Is a Book Called “Swirling” Really Necessary?

166 comments
April 27, 2012 ‐ By Christelyn Karazin

Today is my 10-year wedding anniversary. It’s been a wild ride, but I can’t help but poke my tongue out and thumb my nose at some of the folks at my wedding who thought we wouldn’t last 10 months. I remember walking down the aisle;  to the left of me was my family, mostly brown faces. To my right was my soon-to-be husband’s parents and extended family, white as rice.

The walk between the crowd was like parting the sea on a black sandy beach bubbling over with sea foam. Amidst all the butterflies in my belly, I thought about the chance online encounter that connected us, the family drama, and leaps of faith it took to get me to this place, looking ahead at my future husband, a wonderful, handsome man that I almost didn’t marry because he happened to be white.

There were dozens of times our marriage might not have happened. Like the time my well-meaning cousin told me that no family of my husband’s class would accept him having a black women raised by country Texas folks with an out-of-wedlock daughter. Ten years my senior, she recalled vividly (as evidence) her long-term relationship with a Jewish man that crashed and burned when his parents outright told her boyfriend that he’d be disowned if the thought of matrimony crossed his mind.

The second time our union could have vanished into vapor involved my own personal “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” moment when I visited his parents in a swanky Connecticut town and felt so uncomfortable and out of place that I hid in the guestroom and cried for an hour.

We broke up three times, and got back together three times. The third time my husband realized that he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought and put a ring on it on the evening of September 11, 2001–the day the Twin Towers were obliterated by terrorists hell-bent on indiscriminately killing all Americans, regardless of race, color, or creed. I of course said yes, because after two years of dating, I couldn’t have cared two figs about what people thought about us. It was gonna be me and him–the hell with what the world might think. Nothing like a catastrophic event to put things into perspective.

My experience in the only serious interracial relationship I’d ever had was so full of ups and downs, hilarity and absurdity, with the source of all the stress boiling down to something simultaneously small and huge, trivial and profound as a difference in the level of melanin.  I wondered out loud, “How many other black women worry about this sh&$!?”

So many times I wished I’d had a confidant to prepare me for the challenges I might face, going in–sort of like a “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” for interracial couples. I didn’t see it on the bookshelves–nothing even close. That’s how “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” was born.

 

I was determined not to write another naval-gazing compilation about why 70% of black women are single, or how black women should lower their standards, be better, do better, act better, or be forced kicking and screaming into doing something they didn’t want to do. “Swirling” isn’t a book about convincing black women to do anything. It’s about what black women should know after they’ve decided to date a rainbeau.

Some people think the whole “interracial thing” should be given a rest, or that these stories and books are unnecessary. I’d have to disagree. Census data, released just yesterday, indicate that interracial marriage is up 28% since 2000–an all time high in the United States. But statistics don’t always tell the whole story, do they?

The term, “interracial” is wide-sweeping, and could refer to a motley of racial combinations. But the global rise doesn’t mean America is colorblind, or that there isn’t some sort of minority hierarchy when it comes to intermixing. For a variety of reasons, black women are dead last when it comes to mixed-race pairing. My research and numerous interviews revealed that the reasons have less to do with black women’s desirability across color lines (yes ladies, white guys think you’re HOT!!), and more to do with a lack of exposure and access. There’s a ridiculous amount of black women who believe that other races simply aren’t interested or just want some “jungle booty.” There’s a lot of stereotypes happening on both ends of the melanin spectrum, so perhaps more than ever, people of all races need to know what to expect before and after they walk down the aisle, if they so choose.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (Simon & Schuster/Atria Books) now available for pre-order. She is also the publisher of Beyond Black & White, a blog dedicated to African American women who are interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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  • ddh336

    Love it thanks for the article it was very on point and you are absolutely right, it would be nice if there was a guide LOL, but with experience being different… The only advice I received was from my Mom “If your going to date out of your race, at least make sure that you always look your best when out in public, people are going to stare don’t give them nothing to talk about,” and “If you can’t go to their house they can’t come to mine”.. mind you this is back in the early 90’s times have changed..or have they.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1188505509 Claryssa Burroughs

    Dear Christelyn, I loved the article and I totally believe that it is necessary to write a book such as this. It would have helped me when I first started liking boys and dating. I have lived in a prominently Caucasian town on the corner of PA, OH and WV and that was generally my dating pool. It would have helped me sort out any worries and/or thoughts I had about this. I really did not have anyone to talk to about it, except my mommy. And she, long story short and polite, never had much to say about. Daddy did not know what to say because he is a gent with a daughter. So I am excited to get this book because it is just nice to hear someone else’s experience and perspective on this. Thank you and continued blessings for your marriage! :D

  • Brnsug

    Their is nothing wrong with writing a book , that way people can see the pros and cons about being in a relationship interacially…Of course ask question of your mate…while dating him or her…Find out all the details of his fam as well as hers….

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

    not all whites are racist…while this does happen more often than not…it does not happen all the time…

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

    yep…black men and sista shouljas

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

    oh yes they do

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

    yes they do…otherwise prove it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3EHQVSA365QAAO7CZUYW33EF5M Jonna

    Soooooooo.. You wrote all of this to see if we would buy your book? *confused*

  • Rah Truth

    “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness…Broad,
    wholesome, charitable views of men and things can not be acquired by
    vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s life” ~Mark Twain
     

  • Rah Truth

     How about a book on racial/cultural awareness in general? If everyone wasn’t so afraid to leave their own neighborhoods and comfort zones, an interracial marriage wouldn’t be such a shock.

    • Brnsug

      I dont think its a shock for anyone…its the baggage and backlash of the ordeal that interacial relationship goes thur….with family….issues….being accepted…

  • Brnsug

    Visiting your MAN OR WOMANS…white family in these SMALLS hick towns were the population is 5000 to 9000, 100 percnt white…no blacks,indians,latinos,africans,mixed races of people no were in sight…Its even worst than a big city……Their stuck on stupid!!! and thats putting it lightly,,,lol..

    Their is no holes bored, they dont care how they treat you as a black man or woman..they dont want you with their daughters or sons, and they dont care about your feelings , .Your mate knows they are that way ……and they should of prepared you for the backlash of bullshyt, b/c it is deep..Your mate knows his family and how all of them are…this is a good question??????? when ur dating them……this  behavior goes from generation to generation….That way this will let you know if u should date them at all …..and have to deal with a racist and ignorant family.

    So think real hard before you go their, or investigate or have a conversation with other interacial couples and what they had to deal with before going to far with your white man or woman….

  • Brnsug

    The treatment of your white man or woman family is sometimes ….Something you cant get away from, and they are vocal about it…Its utterly disrespectful when being treated that way but thats how it is with their family…(feeling uncomfortable and out of place that I hid in the guestroom and cried for an hour.) ……Crying about it might of went different with most black women but it would of been some form of drama…They make a peson feel not wanted in their family…they stare at u like your an alien…the treatment is bad from what I hear…..Sometimes I wonder if going thur this type of thing ………….make it worth it in the long run..Some of the family may change, then some may not…But then you would think …what gives them the right to think their better than, or think that your not the right race person for their son or daughter…That is something people has to thing about when dating white…..I see it as a bad experience you dont want in your life….Its totally different from when your man or woman  is black and some family members dont like you…and you have to deal with that….This white dating experience  you will never forget….I dont get why some people do it…..why even go thur that…. 

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

    are you mad about something?

  • In All Honesty

    Talk about a one-trick pony. I bet Karazin would feel like a fish out of water if she had to write about something other than White guys. 

