NEW EPISODE: “Ask A Black Man” Episode 4: The Marriage Episode

115 comments
April 18, 2012 ‐ By Liz Burr

We’re back with a fresh new episode of Ask A Black Man! Ladies this is our season finale, so we held out for the good stuff in the end. More eye candy, more honesty–we all thought this was our favorite episode to date due to the true honesty that was provided by our panelists. We’llw arn you now: it may not be easy to digest.

In this episode, a new panel of men discuss the topic of marriage. MN commenter favorite Devale is joining us for another episode, while LA (Laurence), George TwopointohZarette and Brannue Life represent for the first time on stage. Our lovely host Kela Walker holds it down for the ladies, per the usual.

Watch this episode now, and come back at 6pm EST today to watch the extended version of The Sex Episode. We couldn’t fit all the questions, answers and commentary from the men into this episode, but you can watch the whole thing at 6pm tonight. You won’t wanna miss the rest of this discussion!

 

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  • Wiilliam

    As a young married black man, I found this discussion to be pitiful. I don’t know these dudes, but their comments did not reflect what it means to be a man. Instead of seeing marriage as an opportunity to love and serve a woman, they saw it as a chance to get whatever they wanted. Sad. Ladies, if you meet dudes like this, DO NOT pressure them into marrying you. Matter fact, don’t pressure any man into marrying you. You will regret it. Don’t let a man string you along for years and years either. Find a man who loves God, and will love you like He does.

  • Childfree Diva

    When dude listed his “three keys” to marriage (stomach full, balls empty, ALWAYS lookin’ good) I was “th’oo.”. Seriously?? I hope he was joking. :/

    Also, I was not surprised by the reactions of the men when asked about cheating and how they immediately agreed to kicking their wives to the curb if she cheated. However, when it’s the other way around, as most men expect to be forgiven and taken back after a bout (or even a few ROUNDS) of infidelity. Turnabout is fair play!

  • kiki j

    i know im late but that was plain old rediculous and im a woman who can handle the truth and is very open and honest in my relationship……but there is a difference between keeping it real and bein real rediculous but gotta respect the opinions of others….good luck to them finding super woman smh

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  • KgBrooklyn

    Are they ALL married? ? 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/U6RZYJHRSNJJTUZQI44PLYOUN4 Monique

    Based on this video, I can see why so many young Black people are not married. BTW, there was a lot of emphasis on cooking! 

  • Chocolate

    1ST OFF SHE IS A GORGEOUS LIL LADY WOMANS’S. BUT THIS VIDEO AS USUAL YOU CAN SEE THE TYPICAL DISCOMFORT OF BROTHERS ABOUT THE TOPIC MARRIAGE!! THE REALITY THE AVERAGE MAN OF ANOTHER RACE IS MARRIED BY 28. WHAT IS WRONG WITH BROTHERS THEY ARE BECOMING MORE TRIFLING BY THE DAY! SISTERS ARE HAVING TO GIVE THEM ULTIMATUMS TO GET A RING! BROTHERS WILL KEEP YOU AS A GIRLFRIEND UNTIL YOU 40! WHY DO BROTHERS PUMP THEIR WOMEN UP WITH BABIES BUT WONT MARRY THEM. ALOT OF BROTHERS AREN’T MEN. THEY ARE COWARD WHEN IT COMES TO COMMITMENT AND RESPONSIBILTY. THATS WHY BY NOW AMERICA KNOWS YOU GET PREGNANT BY THEM YOU PRETTY MUCH ON YOUR OWN! # TRIFLING AND YES THERE ARE SOME GOOD BROTHERS BUT NOT ENOUGH!!!!

  • Guest

    The guys on this panel frighten me… especially the two woman- hating douchebags on the the end…

  • FromUR2UB

    A few things:

    If a man doesn’t want to be married, whether today, 6 months or ever, then say so when the subject comes up.  If the woman decides that she doesn’t want to wait for him to make up his mind and walks away from the relationship, then he should LEAVE HER ALONE.   Don’t call her to say “Hi”, or to tell her you were thinking about her and miss her.  Don’t physically go where she is, or try to get her to come back.  Let it be a clean break.   You should not contact her again until you are ready to marry, and want to marry HER.

    On another topic, what if the woman is professionally known by her name, and wants to maintain her surname so that her clients can find her?  Would any of you agree to a woman not taking your last name for economic reasons? That was the original reason for retaining maiden names and hyphenating names, until people began thinking it was stylish.

    Finally, many men still believe that a woman should learn to cook if her man expects it, but how many of you wash and repair your own cars, fix things around your homes, or do any of the things that men have traditionally done, now that you can pay someone else to do them?

    Personally, I believe that men and women should know how to cook as a matter of survival, and share responsibilities in preparing meals because both have to eat, and both are likely to be working these days.  Furthermore, whoever is the better cook, should probably do most of the cooking.  My mom used to cook Monday through Fridays.  But my dad, who was the better cook, cooked most of the Sunday meals.  Both of them were in the kitchen preparing holiday meals.  When my dad retired, he took over all of the cooking.  They were ordinary country people; if they could figure it out based upon what was practical, it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone else.

