You Don’t Say: New Report Says Couples With Kids Actually Happier Than Those Without

May 7th, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

With all the talk about people slowing down their baby making because of the economy and the decrease in marriage—and the inherent headaches we know come with child rearing—it was sort of assumed that childless adults are happier than parents but that’s not necessarily the case.

Two new studies presented at the Population Association of America’s annual meeting on almost 130,000 adults, 52,000 of which are parents, shows parents today may actually be happier than non-parents. And even though parental happiness levels drop some, they don’t fall to what they were before having children.

“We find no evidence that parental well-being decreases after a child is born to levels preceding the children, but we find strong evidence that well-being is elevated when people are planning and waiting for the child, and in the year when the child is born,” according to the study presented by co-author Mikko Myrskylä of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock, Germany.

So basically having a child doesn’t mean your life is over like some adults think.

Another study had a slightly different finding. Among some 120,000 adults from two nationally representative surveys between 1972-2008, parents were indeed less happy than non-parents in the decade 1985-95, but parents from 1995 to 2008 were happier. According to co-author Chris Herbst of Arizona State University, what’s happened is happiness among non-parents has declined, making parents happier in comparison. Although the evidence isn’t clear as to whether the average parent today is less happy than someone without kids, he says what’s “undeniable, however, is that parents have become relatively happier than non-parents over the past few decades.”

The age you decide to have children has some effect on the level of happiness. Those who become parents at younger ages have a downward happiness trend, while postponing parenthood results in a higher happiness level after the birth—although researchers say that doesn’t mean women should wait until very delayed ages to procreate. The number of children one has may also play a part. According to Myrskylä:

“The first child increases happiness quite a lot. The second child a little. The third not at all.”

So much for the benefits of being the baby in the family.

Are you happier as a parent than you were without kids?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Jill

    I’ve been married for eleven years now. I enjoyed  the first four years, no children just me and my honey. I have my two children now, and there’s something it does to me. I notice, I don’t get as irritably and selfish. Children literally change you for the better or worse, depending on the individual. For us, it changed us for the better. My husband can easily fall on the serious side but I see how easily he smiles and laughs with the children.  He’s more affectionate. It’s priceless.  Whenever, I feel down about something, just seeing my children’s faces, their hugs/kisses makes me complete. I used to be anti children because I felt like they are too much work especially coming from a big family, it’s seven of us. Now, I can’t imagine my life being married without children.

  • Torontochick

    As opposed to the legions of studies that say the opposite?

    Personally, I think if you want kids, you’ll be happier than if you had not had them; if you did not want kids, don’t have them, it will only make you miserable. Done deal.

  • Nicolevoorhies

    Im 29 married 5 kids..4 girls & a boy..we have a home two trucks and our Own business..when you have kids it Slows you down but, it STOPS NOTHING! We go on dates trips it doesn’t matter..life is whatever you make it..the bible states children are a blessing to the parents and a reward to the grandparents..and in my life this is true..Love my full house.

    • LMAO

      5 kids at 29? Girl boo! We ain’t buying that mess. You can keep that dumb life! You didn’t even give yourself a chance to be a single adult with no responsibilities & do the things that come with that. Smdh. In 10 years you’re gonna be worn out & depressed. Smdh

    • Free

      29 with 5 kids? How stupid! You didn’t even give yourself a chance to be young, single, & free. You will be mental hospital bound in about 7 years. Girl Boo!!! You can’t sell us that dumb pipe dream because we’re not buying it!

      • TammyN

         I find it absolutely ridiculous that you would her insult like that @Free for a decision she chose to make for herself. Anyway, I’m happy that you’re happy @ff18917f61b48712969f9cec02b851a3:disqus. Some people just cannot fathom that some people value building a family more than they value being “free”. more then likely you’ll believe a lot of your “freedom” was overrated when your 40, searching for a man and dying to have kids before your unable to. But anyway, that’s your prerogative.

