Disappearing Acts: Why Men Suddenly Stop Calling

April 25, 2012  |  
7 of 7


We have all had a man pull the disappearing act on us before. I’m not just talking about the no call back after one date, but the guy who you’ve been dating for weeks, who suddenly fades away. It always takes us by surprise—things are going great, he seems to adore you and then he stops answering your texts. What is behind the notorious disappearing act? It could be this:


What seems like a coincidence, isn’t

“He seemed SO into me!” “We were getting really close!” “I felt like things were just starting to go somewhere…” It’s not uncommon for a woman to describe a man’s behavior this way, right before he decided to go ghost. It seems like it makes no sense—right? Things were just going great, and then he disappeared? Actually, that could be exactly why. Read on…


You had a “moment”

If you’re spending a lot of time with someone, it’s inevitable that you’ll one day have a “moment.” A moment in which you share intimate information, or share an intimate experience—something happens that undeniably makes the two of you closer. Sometimes, a man doesn’t quite know what he wants until that moment arrives. And when it does, he’ll either realize that he loves getting closer to you, or he’ll become terrified. If something happened that raised the stakes right before your guy disappeared, he may just have realized he didn’t want to get serious with you, and things got too serious.


I knew he didn’t want a girlfriend…

Some guys tell you straight up they aren’t looking for anything serious, and you’re fine with that. You don’t act needy. You don’t become territorial. You really do keep things casual and you don’t feel you overstep your boundaries at all, but one day, he disappears. You might have just been screwed over. Here’s how…


He met someone else

EVERYBODY wants a relationship! They just don’t realize it because it’s not just a relationship people want—they want to fall in love. People forget you don’t really choose when you fall in love therefore you don’t choose when you fall into a relationship. When you really fall for someone, too bad if you “wanted” a relationship or not. Falling for someone is a force you cannot control. If a man ever tells you he doesn’t “want a relationship” he may genuinely believe that but the truth is, if the right girl came around, he would want one. And you just weren’t her…If a guy like this suddenly disappeared, he could very well have fallen for someone else. Why else would a man walk away from dependable, no strings attached sex?


But we were in a relationship

Sometimes it seems you’ve totally roped a guy in—he has asked you to be his girlfriend, or even to move in together. You feel that he must genuinely have wanted commitment, because he initiated it. In no way, shape or form did you pressure him into commitment so, you feel completely thrown for a loop when he starts to fade away, right after explicitly asking to be closer. Again, this is no coincidence…


He’s no longer sampling: he bought it

For many reasons, dynamics change within a couple when a commitment is made. Sometimes, women became unreasonably demanding because they have the title of “girlfriend” and mistake it for “tyrant.” Sometimes, the woman is totally rational in her requests and the guy just didn’t realize that being a boyfriend would mean actually shaping his life and decisions around someone else. He wanted to lock down the girl, but not take on the responsibility. The reality of commitment may has become too much for the guy who fades away right after committing.

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  • Very Hurt

    I don’t know what happened with my guy. Everything was going GREAT until the morning I called and told him that our cruise payment was due that afternoon. I had given him numerous chances to back out but he insisted that he wanted to go. Well, I called him that morning and reminded him that the final day had come and the payment was due at 3 that evening. He didn’t sound off or anything. He said “okay” and sounded normal. Well, I called him back and guess what………………..NO ANSWER. I have tried to reach out to him several times and he want answer the phone. The last time I called, I left a voicemail, not an angry one but just left saying I did not know what was going on and I thought that maybe he would call me to let me know. WELL…………………………….NOTHING………………..NOT ONE RETURNED PHONE CALL OR EVEN A TEXT!!!!!!!!!

  • cello

    For all the men hating comments out there, how many times do women just disappear, stand up men, stop calling, lead men on then act distant, etc! It goes both ways!

  • Betrayed

    I have been with my partner since 1999. I have been exclusive all this time…have not even thought about another man. Ran into a an aquintance I had not seen in many years at a funeral and in casual conversation he was telling me about different people and happenened to mention my friend was going with a particular woman who was a friend of his. He did not know my friend and I were in a relationship and that he was spilling the beans. I almost fainted, but did not let on. Can’t tell you how bad it hurts. Breaking hearts should be a crime.

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  • Wioletta

    You are absolutely wonderful Dr. Stanley! I requested a love spell from you to make my boyfriend marry me. Well, happily I can say we are now married (2months now) and are more in love than ever before. He’s crazy for me and I’m now a happy woman! Thank you so much for all your work on my behalf! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! You can email him if you need his help via drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com.________Wioletta

  • Helen Lindsay

    I’m Focused on me !! Which means advancing my skills, doing things I don’t normally do and VOLUNTEERING when I can. It’s called being adventurous. When you keep your MIND busy this stuff doesn’t effect you for long. DO THE SAME!!!!!