  • FromUR2UB

    A few things:

    If a man doesn’t want to be married, whether today, 6 months or ever, then say so when the subject comes up.  If the woman decides that she doesn’t want to wait for him to make up his mind and walks away from the relationship, then he should LEAVE HER ALONE.   Don’t call her to say “Hi”, or to tell her you were thinking about her and miss her.  Don’t physically go where she is, or try to get her to come back.  Let it be a clean break.   You should not contact her again until you are ready to marry, and want to marry HER.

    On another topic, what if the woman is professionally known by her name, and wants to maintain her surname so that her clients can find her?  Would any of you agree to a woman not taking your last name for economic reasons? That was the original reason for retaining maiden names and hyphenating names, until people began thinking it was stylish.

    Finally, many men still believe that a woman should learn to cook if her man expects it, but how many of you wash and repair your own cars, fix things around your homes, or do any of the things that men have traditionally done, now that you can pay someone else to do them?

    Personally, I believe that men and women should know how to cook as a matter of survival, and share responsibilities in preparing meals because both have to eat, and both are likely to be working these days.  Furthermore, whoever is the better cook, should probably do most of the cooking.  My mom used to cook Monday through Fridays.  But my dad, who was the better cook, cooked most of the Sunday meals.  Both of them were in the kitchen preparing holiday meals.  When my dad retired, he took over all of the cooking.  They were ordinary country people; if they could figure it out based upon what was practical, it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone else.

  • Tabernack

    This series has been a profound look at why relationships between men and women will always suffer: Women ask tough questions, men give truthful (yet unflattering) responses, and instead of delving deeper into the mindset of the man and why he thinks like that, he is attacked and then the women seek out the opinion of other men, not because they want a larger variation of truthful responses, but because they just want to find a man who will tell them what they want to hear…

    No intended misogyny here, because men are guilty of the exact same BS…

  • Sabrina

    I’m just mad I have to wait till tomorrow to see the extended cut.

  • E-GO

    See, this is why men lie all the time, because women can’t handle the truth! Just accept it for what it is. Men can think so disgustingly at times, but it’s how they think. Men should think like men, and women should think like women.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Z2DRFXCIDJGMKRMHDIJ7PPBVUM B

      Can’t we all think like human beings? Your gender should not restrict your thought process & I can argue that had it not been for society & how you were raised &/or conditioned your way of thinking wouldn’t be so narrow. Being displeased with the response of some men, has nothing to do with whether or not some of us can handle the truth & everything to do with straight up dissappointment & maybe less hope than before. This is why men lie? If being scared (yea I said it! lol) that a woman “can’t handle the truth” is all it takes to make you guys lie…well then, I throw my hands up in the air…& I walk away.

  • SweetE

    I can appreciate this clip having not seen the extended cut off the sheer fact that they were being honest. Some women say they want a man to be honest with them but cant handle it when they keep it real. Now some of their requirements to consider marriage leaves me shaking because they want a woman on the up and up but are they? I appreciate the fact that MN called for men from all statuses but I feel a man nowhere near ready for marriage was ready for this panel discussion. You have to be realistic. A feast of food is not going to always be prepared by a working woman everyday for dinner. But I’m sure if she’s down for her man, she’ll do it as often as she can. And sorry fellas not every woman needs a man to change a lightbulb. I was living on my own before I met my fiancee and changed lightbulbs, put together my wall unit, fixed the tiolet, and attached plenty of spares to my car and etc. Also, sex 3 times a day with an 8 hour job or a career will leave you with no energy for none of the above and then some. If you were some Smart Black Men, you’d realize what really matters in a marriage. The bible said ” He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord”. With that being said, are you a good enough thing to deserve the type of woman you’re asking for? 

    • Yeah….OK

      I’m willing to bet u most of the panelist are not regular attendees of church theyd know then the love and respect god has of marriage and wouldnt make such callous statements of how they treat the opposite sex with no regard…. So really they need to worry about loving Jesus before they worry about loving a woman….

  • Jl Cobbs

    Where is the extended marriage episode???

    • really?

      maybe the folks at MN are hesitating to put it up because they fear we might eat the men up, based on this edited version…

      LOL!

  • Cbanksstar

    How long should a woman be patiently waiting?

