To Be Skinny or Voluptous? That Is the Question

May 11th, 2012 - By Alissa Henry
"Woman looking in a mirror"

theprayingwoman.com

When “Glee” actress Amber Riley fainted at a red carpet event recently, rumors swirled that her new diet was the cause. Amber took to Twitter after the incident to dispel rumors, saying she would “never starve [herself] to fit clothes.”

The 25-year-old actress, who has recently dropped at least two dress sizes, says that she lost the weight by cutting out fast food and sticking to a new diet and exercise plan.  She said she has always been comfortable with her size but just wanted to be healthier.

Of course being healthy is paramount, but beyond that, does size really matter? It does if you ask the people told to lose weight because they’re obese by BMI standards or the ones that are told they are too skinny and need to put some meat on their bones.

Celebrities are under intense pressure to maintain a certain size because every pound gained or lost is a potential magazine cover story (think about how Jessica Simpson was treated), but this pressure seems to apply to more than just those who are paid for how they look. And without a standard, contentment must be found when looking in your own mirror because feedback from the outside world is often conflicting.

For one, many of us have no idea what size we really wear because sizes vary from store to store. In one shopping trip, one might purchase a pair of jeans in a size 4, 6 and 10 — yet those jeans might all fit the same.

This common experience makes the obsession with size strange because there isn’t a universal way to measure it (no pun intended). Sure there are ballparks, but if you’re looking into buying a weight loss product that promises you’ll drop a size in a week, you’re probably better off just buying a different brand of jeans.

The second issue – especially in the black community – is that some men claim weight is an important factor in choosing women to date, so many women tailor themselves to fit a shallow standard. But one man’s “thick chick” is another’s “overweight neighbor” and one man’s “slim sweetheart” is another’s “too skinny friend.” We’re better off just finding someone who is content with our size rather than trying to fit into one man’s narrow preferences, but some people would rather play shapeshifter.

You can barely watch television these days without seeing Jennifer Hudson, Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey endorsing popular weight loss products. At the same time, gossip sites demanded answers after paparazzi pictures surfaced of Avatar’s Zoe Saldana walking down the street looking too skinny for her skinny jeans.  When the famously thin actress starred in the film Colombiana, she prompted one writer to say, “female action stars have gotten too skinny to throw a believable punch.” (Ouch!)

However, sometimes, the size pressures placed on black women are even tougher than those placed on other cultures. Anyone can shrink their whole body, but on the flipside, the pursuit of video vixen style prominent bosoms, flat abs, and enormous derrieres is a tall order for someone who is not genetically shaped that way.

I’ll never forget the time one of my friend’s showed me her booty booster. I’m not sure what the proper name was for that painful looking contraption, but when she put it on underneath her jeans, it significantly boosted her backside.

“Guys like girls with big butts” she told me with a shrug.

Of course “guys like girls with big boobs” too and that is undoubtedly where the inspiration behind padded push up bras — such as Victoria Secret’s “Miraculous” bra — come from. But who really wants to carry around all that extra material just to give off an illusion and to feel good about themselves? There are an excessive amount of devices created to enhance, diminish, distort, and constrict a woman into looking a particular way, but all that stuff has to come off at some point and you’re left feeling inadequate with what you’ve been given naturally. That’s sad.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to take pride in our appearance, but there is a fine line between a healthy desire to look our best and unhealthy desperation to be a certain size and have certain curves. And with all the images directed at us acting as though only black women are big yet other images saying being skinny and less than curvy is out of style aren’t helping us get any more healthy. Maybe crazy, but not healthy.

Besides, when taking your full potential into consideration and what it is you bring to this world, does the fact that you’re a slim sista or “thicker than a Snicker” really matter anyway?

