When The Real World Gets TOO Real: How Corporate America Almost Damaged My Self-Esteem

May 16th, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers

blackgirlonghair.com

There are some things that college just doesn’t prepare you for. It can provide you with knowledge of your field of study. It can give you career training. It can prep you for what and what not to say during an interview, bu the one thing, however, that college fails to prepare many of us for is what we will encounter once we’re actually hired. The American Dream leads us to believe that hard work and dedication are all that you need to succeed in this country; however, they fail to disclose the little disclaimer that says, “Please Note: This dream is often only applicable to qualifying races.” College taught me many things, but one thing that they did not tell me prior to shaking my hand and giving me a diploma was that in many cases, as a black woman in corporate America, you have to work ten times as hard just to be considered as good as your counterparts.

I remember my first paid internship in the public relations industry like it was yesterday. I popped up on the scene with my eyes beaming, deep brown skin glowing, and my heart full of expectations. I had already made up my mind that I would work harder than I’d ever worked in my life. I was prepared to conquer the world! I learned swiftly that an intern’s position was the lowest of the lowest on the totem pole, but I was prepared to stick my chest out, lift my chin up, push my shoulders back and handle my business like a woman because I knew that I would reap a greater reward in the end. So no, I didn’t expect anyone to give my anything. I was prepared to earn it fair and square. But the public relations department that I interned for was so small that it didn’t long to realize that I was being treated differently. The differential treatment started out with small things. You know, those things that are so “small” you ask yourself, “Did that just happen or am I bugging out?” For instance, things like my entire department tip-toeing out while I went to the bathroom to attend a company sponsored event that I wasn’t even made aware of until after the fact. Yeah. “Small.”

“You’re just an intern, they aren’t required to tell you anything,” is what I told myself as I carried out the rest of the workday alone, trying not to get in my feelings about the shadiness that had just taken place. But once another intern was hired,  I could no longer blame the subtle shade on my title. This intern happened to be white, and once she was instantly invited to attend some of our more “upscale” events, while I wasn’t, I realized that my suspicions might be correct. My dark-er skin, wide-r hips, thick-er thighs, and full-er lips made me less qualified to attend these events because I would improperly represent the face of the brand, I suppose.

There was one instance where I had to go and make a purchase for some supplies using the department’s American Express Card. The way in which I was treated when I was given that card would’ve led a person to believe that I had a criminal background and was just given the code to Donald Trump’s bank account. “Don’t get happy and run off with that AMEX card in your purse,” the department coordinator called after me as I exited the office. My nostrils flared as I thought to myself “Girl bye, I’ve never had to steal anything in my life.”

Little comments such as that one went on as long as I was in this department. There was one occasion when the entire department went out to lunch and for some reason one of the other employees felt the need to tell me about her big, black, voluptuous nanny named Shelia whom she had as a child. I remember sitting there resisting the urge to twist up my face at her wondering, “Why in the hell is she telling me this? Does she want me to watch her kids or something?” Of course, there was no moral to her story–she just felt the need to share. I felt the urge to flip the table over and assume the stereotype of the angry black woman, but I didn’t. Instead I sat there silently.

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  • Jac10boa

    Respect in corporate America is a joke — especially if you are Black.  Now you know why there are so few of us in corporate America.  Stay strong, put on your armour to prepare for the battle.  Lastly, always do the right thing even when the wrong thing is happening all around you!

  • jaz

    TALK that M*THAFREAKIN’ TALK (!), Sis…  I’m in tears over here!  I KNOW your pain… intimately.

  • Mls2698

    Girl, Bye. White folk don’t like black people who hold their head high. You did everything right. What I can’t stand is the “yassuh” black folk who try to play along to get along, but end up just being a “Tom.”

  • Miss B

    Wow! I am so thankful for this article because I am currently in a similar situation. I hate the fact that I have to question whether or not I am being treated unfairly because of my race. Thats the thing people don’t get. They awlays wonder why black people keep pulling the race card but, it’s not even about always pulling the race card, for me, it’s about always wondering whether or not I have to.

  • Sophie

    im at work reading this and about to cry… i feel like this every day… day in and day out. im struggling to find my way out.

    • Miss B

      Got a lil teary eyed too. I guess we gotta keep doing what we were taught to do…be strong, even when we feel broken inside…that and pray. You’ll be okay, I know you will!

    • Mls2698

      Girl, you better be working instead of looking at Mn. That will be a reason for them to fire your azz.

  • Coco Black

    You keep on keeping on!!…..don’t let them crush your spirit! Or as Mum says f** k them… ;-)

  • Coco Black

    God, that brings back memories!! I haven’t had tooo much bother in the working world BUT….there are def positions I didn’t get due to the colour of my skin. I remember I had an interview for an in-paid internship (many moons ago!!) and was told “you don’t have the look we are looking for”). I was just 22! I remember discussing it with friends but thinking back now..I should of brought it up with my university.
    I currently work in a division with the biggest snobs ever!! But I walk in looking good, happy and get straight to work….I have no time or interest in the people who don’t want to say morning!!