    • Yeah….OK

      Till she old and grey…. Cus if a woman continues to let a man treat her that way he will NEVER STOP!!! Who gives up a good thang thats a fool??? Not any man i know!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/taylermorris007 Tayler Morris

    I think I need to see the EXTENDED CUT, because I did not agree/appreciate/like a lot of the things most of these men said. So, before I get myself offended, I will watch the EXTENDED CUT. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=521685254 Yasai Sainabou Janha

    I’m really surprised to see the level of anger, disgust, or whatever it is that some of these people are trying to convey in their comments.  These men were gathered to give their honest opinions about certain topics and are being judged relatively harshly. I’m a 26 yrs old single female and I find the men’s opinions rather refreshing and wasn’t offended by anything that was said.  I’m sure if you got a group of women together, they would express very idealistic ideas about marriage.  These guys were expressing what they would ideally want but its clear that they all realize that they will not get everything they want and they won’t be able to give their partner everything she wants.  As long as both people’s deal breakers are satisfied, then all is good with the world.  Also, people need to stop being so sensitive about what Devale says. My man is married (he seems happily married) so he clearly can’t have a problem with the institution of marriage.

    • Ladybug94

      I think people are just sick of him acting like all women are going around begging for whatever, “Please, please date me, please marry me, I’m so lonely, no one else will look at me with this hump on my back so please marry me and rescue me from being an old maid”.

    • Sophia

      Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they can’t have  problem with the institution in fact I would argue you can only have a real, valid problem with an institution only when your a part of it because you have the experience. 

      Now I’m not trying to cuss his marriage or family life but.. if you were married or if  I were married I really wouldn’t want my man to be like oh if you force your man or women force their men to get married or else it sounds like he was personally forced into marriage thus speaking from experience. 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple


      I’m a 26 yrs old single female and I find the men’s opinions rather refreshing and wasn’t offended by anything that was said.”

      You don’t have a father do you? 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple


      I’m a 26 yrs old single female and I find the men’s opinions rather refreshing and wasn’t offended by anything that was said.”

      You don’t have a father do you? 

  • really?

    where is the extended version?

  • LetsBeSerious

    This video is laughable at best.  I agree that you’ve exposed us women to the reality of the minds of these black “boys”, but they do not speak for the majority and certainly not for the mature MAN who knows damn well that 1+1=2.  I am a happily married woman to a man who ALWAYS puts me first, still opens all of my doors and is completely SELFLESS.  Three years into our marriage, he is still the great man he was when we FIRST MET, he has not changed.  I am a successful executive, making 4 times the money he makes, but he IS the MAN of this house and I respect him as such.  However, that same selfless person cooks dinner and does most of the cleaning, SPECIFICALLY because of my work demand.  He works less hours and gets home earlier and simply out of respect for his family, he takes care of his family by doing those aforementioned things.  We have great communication and we are best friends, we like spending time with each other – what we have just works. He is an amazing man for doing what he does for his family, without complaint.  We are married, not because I forced him to marry me, but because we COMPLETE each other in so many ways.  I am better because of him and he is better because of me.

    For the record, I am a black woman and he is a white & spanish man.  I had never dated outside my race until meeting him.  I’d never been shown as much respect and admiration until that day.  This is a damn service announcement.

    • In All Honesty

       So you married a butler?

      • Guestspeaker

         you just didn’t get it, did you?

    • E-GO

      First of all, you are only 3 years in, let’s have this conversation in 7 more years. Secondly, you making all the damn money, of course he’s treating you like a queen. He’s not going to mess up his gravy train! Thirdly, you need to be COMPLETE before you get married.

      • Trinity

         somebody is very bitter…

      • PassingBy

        What an insulting statement. As if you know the dynamics of her relationship and the path it will take better than she does. And as for needing to be “complete” before marriage… there is always a complementing completeness to life when a person finds a truly devoted partner to share her life with, because the intimacy of a romantic partner relationship is unlike any other. That does not mean she was not a happy, self-assured woman prior to the relationship, just that the relationship further enhanced her life, as all relationships should!

    • why

      don’t let these jealous fools bother you, they just angry that they are not the ones with you.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    If he wants me to keep my body, up I hope he plans on on getting staying in the gym. 

  • rnic

    Only problem with what these guys are saying for me is that I think (most) men know waaaaayyy sooner than they let on whether or not they’d even think about, being interested in, possibly considering a woman someone who they’d marry or not.  But they also know that in the mean time, as long as they leave that question mark there and fill in the blanks with the “well let’s see where this goes”  type comments, if she is serious about you, a woman will do (almost) everything she can to “prove” to you that she’s the one.  Problem is, a lot of guys will know that a woman is not the one but let her put in the work anyway because he gets to enjoy the benefits of that and then hit her with some nonsense when she starts to notice that she’s getting the run around.  So I’m not sure I’d agree with the “put in the work if you want the ring” mentality.  I think both people in the relationship should be showing EACH OTHER why they are marriage material.  And while a surprise proposal is all good, I don’t think the intentions on either side should be so unclear that a woman would be “shocked” to get a ring or that a guy would be shocked to know that a woman is interested in marriage with him.

    • really?

      this 100% this!!!!!!!!!