  • Rose

    Yes, we need books on the topic of interracial dating and marriage. If you have not been in on, there is so much to know.  Look how hard it is to get along with a black man, who we may know a little about his culture, but for someone whom we have no idea about his culture except movies or gossip, we need help.  I for one bekieve “white men” would rather kill you than divorce you( my problem). I am jus scared, if we ever argued or he got angry, i might be afraid to go to sleep at nite. Yes, some of us, like me,  need help,  

    • In All Honesty

      “Look how hard it is [for me] to get along with a black man, who [I] may know a
      little about his culture, but for someone whom [I] have no idea about his
      culture except movies or gossip, [I] need help.”

      Fixed that for you.

    • Brnsug

      Getting along with a black guy isnt that bad, understanding, and communicating, having respect for one another …besides him being into u as much as u are into him…….If that doesnt work ….Maybe that person is not for you…Dating a white guy u have to ask all the questions….no matter if the questions seems uncomfortable…better now than later….if u slip and dont …..u will be in love and hurt…b/c of his  family…and wish u never meet him to began with…alot of soul searching to even remain in the relationships…this is raw and ugly.

  • Chanda

    To Shywalkinginfaith10
    I know of plenty of white men that have dated and sometimes married women with kids that aren’t theirs and some of those women were black. And white men only going after thin women is the oldest stereotype. Please, maybe if they’re 16 or so.

    • Shywalkinginfaith10

      Exactly!! And people are acting as if there are not black men with the same thin no children preferences they claim white men have. lol

  • FromUR2UB

    This topic really serves no positive purpose.  It should be left on the web sites or book store shelves for those who wish to seek it out.  It’s divisive, and I believe it’s intended to be.  Seemingly, the whole drive behind it is to get black men and women fighting with each other, and convince each that they have no friends who are black, in the opposite sex. 

    For the black people who wish to date/marry people of other races, go ahead.  No one is trying to stop you.  But why do you need company?  Some of you come to the web site only for interracial dating topics and act like recruiters, then insult anybody who rejects it.  If the a** is greener on the other side, then just be damned happy!  But, it’s kind of hard to believe you are since you can’t accept that some black men and women actually like each other, and are happy with their own.

  • FromUR2UB

    This topic really serves no positive purpose.  It should be left on the web sites or book store shelves for those who wish to seek it out.  It’s divisive, and I believe it’s intended to be.  Seemingly, the whole drive behind it is to get black men and women fighting with each other, and convince each that they have no friends who are black, in the opposite sex. 

    For the black people who wish to date/marry people of other races, go ahead.  No one is trying to stop you.  But why do you need company?  Some of you come to the web site only for interracial dating topics and act like recruiters, then insult anybody who rejects it.  If the a** is greener on the other side, then just be damned happy!  But, it’s kind of hard to believe you are since you can’t accept that some black men and women actually like each other, and are happy with their own.

    • zeti

      this isn’t meant to be divisive, it’s just meant to show black women that they have options outside of black men so that they can quit complaining about black men being in jail, not wanting to get married, not dating black women , etc. it’s just one of many solutions, another option.

      that’s basically it.

      i know that you are an older woman but you need to realise in some parts of the US black men ain’t touching black women with a 10ft pole, those bw cannot move but still want to get married. this may not be what you witness , and that’s ok, it’s just not everyone’s reality.

      • Christelyn Karazin

         Christelyn Karazin here. Thanks everyone for all the input. This is an important topic, and there’s always going to be strong feelings on either side. As I mentioned in my article, this book isn’t about “recruiting” anyone. I’m not in the business of dragging anyone kicking and screaming to do something they don’t want to do. This book is for women who have DECIDED to open their options to ALL men of ALL melanin levels and once and for all, CHOOSE CHARACTER above COLOR. I hope that helps to clear things up.

        • Love_Sexy

          I agree with you 100%.

        • Love_Sexy

          I agree with you 100%.

      • Christelyn Karazin

         Christelyn Karazin here. Thanks everyone for all the input. This is an important topic, and there’s always going to be strong feelings on either side. As I mentioned in my article, this book isn’t about “recruiting” anyone. I’m not in the business of dragging anyone kicking and screaming to do something they don’t want to do. This book is for women who have DECIDED to open their options to ALL men of ALL melanin levels and once and for all, CHOOSE CHARACTER above COLOR. I hope that helps to clear things up.

      • FromUR2UB

        I know that some of you don’t mean it to be divisive.  But look what happens on the web site every time the subject is broached…feuds break out between black men and black women.  It’s unfortunate that many black men and women are so angry with one another, that this topic, along with any dating discussion, throws fuel on the fire.  I deeply feel we need to guard against that.

        I know the marriage prospects look dire for many black women.  This next suggestion may not be very encouraging for women past that stage, but I’ve come to believe that a black woman’s best chance for meeting a black man she might eventually marry, is during college…especially at an HBCU.  This is probably the only time in her life when the pool of available, smart and ambitious men will be its largest.  And, since there’s no pressure to think about marriage while in college, she has time to explore and build friendships with young men.  Just something for parents to think about on behalf of their daughters.  It might benefit parents to put as much thought into their daughter’s marital future, as they do planning for their educations.  Young women should probably do the same, not wait until they feel ready to be married, to start doing things to bring it about.

        • zeti

            “This next suggestion may not be very encouraging for women past that stage, but I’ve come to believe that a black woman’s best chance for meeting a black man she might eventually marry, is during college…especially at an HBCU.  ”

          you know what? i agree with this.

          here is the problem.

          do you remember the “ask a black man ” series , the very last episode about marriage? try and remember the maturity level of those guys who were in their mid-late 20’s (finished college). do you remember what Brannue said in that episode about timing? he said something along the lines of black men want to go to college and get a job and work their way up to a point where they are “the man” , a point where they are getting mad love from women so that they can “play” , and once they are done with that stage they want to marry. and they also told women to be patient for the ring. wait until her man is ready, with all of what that may encompass. this usually means she is waiting until her 30’s. would you advise your daughter to wait?

          and having noted all that do you think most black women would be able to find someone in college? do you know what the ratio is of women to men (black) in college? 

          i know you mean well but there is no running away from the fact that bw might have to seriously consider dating out if they want to get married at all.

          • FromUR2UB

            Well, thirties is still young.  You don’t fully appreciate that until you’ve passed them, though I understand the concerns of women who haven’t yet had children. 

            No experience will produce the same results for everyone, but my daughters are in their mid twenties, and both became engaged within the last seven months to young men they met while in college, who are both graduates of a neighboring HBCU.  Since both are still young, neither daughter has been in a rush to get married; but they’d had discussions with the young men about it, and everyone had decided that he/she was with the person whom they’d marry. 

            As far as waiting for a man to be ready, I think a woman has to ask herself, what is that he’s asking her to wait for.  There’s a big difference between waiting because he wants to save a certain amount of money before marriage, than waiting on one to finish sowing his oats.  It’s really not hard to identify which type he is, either.  All she has to do is examine how he spends his weekends and free time.  What does he talk about?  If a man’s time is consumed by his buddies or going out, a woman had better take a number or move on, because she’s going to be waiting on him for a while.  Even if she does choose to wait until he’s ready, don’t wait idly.  Do something productive, even if that something is just going to the gym.  Work on your next degree.  But keep up your appearance while doing these things.  You’d be surprised at the psychological effect that has on men. 

            Another thing young women should consider is that guys who have a lot of women after them, like athletes for example, enjoy that attention too much to focus on one woman.  Spare yourselves that heartache.

