Real and Relaxed? My Journey In Relapsing Back to the Creamy Crack

May 16th, 2012 - By Kendra Koger

Me with my natural hair

 

Ever since I was in 3rd grade my mother had been giving me relaxers.  I was born with a large amount of hair, and for my mother, relaxing it was the easiest thing for her to do for me and my three other sisters.  I never thought about natural hair until Cycle 5 of America’s Next Top Model, when I was introduced to Bre Scullark.  Oh my goodness, her glorious curls were so bouncy and voluptuous that I began to think that if I went natural, my hair would look exactly like that.

So, in May of 2008, I gave myself the big chop.  Cutting off a total of 16 inches off my head I boldly walked around my college campus with a heightened awareness of my scalp.  But, I persevered through the awkward looks, the need to overcompensate by wearing more makeup and jewelry,and admitting to myself that for years I found a security of having… hair my entire life.  Honestly, there wasn’t a lot of support for girls who were going natural where I was.  All of the salons that I went to for help only wanted to straighten my hair, and it seemed like people were comfortable with a girl with long curly hair, or short straight hair.  But having short, curly hair (that didn’t turn out to be the texture that I hoped for) was sometimes looked down upon by people in grocery stores, on the street, or in restaurants.

Having natural hair is hard work, and I thought I would have a texture of “wash and go” like my friend Janea, but I didn’t.  I bought multiple products to help me manage, and ended up returning some, throwing away many, and just rolling my eyes at the mention of others.  After a year and five months, I had the length that I had in the first picture.  I was natural and LOVED it!  I would preach the glories of not being ashamed of “whatever texture of your hair that grows out of your head, but embrace it!”  I didn’t mind spending the $32 a jar for my Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme, and doing a twist out became a welcomed chore.

However, when I got pregnant I developed a type of lethargic-ness that Sleeping Beauty would have envied.  I got my morning sickness from 2 to 5 in the morning, and during the days I worked as a book editor.  My husband and I shared a car (and he didn’t have a license), so sometimes I would have to drive him to work and to help his family complete errands.  I was always mentally and physically exhausted.  The last thing that was on my mind was my hair.  I spent most of my second trimester in summer, so I was always hot and my thick hair actually began to anger me.  It was just so thick and… everywhere;  and no matter where I went, some stranger was always trying to stick their hands in my head (or rub my stomach.  Please strangers, if you don’t personally know a woman who’s pregnant, and have natural hair, at LEAST ask for her permission before you start invading her bubble with all the touching).    All I wanted to do was to shave my head so I wouldn’t be so hot and uncomfortable.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/theshytrovert Alise Earls

    If my natural hair looked like that, I would never relax again, ever! For me, going natural was a matter of finances. Relax and color was costing $200 a month, just crazy. My hair is wash and go, whether I want an afro or a afro puff or twists or whatever, it’s just easy and cheap. Nothing against relaxing, I did for years. But I also resent the idea that to be considered feminine and pretty I need to alter my hair texture.

  • Teacher

    Did you know you can have it both ways without chemicals? The key is to deep condition your hair so it is strong, healthy and soft and the ends receive attention. Then you can go straight with a blow dryer and flat iron. Or go curly with twist out or rodding. My straight style lasts more than 2 weeks. My curly lasts about as long with same amount of care and maintenance.
    Want to switch up? Shampoo, deep condition – or deep condition hair while dry- then shampoo. In either case leave conditioner in at least 30 minutes under a hood dryer or 1 hour or more without heat. In both cases wear a plastic cap.
    Straight or long both need to be trained. That takes time, patience and much love.
    So you see, as are all people, Black people are lovely and born with fabulous attributes. Get to know yourself the way you are and discover fabulous.

  • Teacher

    The word is “lethargy” not “lethargicness.”

  • Pingback: African/Black America - Not quite ready for team natural? Why these black women went back to using relaxers

  • Pingback: Not quite ready for team natural? Why these black women went back to using relaxers | theGrio

  • KC

    I am at this point and I am going to relax and the reason comes down to manageability. Between going to the gym, work, school, the freakin humidity outside; there is a lot that factors in and I’m at the point that I rather just deal with the straight hair then continue natural. I also completely agree about it being a mental thing to go natural, and I am just not there. I just dont think it should make anyone less black because they relax their. Sometimes, relaxers are just easier to manage.

  • Chemi

    Don’t use soap anymore because it might get in your eyes! Check out what is used to make it! ….one person’s medicine is another person’s poison….like chemo therapy.

  • Charmayne Joseph

    After being natural for 5 yrs…the only thing i now dread is washing my hair. I wash it in sections but it takes so long to dry without heat. I don’t prefer co-washing either cuz my scalp will still itch afterwards. Other than that I’m cool with my hair. People love it, and I find comfort in the fact that all other races have the option to wear their hair “as is” but for some reason many blacks decided early on that we don’t have that option. So now, I’m like everyone else (whites, asians,hispanics, and the fearless black sistahs)!

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