Meeting His Mother For the First Time?: How To Make A Great Impression

May 13, 2012  |  

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Meeting your man’s parents can be a terrifying experience – especially when it means coming face to face with probably the most important woman in his life – his MOTHER. After all, most men hold their mothers in high regard – almost to a standard that no woman can meet – so consider yourself lucky that he wants to make the introduction. Men may not admit it, but they all want to find a woman they can bring home to mom, one they respect and admire enough to show off and be proud of – and one his mother would approve of. Now, if he doesn’t respect or love his mother, then RUN. But if your boo and his mother are tight (note: not a mama’s boy – big difference), there are some rules you need to follow when meeting her for the first time so that you make a good impression, get her stamp of approval, and give confirmation to your man that you just may be the one he’s been looking for.

Timing

Don’t rush to meet her if you just started dating, even if he suggests it. While most men have no problem introducing you to friends, their dog or even their favorite uncle, meeting his mother should be a big deal – not something done on a whim. His mother’s opinion of you may shape how he feels about you down the line, so make sure YOU’RE ready to go there if you truly care about him. Get to know him, ask questions about his family and cultivate a strong relationship first. You both should mutually agree when a good time to meet the parents should be – both of your parents if they’re still alive. If you feel rushed, tell him you’re not comfortable meeting her yet. If he pressures you, something is off – so reevaluate the relationship.

Presentation

When meeting his mother for the first time, dress conservatively. That means no tight, hugging jeans or skirts, no cleavage, no crazy big earrings and no 7 inch heels. She’ll just think you’re this floozy trying to corrupt her sweet, little boy. No one needs to see all that, and she will definitely not be impressed that you showed up to her house looking like you were going to a club. If you have body art or numerous piercings, try to cover it up as much as possible until you get to know her better and she has already fallen in love with you. And lastly, go easy on the makeup. She may think you’re trying to hide something behind that mask of MAC you’re wearing. Keep everything neat and simple. This may all seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many women have no idea how to present themselves when meeting a man’s mother.

 

Manners

Use them. Say, “please” and “thank you.” Don’t curse in front of her, even if she does. Don’t say things like, “girrrrrl” or treat her like she’s one of your girlfriends. She’s not your friend…yet. Be respectful, find out BEFOREHAND how she likes to be addressed (especially if she’s divorced), and don’t text excessively or share bodily functions with her. I understand that you may think you’re grown and can do whatever you want, but not making use of your manners and being disrespectful may get you the boot. Some men and women have forgotten how to use their manners, so just think how pleasantly pleased his mother will be when she discovers her son has chosen a woman who actually knows how to behave.

Drinking

Don’t do it – before or during your first meeting. If you’re meeting her at a restaurant or for Thanksgiving dinner, and she offers you a glass of wine, decline, unless you’re ABSOLUTELY sure you can handle yourself – and stop at one. She could be testing you, and even though she may drink, you don’t want to give her any reason to pass judgment on YOU. Same goes for smoking. Don’t do it. Chew some Nicorette before going to meet her so that you get your nicotine fix, but don’t smoke that day if you can help it so that you don’t reek of smoke. By the way, smoking is bad for you – just wanted to throw that out there.

Conversation

Under no circumstances should you debate, argue, or gossip with his mother. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be engaging or have opinions about anything, but your conversation shouldn’t be combative or argumentative. If you’ve done your research and asked questions about her beforehand, you should be able to pick a topic that interests her and discuss that. Does she like to go to movies, knit, jog? What does she do for a living? Get her to talk about herself so that you get to know her better, and answer her questions honestly, but briefly. Stay away from polarizing topics like politics or religion – and if for any reason you two find yourselves disagreeing about something, drop it. Tell her that you respect her opinion and quickly change the subject – talk about something else.

Loving & Kind

You want his mother to believe that you love and respect her son – which should be true if he’s taken the step to introduce you to his mother. So don’t argue with him in her presence, don’t disrespect him or tell his mother all the things he does wrong a daily basis. She doesn’t want to hear it. Sure, she probably knows him better than anyone and recognizes all his faults, but that’s not for YOU to say. Keep your business between the two of you. If you feel you need to speak to him about something he said or did, either wait until you get home or excuse yourselves to some place where she cannot hear you…and keep calm. You don’t want to give her a reason to think you two don’t belong together, so make sure to sing his praises. That will give her the impression that you see just how wonderful her son is – just like she does.

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  • JustSaying

    Honestly, just be respectful. Don’t put on a charade. 

  • Allyce

    Know some current events and have some examples of goals you HAVE achieved. 

  • Mls2698

    Be your self, nothing different.

  • ElvisWasAHero2Most

    Is it really this big a deal when a woman meets her man’s mother?  Hmm… wish I could empathize.  A sad reality of dating Black women, chances are you won’t have to meet their fathers.

  • Diana White42

      L_o_v_e__s_e_e_s__n_o__c_o_l_o_r.

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  • Nitty

    Ugh

  • MelissaM

    PLEASE! For the love of God, please put everything on ONE PAGE. How long must we suffer?

    • MelissaM

      I love Madame Noire, but the multiple webpages are really a bit much…

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     and one his mother would approve of. Now, if he doesn’t respect or love his mother, then RUN. But if your boo and his mother are tight (note: not a mama’s boy – big difference), t 325325