            Both black men and women need to broaden their scope in terms of what a BLACK mate should look like.  If people get a different result when they begin dating whites or other races, maybe it’s because they approached the situation with a different mindset, either allowing that person to be a different personality type than they’re used to, or treating them differently.  Did you marry a white nerd?  There are black nerds.  ???

            It’s a complex issue and there are no simple solutions.  But many people I know who married their college sweethearts, have had pretty good results.  If black women (and men) decide to date and marry someone of another race, just be sure you do it out of love and not spite.  

            • In All Honesty

              Wow. The maturity level of FROMUR2UB is leagues above Zeti’s. I think BW like Zeti should move on, too. I wouldn’t want her. From the sound of things, other BM wouldn’t either.

              BW like FROMUR2UB are beyond precious and I would definitely want to wife her. She’s compassionate, intelligent and rational. Great package. It’s just that simple.

              • FromUR2UB

                Thank you, but I don’t think you give Zeti enough credit.  There is wisdom in her posts.  She and I are different ages and come from different experiences and therefore, our perspectives reflect that.  But despite that, she was very courteous in her responses, and I appreciate that.  She’s a nice young woman.

      • FromUR2UB

        I know that some of you don’t mean it to be divisive.  But look what happens on the web site every time the subject is broached…feuds break out between black men and black women.  It’s unfortunate that many black men and women are so angry with one another, that this topic, along with any dating discussion, throws fuel on the fire.  I deeply feel we need to guard against that.

        I know the marriage prospects look dire for many black women.  This next suggestion may not be very encouraging for women past that stage, but I’ve come to believe that a black woman’s best chance for meeting a black man she might eventually marry, is during college…especially at an HBCU.  This is probably the only time in her life when the pool of available, smart and ambitious men will be its largest.  And, since there’s no pressure to think about marriage while in college, she has time to explore and build friendships with young men.  Just something for parents to think about on behalf of their daughters.  It might benefit parents to put as much thought into their daughter’s marital future, as they do planning for their educations.  Young women should probably do the same, not wait until they feel ready to be married, to start doing things to bring it about.

    • zeti

      this isn’t meant to be divisive, it’s just meant to show black women that they have options outside of black men so that they can quit complaining about black men being in jail, not wanting to get married, not dating black women , etc. it’s just one of many solutions, another option.

      that’s basically it.

      i know that you are an older woman but you need to realise in some parts of the US black men ain’t touching black women with a 10ft pole, those bw cannot move but still want to get married. this may not be what you witness , and that’s ok, it’s just not everyone’s reality.

  • Ebonydiva82

    Congratulations Christelyn on your 10th wedding anniversary and many more to come! I am a fan of your site and its variety. 

  • P Schuyster

    I am white man  married to a beautiful,splendid zimbabwean woman (we have 2 kids). I can tell you honestly  that a lot of us find bw very attractive. There is nothing more appealing to me than a full-figured bantu princess. But marriage is more than looks; it’s about values,character and personality too,i think.

    • Kitsy

      “full-figured bantu princess”? Hmmmm, sounds like you’re fetishizing your own wife. I am in full support of black women opening their hearts and minds to ALL men, however, statements like yours only confirm fears that some white men who pursue black women are doing so because of sexual fixations and are insincere.

      • Coco81

        TBH I’ve found most Americans fetishes each other. Even people of the same race.

        Silly notions like white men only want us for sex is stupid as well, MEN want women for sex and if you look at black men and how many marries black women who really want to use black women for sex?!

      • Niquenique45

        Since the caveman days, racial variance has always been attractive. People are naturally inclined to like exotic looking mates so that there will be a lot of variation, and the human race can continue to thrive. Your ass, and P Schuyster both find exotic people eye catching. Why do you think a person with light brown skin and green eyes seems attractive than someone with white skin and green eyes? Because the former is more exotic and more appealing.

      • Niquenique45

        Since the caveman days, racial variance has always been attractive. People are naturally inclined to like exotic looking mates so that there will be a lot of variation, and the human race can continue to thrive. Your ass, and P Schuyster both find exotic people eye catching. Why do you think a person with light brown skin and green eyes seems attractive than someone with white skin and green eyes? Because the former is more exotic and more appealing.

      • Amina

         …as opposed to black men who constantly use black women for sex and sperm receptacles? Or look at white, Latina, and Asian and think they’re “easy”??? 

        Epic FAIL.

    • MirmiP

      You sound ignorant the bantu people are native to Namibia and South Africa. If your wife is from Zimbabwe she would be from the Shona or Ndebele tribe. You lack character and seem to have fallen for a fetish rather than a person.

      • Amina

         There ARE Bantu people in Zimbabwe, you moron. They migrated from West Africa down to the entire southern African regions of Zimbabwe, Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, AND South Africa. The only people who were native to southern Africa were the Bushmen, San, and Khoi Khoi people.

        Next time, do your research before you jump to conclusions.

      • Amina

         There ARE Bantu people in Zimbabwe, you moron. They migrated from West Africa down to the entire southern African regions of Zimbabwe, Namibia, Botswana, Zambia, AND South Africa. The only people who were native to southern Africa were the Bushmen, San, and Khoi Khoi people.

        Next time, do your research before you jump to conclusions.

      • amjustsayingit

        I am a bantu in Kenya!! There are many bantus in Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi and many other African Countries!!! You can be a bantu but speak a different tribe/dialect from another Bantu for example in Kenya there are bantus who speak Kamba, Luhya, Kikuyu, Giriama e.t.c.

  • Kayla

    This book is just Christelyn trying to convince herself and other deluded black women that white men are kknights in shining arnmour and she is desperate to sell her book. Black people do not have self love or self respect that is why they cannot sustain heallthy relationships.The most recent report into black marriage stated that most balck women over the age of 45 got married they just waited longer to wed.Stop being conned into believeing there are no good black men out there, the mainstream media has no interest in black people other than to see us fail.

    • MySmile

       How exactly is being in an interracial marriage or relationship failing???

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001928419465 Heather Ferreira

        Kayla has just never tried it.  I halfway want to meet her and take her out around NYC and have her meet even half the white guys who come on to me up here and in LA too.  One taste of that wholesome vanilla goodness she’ll erase everything she ever typed up there and never date a brother again.

        No offense against black men, I just agree with em: white is sexier!

        I mean, isn’t that what they’ve been telling us sisters? Seriously, ladies: which one of you – truthfully now – would pick Kanye West over Matthew McConnaughey or Robert Downey, Jr? And if you say you would ya either nuts or ya LYIN. White men are just as well-endowed as black guys, they’re richer, they’re sexier, their hair is fun to play in and they love us to death. Call me a traitor but I know what I like and black men have been preaching it for years: “white is just better”. Right brothers? Well then OKAY THEN:

        THANKS, BROTHERS!!!!!!  I’VE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!!!! :-)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001928419465 Heather Ferreira

      White guys are awesome and hot as hell. I have to fight em off (two are chasing me now and one is a skater) and I frickin LOVE EM. :)

      Kayla, date it before you knock it. You might be pleased to know the biggest one I ever saw happens to have been attached to a young white fella. Nine. Yes. Nine. Thick. And kid knew how to use it :D

      Black guys are played. 20th century. Vanillaboys FOREVER

  • Nez

    What ever happened to two humans who happen to have things in common who happen to eventually love each other? My Husband is white and color never entered my mind. I do not understand it really, why all the fuss. My first husband was black (he passed away before you go making judgements) peole are attracted to others who may be alike simple.

    • Boss

      There’s NO WAY at all in America that “color never entered your mind”.