    • Yeah….OK

      Thank U and here in lies the problem and why most women feel crapped on because men lead u on thinking that u are working toward something when in actuality they have no intentions of being with you…. I mean people are inherently selfish and will milk a good thing. So in turn, if u are going to continue to be self serving and not worry about anyone’s feelings and LIE until u find the “one” then dont get mad that women are tired of being yanked around and can spot a bullsh1tter a mile away!!! How long u think u gon bump our heads before we learn, even if u beat a old dog long enough he learn to fear that newspaper…..sheesh!!!

    • Blackhawk

       I can only speak for me, but I will never lie to woman and TRY to lead her on. I have told countless women that I don’t want anything serious, just want to kick it. Its cool at first but along the way they catch feelings but aren’t truthful with me. Then in the end, feelings get hurt and i feel bad, but am I really the bad guy if I always keep it truthful from the beginning.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Z2DRFXCIDJGMKRMHDIJ7PPBVUM B

        Yes.

        Lol! Why are you “kicking it” with them? Kick it with ya boys, kick it with ya fam. I guess it depends on what type of woman you’re “kicking it” with. If you are attracted to her & she’s attracted to you, somewhere along the line someones going to catch feelings, I’m sure by now you’ve caught on to that…so why continue to “kick it” with them…you tryna have your cake & eat it too?? Hmmm? ;)

        • Yeah….OK

          Exactly and what kind of women do u think wants to screw and screw wih no chance and then u just going to leave like nothing happened…. Isn’t that called a prostitute???? No woman’s mother/father including mine taught me to screw random men with no relationship status an I would hope u would teach your daughter better instead of her “kicking it” with every man that asks for her number. And like another post said guys say that bull to cover up the wrong they are doing… Actions speak louder than words DEAR so if youre acting liked boyfriend to me and everyone else then your “words” are supposed to negate the feelings that automatically happen??? O ok

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

        Guys like you are funny like that. These disclaimers you throw out to cover inconsistencies. I’ll tell you for free; if you don’t want a relationship, stop doing relationship sh*t. I wonder why men, like you, never seek these “casual” arrangements with women looking for the same. Instead you check for women looking for something serious. Then try to make women look irrational because you don’t want to admit you like manipulating women and telling your friends about it. There is no honesty on your part.

        • really?

          this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • PassingBy

          FANTASTIC response!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

        Guys like you are funny like that. These disclaimers you throw out to cover inconsistencies. I’ll tell you for free; if you don’t want a relationship, stop doing relationship sh*t. I wonder why men, like you, never seek these “casual” arrangements with women looking for the same. Instead you check for women looking for something serious. Then try to make women look irrational because you don’t want to admit you like manipulating women and telling your friends about it. There is no honesty on your part.

    • Ladybug94

      Amen to that.

  • JJ

    I’m waiting for the Ask A Black Woman” series….

  • http://twitter.com/2M_08 Melanie

    Despite the abysmal picture this paints of marriage, I can appreciate the panel’s candor (knowing is half the battle). Majority of what was said I can agree with, except a girlfriend and wife being one in the same—they are NOT.  I will add marriage is definitely not for everyone; if you can’t understand the premise of “give & take” stay single.

  • Santana_Jackson

    This video is on point! Any successful man nowadays avoids marriage like the plague as it’s not worth it and not in a man’s best interest.  Most women nowadays can’t cook, don’t stay in shape, wants to be the man of the house and won’t let the man lead, traditional roles has flipped and much more…..

    That’s why marriage has been on the decline and divorce on the over that last decade.  That’s all folks!  :-)

    • Miss Anonymous

      Hmm maybe some men are immature and dont know a good thing when its gone. I personally was the woman who can cook (and no not oodles of noodles or the microwave), stays in shape, let him lead and was always dressed appropriate when we went out or whenever we would see each other. How was I rewarded? He decides to cheat on me with his ex-girlfriend while he was on R&R from Afghanistan. The kicker is she is overweight and he made her his fiance, well for a few months, when he came back from the war he finds out she was using him for his money he was making while gone. I know another female who doesnt cook nor clean for her husband and only cook for herself (ie get mcdonalds or some takeout from a restaurant) when she gets hungry. *shrugs* I guess men love and marry that type of woman.

      • Yeah….OK

        They do…. And then complain. Hell y’all have left all the good women who have a good head on their shoulders alone to fend for ourselves for so long… Of course most of us have 6 figure jobs by now. U think we were sitting around twitting our thumbs waiting for some knight in shining armor??? I too consider myself a good woman and work for a living however in my younger days I would cook and all that extra for boyfriends and got cheated on and left like no bodies business…. So I don’t understand why when we fed up and really feel like its time to be thru with it and do us we are deemed hard to work with??? I have tried to WORK with y’all for nearly 10 years!!! IM DONE!!!

    • St. Hubbins

       Truly the Albert Pujols of blinkered pissiness.

