Why do some men expect monogamy from women, but fail to reciprocate? Why do some women allow men to have a relationship with them, but have relations, or even another relationship, with other women…while they are dating them? Are the expectations of men that low, or have women not set expectations and standards for themselves?
There are a number of categories in dating people use to define their relationship status; however the two primary categories in dating; ‘dating’ and ‘a dating relationship’ are the categories people often confuse which brings about the dating double standard. ‘Dating’ is often thought of as a form of courtship involving people with the purpose of assessing one’s character on a general level for the possibility of engaging in a meaningful, long term relationship, friendship or distant association.
A ‘dating relationship’ is thought of as a form of courtship involving two people exclusively for the purpose of assessing one’s character for companionship, with the possibility of marriage. Men are often accused of indulging in the dating double standard because they date more than one woman at a time, but expect the women they have the most interest in to remain monogamous with them. A few reasons some men expect monogamy from women, but don’t reciprocate are: some men are selfish, women allow it, some men aren’t being held accountable, a man doesn’t want to share the good woman, and some men are ego-centered. And sadly enough, some women indulge in this double standard.
Why do some women indulge in the dating double standard? The answers are simple; fear of being lonely, foolish flattery (he wants me all to himself), fear of losing a ‘good catch’, and the desire to have a title, even if it has no meaning (wifey, main squeeze, ‘the one’, etc.). Both men and women indulge in the dating double standard because they confuse dating and a dating relationship, and this is because they are so eager to have companionship, they don’t set standards for themselves in the categories of dating, nor do they define the terms of both dating and a dating relationship. When two people decide they want to get to know each other better, they designate time, and plan to go on a date. If they decide they want to keep spending time with each other, they continue to communicate as they see fit, and here’s where the confusion begins.
When most people have spent time with someone they are attracted to and enjoy being around, their emotions get involved, and they have the tendency to make a dating situation more than what it is without consulting the other person. When two people are dating, it does not mean they are bound to the one person they spend the most time with unless they have discussed, and mutually agreed to move beyond the dating category/stage and enter into a dating relationship. Most people skip the ‘deciding discussion’ phase because they get caught up with the dating activities (going out, sex, affectionate text messages, etc.) and they presume they should be involved in a monogamous dating relationship because they are doing things that couples do. Then when they find out the other person is dating other people while dating them, it brings about unnecessary drama.