    • Boss

      There’s NO WAY at all in America that “color never entered your mind”.

  • irvingtonp33

    (Jumping into the conversation)

    What’s good with everyone? Mr Laurelton Queens here. This is my thing with Christelyn, I am glad her book came out man. She put a lot of work into it. Now does she bash black men? HMM I mean she is going off her experience with her first child’s father who was “black”. I kind feel like sort of like she is directing her anger at him. I don’t feel its so much she hates “all black men”.

    Obviously my blog has been taking jabs at her and the BDWE Black women (Black dependent empowerment black women movement). I coined that phrase due to so many black women having there “hand out” and bringing nothing to the table but there overnight bag and some panties (that is another story).

    Back to main point, Christelyn  have kept the BWE Black women blogs “alive”. She was the one comign down the lane against black men like us. I sort of respect her in a way. None of the other black women bloggers take risks at all. None of them are even relevant at this point.

    I have been observed this for years. I am not new to the scene or anything. I have pretty much seen some of the best black women writers come and go.

    Plus Christelyn is a student of the game. She is learning from her mistakes and working on it.

    I think black folks expect “black people to be perfect in the media”.

    Why there is room for the Rachel Maddows, um Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkins in the game.

    I like the direction of where the Black Blog game is going “good or bad”.

    Shoutout to Blackmenvent.com, my site (name says it). I think folks need have an entertaining debate.

    People I say I hate black women. I was just with a black woman last night spanking her booty.

    I ain’t mad about nothing. If they find a white guy so be it. Black men near double lap black women when it comes to interracial dating. We simply do not get the media attention the BDWE Black women get.

    Where you see white folks promoting white women be with black men? Show me that and we end this civil war right now?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001928419465 Heather Ferreira

      Y’mad, bro?  :)

  • Nwoods52

    There is nothing wrong with Christelyn Russell-Karazin ‘s book “Swirling”, it may very well help someone with serious questions about the subject. There are books about all sort of subjects on the market and this one should be right there w…ith them. I wish her the best with the book. After all, we only know about what we have seen, have been told, have read or have experienced. Sure, interracial marriage is nothing new, its been around since forever. In America, the white man and the black woman have always had the most freedom. The only mixed race kids I new growning up in the south all had black mothers. And, just so you know, black men don’t sit around and talk about black women marrying white men, it just doesn’t happen, at least not in my circles. Now, if you ask him about it, I am sure you will get a response. I would like for you to read the 2004 book “Love in the Driest Season: A Family Memoir” by Neely Tucker. Tucker, a white man born and raised in Mississippi and his wife Vita, a black woman that grew up in Detroit. While this book is mostly about a sick child they adopted, it also gives you a window into their mixed race marriage. Just remember, there are some people that will never accept a mixed race marriage and there are others that will welcome you with open arms. Just give love a chance wherever you can find it….THAT’S MY ADVICE…

  • HK_MD_OC

    I think many people are upset over her being happy.

    • Nori

      hit it on the nail

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001928419465 Heather Ferreira

      Cosign.   

  • Guess

    As a black women married to a white man I definitely agree with Christelyn.  More black women should date men of multiple races and cultures.  My husband is not only another race, but also not American.  I decided in my late 20s to expand my dating options and it was a gratifying decision.  Im now a stay at home mother with a beautiful baby and a husband who is an excellent partner, provider, father, and MAN (he was raised in a traditional home where he was taught great values, hard work, and he witnessed the proper way a man is suppose to care for his family). 

    No matter what, no one can deny that marriages involving black women and white men outlast white men / white women marriages, black men / white women marriages, black men / black women marriages.  And for the opposers who will state that white men / black women marriages strive because of age, education, and finances…yes, marriages like mine mostly involve educated, higher wage earners in their 30s…that’s a good thing.

    • George

      it’s not necessarily a good thing if a woman only marries for financial reasons. I know many black women who would never marry a broke ass white man no matter how much potential he may have…

    • Tony

      Actually, the latest study debunked that. Black women/ White men marriages  don’t last as long as most others.

      • Ladybug94

        All those that I’ve seen have.

      • Guess

        Is that your study?

        • Tony

          “Broken Boundaries or Broken marriages” by Fu and Wolfinger

          • Nori

            go to us census

            • Goth

              Census doesnt keep that data.Dada

            • Goth

              Census doesnt keep that data.Dada

          • Guess

            Well this book published in 2009 states otherwise…Bratter, Jenifer L.. “”But Will It Last?”: Marital Instability among Interracial and Same-Race Couples”.

          • Guess

            Well this book published in 2009 states otherwise…Bratter, Jenifer L.. “”But Will It Last?”: Marital Instability among Interracial and Same-Race Couples”.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DJRH5W33HTWQL7EWXK5USSH5JM KD

    The author states “There’s a ridiculous amount of black women who believe that other races simply aren’t interested or just want some “jungle booty.” ”  My experiences would say that they aren’t as interested. When I frequent white bars in my majority white college town, white males rarely approach. They may stare, but they rarely act interested. The only time they say anything is when they are super, super drunk. And whatever they say alludes to the fact that I’m black. “Girl, you know you can dance better than them white girls?” “Is it pink down there?” Whether she believes it or not alot of black women (well all women, honestly) can be fetishized. I don’t know why she is trying to discount that. Likewise, there are some white guys out there you aren’t scared to holla, and there are some that treat you like any other female. But they are in the minority….I would be more than open to dating anyone Asian, black, white whatever as long as we have things in common. But when I go out black guys approach all the time…..others not so much. It is what it is.

    • wondertwin

      Your story reminds me of something a white guy told me years ago. when he was a kid he went to a party.  the entire night he was checking out this black girl but did not talk to her. Later that night he saw her walking home and tried to strike up a conversation.  She quickly shut him down.  She said “when you were in front of your friends you couldn’t say anything to me. So don’t try to talk to me now.”

      That always stuck with him.  And he never was afraid to talk to whoever he liked no matter who was around.

    • guess

      I totally understand your experiences. A childhood friend of mine experienced the same thing when she was in college.

    • zeti

      how much do you weigh?

      • Follownoone

        Yes, weight makes a difference and being a single mother makes a difference.  That is why many black women arent married, in my opinion.  Not just to men of other races, but our own men.  Christelyn says that weight is an issue regarding IR.

        • Shywalkinginfaith10

          Well I am not a single mother, or a mother period but I am a big girl and speaking from personal experience, there are a significant amount of white big girl lovers! People have to realize everyone has preferences and the next man may be dreaming about what you distain. This fact crosses all races, nationalities, and cultures..if it ain’t for you then cool! I think it’s just silly to believe that white men only go for thin women with no kids! Hell I am living proof that some LOVE meat! My babe lets the world know and he says all the time, they only man that will knock what’s in your cup is the man that wants to try it! lol

          • Guess

            Are you married to your babe? 

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001928419465 Heather Ferreira

              Mine has proposed.  I’M the one who wants to stay single.  And that would be um the third white man who has proposed to me, and so there goes your theory ;-)

          • Guess

            Are you married to your babe? 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DJRH5W33HTWQL7EWXK5USSH5JM KD

      126 pounds. 5’7

  • wondertwin

    Well I hope her book does well. I may browse through it to see if it covers any new territory. not too optimistic about it, though. I have dated interracially for a number of years and married a white guy so don’t need any “how to” advice lol!

    Seriously I can see why people are turned off by her blog. Not to knock her hustle but dating white men isn’t all the stuff dreams are made of.  And she does seem to advocate for it, which I find bizarre. All relationships come with some problems. I never felt like I needed a community of others in the same status to give me pointers. Good God.