  • rozzjack

    These guys are extremely immature.  They are too caught up in getting what they want all the time.  I didn’t hear them say what they have to offer in a marriage.  Being the breadwinner alone is not enough.  Do mean REALLY think a woman will be happy and satisfied with her husband bringing home the bacon and doing NOTHING else?  Not even the world’s biggest gold digger would be happy with that.  She might be good with it in the beginning, but after a while that shallowness wears off just like the “sex three times a day” stuff these guys were talking about will.  What happens when they become older and their bodies can no longer perform?  And I’m not talking about 70 years old either.  Sexual malfunction starts to happen to men during their 40s.  Then what will be left to sustain the marriage, if that’s all there was in the beginning?

    They get no credit for being honest.  Hell, Hitler was honest about the way he felt about Jews, but that doesn’t make the bullcrap he was spewing right.  They sound no different than gold digging women who say they want a man to make tons of money, let them stay at home, buy them gifts all the time, drive a nice car, etc.  These men really need to check themselves before they get married.  It’s people with their attitudes who are responsible for the high divorce rates because they get married for all the wrong reasons.  Pressuring a man into marriage?  Yes, some stupid women do this, but just because a woman pressures a man does he have to do it?  I thought a MAN controls his own destiny.  No real man would allow himself to be pressured into marriage.  And for the guy who is married?  Let somebody sit his wife down and ask her the right questions.  I bet you’ll find out how “happy” she is.

    • Yeah….OK

      Yessssssssss b1tch u Betta go AWWWWWWWWFFFFF!!!!!

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      I think you should watch the extended episode. As a group they seemed conflicted on all being on the same page about how they talk to and consider women and their feelings. 

  • Blackhawk

    This world is totally different than it was 20, 30yrs ago. I’m thirty and most “not all” women my age and under ARE selfish as hell and its all about pleasing her. Most of them can’t stand listening to advice on how to please a man, however they can talk for days about what a man needs to do for her. The truth is a good woman (that’s attractive) really is hard to find. Every good woman I know is either married or have men fighting to give her a ring. Men are not stupid, we know how rare a woman like that is, so if we find her we’re no trying to lose her to another man. I have a question to the ladies on here, what are the benefits for a man to get married other than raising children?

  • Mystique

    Do we have to ask a black man?

  • No_moedrana22

    This Episode was great.. I am a Married woman and I have been for 8yrs now yay me.. all of the qualities they are stating seems to be correct, but it depends on the man as well. some men like to cook..

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KHGB2JMQI7DQRO2FLNWVZO42XM Kwazi

    Its unfortunate but I always find it sad how marriage is viewed by our race versus others.. I work in a mostly white industry and encounter professional successful non-black (mostly white) guys in their 30s and i have yet to meet one who isn’t married or engaged. Even my girlfriend who recently got married has a slew of friends from her mostly white college and they are all married, and friends of her husband ( who was raised by a white family and went to a white school) are all married or engaged. during her engagement party I was saying to her sister that if all things were equal (education/ career/etc) and this was a room full of blacks no one would be married.

    This saddens me however, if  our men continue to say they dont want a women or need to be married then they musn’t want sex and have all these out of wedlock kids either.

    if things dont work out with your wife you can divorce tomorrow and never see each other again,but a kid is for life…

    • Guest1

      Now I think about it, that is very true. I grew up in a mostly white neighbourhood and attended a mostly white university. All my white friends are married or have been in a serious committed relationship for years.The only time they have been seeining multiple people was until their 23th, after that it stopped.  It seems as though Afro Americans in particular don’t value marriage as highly, which doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. If you look at Western Europe, you see that marriage is losing its value more and more. But over there men and women both claim to not see the significance of marriage anymore. While here black women do seem to want to get married and as this video just has proven black men might not see the benefits of it.  So perhaps black women should not only focus on marrying a black man but marrying a man with all the qualities they seek regardless of race. 

      • Chloe

        ” So perhaps black women should not only focus on marrying a black man but marrying a man with all the qualities they seek regardless of race.”

        Problem. Solved!!!!!

        I can’t even be mad at this, because honestly I’ve said it in so many words too many times myself WE as women are making it too damn easy for men NOT WANTING TO OR NOT NEEDING TO step up to the plate, easy/free s.ex plus taking on roles of a WIFE just (cooking/cleaning/washing his clothes/spltting bills/ATM, etc.) because he called you “WIFEY”  — not the same.  So men have become accustomed to all of these free perks so why do they feel the need to marry us because guest what alot of us are having their babies too all of the strength of being called his “WIFEY”  smh  

    • Ladybug94

      For some reason, some seem to view marriage as a curse or punishment.  I guess they want to be the old dude in the club wearing white shoes.

    • St. Hubbins

       So true. Too true.

  • guest

    I wonder how the men felt women would receive this information. Like “oh wow that’s a good point. I think I’m going to make a lifestyle change”. Okay I’m done condemning them. I need to get off of this site and do some work. I should start practicing making the most of my time so I can have space for my sex 3 times a day. Okay i’m done.

