The Black Snob Asks: What If These White Celebs Were Black?

April 17, 2012 ‐ By

I’m a black woman. Obviously. Born that way. Don’t know any other life. Any other life, as Evelyn Lozada would say, I wouldn’t be “about it.” Not about that other life. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder – humorously – what if?

What if I was something other than what I am? And, I’ll be honest, I think my situation would be drastically different. Not worse or maybe even necessarily better, but – by golly – it would be different. For one, I might be markedly less focused on whether or not how I look physically has affected my career as a journalist.

Male political pundits on TV don’t seem to have the same – ahem – looks-based standards.

But it’s not just me I play the “What if” game with,  I do that with famous people too.

What if … they were black?

So let’s play the game – me here in the column and you in the comments – of what would happen to these famous and infamous individuals if they suddenly came down with a case of the permanent tan that never ran.

MadameNoire Video

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  • Chris Broadwell

    haha if someone who referred to them self as “white snob” wrote an article about black celebs you guys would go ape-shit, pardon the pun. If you want to be treated as equal start acting equal, not a high school dropout; hold yourself to some minimal standards please.

    • colliz6

      You’re a miserable poor excuse of a human being. A complete waste of air. Take your rubbish some place else. If you’re inplying that blacks are all high school dropouts and have no standards then you don’t have the sense God gave a fly. Stop making excuses for the racist bs that happens in this country. Everyone deserves respect reardless of what color they are. Do society a favor a shut the hell up you ignorant turd.

    • joanne1647

      Wow! I can tell you are of lesser class than the drop outs themselves. I can tell you have never ever had a conversation with a “black” person have you? Goodluck. Whites like you make me vomit!

  • Ifuaskme2

    For the ignorant. Nicole Ritchie is very white. She was adopted and does not have a black bone in her body. Moving along. Kim is Armenian. Not exactly white. Look it up before you start with the what if psycho-babble. Justin is talented so if he was green it wouldn’t matter. Here’s a question. What if you were smarter?

    • Jaz

      Nicole Ritchie is multi-racial. She is of Black Creole, Hispanic, and Caucasian ancestry. So I suppose she has a few black bones in her body!

      • Ifuaskme2

        ROTFLMAO. Don’t be an ignoramus. If u have to dig that far back, then what is your point exactly? Her father was born in USA as well. Or are you assuming everyone with a spanish sounding name must be Hispanic? What would Penelope think? You sound like Obama critics who when he does something right points out his mother was white but let him make a mistake……. Nuff said

  • KickWhitesOutAfrica

    Well first of all, if they were BLACK they would be WORTHY of the title
    ‘Celebrity’ because they would ALL be TALENTED. 
    As for their bad side… well yes they would be criticised and vilified more
    so than white celebrities because black people as a whole are not prepared to condone
    bad behaviour like white people are. 
    White people have an immoral habit of putting bad behaviour on a
    pedestal.  For instance, Rebecca Loos slept
    with the married David Beckham and soon after she was catapulted into the celebrity
    limelight to be on TV.  A white contestant
    cheated on the quiz show ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ and he and his wife
    were next seen on the TV show ‘Wife Swap’. 
    When Hugh Grant was caught with Divine Brown it launched his acting
    career – I had NEVER heard of him before Divine Brown.  What you have to recognise and accept is that
    Black people and White people are DIFFERENT. 
    It isn’t only skin colour that separates us.  We THINK differently.  We are as different as night and day.  We see through different coloured glasses and
    I am very pleased to know that our glasses are not so filthy that we are
    prepared to overlook what is wrong and reward it.

  • KM320

    I loved this article, but you ruined “The Hunger Games” for me!!  I just got the books to reading them!!!  I didn’t know Rue died!!!  Geez!!