    And I never once considered how to handle looks or stares from other people. Who gives a $hit if someone stares?! or what they say for that matter?  there are only two people in a relationship. the more outside involvement that effects you, the rockier the road will be. that goes for ANY relationship.

    • guess

      I totally agree with you.

      • Guess

        I guess everyone has different experiences…

        Personally, I advocate for IR as well especially since so many of my black female friends are single and constantly in my ear about wanting to get married.  They want to date IR, but are nervous about it and that’s where Christelyn comes in…why be apprehensive? Im not telling my friends to exclusively date wm just expand their dating options.

        • wondertwin

          I guess primarily I am not one to give relationship advice in the first place. Second, even though I love my husband dearly, there are many white men out there (as KD observed) who just want to satisfy curiousity or want a black woman because they are wanna be thugs themselves who think they are Eminem or something. You never know what someone’s motives are so who am I to say “get yourself a white man”?  It’s not a the key to happiness by any means.

          Do i think black women need to open their options? yes, yes, a thousand times yes. But don’t be a fool either. Underneath it all, a man is a man and he can break your heart one way or the other if you are not careful. Ultimately the same reason a black woman can’t make a relationship work with a black man could be her downfall with a white man…simply not picking a man of good character.

          • Guess

            Man of character is important regarding any race, agreed!!

    • BohemeLan

      I’m with you Wondertwin. I’m married to a white man but why on earth I would have needed ‘how to’ advice before I met him is bizarre.

      Men are men, period.

      When I felt ready to settle down, I just asked God to give me a good man, and he happened to send along a white one whom I fell in love with and married.

      I think that this blogging, writing, youtubing about interracial unions really only is an African American phenomenon (from a certain class of AA’s) because I’ve never seen or heard about African/Caribbean people doing this. They just go about their way and marry who they wanna marry. With AA’s, it seems like we are on a whole other weird level; one that has a lot to do with spiritual sickness, lack of self-esteem, self-hate etc. I’m glad my husband and I are moving away from this country.

      Personally, I hate it when Black women come up to me and wanna give me five for ‘crossing over’, as if I’ve reached some promised land, or as if MY relationship with MY husband has anything to do with liberating anyone other than myself. My marriage to a white man is NOT a political statement, or a ‘statement’ for that matter. The only ‘liberation’ I got from my union with my husband was LOVE. It had nothing to do with some hatred for Black men, some hatred for Black people or whatnot.

      Black women like Ms. Karazin make me sick. Yeah, I said it. She’s the type of Black woman I LOATHE, because she thinks that other Black women who are in IRs are like her, share her weird sentiments or feel the need to ‘band together’ under some weird swirl banner.

      And the thing about people like Ms. Karazin is that they just don’t get how TACKY and LOW-CLASS their behavior is. Black women have been marrying interracially for years and didn’t feel the need to BLOG about it. When’s the last time you heard someone like Diahann Carroll blogging about this??

      Ms. Karazin, you are tacky. And your ‘class’ or lack thereof shows.

      There are classy Black women and there are those that wouldn’t know it if it jumped up and bit them. The fact that Ms. Karazin thought that marrying a white man somehow bestowed class on her just shows how confused she is.  There’s weave-wearing baby mama’s in the hood that have more class than she ever could, and they’re still messing with Tyrone.

      God, I DESPISE Ms. Karazin and other Black women like her.

      We may both be in IRs, but there is no way I’d ever befriend a woman of her low-class level.

      • Madame Noire

        You ok boo?

        • BohemeLan

          No Madame Noire, I am not okay with this.

          I feel like so many Black women’s intimate lives have been hijacked by people like Ms. Karazin who have pushed the impression that we who are in IRs somehow feel ‘delivered’ because of the fact that we married non-Black men. or that race was ever even an issue in the first place.

          If Ms. Karazin and other Black women like her are dealing with arrival issues (i.e. feeling like they have “arrived” because they’ve married white men), then they need to realize that it might be because of their previous low socio-economic, spiritual, educational, emotional level/backgrounds.

          I’m sick of all these brothers and sisters who are beginning to think that EVERY Black woman in an IR hates Black men and Black people in general. I’m sick of even imagining that I would ever be lumped in with women like Ms. Karazin and the confused lot that frequent her blog, all because I too am in an interracial marriage.

          And yeah, it’s TACKY.

          Black women have married interracially for centuries so what’s new???

          Like I said, maybe Ms. Karazin and her ilk come from a lower class where they ASPIRED to marry non-Blacks and this may be why they have literally gone *wild* with their blogs, books, interviews etc. I’m only surprised that they’re not tap-dancing and doing the boogie-woogie with it lol. Maybe we need to throw them a piece of chicken and the picture will be complete…

          Sheesh.

          But for those of us who were already secure in ourselves and who came from families in which you marry who you love (regardless) and don’t rush out and play a ragtime waltz about it, it is really something to watch how Ms. Karazin and her lot are EVERYWHERE with this.

          Like I said, I’m thankful that I’ll be moving away from this country. Lord knows the last thing I need is to end up in a country where another African American woman is blogging about her white husband lol.

          You know, I’m Black and I’m proud. But sometimes it sucks being African American. Especially when you get lumped it with Ms. Karazin and her ilk.

          • Elegantbw

            Kind of makes me wonder why there are all those gay blogs and websites and all of those groups supporting gay people. People have been gay for years right but they keep on talking about it. Hmmm…Maybe they do it because although it has been happening for years it STILL IS NOT ACCEPTED by the mainstream, people condemn them, say they don ‘t know God, they have no class, and they are a disgrace just as you have said about interracial daters. 

            Gay people are afraid to walk with their partners on the street because people harass them and say they are confused and doing the wrong thing. They make websites to support each other because unlike you, they are not given an easy time about their choices. They want people to stop being shocked by their relationships and to not harass them when they talk about their relationships. They want to be accepted just like any other relationship. 

            This is why gay blogs/groups and interracial blogs exist because many people do not accept them, harass, and criticize the one’s in the relationships. They just want to be considered equal. That is all. There are books about everything over the sun and it doesn’t matter if it’s needed, only if it sells and someone wants it. 

            • BohemeLan

              ElegantBW,

              What planet are you living on?  You’re gonna compare this with being gay? Give me a break lol. All I have to do is go out onto the street to see tens of gay couples walking hand in hand, kissing, hugging or raising their children and I’ll bet my last dollar they aren’t blogging or writing books about “how to be in a gay relationship”. Lol. Because they aren’t INSECURE.

              The fact remains that this is nothing but a class issue.

              Low-class, INSECURE Black women who never had any sort of exposure are more likely than not to behave in such a tacky manner.

              And see, that’s the difference.

              I wonder why women like Tina Turner (who went through hell with a Black man) have NEVER appeared on some show/book/interview bragging about their white spouse? Diahann Carroll? Diana Ross?

              It’s because they have CLASS.

              This new crop of Black women like Ms. Karazin (and her fans) are the bottom of the barrel of Black womanhood in my view. And it’s because they have no tact, no class and most definitely no ELEGANCE whatsoever.

              Like I said (and I’m glad that I’m not alone in this), I may be a Black woman in an interracial marriage but I damn sure am NOT one of you all. I’d rather disappear than be so tacky.

              • Christelyn Karazin

                “All I have to do is go out onto the street to see tens of gay couples
                walking hand in hand, kissing, hugging or raising their children and
                I’ll bet my last dollar they aren’t blogging or writing books about “how
                to be in a gay relationship”. Lol. Because they aren’t INSECURE. ”

                I challenge you to look up the following titles on Amazon,  and THEN make me a check for your last dollar.

