Real and Relaxed? My Journey In Relapsing Back to the Creamy Crack

May 16th, 2012 - By Kendra Koger

Me with my natural hair

 

Ever since I was in 3rd grade my mother had been giving me relaxers.  I was born with a large amount of hair, and for my mother, relaxing it was the easiest thing for her to do for me and my three other sisters.  I never thought about natural hair until Cycle 5 of America’s Next Top Model, when I was introduced to Bre Scullark.  Oh my goodness, her glorious curls were so bouncy and voluptuous that I began to think that if I went natural, my hair would look exactly like that.

So, in May of 2008, I gave myself the big chop.  Cutting off a total of 16 inches off my head I boldly walked around my college campus with a heightened awareness of my scalp.  But, I persevered through the awkward looks, the need to overcompensate by wearing more makeup and jewelry,and admitting to myself that for years I found a security of having… hair my entire life.  Honestly, there wasn’t a lot of support for girls who were going natural where I was.  All of the salons that I went to for help only wanted to straighten my hair, and it seemed like people were comfortable with a girl with long curly hair, or short straight hair.  But having short, curly hair (that didn’t turn out to be the texture that I hoped for) was sometimes looked down upon by people in grocery stores, on the street, or in restaurants.

Having natural hair is hard work, and I thought I would have a texture of “wash and go” like my friend Janea, but I didn’t.  I bought multiple products to help me manage, and ended up returning some, throwing away many, and just rolling my eyes at the mention of others.  After a year and five months, I had the length that I had in the first picture.  I was natural and LOVED it!  I would preach the glories of not being ashamed of “whatever texture of your hair that grows out of your head, but embrace it!”  I didn’t mind spending the $32 a jar for my Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme, and doing a twist out became a welcomed chore.

However, when I got pregnant I developed a type of lethargic-ness that Sleeping Beauty would have envied.  I got my morning sickness from 2 to 5 in the morning, and during the days I worked as a book editor.  My husband and I shared a car (and he didn’t have a license), so sometimes I would have to drive him to work and to help his family complete errands.  I was always mentally and physically exhausted.  The last thing that was on my mind was my hair.  I spent most of my second trimester in summer, so I was always hot and my thick hair actually began to anger me.  It was just so thick and… everywhere;  and no matter where I went, some stranger was always trying to stick their hands in my head (or rub my stomach.  Please strangers, if you don’t personally know a woman who’s pregnant, and have natural hair, at LEAST ask for her permission before you start invading her bubble with all the touching).    All I wanted to do was to shave my head so I wouldn’t be so hot and uncomfortable.

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  • ChrissyA85

    I actually did the same thing she did… except I’ve always had my natural hair until I was 14 when I got my first relaxer… My mother was reluctant to allow me to get it… her initial rule was I could get one when I turned 18 but begged her sooo much that she caved in. However, 2 years later I haed it because it thinned my hair out and broke it off a lot so I retreated back to my natural hair. I loved it for 2 1/2 yrs then I went back to the creamy crack because I had too in college when I started my on camera tv classes/news shows plus I was tired of how much time to took to do my hair and when I did it there weren’t as many products to help define your curls. Now I’m tired of the relaxer again because it keeps breaking my hair off… my hair is very very soft btw so if my hair is over pocessed slightly it will either make my hair limp and break off (even with a mild relaxer)… needless to say 6yrs later I am back in the process of going natural again. This time though it will be for good…I’ve come to the conclusion that relaxers just aren’t for my hair.  

  • Entyce986

    Im a natural and not by trend but by choice. I wanted to comment and say your hair looks nice either way. You gotta do whats best for you be it relaxed or natural. I think that we (black women) should start uplifting each other and stop segregating each other because of simple things. 