  • Colliz6

    I never realized how cruel people are to black celebrities who have fell out of grace as when Whitney Houston died. I remember how cruel and disrespectful people were on several blogs and sites. Yet when Amy Whinehouse died it was all sobs and sympathy. The worst part is white america is yet to acknowledge and take responsibility for their racism; and some blacks would rather stick their heads in the sand and pretend this stuff doesn’t exist. It is all very sad. 

  • about time you guys posted an article SAYING something true and meaningful

  • MsPMC

    Hotback??  I think Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back?  Prince has been in the game for years and Justin should have considered it a complement that he even mentioned his song instead of doing a song about it.

  • chaka1

    If Kim K was a black woman, she wouldn’t get any positive coverage on bawsip or madame noir. These sites give her and her family more press than anything.

  • RenJennM

    Awesome article! I was furious at all those racist remarks about “Rue” from The Hunger Games being Black. Showed me that we STILL have a long way to go.

  • Maryann P1227

    I will be glad when Black folks realize they CANNOT do what white folks do. White folks have perfected the art of propoganda, lying and stealing— NOBODY really does it better.  Just look at their history. Having said all that, what is good for the goose in America is definitely not good for the gander when it comes to white folks getting away with crap. If Lindsey Lohan were Black, she would still be doing time, never having the benefit of doing community service 50 times and still messing up. The Kardasians en total have no talent whatsoever and rest on the laurels of their dead father. Yet whatever they do makes the covers of every magazine like People or Us. Why?  I could go on and on….

  • Jdmann

    Its about being connected why is Chris Rock, Gabby Union, Cedrick the Entertainer, still working you can count their hits on one hand but they are in movies every year.

  • Glitterbug97

    Except for Zimmerman, JT and Casey Anthony I believe that white people are embarrassed by the other white folk on the list. White people wish these people would disappear but it’s us black folk who keep fueling shows and clothing lines from these fools SMH. Black people in general like anything on tv that’s ratchet or things that glitter we need to admit it.

  • Shellie

    Tiger Woods, Isiah Washington, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Chris Brown…the list goes on and on. The game is NOT played the same when it comes to black entertainers vs white entertainers. They seem to keep a get out of jail for free card all while our celebrities are slandered for years and careers are slaughtered to pieces.

  • Chris Brown was ostracised for hitting his girlfriend and yet Charlie Sheen puts a Knife to his wife’s neck, hits them and all sorts but gets a standing ovation and a Hollywood Roast…………….wow!! Kimmy makes money by sleeping around whilst others get called w****s…………….

  • Sanya155

    I always ask that question!! Thumbs up. Definitely for sure no black person will be able to come up from the floor up after they have been torn up! Its facts!! Matter of fact we(black people) are some harsh critics, therefore we don’t usually get on board as soon as you say I’M clean!! case in point: (dramatic pause) Whitney Houston.. How many of us actually believed she was clean.

    • Jaz

      As for a black celebrity coming from the floor up ever heard of Mike Tyson? He was a wife beater, ear biter, roid monster extraordinaire. Yet here he is years later, a tony award winning performer for a one man show on broadway AND in one of the top grossing comedies of the last decade. He went to anger management and has stayed out of the press for anything negative. I applaud him!

  • LiiSH

    Word. George Zimmerman’s race is only a factor in the fact that it made the story national news. Black kids get killed all the time by other black people and it never makes the news local or otherwise. SAD but true.

    -_- Chris Brown has no singing chops. J.T. can definitely out sing him. But Breezy got him beat performance wise becasue that boy’s dancing is enough for me to say eff the audio (which sounds like a whiny dying cat) and invest in headphones.

    Karrine Steffans vs. Kim K…. Karrine at least does something reputable for a living now instead of whoring off fame. Yes, she is an author/ editor/ publishing company owner which proves that her past does not have to define her.

  • SheSpeaks

    There is little to zero tolerance for blacks no if and or buts about it. Even Blacks have little to no tolerance for each other so what do you expect from the rest of the world.

  • Galenafiel

    Very good article! Made me consider some things.

  • ashley udoh

    I ask myself this all the time! Happy you did a post on it.