                Gay Relationships
                by Tina B. Tessina
                Together Forever: The Gay Man’s Guide to Lifelong Love
                Keeping Mr. Right: The Gay Man’s Guide to Lasting Relationships

                Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic LoveAttract Hotter Gay Guys with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language. A Guide To Gay Dating (Attract Hotter Guys)The list goes on, and on, and on.Better yet, I’ll take cash. With  as much respect as I can muster, I do believe you are not really interracially married. No one in such a relationship could show such a lack of empathy as you display right now.

                • BohemeLan

                  Lol.

                  Now I’m NOT in an interracial marriage??

                  Because I’m NOT writing what you want to hear?? Because you and you alone know and understand what it is to be married to a non-Black man??

                  God, you women are so pathetic.

                  We are NOT ALL THE SAME!!!

                  I’m not out here posting pictures of my children, husband, family and blogging about the intricacies of my marriage, or for that matter calling unmarried Black women “uneducated hoodrats” like YOU DO on your blog (and now, I am assuming in your book).

                  And what the effing sort of ‘empathy’ do people in IRs need? I don’t need ‘empathy’. What I need is for people like you to stay in your crazy lane and not lump us all together in the same boat.

                  And thankfully, my DANISH husband would curl up and DIE if he ever imagined that his wife was out there degrading the institution of our marriage and our family in the manner in which you lot do yours.

                  And my husband knows if I ever caught him on some blog writing about the ‘deliverance’ he found from marrying a Black woman, it would be over between us.

                  Maybe what you women OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T learn at home will be taught to you here on the web, when you begin to interact with other Black women in IRs who our handling our so-called “situation” in a dignified manner. Just like Black women married to BLACK MEN do.

                  The lessons my mother and grandmother taught me were that I should always hold it together, always walk in dignity, and that when God blesses me with something I should keep it close to my heart. You know why?? Because if I start to brag about it and look down on others, God will snatch that blessing right from under me.

                  You women need help.

                  It will be interesting to see where YOUR marriages are in ten years, when your husbands start hearing from folks in their jobs about their wives crazy blogs, when your relatives start hearing about YOU their “crazy Black inlaws” and the antics you get into on the web. When your spouses probably leave you for other women who are a little more serene, polished and refined.

                  PATHETIC.

                  And what about your children?? What happens when they grow up and trawl the web only to see the sick crap you all posted??

                  Like I said, it sucks to be an African American sometimes, because one is always reminded of just how fudged up so many of us are.

                  So Ms. Karazin (and your gang of fans), please KNOW that we exist. WE are Black women in IRs who are sick and tired of being lumped in with you crazies.

                  You’re tacky, you’re low-class and you need to pull it together.

                  And yeah, you also need prayer so I’m gonna pray for you lol.

              • Elegantbw

                Wow! I have never heard so much venom directed towards someone who blogs about something as natural as romantic relationships! Such hatred! You’re acting like this woman is the scum of the earth and absolutely vile? Are you actually this angry about Black women talking interracial relationships or do you have a personal issue with this woman? It sounds very personal to me.

                What’s with the calling people low class and tacky thing? That’s not what I hear classy people saying only snobby people who think they are better than others due to an inflated sense of self-worth that they put on usually because they have no substance to be proud of.

                Guess what? There were no blogs in the time of Tina Turner, Diana Ross, and Diane Carol but they all have books written about them and are well known for having interracial relationships so they obviously didn’t hide this fact. 

                Hate a blog if you want but personal attacks against ANYONE who writes about interracial relationships sounds really, really strange. There are books and blogs about relationships all over the place and they don’t all have to be about the same thing. Variety is good. People blog about what interests them and what they are passionate about. Just because you do not think the issue is blog worthy doesn’t make you somehow superior or more classy than anyone else! Your comments here are very, very snobby!

              • ChrisFan

                You’re funny. You’re talking about people having class, but you’re the one sounding like the belligerent, classless, banshee…

          • Elegantbw

            Kind of makes me wonder why there are all those gay blogs and websites and all of those groups supporting gay people. People have been gay for years right but they keep on talking about it. Hmmm…Maybe they do it because although it has been happening for years it STILL IS NOT ACCEPTED by the mainstream, people condemn them, say they don ‘t know God, they have no class, and they are a disgrace just as you have said about interracial daters. 

            Gay people are afraid to walk with their partners on the street because people harass them and say they are confused and doing the wrong thing. They make websites to support each other because unlike you, they are not given an easy time about their choices. They want people to stop being shocked by their relationships and to not harass them when they talk about their relationships. They want to be accepted just like any other relationship. 

            This is why gay blogs/groups and interracial blogs exist because many people do not accept them, harass, and criticize the one’s in the relationships. They just want to be considered equal. That is all. There are books about everything over the sun and it doesn’t matter if it’s needed, only if it sells and someone wants it. 

        • BohemeLan

          No Madame Noire, I am not okay with this.

          I feel like so many Black women’s intimate lives have been hijacked by people like Ms. Karazin who have pushed the impression that we who are in IRs somehow feel ‘delivered’ because of the fact that we married non-Black men. or that race was ever even an issue in the first place.

          If Ms. Karazin and other Black women like her are dealing with arrival issues (i.e. feeling like they have “arrived” because they’ve married white men), then they need to realize that it might be because of their previous low socio-economic, spiritual, educational, emotional level/backgrounds.

          I’m sick of all these brothers and sisters who are beginning to think that EVERY Black woman in an IR hates Black men and Black people in general. I’m sick of even imagining that I would ever be lumped in with women like Ms. Karazin and the confused lot that frequent her blog, all because I too am in an interracial marriage.

          And yeah, it’s TACKY.

          Black women have married interracially for centuries so what’s new???

          Like I said, maybe Ms. Karazin and her ilk come from a lower class where they ASPIRED to marry non-Blacks and this may be why they have literally gone *wild* with their blogs, books, interviews etc. I’m only surprised that they’re not tap-dancing and doing the boogie-woogie with it lol. Maybe we need to throw them a piece of chicken and the picture will be complete…

          Sheesh.

          But for those of us who were already secure in ourselves and who came from families in which you marry who you love (regardless) and don’t rush out and play a ragtime waltz about it, it is really something to watch how Ms. Karazin and her lot are EVERYWHERE with this.

          Like I said, I’m thankful that I’ll be moving away from this country. Lord knows the last thing I need is to end up in a country where another African American woman is blogging about her white husband lol.

          You know, I’m Black and I’m proud. But sometimes it sucks being African American. Especially when you get lumped it with Ms. Karazin and her ilk.

        • Tajmahal

          Right!

        • Tajmahal

          Right!

        • Tina Lewis

          LyLMAO! For real!  That’s a lot of hate over a few dead trees. 

          If you don’t want to read the book, don’t buy it.  But please get some help with your anger issues.

        • Tina Lewis

          LyLMAO! For real!  That’s a lot of hate over a few dead trees. 

          If you don’t want to read the book, don’t buy it.  But please get some help with your anger issues.

      • Madame Noire

        You ok boo?

    • BohemeLan

      I’m with you Wondertwin. I’m married to a white man but why on earth I would have needed ‘how to’ advice before I met him is bizarre.

      Men are men, period.

      When I felt ready to settle down, I just asked God to give me a good man, and he happened to send along a white one whom I fell in love with and married.

