Dear Very Smart Brother,
I am hoping that maybe you can tell me whether this guy is really worth sticking with or if I am being played and should really leave and never look back. I have been seeing this guy for a little over 5 months now. We have been rocky since the start because when we first started talking he had just gotten out of a relationship. I was trying to guard myself and keep from becoming the rebound girl but he ensured me he was over her. I believed him…sorta.I have been hurt and lied too a lot in relationships so it is hard for me to trust but a man is only as good as his word and if he tells me something and I have no reason to not believe him I will.We both are college students (I’m 19 and a freshman, he is 20 and a sophomore), we attend schools in different cities so we are in a long distance relationship however we are from the same city. We met through a mutual friend who told me he is a “good guy.”
To get to the point, I have a hard time trusting him and other females. One of my biggest fears is getting cheated on and possibly never finding out about it or being lied to about it. But because we are doing this whole long distance thing a lot of what we do takes place over the computer and cell phone. This is where Twitter and Facebook come about. He tends to be a flirtatious guy, I do not like this and have told him and he keeps it under control at times, or so I think. He’s one of those guys that like girls pictures and comments on them and their posts. It wasn’t a problem until I saw he kept liking this one girl’s picture who goes to school with me. On those pics he even crossed the line and told her she was beautiful and even called her baby a few times. We talked about this and he stopped. I explained to him that it’s disrespectful to me to see this and what is the point unless he is trying to get the girl’s attention. This particular girl is a girl he used to have a thing with and apparently they are “just friends” now. (I have my doubts.) They hang out every now and then and it bothers me. I also feel if he is content in what we have and since he knows how it makes me feel he shouldn’t want too, even if it’s just out of respect for me.
We also had issues with communication, he wouldn’t talk to me for some days and I’m like um you do realize we have this long distance thing going on here, if this is going to work we have to keep the connection strong somehow. For a while we would video chat or text a lot, talk on the phone. Now all we do is text and most of time we are arguing over something he did.
Now I have another breaking point with him on twitter. He flirts with other girls but claims it’s just a social media site and I take it too serious. But I feel sending winky faces and asking girls to text him and saying they are cute is borderline. I have tried ending things with him many times but I always find myself going back to him after we talk about the issues. I don’t know whether he is just good at lying or if really I do bug out over little things. I just feel I don’t need to be in a relationship if I’m not being respect or being played. He is a good guy in the sense that he not doing all the crazy stuff other young men are out there doing but bad in the sense that maybe he doesn’t respect me like he should and maybe that he’s not someone I should be with. Another thing that gets me is he tells me he loves me. I don’t say it back because I don’t and I’m not sure I ever will because I’m not sure if he is worthy of all my trust or if it’s all a game to him right now. But I wonder would a guy put up with all the arguing and distrust from a girl he just wanted to play? I want a good relationship where my boyfriend can talk to me about anything and we have genuine and mutual trust. I don’t know if I don’t trust him because of my life experiences or really cause of stuff he does. I really like him though. He makes me laugh, he seems to really care about me (at times). I am sorry this is so long but I wanted you to have all the details to really help me out.
Run Away or Stay