I really need your advice. An old girlfriend of mine recently invited me to an “All Girls Night” at her home. We were close about 7 years ago and had a falling out over a man (of course). A few years ago we “found” each other again after we both started working at the Post Office. We kinda just spoke in passing, nothing serious. She got married last year. I was NOT invited, it’s ok. We then friended each other on Facebook. So for the past six months or so I have gotten no response on FB from her. I even invited her to my birthday party, nothing. I had planned on unfriending her AND some others anyway but NOW she invites me to her home. I really dont wanna go. Number 1 being I dont consider her a friend anymore. Number 2 being I dont care for the other ladies she acquaints herself with. And number 3 being, I think she is just inviting me so it will look like she has lots of “girlfriends” (I know that’s an ugly thought.) I have a problem holding grudges and I just dont want anything to do with her.

But, what if she is really reaching out?

Sincerely,

Should I Stay Or Should I Go

Dear Should I Stay or Should I Go,

The whole thing sounds sketchy to me. It seems that if your “friend” were really reaching out, she would have called, sent a Facebook message, a text, a pigeon, smoke signal or something to let you know that the air between the two of you had cleared. Accepting a Facebook friend request with no subsequent communication, is really not the way to make amends. I accept friend requests from people I’m not really friends with, just because I’m nosey.

If you worked or still work together, I’m sure there were plenty of opportunities for her to pull you aside and let you know that things were cool, instead of just speaking in passing. She was probably just trying to be cordial. The fact that you weren’t invited to her wedding is pretty telling. And you’re right, it’s nothing you should take too personally. Considering that people have to feed and liquor folks at their weddings, I wouldn’t take it as an insult but as an indication that she sees you as more of an associate than a friend. And maybe even less than that since she didn’t make it to your birthday party and couldn’t come up with an apology or excuse to accompany her absence.

This invite to her home is weird. She can’t make it to your event, you can’t come to her wedding and all of a sudden she wants you in her home, even though the two of you only speak in passing?? No bueno. If I had to guess, it sounds like she’s having some type of I’m-selling-crap-and-I-need-as-many-people-as-possible-so-I-can-make-money party. Judging by the “All Girls Night” theme, I bet she’s hocking vibrators and dildos. Don’t knock her hustle; but even if you’re in the market for such gadgets, I wouldn’t support it.

If you really feel some type of way about the ambiguity surrounding your relationship, ask her what’s going on with you two. If you really don’t care anymore, a simple “hi” in the morning and “goodnight” in the evening, should suffice.

Sincerely,

Renay Alize

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