Ladies, Are You Guilty of Promoting The Dating Double Standard?

May 10th, 2012 - By Liz Lampkin

Why do some men expect monogamy from women, but fail to reciprocate? Why do some women allow men to have a relationship with them, but have relations, or even another relationship, with other women…while they are dating them? Are the expectations of men that low, or have women not set expectations and standards for themselves?

There are a number of categories in dating people use to define their relationship status; however the two primary categories in dating; ‘dating’ and ‘a dating relationship’ are the categories people often confuse which brings about the dating double standard.  ‘Dating’ is often thought of as a form of courtship involving people with the purpose of assessing one’s character on a  general level for the possibility of engaging in a meaningful, long term relationship, friendship or distant association.

A ‘dating relationship’ is thought of as a form of courtship involving two people exclusively for the purpose of assessing one’s character for companionship, with the possibility of marriage. Men are often accused of indulging in the dating double standard because they date more than one woman at a time, but expect the women they have the most interest in to remain monogamous with them. A few reasons some men expect monogamy from women, but don’t reciprocate are: some men are selfish, women allow it, some men aren’t being held accountable, a man doesn’t want to share the good woman, and some men are ego-centered. And sadly enough, some women indulge in this double standard.

Why do some women indulge in the dating double standard? The answers are simple; fear of being lonely, foolish flattery (he wants me all to himself), fear of losing a ‘good catch’, and the desire to have a title, even if it has no meaning (wifey, main squeeze, ‘the one’, etc.). Both men and women indulge in the dating double standard because they confuse dating and a dating relationship, and this is because they are so eager to have companionship, they don’t set standards for themselves in the categories of dating, nor do they define the terms of both dating and a dating relationship. When two people decide they want to get to know each other better, they designate time, and plan to go on a date. If they decide they want to keep spending time with each other, they continue to communicate as they see fit, and here’s where the confusion begins.

When most people have spent time with someone they are attracted to and enjoy being around, their emotions get involved, and they have the tendency to make a dating situation more than what it is without consulting the other person. When two people are dating, it does not mean they are bound to the one person they spend the most time with unless they have discussed, and mutually agreed to move beyond the dating category/stage and enter into a dating relationship. Most people skip the ‘deciding discussion’ phase because they get caught up with the dating activities (going out, sex, affectionate text messages, etc.) and they presume they should be involved in a monogamous dating relationship because they are doing things that couples do. Then when they find out the other person is dating other people while dating them, it brings about unnecessary drama.

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  • OHHHH

    Going beyond this article, women are just dumb period, can’t think for themselves but go by what society tells them and they hate each other. They will stay with a cheating husband and blame the other woman for it, they will go to school, have a career but dump all of that when a man tells her to stay at home and do nothing. They give up everything when a man tells them to do. They will gain weight because men like thick or lose weight because men like thin. They call each other b****, w**** and other deragatory terms just because men say so. When another woman cheats, women attack her and call her names. But when a man cheats, women make excuse for HIM and say her woman did not do enough to keep him. Women would call a 43 year old woman old and done (Jlo) but call a 43 year old man young and needing a younger woman to update himself (women hating on Beyonce saying she looks 36 and old forgetting Jayz is 12 years older than her). I can go on and on, the point is women are followers, can’t think for themselves but according to men.

    • justme

      Not all women are followers…if he cheats, then he is to blame not the other woman, but I will speak on it to her if she knew he was in a relationship when he cheated with her…I am not one to call another woman, let alone another person, out of their name…and I know Im all about my career and education and betterment for myself, especially since I can neva see myself as a housewife…any woman or man in their 40′s is considered to me as being in their prime…I guess I could go on and on but as I said not all are followers, there is a percentage of us that do actually think for ourselves….

      • BAMMM

        Good and I command you for that. I guess I shoud have used some not all. Reading comments and hearing women sometimes make you think some of them are just dumb and a bunch of men followers. Women are calling Jlo names for dating a younger guy but congratulate Marc Anthony for scoring a younger woman? You see where I am going? Anyway, keep up the work!!!

        • FromUR2UB

          Nope.  Not celebrating old men who run after young women either.  I’m in my late 40s, but define “old” by how I viewed someone of JLo and Mark Anthony’s ages when I was in my early 20s.  Though I’m aware that some young people are attracted to older people, I remember the thought of dating someone in their 40s, as repulsive when I was that age.  I know I’m in a different place at my current age in terms of priorities, than when I was in my 20s.  So, if a person can reach their 40s and still think like a person in his 20s, still feel they have something in common with them, I don’t necessarily consider that a good thing.

          It’s not an either/or situation of which the women with whom men cheat, are completely to blame for the affair, or entirely blameless.  She shares blame, especially when she knows the man is married or has a girlfriend.  Adults are responsible for their own decisions and actions.  Also, there are some women who prefer relationships with married men. So, women who knowingly date men who have commitments to other women, can’t be absolved of their responsibilty for the role they play in the affair.   Finally, any woman who has had a cheating husband or boyfriend, has probably had at least one of his mistresses harrass her by phone.  Of course, the man introduced this woman into his relationship with his wife/girlfriend; but, for other people to make his partner in cheating, innocent…where does that come from?

  • http://www.peegame.net/ ThatChick

    Defining a relationship is VERY important!