    • guest2

      glad they were honest though good to know

  • guest

    For the next season can we interview men who have been married to the same woman for like 10, 20 or 30 years and ask them what they think. 

    • really?

      this! got dangit this!!!!!!!!!!

    • Nonya

      maybe 3, 4 or 5 year mark would be more interesting.

    • Spam34_2000

      You’re gonna get some very PC answers bc those men still have to go home to their wives. Lol. They wouldn’t say anything too crazy, trust me.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        +1!!!! 

        Catch 22. I stand by the casting of this episode either way. 

      • madamenoire

        that makes sense

  • Quiet As Kept

    I think they need to find some emotionally mature, grounded men to be on the panel. These cats are young, and frankly don’t have enough life experience based on their views. Clearly they base love and marriage on conditions, when it should be unconditional. This is the one of the many problems that contribute to America’s divorce rate. To be married is to be selfLESS.

    • Taylor

      Took the words right out of my mouth. Emotionally immature is an under statement. MN for the next season please use men who are more mature and don’t call themselves things like: ”George 2.0” or ”Skoob” we need real men not men who feed off each others answers to look ‘cool’ ESPECIALLY Devale and ”Brannue Life” I can’t.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      A lot of women are trying to marry men this age (and younger, actually). A panel of older men will likely result in a lot of men talking about their regrets as young men, which was discovered in casting. 

      • madamenoire

        I see what you are saying. I am interested to hear what younger men think but I would still also be interested to hear what men in relationships that have lasted a long time think. We can ask what did you think about this when you were younger? Okay now how do you feel about all of that now that you’ve been married for …(should be at least 10) years. When you met your wife did your views change? What did you like/respect about her? Do you think your thoughts in the past were crap? etc. you can even ask us to send you questions to ask. 

      • Ladybug94

        But alot of men this age typically aren’t ready to be married.  There’s nothing wrong with older men talking of regrets, there is wisdom in looking back and learning from mistakes.

  • Pingback: Ask A Black Man (Episode IV) « I Can't Be Famous

  • LONDON

    The nonsense in this video is absolutely unbelievable. Marriage isn’t beneficial to men? There’s no difference to a man between a wife and a girlfriend? Only a boy would make such a ridiculous statement. I will not go into detail as to what the difference is between having a wife and a girlfriend but Devale you are married so i’m sure you must know that there’s a distinct difference with the relationship you’ve had with girls you’ve dated and the relationship you have with your wife. The fact that you made that statement about there being no difference is insulting to your wife, I’m sorry but it’s true. Truly disappointed in our black men if this is what they think, absolute disgrace.

    • Miss Anonymous

      Maybe he sees her as his legally binding “girlfriend” . . . Or he just made it illegal for another man to have sex with her. *shrugs*

    • hmmm

      I totally agree. Let’s applaud him for his honesty, but If I were his wife, I’d be completely embarrassed that I’d married a man who thought that way. Sounds like she pressured him in to marriage at a young age and he isn’t enjoying it at all.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Z2DRFXCIDJGMKRMHDIJ7PPBVUM B

    I think I’m about ready to be seen (and continue to see others) as an individual and not be classified by my gender, because if I continue watching ish like this I’m really going to lose all hope in men. I am far from that desperate woman who will “pressure” any man into getting married or even being in a relationship with me (not necessarily a good thing). Many men expect so much from women and I really have to ask…what are most of you giving us in return…really? let me know because I’ve yet to find a man that I would beg to marry me. Your manhood is not defined by how well or how often your woman can remind you that you are a man…but, it can be defined by whether or not you act like one.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Z2DRFXCIDJGMKRMHDIJ7PPBVUM B

      I’d be damned to have to cater to a man’s ego just to get a ring…pssshhh!!

  • Devale

    To be completely honest the idea of marriage makes alot of people not want to get married. And half of the people that get married now get divorced in under a year. Without trying to be funny and being honest I believe it is damn near impossible for a woman to be everything a man wants in a wife if he is not willing to take on ALL the financial responsibility in the house hold. I also feel it is impossible for a man to be everything women wants in a husband if she is not willing to play a supportive role.

    But here is the dilema, women are educated now and most do not want to live life as a mom or wife. She shouldn’t have to if she doesn’t want to and some men understand this. My wife and I struggle with this often. She has a masters degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I would be a selfish bastard to tell her she has to sit at home and waste all her talents. She works not cause she has to but cause she wants to. We balance the house hold chores and parental responibilities. 

    I have to admit that at times it puts a stress on our relationship because I work hard during the day, make more than enough to support the house hold and often come home to an empty house with my son on one side and work on the other. (I don’t know how single moms do it, respect) We both sacrifice at times. There was a time when my wife didn’t work and she was not pleased with that life. Her unhappiness made me unhappy as well.

