Patience is a Virtue: An Open Letter To My Future Husband

May 2, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

By Jazmine Rogers

Dear Husband of My Future,

Although I have yet to lay eyes on you, I have faith that you are worth the wait. Contrary to what I used to believe, you will not complete me, but you will compliment the whole person that I already I am. With that said, I have been and will continue to take advantage of my time of singleness because I realize that singleness is not the plague, but a time for me to work on myself and evolve into the woman that I was destined to be. This is why I will not waste this great season of my life sulking and complaining about not having a man. I was taught that patience is a virtue and great things come to those who wait. So instead of doing all that, I am using this time to attain multiple degrees, pursue the career of my dreams, travel the world, learn more about myself as a person and even learn what it means to be a wife as opposed to a girlfriend.

It is in this time of singleness, I have chosen to refrain from certain activities in which most single young adults in my age group engage in, such as sex. On August 8, 2010, which was my 20th birthday, I made a public vow in front of my entire congregation that I would refrain from sexual activity until the day that you and I exchange our vows in front of our loving family and friends, sealing our promises with an “I do.” Most would see this decision as absurd and unrealistic, but I believe that with God all things are possible. I wish to fully commit myself to you as well as our marriage well before we even cross paths. Although I am in no way perfect, experiencing things the way that God truly intended for them to be done is extremely important to me. I realize that sex is not merely for pleasure but it is a responsibility and a bond that should be shared between a husband and wife. I have also been a witness of the detriment that sex before marriage can bring and I wish to give our marriage a fair chance. Sexual intercourse can spiritually and emotionally tie you to a person and I wish to walk with as little baggage as humanly possible in your direction. No disrespect to anyone else and their choices.

With baggage in mind I have also made the conscious decision to refrain from recreational dating because along with physical purity, I wish to enter our covenant of marriage emotionally and mentally pure as well. I will not date guy after guy just because, acquiring broken heart after broken heart just to appease my boredom or to satisfy my temporary loneliness. I don’t wish to come to you with a shattered heart covered in scars and bruises seeking for you to put the pieces back together. I refuse to enter our relationship not trusting you because of something some other guy did or did not do in the past that I could’ve completely avoided had I just waited for you. I will not jump at the first guy who smiles at me. I have been a witness to church hook-ups gone wrong that have even evolved into church marriages gone wrong and have made the decision not to partake in all that. I’ve been the church girl devastated to find out that the church boy she had been dating had been dating every church girl in and within a 25-block radius of said church. That is why I will stay single instead of calling Tyrone as one Madame Noire writer stated. Engaging in frivolous relationships to merely cure singleness as if it some devastating disease is pointless and not worth the trouble that it brings. I will guard my heart as Proverbs 4:23 instructs me to and I will follow the instructions of Song of Solomon by “not awakening love until its time” and setting my affections on no one other than you. Whoever you are.

I’ve been called a dreamer for believing that a man like you exists. I’ve been called unrealistic and impossible. I’ve even been told that I believe that I am living out a Tyler Perry movie, but despite the naysayers, something deep down in the pit of my stomach tells me otherwise. I don’t believe that I am unrealistic for not settling for any old Johnny or Tyrone for that matter. I don’t believe you to be perfect, no one walking this earth is; however, I do believe that we will perfectly balance out one another. Call it picky, but I only wish to be with the one that God designed specifically for me instead of the man who alters himself to fit the mold of what he believes that I want. We may not cross paths for another five years, five months or five weeks, but once again, I have been convinced that patience is a virtue and I am willing to wait.

See you soon,


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  • Jsaygbe

    My cousin referred me to this link and it could not have been more God-ordained!

    Amen to EVERY WORD GOD inspired you to write.

    Thank you for inspiring me to keep my heart in God’s hands until God shows me the one who HE has for me.

    God bless you!

  • Jesusrideswitme!

    So sweet, such wisdom. May your tribe increase.

  • Chantae

    I love this!! With Christ, ALL things are POSSIBLE! Absolutely wonderful!

  • Chantae

    I love this!! With Christ, ALL things are POSSIBLE! Absolutely wonderful!

