“Ask a Black Man” Episode 4: The Marriage Episode [Extended Cut]

April 19th, 2012 - By jade

Here is the extended cut of the last episode of  Season 1 of Ask A Black Man! Ladies this is our season finale, so we held out for the good stuff in the end. More eye candy, more honesty–we all thought this was our favorite episode to date due to the true honesty that was provided by our panelists. We’ll warn you now: it may not be easy to digest but the extended version will help you understand their answers a little better.

In this episode, a new panel of men discuss the topic of marriage. MN commenter favorite Devale is joining us for another episode, while LA (Laurence), George Twopointoh, Zarette and Brannue Life represent for the first time on stage. Our lovely host Kela Walker holds it down for the ladies, per the usual. You don’t want to miss the full discussion!

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  • Jumi02

    i just wanted to say that the men are grossly misinformed about that last issue of being barren. there is no screening test for barrenness. most people don’t find out if they’re barren until they attempt to have kids and sometimes the inability to have children is actually the man’s fault. 

  • Guest

    3 keys to marriage?? Realllyyy??? All of that is just so superficial and surface-y.

    • Yaniya

      I think he was joking – right?

  • Kjb3000

    Only a man would think of some BS like a “barren test”…Lol…that’s bizarre and insensitive. A woman’s body is more complex than that. However, their honesty was refreshing and at times scary. Two thumbs      up!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=655961269 Lady Burns

    if she’s a Methodist thats cool :) LOL

  • CutieReppinNY

    Devale sounds like he’s in HS, I can’t believe someone married him.

  • CutieReppinNY

    Bottom line is marriage is not a priority for most black men. Most black men did not grow up in a 2 parent home, therefore marriage isn’t on the radar. If you notice white men on average marry much sooner than black men because most grew up with married parents, therefore marriage is more of a priority. The average age of marriage for whites is much younger than African-Americans and I think it’s clear to see why.

    SN: Ladie’s don’t believe that hype that what you do someone else will, if a man LOVES YOU and wants to marry you he will point, blank, period. Be yourself. I know women that don’t cook or clean and have been married in less than 1 year and are still currently married, so just be yourself. If you’re worried about your man leaving then he’s not the one.

  • Whitneybthomas

    Why isn’t this what’s being played on BET instead of some other things…

  • Skye

    Brannue is a fine specimen, and the more he talked the better he looked

  • COCOCHANEL31

    AMEN YOUNG COSBY!

  • YoungCosby

    In regards to women coming “equipped” (for lack of a better word), men need to be better decision makers when it comes to the women that they chose. Traditionally, men do the choosing when it comes to their mate and the woman goes along with it if they agree of what the man is presenting. So why is it that the woman needs to go to the gym because he likes a woman that’s in shape? Or learning how to cook because she knows you like to eat. How about properly vetting a woman before even getting to the point of you’re already engaged, and now she needs a Marriage Prep course where you’re the professor? That’s hustling backwards.

    Dating is not what it used to be. Now it’s people trying to cram experiences of sex and a few outings into seeing if it’s marriage material. The problem with men nowadays, especially the decent Black men that are left, is that they know they are a rare breed. With them knowing this, they get women high off being “different”, when that’s the way they are supposed to be from jump. It also falls on the woman to make better decisions on what’s being presented to them. Too man woman are trying to get a Birkin bag with a gaping hole in the bottom, passing up that Coach bag which is littered with compartments to make your life much easier.

    On the issue of men getting married, the woman only gets the ring if he want’s to get married, he’s at the point in his life where he wants to settle down, and YOU set a time table for when you want to get married. If all of those criteria are not in sync, there’s nothing else for either party to talk about.

    On the issue of women having to have “everything”, this is ridiculous. If you as a man don’t have everything, then how the hell are you going to demand that a woman have everything. This goes vice versa. God doesn’t give you everything. We are ALL incomplete creatures.