    Regardless of the laundry list of wants both me and my wife have for each other (cause be sure women have ther list that can seem “unrealistic” too lol) what keeps me happy is the effort, not the execution.  She is not perfect and I’m far from it, but I can honestly say that I work to keep my wife happy everyday and she does the same. We will be married 2 years this summer and lived together for 5.

  • guest

    this is disgusting. Makes me not want to even get married.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      LOL. I had this same feeling once we stopped taping this episode. But, I know who I am and what I want…and I dunno if all of these guys are the type I am looking to marry anyway (not a knock on them, I still love them all and respect them). So, I’m still hopeful. I could easily be in denial though. 

      If anything this episode made me more cognizant of why men feel the way they feel on topics related to marriage. I’m able to hear the overall message they’re communicating without getting offended or taking it personal. 

    • Aadia08

      Dont feel like that those two sitting next to Kela were clowns. Marriage can be a wonderful thing when two people love honor and Respect each other!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

    .There is no benefit to marriage for women these days. 

  • MunLAA

    Seriously this video really disgusts me. It is so extremely superficial..as if all of these men can actually get a lady that gives them sex whenever they want, is extremely attractive and adheres to the duties of a housewife. You guys are asking for things that are practically impossible. How are you going to have sex 3 times a day, don’t you guys have a job? And you are expecting a homecooked meal everyday..what if the women works too? Unless you are making loads of money, no working women will be able to be a housewife without getting a psychological breakdown at some point. The other episodes where funny, but this right here brought me back to the 1920s.

    • guest

      Completely agree. Good point about how having a job kind of conflicts with the ability to have sex 3 times a day. This is ridiculous. They need to interview different men. If many think this way, we really have a problem.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      I admit it was difficult for me to watch this episode play out on set during shooting. The extended episode probably won’t make you feel any better, though they are better at explaining where they’re coming from and I respect that. 

      While I did find some humor in the guys at times, I think this may be painful for some women to digest….because they’re being brutally honest here. You can negate their preferences all you want, but at least one of the guys on the panel is happily married, his wife his beautiful and they have a loving son. Sure these guys may not say these things with such candor to women they’re trying to woo and date…..but at the end of the day this is how they feel, superficial or not. 

      These guys are not living in a vacuum, they never met each other before taping, and they are not the only men who feel this way, so take it at face value. Will they all be successful at marriage? Only time will tell :) 

      • Devale

        Liz you just threw us under the bus. LMAO. J/K. You are right though, none of us would say these things to a woman we are trying to get to know or date, but I think it was a great chance to be open about what men are really thinking. Conversations like this happen between guys (single and married) weekly. I’m sure if we got a sneak peek into the minds of women not binded by scripts or tv we would be shocked as well. lol

        • http://lizburr.com Liz

          Hahahah!! I am notorious for throwing people under the bus, and usually I don’t mean to LOL. While I cringed in a LOT of places during this episode, I know you guys were keeping it real in terms of how you feel and your line of thinking :) 

          At the end of the day I was looking for open dialogue, a safe space for you to be yourself and hear you out. This episode is a hard pill to swallow (especially the extended episode smh LOL). Doesn’t make ya’ll 100% right or accurate or PC, but it at least keeps you guys honest to who you are and how you feel.

          • guest

            okay i’m going to calm down. I’m glad they were honest. This was good information to know. Shouldn’t condemn people for telling the truth.

            • http://lizburr.com Liz

              I think it’s also important to remember they were being lighthearted in a lot of ways :) Truthful, but playful! 

      • suga

        I agree that I am very happy that this forum was created for men. I just hope that women don’t take this as every man’s truth.

      • Childfree Diva

        I was nodding my head in agreement with each point you made!! Thank you!

    • Devale

      He was just jokng about the 3 times a day. lol.

    • Ladybug94

      They want “Stepford Wives”.

  • St. Hubbins

    Fools, please!

    In every kind of relationship,–romantic or otherwise– I would think that the goal is to be able to command respect, not demand it. Good luck to the person who relies on the latter.

    What kind of woman craves a union with these selfish and entitled attitudes? Maybe it was edited out, but did you see a single instance of consideration for the dignity and happiness of the women in question? No? Maybe the problem isn’t the suggested myriad failures native to women that is the problem, maybe women aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who sees her as nothing but an indentured servant. Who should have to re-orient every aspect and hope of his or her own life just for the sake of suiting a person’s whims?  What’s the big deal about a woman keeping her maiden name, anyway? Maybe she likes it, maybe she doesn’t want to go through life as ‘Mrs. Jackass’.

    If there were any kind of consideration of the give and take required in a relationship, an interest in pursuing mutually satisfying goals, in treating someone well rather than as an effective employee there wouldn’t be a problem. Men and women both have to work hard to support their partners.  But this whole segment was just a gaggle of children outlining their lists of demands and the responsibilities she has to follow in order to be honoured with the gift of being some dude’s wage-starved maid who has no problem with stepping out if she doesn’t ‘step correct’.