  • Kashbmaryd

    When I got married, I didnt believe in God. I had just gotten out of a sorry relationship with a woman who had 3 kids. I would have ben there for her but sure wasn’t mine. When I got with my wife (who had also experienced the world), I was happy. Something told me to marry her. That happened 3 months later. After a couple years into our marriage, I came back to Jesus. And to whoever wrote this letter, remember the NT says you can marry a non-believer so long as you will have each other. I have achieved something with my wife that I had previously been unable to do. After nearly 10 years not being able to believe in God, he loved me enough to send her my way. Happiness is waiting on all of us. Oh, and that “something” that told me to marry her was the holy spirit.

    • Esther

      What a Blessing that in this case, things worked out. The NT says DO NOT be unequally yoked. However if someone is ALREADY married & 1 of them become a Christian they can win the unbeliever over by their “conversation” i.e. Their demonstration of the love of God in their words & actions. EvenIf the Holy Spirit told you to marry your wife ,His desire would be for you both to be in a relationship with Him first. In any case glad you’re enjoying a sucessful marriage

  • Whoisbsquared


  • Health2012

    Beautiful! I couldn’t have said it better. May God Bless you!

  • Reese

    I so needed to hear this right now. I just turned twenty-seven and have been reading about how black women are not destined to get married, but every other girl that is non-black who is around my age has a ring! I was getting a little frustrated because I’ve had bad relationship after another, but I now know that patience is a virtue and I must wait on God!.

    • Buddaball

      Although the statistics may say one thing it does not mean you have to be a part of it. We serve a God that defies all statistics. He’ll have experts scratching their heads lol. If God has a man for you it doesn’t matter what the data shows.

  • Diane

    Dear Jazmine, I appload you for this beautiful article, You are going to meet a great husband who will take care of you greately and it will be deserved! Truely beautiful and refreching!! Diane (French canadian)

  • Gloriamccaskill

    That most definately not true!!!! Im a witness, dear

  • Gloriamccaskill

    Awesome letter, very well needed in this day and time, for single women.

  • Philicia

    Amazing! As a young 20 something myself I join you in this completely. This is so eloquently written..

  • Lgurl325

    Love it! Love it! Love it! Perfect testament of where I am in life.

  • Mz_chocolatina

    LOVE. .LOVE.. .LOVE!!!!!

  • mysterykills.

    So for all the naysayers…it is true that you can pray to God to send you the one but what I find is more important than even praying to God for a man is to pray for love. I prayed a little over a year ago for God to send me a man and within a month of my prayers I met a man of the Church who was everything I was looking for…but the problem was me. I really wasn’t ready for love at the time and still needed to work on myself so God does listen but sometimes you have to be clear with yourself what you really want and in my case I need to pray for love and the ability to love and not just for a man.

  • B.L.I.S.S.

    Reminds me of the “I’ll wait for your” poem by P4CM:

  • Mysticfemale12


  • creativek

    Awesome letter! Had to share this because being a single Christian woman it is important that we strive for something better than the latter. There is that man out there and I believe that in this time of my singleness I am being prepared and I am definitely learning a lot about myself. 

  • Poeticgame

    Whoever you are & wherever you are
    Dear, Future Husband also to be my future shining star
    I smile without knowing you
    And you bring warmth to my heart
    For I know with this beginning
    We will combine with inseparable hearts

    Euphoria to the highest degree
    When I realize you will be on bended knee
    However the proposal may be, I won’t complain
    Just know the feeling will be mutually reciprocated

    Dear, Future Husband who will deserve a yes
    Not only because you will be the best
    But because you will the man who confesses
    That my heart should forever be kept

    No smile will be brighter until the day you enter my life
    No memories will be fonder
    Until walking down that aisle complete what’s right

    You will enlighten me to a moment never endured
    And being your future wife is something I will never ignore

    Dear, Future Husband
    Oh my, how you have created such a feeling
    Where love will exist
    Passion I won’t resist
    And being your wife will be the ultimate gift

  • shaniqua

    This was very touching! I love you I’m happy for you an keep up the good work!

  • Deborah Metts

    Omg! This sounds exactly like me! So refreshing to hear that I am not alone

  • Just saying!

    Funny story. A couple of years ago I wrote a letter to my future husband describing everything I admired about him and the person he is and how he treats me. I’ve been with my boyfriend about two years now. One day I went through some old notebooks and came across the letter and I cried. It was as if I wrote it after we got together–perfect fit. 

  • aj

    This is beautiful!!! I’m going to print it and post it on my wall to refer to.

  • LC

    Yay we have the same birthday!! I’m a little younger but I have similar beliefs as you when it comes to meeting my future husband. Nice article!

