Friend to Foe: 7 Things That Can Turn Your Bestie Into Your Worst Enemy

April 28, 2012  |  
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When you were kids, you guys probably promised to be friends forever. You weren’t aware of the obstacles ahead. Nothing could possibly break your timeless bond. Friendships are still relationships and if you don’t communicate your needs to one another, a break up is bound to occur.
Below is just a general list of some of things than tear a great friendship apart….

Lending money to anyone is typically an issue. One party is worried about when they’re going to get it back, the other party may be bothered by having to borrow it. Monetary transactions are touchy. The lender should be able to say to themselves, “if I don’t get this money back, its okay because its not worth my friendship.” The borrower in turn, should be thinking, “I really need to pay my friend back. She looked out when I needed her most”. Any other setup, just won’t work. When money is lent and not paid back, its typically time to pack it up.

She hates your boo and doesn’t want to be around him. You’re so in love, you don’t even notice that you two barely talk anymore and she hardly comes over. The thing is, a true friend wouldn’t allow her opinion of your new lover to affect the relationship she has with you. She doesn’t have to be around him, but she can still let you have your moment.  On the low, she’d probably only come around when she knows he’s not there but that’s still cool.  The chances of that really happening are slim though. Why does she hate him so much anyway? It could be all of those arguments you told her about. Maybe it was the admission of your suspicions that he’s cheating. Either way, you can’t tell your friend something and expect her to be as forgiving of him as you may be. Eventually, your girl will be looking at you funny because she doesn’t understand why you’re still with such a jerk. Be cautious of the things you share with regard to your relationship. Every disagreement is not for your girl to hear.
Telling Secrets

As an adult, no one should have to tell their friend to keep a secret. Discretion should be exercised without fail. The easiest way to lose a friend is to relinquish information they trusted you with. A simple sorry doesn’t easily fix that type of betrayal. Assume that most things told to you shouldn’t be shared. Be like most people, and tell someone else who doesn’t know your friend personally. C’mon now…everybody does that.
Lack of Support

Every time you turn around, your friend has a different plan for her life. First, she wants to be a singer. Then she wants to be a teacher. Now she wants to be a writer. If she told you tomorrow that she wanted to be a guidance counselor, you should support her. Support would entail asking her about her process, congratulating her on her goal progression, and encouraging her when she’s feeling off her game. Anything else will feel like the act of a hater, especially if she’s always been your cheerleader. It won’t take long before your friend doesn’t feel like she matters. Downward spiral, coming right up.
Being Competitive

Yes, imitation is the highest form of flattery. However, it seems like whenever you get something, your friend either gets the same item or tries to one up you. When you guys were younger, it was probably pretty cool. Now that you’re all grown up, you don’t want to share your style. It’s important to understand and accept each others individuality. If that aspect of your friendship is not fostered, prepare to feel stifled, if not completely annoyed.
Having Children
In a perfect world, you and your friend will get pregnant around the same time and give birth the same year. If your world is not so perfect, one of you has had a child before the other. This complicates the friendship immensely. The days of last minute planning may be over. The friend with the child is spending a lot of time with her new baby and will continue to develop a family routine as the child gets older. There may be more babies to follow and your friend will have a very limited schedule. Whenever you guys are on the phone, all you hear is “no, don’t, and stop”. You know she has to deal with her children but interrupted conversations are annoying. Think about how the new mother feels too. Her “where ever the wind blows” days, are over. She’s constantly talking about her kids and my feel a bit of a disconnect from you as well. Try adjusting to her situation. Offer to go with her and the kids to the park. She may not feel comfortable asking so your suggestion may be welcomed.
New Job
You got a new job. Congratulations are in order and your girl is genuinely happy for you. Making 90K in this economy is nothing to sneeze at. However, you’ve stepped into a new friendship obstacle. You’re now able to do things that your girl just can’t afford to do. You’re faced with a new problem. Do you offer to help out with the cost of events or just leave her behind? On the one hand, you don’t want to have to pay anybody’s way. You’ve worked hard for yours. On the other hand, you guys have been like sisters, you don’t like the thought of having to leave her hanging. All that aside, she has pride of her own. Your friend probably doesn’t want to lean on you. In this situation, the best thing to do is to plan for things long term. If you want to go on that trip to Cancun next year, visit a travel agent and start making payments. That way, things feel normal and you still get to enjoy time with your BFF. There will be other trips and events she doesn’t attend but at least you’ve found a way to include her.