     (aside) Who changes lightbulbs so often and with such difficulty that the act could be considered as equally taxing to cooking multiple meals every single day? Are you the harvesting the tungsten yourself, or merely at war with the kerosene people? 

    Regardless of sex, If you go through life thinking that one of the sexes is naturally manipulative and insecure, thinking that every interaction is setting up a trap, you’re going to encounter a very strange class of potential partners. If that’s what you want, God be with you, I guess.

    • Favored

      THISSSSSSSSSSSS ^^^^^^^^^ !!!!!

      You spoke this so eloquently. I agree 100%. 

    • maggie

      lovely retort

  • Ladybug94

    Why would anyone marry someone who is pressuring them?  Alot of things in this clip are superficial.

    • really?

      this!

      and who would go on to marry someone who had to be pressured into the idea anyway?

  • suga

    Loving Kela’s lip color. 
    Marriage isn’t beneficial to men? On what planet?

    • Devale

      On a planet where the divorce rate is 50% and the traditional roles no longer exist. Women no longer need men to reach a certain tax bracket and men have become more self-sufficient. The individual has become more important on “this” planet than the family unit. Today it seems most women either look up to Michelle, Oprah or Kim Kardasian, 2 out of the 3 are not married because they make their own money and have successful careers. Real question, unless a woman wants to have kids and her spirituality demands nuptials, why does a woman have to get married?

      • Miss Anonymous

        Well there is the obvious things like having all her children by the same man, creating a life together with someone she loves legally, having someone to have your back, all the things that you said that you would vow to each other when you said I do perhaps. A woman can forgo marriage and have children, we see it all the time but it doesnt guarantee the man will stay around and help raise his child. How many men do you know had a child with a woman without marrying her and is a father (no not giving money for child support but actually spends time) with his child? 

        Whats wrong with a woman making her own money and having a career? My father (who has been married to my mother for 26 years this december) always pushed me to get my own stuff just in case ish happens. He has seen this alot happen to women who married army men and dont have anything to show for themselves but the kids they had for the man. Anything can happen, he can walk out on you, cheat on you, abuse you, bring you back a std and what do the women do in this situation? Nothing, they stay because they didnt go to college or learn a trade so they dont know how to exist without the man no matter how bad he is treating her. 

      • Anona

        You are making it seem like men are doing women a favor by getting married to them. As if women invented the whole concept of marriage. Certainly there are men who are better of single or in a non marriage type relationship, and probably most men in this panel are one of them. Concerning the traditional roles..This is something men should let go of. This type of power structure is not concrete; it is susceptible to the characteristics of the couple and the conditions that they are living in. People need to figure out what works for them as a couple, and not stick to some notion of how it should be according to the conservative society. It is true, traditionally marriage was mostly  based on security and  stability. However nowadays as women are working and becoming self sufficient in terms of money, they are looking for having a marriage based on love and companionship. Men should see this as a positive development, because women nowadays care less about money. Ironically the perfect women that you guys are talking about, who is the housewife, gives you sex on demand and keeps her body right on all times, is the women who want a marriage based on security and stability a.k.a. money. Do you really think a women would do all of that, without asking for something in return?  Unless the women is religious, you will only attract those types with your money.  

        • Miss Anonymous

          I agree, it’s kind of funny. Some men feel like a housewife doesn’t do anything thus when Kobe and wife was divorcing many was saying “she wasn’t shooting in the gym with him” but at the same time felt like women were doing too much when they had a high paying job. I guess us women can’t win either way. Either we are golddigging stams who are lazy or are career women who focus too much time on making money.

        • guest

          i’m religious and I’m not even going for this

      • suga

        You’re speaking as if marriage is only about money. If that is the case, then marriage is only beneficial to poor people, but even then, poor people can form bonds and become partners with friends, family members, and even strangers to live a sustainable life.
        Even as woman such as myself, who isnt gung ho about marriage, knows that there is more to it than money. Is having a family not beneficial? Is having a union sanctioned by God not beneficial?

        I totally understand your opinion if you’re not a Christian, and if you’re the type of guy who deals (or dealt, since you’re married) with women who gave you all the benefits of marriage before marriage, but I’m so happy that every man isn’t like that, and that some women do save some of the best parts of themselves for a serious union, and not just dating.

        Oh, and one more question, does your wife agree with your sentiments?

      • No_moedrana22

        to procreate… Dont disregard marrige because of statistics, I mean be better than that! IF you were to get married you make it so your not a statistic. Marrige is hard work and you have to be more than willing to take on the job before being hired. I hope you find love ..

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000380466558 Brina Jones

        That’s the problem with society. Are morals and ethics no longer used or necessary? With men being more self-sufficient and women being just as educated and bringing home just as much money as men, if not more, couldn’t your child/ren benefit more?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000380466558 Brina Jones

        Why did you get married?

      • A. Marie

        Wait. Why are you married if you have so much negativity towards marriage. This is discouraging. 

  • why?

    Devale again???

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