  • Guest

    I can more than relate to this post. As a young black woman who works for a hockey team in the south (Crazy, right?), I’ve cried in my workplace’s bathroom, on my lunch break, and had my tears dry on pillow as I’ve drifted off to sleep due to treatment in my workplace. Having to work 10, 15, heck even 20 times harder than others feels like an understatement at times. But, as of late I’ve begun to re-find my confidence and I daily remind myself that I am intelligent, capable, and deserve to be here as much as everyone else does. To any and all other black women going through similar situations, please do not give up hope; believe in yourself and give yourself a compliment and affirmation of your abilities everyday, because it really will go a long way in helping you feel more comfortable in your situation, and/or motivate you to move on to a better opportunity. 

  • Happy

    Heartbreaking,this literally brought a tear to my eye.You are such a classy and strong woman.

  • justme

    Story of my life….woo-sah Jesus!

  • DoinMe

    There should be a class about this and other effery that’s not taught behind school walls. The racism and ignorance in Corporate America can be more than a notion and can be extremely oppressive for black women. Many of us are natural born leaders, but in the workplace, we aren’t allowed to express our true selves. If we’re too vocal, we’re angry black b***es. If we’re too smart or do too much, we’re uppidity and need to be put into our place. If we do just enough to get by or just what we’re supposed to do, we’re lazy. I always tell extremely smart women, go to work in Corporate America to get some experience and contacts, but then go out on your own and start your own business. A measly paycheck is not worth your dignity or self-esteem. 

  • college’13

    I’ve heard so many horror stories and it makes me shudder being as I am pursuing a career in PR and marketing. As a black woman, especially a dark skinned one, it’s very intimidating embarking on this field that’s all about selling some ideal image and perception. I’m in college as of now and I’m very nervous. I also hate that black women who voice their opinions or stand up for themselves are being the angry black woman stereotype. What are the options, be a doormat or be the “that” person? In the 22 years of being on this planet, I tell you it’s a hard row to hoe being a black woman! 

    • Ky

      Right, I just interviewed for an internship at a corporate office and I’m a bit scared to see if I’ll endure these same things :(

  • Linda

    I am quite sure most companies are not like this but … this attitude is very common in corperate America : (

  • Linda

    Corporate America at it finest !  HR at most of these company suck they are all talk and no action.

  • fitnessforlife

    I had similar experiences working for white folks, being the only, or one of the only, blacks/minorities in the office.

    Yes, I too, got the hints at babysitting the bosses child. What on earth made him think I even liked kids? And I hated that job, and the job structure, and how they demeaned and belittled my efforts. No, sir, he did not want me babysitting HIS kids.

    My mother did the white-folks’-nanny bit so that I wouldn’t have to, and even she came close to hurting someone’s kids because of how they treated her.

    That will not be me. Trust, I did not go to college to become someone’s nanny, especially when it’s not in my plans, i don’t want to, I don’t like you because you don’t respect me, you demean and devalue my work and you’re not paying me enough to begin with.

  • Kitsy

    I can totally relate. It’s funny how we are both visible and invisible to them at the same time. I have so many stories of those “small things” you wrote about, but I distinctly remember an incident that happened few years ago at my prior job that solidified this issue of being invisible for me. I had been working there for a little over two years and had pretty important position. It was the office holiday party and they were raffling prizes but you had to go up to a check-in desk to collect your ticket. I approached the girl working at the desk, who was the branch president’s secretary, and when I gave her my name and asked for the ticket she looked at me crazy and kept asking me who I was and what department I worked in because she had never seen me before (seriously!). Did I mention I had been working there over 2 years?? AND I had walked past this girl’s desk damn near everyday on my way to the break room and passed her in the halls numerous times. I finally pulled out my security pass to convince her. I wanted to curse her out, but, like you said, you don’t want to confirm their stereotypes as the “angry black girl” so I just smh and walked away.

  • L-Boogie

    Or, being treated like a dummy every time you open your mouth.

    • Celest16

       I just left a company of 5 years that treated me exactly like that. Work place bullies. I came to my new job and within a month, I was giving manager duties. I will say this, HR was my best friend, because not only was she then forced to respect me(after a put in place conversation), she asked for my opinion now and threw a congratulations party when I left, with a gifts attached). I still knew I wasn’t a good fit for the dept, but I left with my head high knowing I was going to shine somewhere else. A month in and I did.

      • Coco Black

        :-)

  • L-Boogie

    Or how about everyone getting to go the party and you are the last one invited.  Or everything you say is considered a lie.  Life is a b****.  I just wish it would end.

  • Truth

    BTW…I can relate and gosh it can break youdown sometimes….we have to be strong no matter what!!

  • Truth

    Heartbreaking…..keep your head up!!

    • Mzcali

      The saddest part is that so many women fell like they can’t say or do what they really want in fear of perpetuating a stereotype. Ummmm hello the reason they are treating you like that is because of the stereotype they already think you are. I’m past tired of black people feeling like they have to tap dance to make whites feel at ease. Even if every black person on this planet became doctors and lawyers, you will be still be watermelon chicken eating welfare lazy n!ggers. Our president is the epitome of a strong classy black man and they still call him a monkey. Be you and stop worrying about what people think. Their minds haven’t change and isn’t going to change anytime soon. It’s just a waste of life if you are living to appease others.

      • Truth

        While I agree with what you are saying.  The fact is you will be doing your best and get pass over for a promotion or any advancement in corporate America.  It’s heartbreaking because no one should have to feel that way.  Judge us by the content/quality of our work!!  What is so hard in doing that!

      • UnflinchingSpirit

        Please explain how we should get promotions and advancements if we are to act a stereotypes and tell the white folks off? Do you even work in corporate america? We have to care if we are to advance in our career.

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