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  • Anonns

    Some women are naturally skinny, some are naturally curvy. The notion of black men only like big butt women is false, because some of them still date women with small/flat butt. I blame black men bcos they always talk about booty, curvy but the women in their lives are regular women who look nothing like these video girls. The interesting one is some of them who date non black women, these women are nothing close to having big butt or curvy. Kim K and Coco are the few. So, don’t worry about that.  Good thing, men in general are attracted to different features,  smile, legs, petite frame, eyes, so it’s not only big butt that will make a man want to marry you. Not all black women are curvy. I have curves, my older sis has always been slim, model type body and she eats a lot. Be yourself, accept yourself.

  • Mrsadkiah

    People just need to realize it about proportion. I’m so sick of this “thick vs skinny” thing. For years people have been dogging bigger women and now, in an effort to build up the bigger women you see comments such as “REAL men don’t like sticks” and other stones thrown at thinner women. I’m 5′ 3″ and 3/4 and 110 lbs. I’ve been the same everything since I was 15 and I’ll be 20 next month. At least right now, I am not meant to gain weight. No matter what I do, I am going to be thin. Women need to know their body types and remain healty. There is no such thing as a healthy overweight person (I’m not even talking BMI b/c that’s just all over the place) but people often forget that there are plenty of unhealthy thin people walking around here. Accept your body for all that it is and you’ll be happy. 

  • RenJennM

    My story is similar to some of the ladies that already commented (SABRINA, CUTEPATOOTIE, and even ROSARIO STEFANIA SCARSCI). 

    When I was in 6th grade, I became anorexic during those years — my ability to go days without food gave me something to control and be proud of because I was a depressed pre-teen and had no friends. At my worst, I would go five days without food, using liquids to suppress hunger pains, and would binge on the weekend. I began to hate food, and didn’t understand its importance or relevance. 

    In 7th grade, I joined dance, but was still anorexic, so all of that cardio with the combination of not eating made me look almost skeletal. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked normal, except for these “pouches of fat” on my stomach I wished I could get rid of. In reality, my hair was actually GRAYING and falling out, my clothes no longer fit, and I became anemic! By 8th or 9th grade, I had stopped growing. My doctor couldn’t figure out why and didn’t even think to ask if I was eating. I didn’t even know anorexia existed until my 9th grade health teacher showed us a movie on eating disorders! I was shocked, crying in the back of the classroom. I told my mom, and even she was shocked because she didn’t know anything about anorexia either! We started working on getting me healthy again. 

    Even though I haven’t starved myself since 9th grade, classmates, family members, and even strangers would always comment about my size all throughout my high school years because I was so slim and short. Boys always thought I was younger than I was because I was so small and looked young, so my “dating life” was almost nonexistent. The comments from people and boys not finding me attractive all hurt my adolescent feelings. All of my friends were tall, curvy, pretty, and had boyfriends or at least attracted boys. I wanted to be like them. So, I became obsessed with being curvy the way I thought Black women “should” be. I started working out, drinking protein shakes, and eating more. I didn’t become curvy, but I was in great shape — I even gained a six pack, which was something my friends admired me for. 

    Eventually, being healthy became more of my target. Now, as a 23yr old, I’m still short (5’3), I’m still slim (size 0-2), and I still look young (thanks to my genes), so I still get teased by people and mistaken as jail-bait by men. (Think of Royce from Basketball Wives… yep, that’s my body type! lmao) It doesn’t bother me AS MUCH now because I’m older. I still wish I was curvier, but I don’t obsess over it (much lol). 

    I will say that I have a lot more confidence because I’ve embraced something I’ve realized since high school… my beauty and my intelligence. Plus, joining the military helped my body and confidence A LOT! So, regardless of how tiny I am, I still get respect; and when it comes to dating, I can still bag dudes who do NOT think I’m jail-bait and respect me for the young woman I am. 

    I love Black men (well, ALL men, really), but I wish they would accept all kinds of body types, and not just the “long-haired, thick redbones” or the tall supermodels that’s celebrated everywhere in America right now. I’m a natural-haired, petite, chocolate woman, and I and every other kind of woman should be embraced and celebrated too.

  • Tagirl

    The right weight depends on your frame, bones and height. Some of us struggle with gaining weight and get called all kinds of names. Most of it’s out of hate or just flat out ignorance. Some of us will never be a size 4 or 6. We’re just built to be that 00-2.