      I think that this blogging, writing, youtubing about interracial unions really only is an African American phenomenon (from a certain class of AA’s) because I’ve never seen or heard about African/Caribbean people doing this. They just go about their way and marry who they wanna marry. With AA’s, it seems like we are on a whole other weird level; one that has a lot to do with spiritual sickness, lack of self-esteem, self-hate etc. I’m glad my husband and I are moving away from this country.

      Personally, I hate it when Black women come up to me and wanna give me five for ‘crossing over’, as if I’ve reached some promised land, or as if MY relationship with MY husband has anything to do with liberating anyone other than myself. My marriage to a white man is NOT a political statement, or a ‘statement’ for that matter. The only ‘liberation’ I got from my union with my husband was LOVE. It had nothing to do with some hatred for Black men, some hatred for Black people or whatnot.

      Black women like Ms. Karazin make me sick. Yeah, I said it. She’s the type of Black woman I LOATHE, because she thinks that other Black women who are in IRs are like her, share her weird sentiments or feel the need to ‘band together’ under some weird swirl banner.

      And the thing about people like Ms. Karazin is that they just don’t get how TACKY and LOW-CLASS their behavior is. Black women have been marrying interracially for years and didn’t feel the need to BLOG about it. When’s the last time you heard someone like Diahann Carroll blogging about this??

      Ms. Karazin, you are tacky. And your ‘class’ or lack thereof shows.

      There are classy Black women and there are those that wouldn’t know it if it jumped up and bit them. The fact that Ms. Karazin thought that marrying a white man somehow bestowed class on her just shows how confused she is.  There’s weave-wearing baby mama’s in the hood that have more class than she ever could, and they’re still messing with Tyrone.

      God, I DESPISE Ms. Karazin and other Black women like her.

      We may both be in IRs, but there is no way I’d ever befriend a woman of her low-class level.

  • Shywalkinginfaith10

    I read the article and I do not understand the leap some of you made to say she is trying to convince you to date and marry outside your race or that she hates black men. This article and her blog, from what I browsed, is offering support to those who are in and pursue interracial relationships because most of you are proving with your comments that there is MUCH ignorance and intolerance…..even in 2012, about the subject. I am a lover of all men and I happen to be in a interracial relationship right now….loving him and I could not care less what ppl have to say about it….but I understand why she would want to encourage ppl going through the same thing…..and I appreciate it!

  • Live_in_LDN

    Do you know what non-Americans call interacials relationship??? They call them ‘relationships’.  This book seems a bit thirsty also.

  • Love_Sexy

    Why do we have to have a book about “Swirling”?……Its not necessary…..Love who you want to love no matter what color they are…..If they possess all the right qualities, have good character and happen to be a different color then go for it…..Plain and simple…..Just love the person for all the right reasons.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002932932719 Wilforde J Camille

      I think we have a book called”swirling” because the Author is  a writer, and she has an economic interest in writing the book because she knows people will go out and buy it. I’m not mad at her at all, I won’t buy the book though. If I had the psychological intelect to write a book called ” Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, I’d be a millionaire right now.

    • Wow!

      Has is ever occured to you that you are reiterating Mrs. Karazin’s oft repeated words??? Congrats, my friend. You are one of the few who read an article, claim to hate it, but then repeat the take away message in the comments.

      • Love_Sexy

        What?…Nowhere in my comment did I refer to “hating” so don’t make more out of it than what is……You have your opinion just like I have mines and I am leaving it there…..Have a good evening!

    • Wow!

      Has is ever occured to you that you are reiterating Mrs. Karazin’s oft repeated words??? Congrats, my friend. You are one of the few who read an article, claim to hate it, but then repeat the take away message in the comments.

  • Asar Nebankh

    If she married a caucasian, so what, why is she trying to get converts?. That is so evil. It is similar to lesbians trying to get recruits.

    • Happy&Married

       This is the most ignorant thing I’ve ever read. Clearly you didn’t read the article.

  • http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=Peaches%20The%20Writer PeachesTheWriter

    I am happy she found a way to help some people (although most of here don’t need this advice), tell her story, and make some money selling her book. I am trying to sell my book Layover (by Peaches the Writer) as well. Please buy it on Amazon Kindle. Thanks in advance!

  • AllDayLikeOJ

    This is the “supposed” new post-racial America. This book comes at a time when we as Americans want to believe all things are equal, even though our daily existence reinforces that they are not. If you read Layover by Peaches the Writer on Amazon Kindle books, you will see one example of how deception, colorism, and lust play out on the backdrop of the rural south. http://www.amazon.com/Layover-ebook/dp/B007WUMF9U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335277988&sr=8-1

  • Thinker

    Thanks for this article Christelyn. It is very down to Earth, focused on love, and highlights real experiences based on human relationships. I am also glad that for once the topic of IR relationships is not being used in a confrontational manner, to diss black men or black women, or as petty one-upmanship. I’m looking forward to reading your book.

    The accusations (in some of the comments) against the article miss the mark entirely. This blog article is *not* another one of those lame back-handed attacks against black men in IR relationships, nor is it an attempt to force black women to get into IR relationships, so enough with the theatrics people.

  • Sharon

    Black men love to swirl but the moment a black woman does it they throw a fit. What are they afraid of? Do they think other men will treat the very women they don’t want better than  they do? It makes no sense when you think about their reaction and it sounds like it is coming from a place of insecurity and fear. One of my best friend’s married a white guy after her black husband left her for a white woman and his response was to try to convince me to talk her out of marrying him. I stared at him blankly for twenty minutes before telling him to leave my house. By the way, the white woman he continues to live with common law looks like Coco from head to toe if you know what I mean. My friend’s husband, key word HUSBAND is dorky, dresses like an accountant and attends church services with her every Sunday. He is a Petroleum Engineer and treats her very well. They have three children and are living the American dream. I am happy for her while her ex-husband is not. What does that tell you?

    • zeti

      what was his reasoning? why did he think she shouldn’t have been marrying him?

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

      (blank stare)….lol…girl that made me laugh…

    • Amber484

      OMG that was funny. 20 minutes lol. On a serious note I agree with your comments.

    • guess

      That tells me her ex-husband is a dumbass, and a bitter man.

    • Chanda

      That he’s just bitter because the current husband makes her happier than he ever could.

  • Kayla

    You ned to just quit it Christelyn, you ruined bossip with your obsession with swirling.
    NEWSFLASH-Most Black men and women still and will always only date other black people, we remain the least likely to swirl. Stiop forcing this tired topic down our throats-you sound insecure sister.

    • zeti

      had to freakin laugh at this

      the interacial marriage rate for black men rises every year, not to mention the black men who shack up with nonblack women and this is all you can say?

      black women are in denial. bookmark this page so that when you are 37 and still single you’ll be able to come back and get the name of the book .

      smmfh

      • Bossip is Poison

         What ruined Bossip are the trolling black women haters who are constantly on that blog insulting us and yet Bossip does nothing about it. It is the only black entertainment website not owned by black people.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002932932719 Wilforde J Camille

        @ Smaks you… so you’re saying instead of being single going into your late 30’s you would rather date another race… just because you don’t want to be lonely?? that was a question by the way… no judgement.

      • Kayla

        Black people need to just stop being influenced by people who want to continue divide and rule. There is a world full of single black men and women and we need to stop turning on each other. More Asian and Latino people marry white partners and yet it is not an issue for them. The mainstream media has become obsessed with portraying black love negatively for one reason-it is because the Obamas portray such a strong black couple and this is an example that we should be following. We need to think for ourselves and unite. Stop accepting the trash that white people do not date or marry.Black love is alive and out there.