    I’m also still seeing a lot of archaic stereotypical ideologies being brought to the forefront. Why do both parties have to have roles? Why not just being in each others lives to help their life be easier? So if you wife is working overtime because she’s a career woman and you have time on your hands because you’re not as busy, you can’t do laundry? Or cook? Or clean?

    Listening to this, it’s really hard to understand why Black women are so loyal to Black men. What are you doing that enhances their life so much? Too much ego being slung around and not stating anything that shows substance.

    • YoungCosby

      Mind the typos, typed in a rush.

  • COCOCHANEL31

    WEETHOMAS JUST BROKE IT WAAAY DOWN!! ITS THAT SIMPLE LADIES! WE ALWAYS TRYNA CHANGE THE MAN THAT’S NOT READY AND BYPASSING THE MAN THAT IS ..SMH

  • LUVBNBLK

    As a twice married man, this video gave me and my wife a GREAT laugh. Thanks for that. I’m not going to diss the options of some of the brothers in the video, but I’ll simply say…good luck with that. Here is my advice – make sure your spouse is your best friend. My wife and I laugh every day. We have both “changed”, during our relationship. Change is not a bad thing its actually mandatory if you want to grow together. We both gained weight, my hair thinned a bit, and money is never as available as we would like it to be, but I would die for that woman and I haven’t ever, as much as kiss another from the day we started dating (I believe that all cheaters are pu$$ie$). We are both on our grind. If the old school traditional relationship works for (both of) you in 2012, cool - but its not for everyone. We have tons of areas to improve in, but growth is what makes life work living. I love my wife with two lifetimes of my heart and I couldn’t picture my life w/o her. I appreciate everyday God gives me with her.

  • Nylalady

    I really enjoyed hearing all the opinions of such fine and intelligent black men.  Wish this was a reoccuring show on TVOne or something.  Keep up the good work MN and kudos to Kela for being a great host and keeping the convo flow interesting and enlightening.

  • Nylalady

    I really enjoyed hearing all the opinions of such fine and intelligent black men.  Wish this was a reoccuring show on TVOne or something.  Keep up the good work MN and kudos to Kela for being a great host and keeping the convo flow interesting and enlightening.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/U6RZYJHRSNJJTUZQI44PLYOUN4 Monique

    Based on this video, I can see why so many young Black people are not married. BTW, there was a lot of emphasis on cooking! 

    • Angel

      And working out/appearance. Marriage – hell, life in general, is not that cut and dry.

  • CaribFlavor

    This was an awesome series and I throughly enjoyed. After reading some of these comments, I have a couple points to make. Bear with me :)

    1) I found nothing wrong with the men on the panel. I just feel like some women were looking to these men to tell them the secrets of the dating world and marriage. What you have to understand, this is just 5 men. They do not speak for the AA male race. Just for themselves. Therefore accept their opinion just like you would want someone to accept yours even if you do not agree with what they are saying. ALSO, these panel are from the male perspective! We women know how we talk within ourselves AND I AM PRETTY SURE that if our man was there, there would be some things said that would make him look you weird.

    2) Get OFF Devale and his case!! The man is just stating his opinion! If you do not agree with him then obviously the man that yo are looking for would not be someone like Devale and life goes on. Some of you are saying you feel sorry for his wife and their relationship. DON’T! Every woman likes something different. She obviously loves him being direct as he stated in the show and that is why they are married. Different woman likes different things. I might like a guy that is very open and direct with his feelings because what he says is not going to hurt or bother me. While miss next to me might cry if a guy talks to her in the same manner. Different people, different things. Don’t judge his relationship! Some girls might be more into the Devale type and others might be more for that guy that encourages his woman to work out with him.

    3) A lot of women are getting offended over the working out thing. Simply put, people like people with similar interests and likes, He works out and cares about his looks, so he expects the same for her. These guys on the panel wants their woman to work out and look good. Matter of fact, I have NEVER heard a guy say I don’t want my woman to look good. However, what these guys said do not speak for every man so don’t get offended.