    People really get caught up clothing sizes when really, most people are 2 sizes bigger than what their clothing sizes are. Back in 2001, clothing designers began making the sizes larger(at least 2 sizes) because of the fact that Americans were getting larger. The 00′s and 0′s, 2′s & 4′s  of today are much larger than they were in the late 90′s. The downside to that is the people who are those sizes have a terrible time finding clothes.

    It’s gotten to the point where stores like Banana Republic and others don’t even sell petite sizes in their stores anymore, but online only.  America needs to get a grip and be honest. Before, stores like Lane Bryant came along because it was hard for larger women to find quality clothing, but now things have gone to the other side of the spectrum with petite people being discriminated against.

    When I see people like Zoe Saldana, I can relate to her. She gets called all types of names instead of people realizing that just her body type. I doubt she’s starving herself at all. Some actresses do and I think it’s foolish because really, if you’re not meant to be a 00 or 0 then why would you want to be? That’s how I think about it. If you’re a 10 and not meant to be a 6 then why would you want to be? Be the size that you’re meant to be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I agree with Neecee. It’s not a choice. The crazy thing about size zero is that theoretically, everyone can be a size zero, but half of those people will die to get there.

    As a woman (yes, black) who has (and still does) suffer from eating disorders, I can tell you that it is hell. It’s just even JUST about body image. It’s about obsession, perfection. Trying to block out having low self esteem. Hating your body to the point of depriving what it needs most, and working out for 2+ hours a day.

    There were times when I’d starve by consuming ONLY 500 cals (sometimes less) and burning over 1,000 cals a day. I’d get sick, nearly faint at work. My size went down but I was unhappy. Crying all the time, moody. Society puts so much pressure of women (and men) about our bodies. It is really hard to find jeans that fit well when you have a huge bum. It’s psychological warfare imho. Designers know why they make the sizes the way they do.

  • cutepatootie

    I always have been really tiny. It was awkward growing up because black girls were suppose to be “thick” or “have meat on their bones”. Bigger girls would always make fun of my size or say smart remarks under their breath. I think it was disrespectful. If I was always teasing them about being bigger I’d be the mean person! If they did it, it was just funny or a joke. At the end of the day I just decided that I am what God intended me to be. Cant please everyone! You have to be happy in the skin you’re in otherwise people will drive you crazzyy!

  • Truth0312

    Superficiality makes the world go round.  I used to be quite a bit heavier and through lifestyle changes, I’ve lost over 60 lbs.  I wasn’t trying to fit anybody’s ideal body type; just wanted to get healthy.  Getting teased in school for things other than my weight, had a surprising effect on my self-esteem.  I learned that there are a lot of insecure folks out there and that there’s so much more to me than my appearance.  Real friends, husbands, boyfriends, etc. love & accept who you are, not what you look like.  I’d NEVER turn myself inside out trying to please another person.  It makes me sad that for a lot of people, doing it is a way of life.  Diversity is beautiful, embrace that and screw the rest. 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FTHIDMNTLTJAIILXEWRQ3UADBY StephanieR

    I’m 5 feet tall and wear an 8-10. I’m VERY healthy, I am a vegan with curves. I’m active, I just did a 5k and I love to hike. And with all this being said…I LOVE MY CURVES AND I LOVE THE SKIN I’M IN! I was not meant to be a size 0-6, I’m cool with that. I don’t think I would look right being that small. Celebrate your beauty sistahs, I do. :D

  • Sabrina

    I’ve always been skinny, and I used to hate it. I remember in JHS and HS, I would seriously pray to gain weight and get a butt and some boobs because it seriously seemed like that’s what guys (or at least the black guys) were going for. After leaving HS and going to college and out into the real world, I realized there’s definitely love for skinny girls too. Regardless of your size, there will be someone who will love it. So just get comfortable with yourself. Don’t sweat the small stuff. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003767944005 Cherie Amore

      Yes girl, that was me, too in JHS and HS.  “Here come Ms. Flat Ass, can’t tell the back of you from the front of you,” etc.  My voluptuous aunts always had to say something about me being skinny.  I bought creams and powders to try to get a bigger booty and boobs to no avail.