  • SPJW


  • Nicole

    I’m happy for you and God will bless you for waiting and honouring him. Go on virtuous woman and be blessed.

  • Janeen

    This was very sweet but she’s still very young – 21. I’m 27 and still waiting,  but all in God’s time. I truly hope she does as she says and takes this opportunity in her young adulthood to travel, pursue her career and focus on herself. I’ve done all that so I can truly say that I’m ready. Best of luck to her and I hope this serves as inspiration to other young women. 

    • Jesusrideswitme!

      I’m 38. I said, “Lord, I’ve been waiting so long. Forget the man just send me the check.”

  • Msjan81

    What an uplifting article! 

  • cabugs

    Ladies and author, listen up! Check out this amazing spoken word poetry relating to the topic:

  • Shukri38

    I am a muslim and didn’t have sex until I got married. At 23 GOd Answered my prayers and brought my husband to me.To each their own choices! If it happened to me it can happen to you girls too! Good men are still out there

  • OhNoYouDidn’t

    Sorry but if you’re waiting on God to bring you a man forget about it. Too many women sit on the sidelines believing all they have to do is pray and meanwhile strippers, video hos and women like Kim Zolciak and Kim K get wifed up left and right.  You have to be at your best and get in the game. You won’t find a man at church.

    • L-Boogie

      Funny.  However, these women have plenty of drama surrounding them.  If she wants to wait let her wait.  The problem is people giving their two cents but do not the circumstance.  Be quiet and take a back seat. 

      • L-Boogie


    • tiffanysince1987

      lol interesting P.O.V lol and you are a dream KILLER.. some may say realist. lol

    • Zalirah

      He that finds a wife, finds a good thing so she’s not finding a man in church or anywhere else. The man will find her. God knows where she is & will send her a godly man. All she has to do is live a righteous life, enjoy herself, build character, & when she leasts expects it, the man will come! It’s called faith living & trusting God. Unbelievers can not & do not understand spiritual things, therefore, believers can’t expect them to understand abstinence/celibacy while waiting on the Lord to join you with your future spouse.

      • Kayla

        Wait so how is god a match-maker?

    • Mls2698

      They are all scallywags and really not the type you can ” take home to mother.” What are you suggesting? That we have a fold up stripper pole at all times, and be willing to make and sell a video of us having sex. Men always fall for the woman who uses her kitty kat like a snare.I will NOT wake up and put toothpaste on a fools toothbrush.  OHYESYOUDID

    • Mysticfemale12

      u r sad, look around at these sorry azz chickenheads, Its better to marry than to burn!!! and you can find a man at church, just dont be desperate. God states patiences is a virtue, read your bible chick.  as long as you allow yourself to be a mans
      used up, lay on back, chickenhead (which is what men like nowadays cuz they cant
      handle a real woman) then thats what you will continue to be. how about you gain some morals,
      values and self-respect
      and maybe then will you get married. look around at the walking infections men are dating and or are married too!!!!
      how about you women, stop having sex before marriage and that wont be the basis of your relationship,
      theres so much more to a female than her body, but as long as there are used-up
      chickenheads, sex will be all a man is after!!!!!!”

    • Greentea516

      Not every Christian woman meets their husband at church, so you’re right at some percentage. Wherever she is supposed to be at the allotted time and place for her to meet her husband is the the right one.

    • ATB

      @OhNoYouDidn’t: First of all, you need to have SEVERAL seats because who are you to tell this woman that she will not find a man at church and not to wait on God?  Yeah, people like Kim Z., Kim K. and other classless women are getting married left, right, once, twice, three times, but if the woman who wrote this letter is living her life and reaching out for the things she stated, she will have ONE successful marriage that will last and be ten times more fulfilling than the multiple, materialistic “marriages” any of those women have now or ever. At the same time time, if that’s what works for them and they are happy then that’s great. But that’s not what the woman who wrote this letter wants. So if YOUR goal is just to be married like the women you referenced in your comment then by all means go for it. But it you want a meaningful, lasting union based on mutual understanding, trust, love and support then you may want to re-think your goals or at least not be so quick to try and shoot other people’s goals and dreams down.

    • Stanley Dada

      That’s right.

  • Guest

    This is absolutely amazing. As a young Christian woman in the same age range this is an amazing example. Praise God !!! I can only strive with prayer and petition to be as patient.