Friend to Foe: 7 Things That Can Turn Your Bestie Into Your Worst Enemy

April 28, 2012  |  
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When you were kids, you guys probably promised to be friends forever. You weren’t aware of the obstacles ahead. Nothing could possibly break your timeless bond. Friendships are still relationships and if you don’t communicate your needs to one another, a break up is bound to occur.
Below is just a general list of some of things than tear a great friendship apart….
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Money

Lending money to anyone is typically an issue. One party is worried about when they’re going to get it back, the other party may be bothered by having to borrow it. Monetary transactions are touchy. The lender should be able to say to themselves, “if I don’t get this money back, its okay because its not worth my friendship.” The borrower in turn, should be thinking, “I really need to pay my friend back. She looked out when I needed her most”. Any other setup, just won’t work. When money is lent and not paid back, its typically time to pack it up.
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Relationships

She hates your boo and doesn’t want to be around him. You’re so in love, you don’t even notice that you two barely talk anymore and she hardly comes over. The thing is, a true friend wouldn’t allow her opinion of your new lover to affect the relationship she has with you. She doesn’t have to be around him, but she can still let you have your moment.  On the low, she’d probably only come around when she knows he’s not there but that’s still cool.  The chances of that really happening are slim though. Why does she hate him so much anyway? It could be all of those arguments you told her about. Maybe it was the admission of your suspicions that he’s cheating. Either way, you can’t tell your friend something and expect her to be as forgiving of him as you may be. Eventually, your girl will be looking at you funny because she doesn’t understand why you’re still with such a jerk. Be cautious of the things you share with regard to your relationship. Every disagreement is not for your girl to hear.
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Telling Secrets

As an adult, no one should have to tell their friend to keep a secret. Discretion should be exercised without fail. The easiest way to lose a friend is to relinquish information they trusted you with. A simple sorry doesn’t easily fix that type of betrayal. Assume that most things told to you shouldn’t be shared. Be like most people, and tell someone else who doesn’t know your friend personally. C’mon now…everybody does that.
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Lack of Support

Every time you turn around, your friend has a different plan for her life. First, she wants to be a singer. Then she wants to be a teacher. Now she wants to be a writer. If she told you tomorrow that she wanted to be a guidance counselor, you should support her. Support would entail asking her about her process, congratulating her on her goal progression, and encouraging her when she’s feeling off her game. Anything else will feel like the act of a hater, especially if she’s always been your cheerleader. It won’t take long before your friend doesn’t feel like she matters. Downward spiral, coming right up.
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Being Competitive

Yes, imitation is the highest form of flattery. However, it seems like whenever you get something, your friend either gets the same item or tries to one up you. When you guys were younger, it was probably pretty cool. Now that you’re all grown up, you don’t want to share your style. It’s important to understand and accept each others individuality. If that aspect of your friendship is not fostered, prepare to feel stifled, if not completely annoyed.
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Having Children
In a perfect world, you and your friend will get pregnant around the same time and give birth the same year. If your world is not so perfect, one of you has had a child before the other. This complicates the friendship immensely. The days of last minute planning may be over. The friend with the child is spending a lot of time with her new baby and will continue to develop a family routine as the child gets older. There may be more babies to follow and your friend will have a very limited schedule. Whenever you guys are on the phone, all you hear is “no, don’t, and stop”. You know she has to deal with her children but interrupted conversations are annoying. Think about how the new mother feels too. Her “where ever the wind blows” days, are over. She’s constantly talking about her kids and my feel a bit of a disconnect from you as well. Try adjusting to her situation. Offer to go with her and the kids to the park. She may not feel comfortable asking so your suggestion may be welcomed.
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New Job
You got a new job. Congratulations are in order and your girl is genuinely happy for you. Making 90K in this economy is nothing to sneeze at. However, you’ve stepped into a new friendship obstacle. You’re now able to do things that your girl just can’t afford to do. You’re faced with a new problem. Do you offer to help out with the cost of events or just leave her behind? On the one hand, you don’t want to have to pay anybody’s way. You’ve worked hard for yours. On the other hand, you guys have been like sisters, you don’t like the thought of having to leave her hanging. All that aside, she has pride of her own. Your friend probably doesn’t want to lean on you. In this situation, the best thing to do is to plan for things long term. If you want to go on that trip to Cancun next year, visit a travel agent and start making payments. That way, things feel normal and you still get to enjoy time with your BFF. There will be other trips and events she doesn’t attend but at least you’ve found a way to include her.

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