       Well, now at 46 with a kid, 5’7″ in a size 10/12, FINALLY wearing a B-cup (WOO-HOO!)  and guess what?  All my aunts are sizes 18+ and brothas are now complaining to me that black women are too fat.  You can’t have it both ways.

      Black folks need to realize that its hard to sustain that “brick house” figure into your 30′s and 40′s, especially after having kids.  

  • Gmarie

    just be.

  • JusSayin

    I think it is a self-esteem also plays a part. I can admit I have always said.. O, I wish I had more butt or if my breast can be 15% more perky. But; at the end of the day… its your body and there will ALWAYS be a man to tell you what they do and do not like. It is no different then black women who wear contacts, colored weaves and try to hide their true self. It is all a matter of what feels comfortable. Women can carry their weight beautifully. Jill Scott for example. She isn’t exactly what America stems as beauty standards but her personality and her confidence give her a glow that even the sexiest runway model couldn’t compete with. Same thing with skinny women. Halle Berry? She is skinny. She just has hips… But she is America’s beauty. So I do believe it is a sense of how you carry yourself and what makes you feel comfortable. Skinny or Thick? Light or Dark? Weave or Natural? Make up or No Make Up? It all is the same question over and over again… just the examples are different. “How comfortable are you with being you?” 

    • Tagirl

       I’m skinny and I think Jill Scott is absolutely gorgeous! She lost weight but she’s still thick and looks beautiful at the weight she is now. Halle’s petite with curves and gorgeous.

      • supersonicx40

        She’s not “thick”. This “thick” term that black americans use is nothing but a cover up term for being overweight or obese. This is why black women are 70% overweight because most are in denial.

  • IllyPhilly

    Um, I lose weight all the damn time, but the butt stays! So I don’t think I have a choice. 

  • Beautii

    Some people are made to carry more weight on them than others, that i agree with.. However NO ONE is made to be a size 20.. 14 maybeee… but being overweight is never “ok”… and unless a woman is 7 ft tall, a size 20 is overweight=unhealthy… its not curvy, or thick either…

    • http://twitter.com/NewNaturalSista High GrAdE KarMa

      I have to disagree on your statement! yeah the more taller you are the more sold your weight and the more shorter the more looser your weight is. The reason I disagree because im 5’8 my jean size is 18/20 and believe me its not my stomach weight! I have too much hips but and breast smh! the definition of what the black community call “thick”. For the longest I have tried to lose the weight from those parts but it will not work but I do consider myself healthy! at a size 20 im on my track and field team in college! and I can keep up very well… so yu need to think before yu post stuff smh. I just wish everyone would be happy with who they are and stop fitting beauty in to standards

      • supersonicx40

        Um…I am 5’9 and no where close to size 20. I believe you’re in some kind of denial and is probably failing badly in track.

        • Haukku Amil

          I was thinking the very same thing myself. Even though she’s running track, she failed to mentioned what she eats. That alone can contribute to weight gain or weight loss.

  • Neecee401

    When will people realize that sometimes its not a choice. Some people are made to be a size 0 and not have many curves, and some people are made to be a size 14 or 20 etc with all the curves in the world. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People are going to like you if you’re skinny and people are going to hate you and call you anorexic. Just like people are going to love you if you’re thick and curvy and people are going to think you’re fat. You can’t please everybody, just yourself.

    • IllyPhilly

       Amen!

    • cabugs

      I agree with everything! Except…let’s stop equating bigger women with curves! Skinny women can have curves too :) Curves have nothing to do with how big or small you are; they are just the natural ways that your body shape is without doing anything. It is my understanding that some people can actually lose their curves by gaining weight; while others can also lose curves by losing weight. Other than that though, a woman will have curves if she is meant to have them regardless of her size.