Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: The Cheating Scale & Adult Videos

April 25th, 2012 - By madamenoire

Sam: What should you do if a man has all of the morals and qualities you look for but he doesnt get your sense of humor or understand some of the vocabulary you use? (I  hope I’m not sounding shallow :/)

DY: I guess the answer to that depends on how much you value the conversation/shared interest aspect of a relationship. For some people, that’s the most important thing. For others, it doesn’t matter that much. I wouldn’t call you shallow for being concerned that your man doesn’t have a $100 vocabulary, but I will ask you to ask yourself if a man not having that really makes that much of a difference in your life.

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  • Angelamnq21

    I had an ex who watched adult videos consistently. It turned into him paying escorts to “live out” his fantasies (because certain things like threesomes and anal sex I wasn’t willing to do) . Adult videos can turn dangerous and can ruin your relationship. I don’t think it’s an insecurity issue (all the time) when a woman is concerned about her man watching a lot of adult videos. I think some women know how damaging it can be.

     Quite honestly, I’ll never understand why men subject themselves to that. Why watch an hour flick to get hard when no one is around to assist with your erection? I’m sure your hand and lotion isn’t half as pleasurable as the real thing but to each is own… 

  • FromUR2UB

    I’m curious to know the age of the daughter.  If she’s 10-years-old or older, and not the man’s biological daughter, then she’s old enough for her mother to explain to her that she and the man are not together anymore.  I’m also wondering if mom gets on the phone after daughter initiates the call. 

  • Postergirl

    I think if you have an issue with your man watching porn, you need to figure out why you feel threatened, then talk to him about it. Many men I know of don’t necessarily want to act out their fantasies. A good man will listen to your concerns, then (at the very least) come to a compromise with you.

  • Waston

    I just want to say to Tonya, GET A BACKBONE. Stop settling for silly answers like what happened in the past stays in the pass just so he can shut you up. For goodness sakes you are going to be married to this man til death. You two should have open communication going on. If he can’t share with you that he wants to be active in his ex child life then you need to pump the brakes on this wedding. Don’t marry that man until you two do a few sessions of counseling. I am going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt that he is not cheating on you with the ex. You are going to be his wife soon please have a serious talk with him about this. If you marry him with these issues still lingering you will be miserable. Slow down take your time, work issues out first. If he loves you he will agree to the counseling so you two can work on your communication issues and you can work on your trust issues.

  • MIssK

    I wanted to know what advice AVSB would give the woman who was concerned about her boyfriend talking to his ex’s daughter…

  • Am3lya_tandi

    Black people stop with the beggar mentality already! Do your own thing, support your businesses don’t let other people dictate you… Honestly if there was a black character in this show she would probably be the sassy token black friend with no storyline of her own which we don’t need anymore.

    • Am3lya_tandi

      woops wrong article!

  • Soulsis

    “Seriously though, Adult Videos are only problematic if it’s impeding on his life. I mean, if he’s ditching work or ditching sex with you to watch them, then yes, you should be concerned. But, if you relationship and his life is normal, try not to worry about the fact he watches Adult Videos, and it consists of curvy latinas. It doesn’t mean he’s not completely attracted to you. We just typically like some variety with our fantasies.” Lame!!!

  • Artscola

     ”Perhaps feeling like “you can learn about women by watching “The Notebook” is where you’re messing up, because real-life men aren’t going to be like the ones in the movies”. Can you say this again? Goodness gracious!

  • Lalatarea

    i still don’t understand why some women get so huffy abt strip clubs and porn the only reason i can i think of is insecurity in which case you need to do some work on yourself before you enter a relationship.
    Also at Tonyas question i wud be really suspicious of him something just doesn’t sound right. if it is truly as innocent as the daughter reaching out to a father figure then he had no reason to be secretive or defensive. My spidey senses is detecting some deceit! maybe that’s really his daughter, maybe the ex is trying to get back, maybe depending on the daughters age she is trying to get with him. I personally wouldn’t walk down the aisle with this guy until my questions were answered.