  • guest

    I love this. I was in the same boat as you. Right now I just don’t have the time to take care of my natural hair and so I relax it. I know that eventually I will go back to natural, but it’s just hair for me right now and relaxing is easier. Thanks for this :)  

  • BeeEasy

    This really could have been my story. I had natural hair BEFORE it was the trendy thing to do. Except i really just walked around with huge unstyled hair (which was the look i wanted). Then i got tired of it and relaxed it. Of all the things of what defines me…my hair does not make the list. ITS JUST HAIR!!!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/4GEE4I23T7VB7TIFAG35P76OI4 Danielle

    Ok when putting a relaxer in your hair the stylist uses gloves yet you put on your scalp?  Its you hair do what you like  however no chemical tat can strip pipes could possibly be good for you.

  • eyeEEsha

    Congrats on doing what works for you. I’ve been natural for about 3 years and there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about throwing a relaxer in my head. My hair is like a sheep’s a** and I’m tender-headed to the point of tears. I think a lot of people assume that if you relax your hair, you’re trying to live up to some European/Asian standard of beauty and for a lot of us, that isn’t the case. My mom started relaxing my hair because I simply couldn’t handle getting it combed or brushed in it’s natural state. Anyone who gives you or any other grown woman a hard time about personal choices regarding hair needs to fall all the way back and have several seats.

  • Guest

    Lets be honest….natural and chemical free hair is the healthiest hair.  I say this because I developed extreme eczema  in my scalp due to the perms I use to receive as a child. I always had long hair but the perm and eczema didnt mix. We rather put chemicals in our hair just so it can look straight and become more manageable.  Relaxers are harmful chemicals lets just be real. Someone said that black womens hair is no different than any other race. Meaning the way white woman, Asian woman care for their hair is the same way we should care for ours. TRUE think about it hair is simple wash it often, keep it moisturized, condition well, and protect it. Black women hair can grow long and healthy just like anyone else but we choose to manipulate it more than any other race. Not saying i didnt love my permed hair but it didnt love me back. lol I just want black women to educate ourselves on how to take care of hair, bodies, and overall health. CHEMICALS ARE NOT THE ANSWER sorry

  • Onyx07

    I don’t understand why people say relaxing is easier. I just recently when back to a relaxer after almost 5 years and I regret it so much! I am always thinking about my hair. I feel like it was easier for me to get up and go with natural hair. A little water, some conditioner, and monthly twist fest while watching movies and I was good to go. So since I can’t immediately go back to natural right away and I am unwilling to do the big chop, how can I make having relaxed hair easier?

  • Ndwordsmith

    Kendra Koger,

    I think you are beautiful processed and not.  
    I have been natural off and on for many many years now.  
    I have been where you are. Even though
    I did it the other way around – I went Natural
    while I was pregnant.
    Nevertheless, I can relate to going back 
    to the creamy crack.
    Having been through rehab
    and clean for 
    four years, sixteen days and seventy-four minutes
    I can attest to only this…
    Natural hair sprouts from the soul.
    You will be back.
    And you will be welcomed
    with a party and a ring
    the finest oils 
    and the biggest toothed comb.

    :>)

  • Mimigogo123

    If African people are the original people then ALL HAIR TEXTURES including silky straight belong to us. It’s the Eurocentric community aka “the man” that wants you to forget this and make us feel bad for what we do to our hair. Do your research there are blond and even straight haired original people. For this reason we can do what we want to our hair and not love ourselves any more or less for what we choose. Remember we also invented the art of hair adornment too…..

    • Ndwordsmith

      I certainly know that.  I have people in my family with kinky, wavy, straight, thick, thin.
      I think the point of going natural though is to be you.  Not what other people are born to be.  

      Hair adornment is one thing, completely covering and altering is another.  Hair adornment also doesn’t cause cancer.

      We can certainly do whatever we want to our hair just like Wesley Snipes can date whomever he wants.  It is not cool however to say one ethni…. well you can probably guess where I’m goin’  Unless you are too young to know who Wesley Snipes is and what he said about Black women…and then my point wouldn’t matter anyway.

      The point at the end of the day is NATURAL.  YOU.  When God was looking upon YOU with all the pride of a great sculptor, what did she think was beautifully and wonderfully made, about YOU before she said “Ok, I can perfect her no more, I present to the world, my masterpiece”?