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  • Big Tex

    First off, stop blaming men. A lot of women didn’t get the memo about vaginal maintenence. You wont get a man to stick around if he wants to do really intimate things with you but he cant because you stink down there. I know a sista who is 300lbs but she got the memo about vagina maintenence and her man likes it so much that he bought her a benz.

    Secondly, too many women think their body and vagina is what enables them to keep a man. The women who rocked my boat came to my apartment cooking and cleaning. I did not ask them to do any of it. They just did. I was a bachelor getting women left and right. Women tend to undervalue cooking a good meal and overvalue what their body is worth in a relationship.

    • kaidence

      Clearly u missed the point it’s not about sex it’s about be strung along manipulated or lied to instead of being honest from the beginning instead of just disappearing. Most of the ppl haven’t even slept with the guy they are referencing. And women know that sex doesn’t keep a man especially when there are so many women willing to throw it at men without a 2nd thought

  • WhatMoreCanISay

    You all forgot his wife found out about you and he had to cut you off. 

    • Nicole Simmons


  • Nicole Simmons

    I’m surprised he probably has a girlfriend didn’t make the list….

    • Terry Lee

      Met someone else was in the list

  • goofynotdumb

    You forgot one! When he (an opportunist) realizes you aren’t the dizzy broad he had originally sized you up to be and that he’s not going to be able to manipulate you and get “things” out of you (cash, food, booty), he disappears.

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  • LeLe

    Falling in love is a choice. God gives us all free will. It may seem like a force, but that’s untrue. 

    • Obinnna75

      You obviously never have.

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    I don’t care about the excuses or justifications for men fading away…none of them are acceptable to me. I can appreciate that men and woman are socialized differently in addition to our difference in communication styles. I cannot appreciate a man past a certain age who cannot communicate what he is feeling IF HE IS AWARE of what he is feeling and why. There is simply no excuse.

    • Annelli

       I totally agree….you shouldn’t be dating if you aren’t serious or aren’t certain about a commitment. People be knowing this from the start, yet they ride it out until the wheels fall off and someone gets hurt. There is NO excuse and I don’t accept them either.

  • PointClick

    It would be awesome to read an article on your site without having to click 7 pages in order to get to the end.  Two or three sentences per page just so you can get more page clicks is seriously just in poor taste.  It truly makes you not read the entire thing or not even come over here to begin with.

  • Maybe he just doesn’t want you anymore, next topic.

  • N1

    I wish I could call one of my exes right now, these other broads are starting to irritate me.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    If he don’t want it, he not gone chase it. That’s all there is to it. if a man wants you you’re gonna know it. . . 

    • Yeah….OK

      Right and if he don’t he won’t period…. I don’t cry over someone who dont want me… Why would u want someone who don’t want u??? Lol

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        uh. . .yeah. . . that’s basically what i just said. . . 

    • Annelli

       That’s true to a certain extent BUT a man can chase you and not have good intentions either. So it really depends.

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        When I say you’re gonna know it, it mean it’ll reflect in the way he treats you and respects and goes out his way to make an effort in a relationship. any woman with an ounce of sense can pick up when something’s not right in a man’s story or situation even if they don’t what it is by intuition even if he’s chasing you with the wrong intentions. i can’t think of a woman who’s ever been in a bad relationship that not said something was telling her something in the back of her head was telling her something wasn’t right. . .

  • Mls2698

    If he leaves, he did you a favor!

  • Guest

    This all could have been put on one or two pages -__-

  • Eel

    Dating is tough at times and there are moments when life just doesn’t seem fair. Ladies, we’get all been there, right? These types of posts just seem so trite to me now that I’m in my thirties. There are so many reasons why a man disappears. It sucks, but good riddance. My advice is to never let the jerk-like tendencies of one man condemn all of the rest, and try as best you can to not take a disappearance act personally. 🙂

  • Froseley

    I’m sorry but “falling in love” past the age of 30 is just unrealistic. While I believe in love and that often times you have to be open to it and take it when it comes, you just dont walk around “falling” into anything. I’m in my mid-thirties, I have a pre-teen, a career, school, a home, basically responsibilties that don’t allow me to just “fall in love”. I think that it’s an excuse to not communicate openly with the person your dealing with. I’d rather keep you as a friend and can respect your desicion to move forward, then for you to walk away and act like you fell off the face of the earth. Cause, what happens when we run into each other in the store, ackward silence, pretend we dont see each other. If you find happiness with some one else, good for you. It gives me hope that my happiness is around the corner. Trust me I’m no hater, cause I have a firm belief that what God has in store for me and no one can take that away. So if I’m not the woman for you and your not the man for me, why would I be angry or upset. What I’m going to angry or upset about is the lack of respect you show me by disappearing! Two different issues. I just chalk it up to immaturity, lack of good manners and a learning lesson for me! 