    FOR THE MORE IGNORANT THINGS

    4) We all know that in real relationship, couples do NOT have sex whenever the other wants it, Enough said. In the real world, I am pretty sure these men are pretty understanding to their woman’s situation.

    5) A BARREN TEST??? I cringed and laughed so hard when I heard that. There is no such one thing! Enough said!

    WHAT I THINK WOULD MAKE THIS SHOW BETTER

    6) UNISEX PANEL! and back to point 1. Guys would not be talking the same if there were females within the premises including Devale LOL (joke)

    THANKS FOR READING!

  • nellie

    In my opinion, this was the best episode thus far!!! 

  • Rachel

    What does a 3.0 mean?

  • weethomas

    I think the reason so many women seem to be dissatisfied with this series is because they feel a need to change men.

    There is a lot of “these men don’t know what a real man should be like” sentiment being expressed or “these men are not mature” or “these men don’t want the right things”.

    Which suggests that most are missing the point. The whole purpose is to educate you on what men actually want and think. For better or worse, these are the “real men”, not the imaginary ideal ones so many seem to want. After watching this, you should understand men better. You seem disappointed with reality. Guess what, I mostly don’t care. Because I know that I can’t change grown people. So when I make decisions that depend on doing so, I am intentionally setting myself up for problems. You have a problem with men, raise boys to grow into different men.

    The talk here about having a similar series doesn’t seem to be geared towards educating men about the misconceptions they have about women (something which would be useful), but geared towards having women tell men how they should be living their lives and how “men” should be behaving (something which is pointless). It’s like telling me I should have built a sedan after I’ve already produced a 2 seater sports car. IT IS TOO LATE. This series is about giving you the instruction manual to the car. If you want something else, you need to get to the factory, you know, before the final product has been finished.

    As was suggested in this video, if you are looking to settle down and looking for marriage, then your focus should be on men who are ready and/or have reached that part of their lives. Why would you expect any other result otherwise? Why would you think telling someone what you want will change anything if that’s not what they want as well?

    It seems to me, again, as expressed in this video, that a lot of unhappiness and disappointment can be avoided if people are straightforward with each other. Well weethomas, what if the man isn’t straightforward back? Sounds like he’s not the man for you right? If this concept is too hard to swallow, you will continue to find yourself in situations where you end up unhappy.

    Look at it this way. Man not interested in marriage dates woman who wants to get married. Until the topic comes up, the relationship is perfectly fine for the man. He is not leading anyone on and everything is going on as he would like. The topic is broached, man responds in a non-commital or completely honest manner. The woman stays in the relationship. Nothing actually changes for the man, woman now unhappy and confused. Who is at fault here? Answer should be clear. Nobody is leading you on when you stick around trying to change someone.

    Easy rule of thumb, in a relationship, treat anything that is not a YES, as a NO. “Do you want to marry me?” “I don’t see myself getting married for two more years” = NO. Regardless of how true the statement actually is, treat it as a no and act accordingly. 

  • Gregg Na77

    This is why I am single with no dependents. I don’t have it
    in me anymore to compromise or deal with demands. I love myself, my time, and my freedom way too
    much to give it up for anyone less than spectacular in my sight. This was not
    always my perspective, but as of two years ago, it is. I tried the committed
    relationships with the men who just were not ready to take it to the next level
    and I gave my all in my past relationships; what some women refer to as “doing
    the most”. I started at 17. Two relationships lasted 5 years a piece while the
    last one only lasted for 2. Those relationships did not end up the way I
    expected which was marriage (not even that I was looking for it to go there,
    but you get to the point where you have to ask yourself and your partner “Where
    is this going”?) Now it takes a lot for me to be impressed by men because I
    have a new focus. Most people think that I have given up too early at 28, but I
    am a realist. I know who I am and what I have to offer and if that means that I
    will remain single then so be it. I’m still going to enjoy my life because in
    2012 I think it is a norm to date and spend time with a man knowing it will not
    last forever. I appreciate the time spent while having fun with multiple people.
    Women should try to view things differently now that the times have changed and
    the divorce rate is increasing.

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