        • Tajmahal

          You’ve left 3 comments on this threat…are you sure YOU arent trying to influence people…

          Kayla, you’re either bi or homosexual…you live your life the way you want to. Why not let others do the same’

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

      speak for yourself missy

  • Doug

    Why does this site still hire Kristelyn to publish interracial dating articles? It’s more than obvious she hates black men and the color of her skin, so why people find her insight informative is amusing at best.  

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

      Doug…why are you so upset about the fact that sistahs can date whomever they so choose…and doing that doesnt make them less than their color…do you have the same feelings towards the brothas who date and marry Becky,Ming and Rosita?

      • Smacks_hoes

        The “Becky,Ming, and rosita” thing is a little rude. Would you like for someone to call you shaquantay?

        • smacks you

          i ought to smack you for nitpicking.

        • http://twitter.com/Zabeth8 MEH

          Because the moniker “Smacks_Hoes” is so polite and respectful.

        • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

          If that was my name..I wouldn’t mind…since you are being sooooo politically correct with YOUR moniker…the question still stands…does “Doug” feel that way about brothas who marry outside the race?

      • Tony

        Doug referenced her hate for black men.  He said nothing about sistah’s dating whomever they so choose.  Cut the straw man.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

          She can hate black men of she wants to. Nothing you can do about it either. 

          • Doug

            He doesn’t have to do anything about it because black women who support her are all bitter and lonely. 

            • zeti

              i take it you’re psychic, that’s how you know this right?

              • Hatred

                 You’ll know this if you have ever visited her website and read what they have to say about blackmen in general.  talking about one’s experience with specific blackman is one thing, generalizing to all blackmen is a whole different ballgame.

                • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002932932719 Wilforde J Camille

                  ok… what’s her website??? i got to check it out for myself, then have my own opinion of her.

                  • icewind

                     beyondblackandwhite.com

                    she is anti-bm…

                • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

                  And she is well within her right to do and say what she pleases on her blog. Nobody told you to go to the blog, read it, and then take it personally.

            • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

              Taking an empty stomach to a flower shop aren’t we?

            • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

              Doug…what do you say about black men who date and marry outside the black race???…its funny how you keep avoiding the direct question.

              • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

                Doug??  ***crickets crickets***

            • Guess

              I support her and I am far from lonely.  Im HAPPILY married to a white man.  Christelyn is very encouraging.

            • Amber484

              You want to bet? I think not.

            • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

              noooooo…you’re upset about black woman moving on…

          • Tony

            I can call her out on it if I want to.  Nothing she nor you can do about it.

            • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

              call her out on what? Black woman DO have options…like it or not!

              • Yates

                On her hatred of black men.  You can’t drop that straw man.  No one is criticizing anyone’s “options”.

                • Tajmahal

                  truthfully, she is anti a particular bm.  the one that doesnt marry and has children without committing nor an intent to provide for his children…the one who is destroying/eliminating the black family.  bm like you, for some reason, dont want to admit that your fellow black man, the too many tired ones that linger around, has screwed things up for the decent ones. instead you prefer to be on sites devoted to women and bash.  why not confront your brotha and fix him?

                  • Miller T

                    I don’t know Tajmahal. Why don’t you confront the black
                    teenage girls who cause BW to have the highest teen pregnancy rate in the
                    country? Or how about the black mothers who are responsible for nearly 70% of
                    black children being illiterate? Or the awful black mothers that lead their
                    children to be taken in by foster homes and adoption. Or the black girls that
                    perform ghetto gaggers so they can continue the stereotype of BW as being promiscuous.
                    Why don’t black women fix their sisters as well? Oh that’s right because black
                    women got more excuses for their failures. No wonder Barrack Obama’s mother is
                    white. Not even a black woman could give us our first black president whether
                    married to a white man or not.

                  • Tony

                    Why don’t you admit that a significant number of your sistas find such trifling men appealing?  Why don’t you call them out on that.  What makes decent black men look bad is when black women run to trifling black men, get hurt, used and abuse, and then attribute such abuse to black men in general.  That is what makes decent black men look bad.

                    How can I call out a group of black men who do what draws women to them?  It should be the women who are called out.  When women state that black men should take the lead in reshaping the black community, what they fail to realize is that the first thing black men must do in order to achieve this is to put black women in check.

                    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

                      “Why don’t you admit that a significant number of your sistas find such trifling men appealing?”
                       If that’s the case its a wonder
                       how you have the energy to even type.

    • Ebonydiva82

      Just like it’s obvious that you hate black women who don’t want you…

      • Doug

        Don’t want me? Black women will take anybody who smiles at them.

        • Amina

           LOL, you must be one of those street harassers of black women if that’s your foolish perception.

        • Mrsadkiah

          Wow so you talk about her hating the color of her skin and BM in general then you say we (BW) take whomever smiles at us. I’m so sick of BM complaining about how we must hate ourselves and BM then proceed to dog us. It makes no sense. 

        • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

          keep telling yourself that…

        • Tina Lewis

          Well that’s ringing support & appreciation of black women.  I’m sure the “black love” bandits are eating this up.

          I’m guessing your rule is black man hatred bad, black woman hatred good.

        • http://profile.yahoo.com/TYYNDFZREKS6SNXL5XNTECMDPY

          hey DOug…your back…wanna answer my question?

          • Miller T

            I’m not Doug but I can answer your question. It’s because
            black men get scrutinized for dating outside our race already. Look at how Usain
            Bolt, Seal, Reggie Bush, and even Will smith’s son Trey were treated. They don’t
            say anything heinous to black women yet are attacked by many BW because they
            girlfriends are white. Yet how many white men has Serena Williams, Kerry
            Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Halle Berry, and other black female celebrities have
            had over the years and not one BM has spoken outwardly against them. I swear
            you women are hypocrites. BW have been outwardly against BM interracial dating
            yet the second you hear about some black men’s opposition towards BW swirling
            you want to play the victims (once again) and cry foul. BW defended Jill Scott
            opinion about interracial relationships with regards to BM (that even I support
            too) but celebrate interracial relationships when it involves BW only.   

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/LMVI6QGGVLHIAIVA6NXW3SZQWI BROWNIE

      no she doesn’t….and neither do I, just because both she and I married white men does not mean we hate black men…in speaking for myself, loving and marrying a white man had nothing to do with black men.

    • gull

      I think she does hate black men. Her hate may go back to her baby daddy who refused to marry her, but i am sensing she isn’t directing that hate energy towards her own culpability in sleeping with a man that wasn’t worthy of her, regardless of the color of his skin.

      There is a huge difference in advocating finding someone to love regardless of race, versus advocating finding someone of a different race from you. The later is extremely race focused and the exact opposite of what their “enlightened” group pretends to expound (Beyond Black & White).

      If we listen to Christelyn and her crew, one may walk away believing all (or most) black men are thugs, in jail, or undereducated criminals, while all (or most) white men are rich, educated, caring, knights on white horses willing to extend a hand to black women. Why advocate passing over a group where the majority loves, respects and want to marry you in favor of a group where that is a minority? Makes no sense logically. Its too bad, she and her followers do not realize that it comes down to choice. If finding a loving, supportive, respectful mate is the ultimate priority, who we choose to surround ourselves with is a choice regardless of skin color.

  • Chanda

    I don’t think this book is necessary unless you’re purposely looking to date/marry outside your race. To be honest I might check it out at Barnes and Noble but I can’t say that I’d buy it.

  • IllyPhilly

    WTF? No it’s not. WTF?

No thanks