  • http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Peaches%20The%20Writer PeachesTheWriter

    You have to do what works for you. You are beautiful in both the pictures. Take care of your health and pay attention to ailments that might be attributable to relaxed hair. Other than that, enjoy life and continue to be the lovely person you are!

  • secret

    I so understand..I went back to the creamy crack and it’s working out so much better for me than it’s natural state…I have a nice texture but it was still too much..My hair is very dry as is..so natural just complicated things. It is expensive to maintain and stylists act as if they don’t know what to do with natural hair in my area..The ones that do, charge an arm and a leg…

  • NaturallyPretty1908

    I have A LOT of hair & I don’t have that fine hair that curls up when water hits it. I have found some staple products that just work for me and a GOOD hair stylist. I get my hair done once a month for $65. And my styles ALWAYS get compliments. I was preggo this past summer and NOT ONCE did I do my own hair. I wore twist outs and finally decided on getting long two strand twist. It worked for me. BUT to each is own. I can’t deal with the burns from the perm and the heat damage.

  • Romondia

    Your hair looks nice in both pics. I went back natural two years ago cutting several inches of the permed hair out every 3-4 mos until it was all gone. I have a wash and go texture, but it must be moisturized or it will look and feel like a fro with a curly pattern. My next day hair I usually just slightly dampen the dry areas
     to revive it the next morning.

  • Joyanne R.

    I was natural for a long time to and decided to texlax my hair, but with my thick texture and length it didn’t make it easier, so I cut it all of and started back from scratch natural.  braiding my hair back, and wearing a wig has been the easiest thing ever.  I had been doing my own hair for 4 years and my hand hurt so bad.  This time I’m going to try more products or methods or just keep the length short to where I would have a nice round afro, nothing to long.  Thanks for sharing your story I thought I was only one who suffered from my hair is just not that important at the moment.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1564967486 Francena McGirt

    Rocking natural hair is not for everyone. I wish her the best with her choices. *shrug*

  • http://www.musicontelevision.org/ TC83

    I am natural and have been for several years but I do miss having wash and go hair and honestly if finances permitted I would probably process my hair tomorrow. The thought of washing my hair wears me out since it involves a multistage process to minimize tangles and pain.  It is funny though as much as I don’t look forward to it when I am washing my hair and styling it I get lost in the process. The way style it allows me to wear wigs when I want quick and versatile looks.  It took a lot of research for me to get comfortable with styling my hair but I do like having something I can maintain myself.

  • http://www.facebook.com/black.exodus1 Black Exodus

    Hello Beautiful Sistas… I will offer my ‘opinion”.  I adore and value women that “rock’ natural hairstyles. Like many sisters that take the challenge of being natural, conquering the mental aspect is the hardest part. Loving yourself that way the creator made you is challenging in America, because of the influx of euro-beauty dictating hot and attractive. I’m happy that many women of color are embracing natural hairstyles with a sense of value, freedom and beauty. With all the issues facing African American men and women a discussion about hair should be one of the last topics discussed…but it’s these small changes that allows us to express and awaken, who and what we truly are. Whatever we do…the world follows. I appreciate your conviction and strength. Stay Beautiful!!!

    Black Exodus “Diamonds” check me out.   

  • Just saying!!

    It’s interesting to me that you think having a perm is cheaper. I did a project on black hair and wound up interviewing quite a few women and the natural women spent WAY less than permed women (unless fake hair was involved). They said they would buy the oils and stuff and it would last for a long time. But idk…I went natural a few months ago and the permed hair was a lot easier for me to maintain. HOWEVER, thats only because I don’t really know how to do my hair. lol if I did it wouldn’t be a problem. Now that I’m graduating college in a week I’ll have more time to learn (woot woot! lol) When you wear a perm you tend not to have very much versatility or do very much with your hair so I never really had to learn to do anything. I appreciate your journey but personally being natural just makes me feel more…me. 

  • Superstar_12203

    I think you’re awesome for writing this article, you were honest and honesty is the best quality.

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