    • Yeah….OK

      Giiiirrrl i can like your comment 1000 times….. I’ve been taught by experience and my mom not to worry about Guys who leave like that. Their loss, u need to be thanking the stars that God weeds fools out. Men know when they can’t pull sh1t on u and if they not tryin to do that some cowards just leave because just walking away from you is easier than saying the truth… It’s life.

    • Tee

      I absolutely love everything you said. Damn you were door on!!!!

      • Tee

        Meant to way SPOT on!

    • Annelli

      Not true at all…you can fall in love at any age. Besides 30 ain’t old…not by a long shot.

    • Buddahg

      Reading this just made my day! KUDOS to you…


    The bottom line is, that Men, these days are opportunist. They have been thrust, into a new society, whereby their sense of morality, common sense, judgement and comment, has become, almost totally “Bankrupt”.

    Long gone, are the days, when Men look for women with the characteristics of their Mother’s or even Grandmother’s, who stayed in relationships for the long haul.

    Today, Men have no sense of reason to do so, when they so many choices.

    Most Men reason (not all), would consider not to stay in a commented relationship with a morally sound, educated, hard working woman, who wants the stability of marriage and building a home, when he can wife a girl, from the club or the stripper poll.

    My advice, for all of you beautiful and sound Women out there, is to NEVER and I mean NEVER, compromise, what you want and who you are, for a short term relationship, with someone who is UNWORTHY!!!!

    To thy own self, be true!! You may have to encounter and kiss some fogs before you find your Prince, along the way.

    However, I still believe, that there are still, some GOOD Men out there!

  • L-Boogie

     Live life.  Get money.

    • Yeah….OK

      Ha!!! I know that’s right….focus on getting yours ladies these fools will be here…

  • I think it’s very cowardly for a man to enter a relationship and not be ready for it to be serious so he disappears. What happened to setting expectations upfront? Being real? Not getting into a relationship before you are ready? Just cowards, I say….

    • Annelli

       They’re selfish—they only care about getting what they can in the NOW and once they do and they get bored or tired, they move on…it’s no big deal to them b/c they have done this sort of thing time and time and again. Hurting someone emotionally doesn’t seem to bother them in the least.

    • tiffany

      Correct!!! I had dealings with a guy, and everything seemed to be going so well and then (silence). Men now are like children and I’m talking at all ages.

  • Cokeland

    People fade from “relationships” because that’s not the they wanna be with. Period.No real science in it… people should just communicate that.

    • Annelli

       It’s that damn simple….you are so right. People are fading from the relationship b/c they don’t feel that person is “the one.”

  • Guestie

     ‘Falling for someone is a force you cannot control.’
    This may have been true for me as a teenager and as an early 20 something when I hadn’t experienced much but not since I’ve learned what not to do with women.
    I may ‘fall’ for a person and then put myself out there to see what happens with it. Still, if my efforts are not returned then I can/will not continue to pursue or even continue to harbor intimate feelings for the ‘would-be’ partner.
    There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned dose of rejection to cure me of any puppy-love tendencies. Half of the time this is when women let their guards down and guys like me then become their friends (who they’ll look out for with other potential prospects) or even possible friends w/benefits so it’s a win-win for everyone.

    • Lady Belle

       “falling for some is a force you cannot control” is not about going in it blindly but more about being blindsided when that one finds you..

    • Lady Belle

       “falling for some is a force you cannot control” is not about going in it blindly but more about being blindsided when that one finds you..

  • Nitty

    Word of advice.
    Put you first.if he’s not doing/giving in the relationship like he’s supposed to,move on beautiful queen.

  • Ha. Point three speaks volumes to my last relationship. He truly wasn’t ready. I was pursued and asked to become his girlfriend, only to find out that communication, consideration, and honesty quickly faded from his mind and heart’s vocabulary. If you know you’re not wanting what your partner wants out of a relationship, don’t waste his/her time.

    • Annelli

       It’s that simple and I agree…I think most people know earlier on if you are “the one”…but b/c they are selfish they will string you along, play games along the way, mistreat you, cheat and then when that person they do deem as “the one” comes crosses they’re path, they leave you. It’s not right…..breaking someone’s heart should be a crime.