        I’m 28, I have a good husband and two girls  that I love and adore, I know that I would not feel as fulfilled without my family. Even since I was a teenager I said that i’d gladly chose a family over a career, luckily I haven’t had to make that decision. Yes, being a wife and mother has slowed some things down, and I’m not as available as some of my friends, but I thoroughly enjoy my life with my husband and children. I’m grateful that at 28, God blessed me with a husband that provides for me and my children in every way he knows how, that my parents and my in-laws are very helpful with the twins, and that my hubby and I are able to enjoy time alone when necessary. Having our kids actual strengthened our relationship eventually, I felt like we now truly connected because we BOTH created these two beautiful girls. I started a family “young” by societal standards but I really hate when people make it sounds like I threw my life away for my husband and my kids….I DIDN’T they only made my life more complete.

        No, I’m not able to stay out extra late, or go on random trips with my girlfriends when ever I please, but right now  that’s not even my idea of fun. I have no problem sitting at home playing with the kids, or taking an evening walk with the hubby and maybe getting some ice cream while the babies are with grandma, those things are fun TO ME.

        In the end, everyone values different things. I value my family very much, especially since my sister had so many issues conceiving,  and so having my kids with my husband just made our life feel that much more fulfilled. Yes, there are challenges but it’s all worth it!

        • Lalatarea

          what makes u think she will be alone and sad just because she doesn’t have kids? to be perfect honest I’d choose a successful career over children. even rats have kids but how many female CEOs do u know? My point is u were just as wrong and judgmental abt her as she was u.

  • http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Peaches%20The%20Writer PeachesTheWriter

    I think it depends of whether or not you have lil’ bad *ss kids:-) Just kidding. Every family is different. I wouldn’t say people without kids are less happy, but I know a few couples without children who seem less fulfilled. On the other hand, I know some folks with kids on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I think it helps when you have a good partner and mate.

  • Mls2698

    What are they talking about? I couldn’t wait until my son reached 18, and I was no longer responsible for that hard head. * mumbles under breath*

    • Whogoncheckmeboo

      *High 5* Okaayyy???

    • Lgnicholas

      I know what you mean. I tell people don’t have kids get your tubes tide.

  • Kill_Me_Now

    I was more happy before I had kids. Thank GOD I’m almost raising them! I wouldn’t sign up for this job EVER again!!! I’m ready to put myself for once which is something I wasn’t able to do being that I had absolutely ZERO support from their abusive dad.

    • Kill_Me_Now

      Almost done raising them (They’re late teens)

  • LezMiz

    This result is unusual. Most studies find the opposite. Unfortunately in an economy that’s becoming more and more income-divided the people having kids can probably afford to and are more optimistic about the future for reasons unrelated to the presence of the kid.

  • Yrogers

    The greatest joy in my life are my kids and my hopefully soon step children. I am happy knowing that no matter how much I mess up or how perfect I am I have there love and appreciation

  • RJA

    i was waaaaaaayyyy happier before i had a kid. ur life IS over, so think long and hard about that before u decide to have any

    • Kill_Me_Now

      I agree 100%

  • http://twitter.com/Cognorati001 Colette Marcheline

    Were the parents polled Black or immigrant parents? The reality is that having children for lower middle-class and working class people puts a great economic and social strain on resources — most Blacks and immigrants are lower middle or working class.  Whites make significantly more than we do and have greater supports.  

    • sweettea

      I happen to know a lot of immigrants and black folks too. You can be dirt poor and speak no English and still be ecstatic over a new baby

      • Kill_Me_Now

        That fades when you can’t provide for it like you would want to.

  • SheBeTN

    I know that I am happier as a new parent! My little one is only 3&1/2 wks but hey, she is a joy for hubby and I. She our little miracle and it has been amazing.

    • SheBeTN

      *is

    • LMAO

      Just wait til the lil “bundle of joy” is a smart mouthed, sexually active beyotch. Your husband will probably leave you to be with a woman with less drama in the household and a more relaxing atmosphere. LMAO

      • Lalatarea

        sad but too many times true!

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