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  • Aly

    luckily me and my bestie haven’t had these issues, if these were factors in the relationship then it wasnt that strong in the first place imo…

  • universal

    those chocolate BFF’s in the first pic are looking GOOOOD!!!

  • Sasha

    Just make sure you check your chinese horoscope as well as western. I had a falling out with a good friend recently over like 3 or 4 of the reasons posted. zodiac called her my mortal enemy, in those words. rat vs horse. who knew!  also turns out my first love and now ex was a rat even tho western signs matched.  at the end of the day he was sneaky and so was she. And I love both their sneaky behinds but….. it would never work.

    friendships are as bad as relationships. We all gotta settle for mediocrity (cynical voice.)

  • Guest

     While this article hit one situation I went through with a ex bff on the head. We were friends since grade school all the way through high school and as we became women and got into serious relationships with men we eventually grew apart. I would tell her a lot about what goes on my relationship and she just got to involved in my personal life I had to leave her alone. That is the truth never tell your friends about your relationship problems.

  • Caroneisha

    Okay this may sound weird. But I stop being friends with someone because my mom always compared us to one another. And I don’t mean in a good way. Like everything I did she would be like well so and so don’t do that, or you should try to be more like her. It was annoying and she would do it in front of my friend. I hated that, it made me feel like I was never good enough. Cause we could do the exact samething the exact sameway and she would still praise my friend more then me. And she took it straight to the head, cause she was also very attrative. But that didn’t matter to me, so tried to tell myself that all of this was in my head .But it wasn’t and that hurted the most, so I jus had to let her go.

  • Business406

    I’ve always made more money than my friend. I just became fed up with always paying for her. She went from saying “thank you” to expecting me to do it. We’re no longer friends. And I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  • guest

    Yes. This article couldn’t have come at a better time…recently had this discussion with my bestie, and things feel a lot better. 

  • Nina Dashotta

    I left a defriended someone because of #5. As we are both geminis, anyone who knows our nature knows we have a flight of ideas going on. I always supported her through her moments, from wanting to start a male modeling agency to starting a passion party. Well the minute I said I wanted to be in law enforcement, the bish tells me that I’m not cut out for that and “good luck with that”. I never talked to her again until I recently opened up a Facebook account and she requested me as a friend. She seen I was now married and then posts on my wall “oh your married now…hmm congrats” I just deleted her. I hate people like her, she’s one of them “I’m gonna make my first million by 40” type of people, no kids, barely have a man but hey, many blessing to her

  • Poeticsham

    Wow all these signs just goes to show that friendship is hard to find and hard to keep. Don’t take your friends for granted after all its not always about ‘YOU’.

  • Please also add in Generosity. If I have money, and my friend wants something she would bring up the time last week, at popeyes, when it was raining, and I had on red sneakers, the time she bought me chicken wings. There is nothing worse then only giving to expect something in return. I honestly would rather you not get me anything at all, if you are going to keep score. And it’s not as if I am a stingy person, in fact im very giving, all the time, so the one time, I don’t want to share my food with you, or don’t want to lend you money, or ask you to chip into my gas fund. Please don’t pull out the list. It’s beyond rude. My friend used to do that, and I had to check her on it. Now we’re cool. But that used to bug the ish outta me.

  • Nitty

    Lay all this on one page Mn
    how many times do we have to request this?

    • Ms. Spring

      MN doesn’t care about others’ opinions on how she does her website. She only cares about her own. Disgusting.

    • Aly

      is a bit annoying lol

  • DBella_17

    You hit it right on the nose! Great read!