as high maintenance and difficult. Not all, but some. It’s an example of why a lot of black guys from my generation (25-35) are willing to go outside their race, because it’s not as difficult a relationship most times. Texting alone doesn’t seem like a big enough issue, but it’s one of those examples of the extra stuff that comes along with dating some black women. But then we’re bad guys for not wanting to deal with it. You know, black women have built up this entire scenario where black men of a certain stature are looking for validation from society by dating a white woman. It’s a status symbol. The blame always makes its way back to the men. As if we aren’t stepping up. Some of us aren’t but, ya’ll need to step up too. That’s all I’m saying. At the end of the day, black women have the highest single rate. For the most part, the options aren’t that vast for them. I’m not telling anyoen to settle for a bad guy, an abusive guy, a cheater…but if you want to get married and have a tradional family, maybe it’s losen up on some of the smaller issue like texting. Cause if you aren’t going to marry a black man, then who? For the most part, those are the men who deal with you.

              • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

                Did you even follow the YourTango . com link for the article?! Evidently not. The woman in the video talking about texting being a big issue and not settling for impersonal texting in a relationship was a WHITE woman. People are people and no one race or gender is better than the other whether they’re black, white, red or purple – man or woman. So you can stay up there on your soap box putting down black women, but it’s irrelevant and mean-spirited. And you can reply back, but it’ll probably just be a longer version of what you’ve already said, so have a nice life. 

                • Philatg83

                  Irrelevant. This is a black site targeting issues faced by black people. Smh, you’re so defensive you’re can’t learn anything. No one is saying one race or one gender is better than another. But there are issues unique to the black community that need to be addressed openly and honestly. But forget about progress until folks have the courage to face them and resolve them.

                  • no comment

                    I read this entire exchange and I am confused as how it came down to black women being to  (we are always to anything but great it seems) knit picky about texting? I do not male bash never have and do not plan on starting now. That being said, I do NOT like to have long text conversations esp. when I first meet somebody and I am trying to get t know them. The last guy I dated we compromised so I texted more than I would have liked and he talked on the phone more than he would have liked to. All about balance. I don’t know how this turned into a black women are to…type of convo. Just my .02 

                    • Philatg83

                      Why is it okay to portray black guys as lazy, no good, unemployed, baby makers…but call black women out on some of their issues and it’s “bashing”? Double standard. The article is about not accepting certain things from men, specifically behaviors you don’t like. But it goes both ways. Why shouldnt a man have standards and things he won’t accept?

                      You’re good for compromising, after all thats what relationships are about.

                      Everyone is too defensive, you can’t tell anyone anything. So nothing gets solved, and the relationship between the black man and the black woman continues to be in the toilet.

  • Ms. Spring

    What if that woman was Deaf?  Would he be waived from it? LOL

  • utriedit

    If someone wants to just text you need to tell them to take they a** on somewhere….cus they got a woman that they are Callin or LIVING WITH!!! Dont be no fool!!!