It Takes Two to Tango: Why Do We Always Focus Blame On The Other Woman?

54 Comments
April 19, 2012 ‐ By Brooke Dean

 

bossip.com

 

It takes two to tango…and two to cheat, yet some women solely blame the other woman when an infidelity has been discovered. After all, the lion’s share of the blame should be on the betrayer, the one who is actually in the relationship, right?  And although the other woman bears some responsibility as well, especially if she knew the man was married or in a relationship, it can be argued that she doesn’t deserve the majority of it. So why do we sometimes feel compelled to blame the other woman for a man’s cheating ways? Let’s explore these possibilities.

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  • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

    The blame solely falls on the one who cheats. That’s a blatant form of disrespect and heartlessness. But a code among women? Heck no. There are women out there whose full time job is to seduce and break up relationships. So, no, I don’t believe in a code among women because I know that some of them are devious and, therefore, beneath me. But that can go for both sexes. When it’s your relationship, it’s your responsibility to be faithful.

  • Guest

    Well, look at Angelina Jolie. She’s constantly called a “home wrecker”, when there is no such thing.

  • Brownielocks

    The author forgot one important reason, I think- financial stability. Sometimes, the household depends upon a man’s income, or the woman believes it does. If a man cheats, the woman may feel she is defending her territory and the things that come with it. Ring the alarm, as Beyonce says. 

  • YSK

    First of all..you would think that these writers would know better than to use generalizations such as “always” especially in these types of situations because it simply isn’t true. 
    I’ve had guys cheat on me and when the female(s) in question informed me of the situation I thanked them for telling me.  Then, I lit into HIM.  Those females don’t owe me anything.  They didn’t make any promises or commitments to me.  HE did. He gets to deal with my wrath and then they can all go screw around on each other..because this one..is done with him…NEXT!!

    • Purpose007

      SAY THAT TRUTH GURL!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

  • SummerGirl

    I’ve played the roles of betrayed girlfriend and the other woman. In both situations it was the man who destroyed the foundation of trust within the committed relationship.

    I’m currently involved with a man who has a girlfriend. We
    have been friends since childhood and over the last four years he’s actively
    pursued me but I did not take him up on his offer. It wasn’t until last fall
    that we started being more than platonic. I tried it with him out of curiosity.
    I would never ever bring any drama to his relationship and I actually feel
    terrible for being involved with someone’s man. Until recently I carried enough
    guilt for me, him and probably every “other woman” in the world. I told
    him about the guilt that I feel dealing with him and his response was “why
    do you feel guilty when I don’t?” After he said that I stopped feeling as
    bad because what he said was true. However, I’ve decided to part ways with him
    because I’m not and have never been the side chick type. My conscience is too
    heavy to continue. I just made the mistake of ignoring my better judgment.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Craig-A-Miller/100001868746400 Craig A Miller

    Why blame the other woman?

    Could it be because it’s easier than accepting responsibility for driving your man into another woman’s arms?

    I would think that would be reason #1.

    • FromUR2UB

      Oh please.  You and I both know men don’t need to be driven into another woman’s arms to cheat.  Many of them cheat because they feel it is their right to have whatever they want, when they want it.  They’re conditioned from birth to think that way.  Some men with beautiful, sweet wives cheat on them too, usually with an ugly chick.

      If a woman cheated on a guy because he won’t go dancing with her, or because he has to be asked to take the trash out…whatever the reason, no man would feel she was justified in going to another man.

      • Purpose007

        AMEN. AMEN.

  • Kkl224

    I know men are shallow and they all want younger, hotter women which is why I no longer date. I blame my ex for cheating but I also blame the female co-worker who got involved with him because she actively pursued him. As a women, I find it a huge violation that another woman would pursue a man who was already in a relationship. Why can’t single women look for single men? Why don’t they think about the woman at home who has invested years in her relationship? How would they feel if the situation was reversed? And why do other women tolerate these horrible skanks who have no morals?

  • FromUR2UB

    I’m tired of hearing that the OW is a victim of the relationship.  Unless she was picked up by a tornado that dropped her in bed with a married man, she is not blameless.  Even if a man lied to her about his status, it doesn’t take much time or effort to figure out that something is going on with him.  

    Cell phones may have eliminated some of the ability to do this now, but remember when OW’s used to harrass the wife/girlfriends by phone?  Some of these women are just foul, and they shouldn’t be given a pass for their role in the affair.  And where does this idea that the man gets off scot-free come from? Believe me, when a woman thinks her guy is cheating, he’s not coming home to bliss and paradise.

  • Truthhurtz

    Point blank, the man or woman that is cheating is the one to blame. They are the ones that are stepping outside of the relationship in the first place. Nobody can MAKE you cheat. Even though the person on the side is definitely wrong for participating, I wouldn’t necessarily say they are to BLAME. The blame is on the person that didn’t have enough self control and didn’t consider the consequences of stepping outside or their relationship. I have been cheated on before, just like millions of other people I’m sure, and even though I may have been pissed at the other chick, I put full blame on the person I was with. Will never fight another woman over a man, especially a man that clearly didn’t care enough about my feelings to not cheat in the first place.

    • Purpose007

      COME ON WITH IT GURL! SAY THAT TRUTH!

    • Guest

      Completely true! By the way, I’m happy that you’re a smart female, I feel like women who use words like “home wrecker” are only holding us back.

  • Nefijones1

    Wives need to be aware that there man is usually pursuing the other woman. Very rarely is a woman pursuing a married man. 

    Yes, there is a level of disrespect on both parts.  But these “other” women are not holding guns to these men! 

    Keep in mind that it is the man who took the vows and is breaking them.

    • Purpose007

      AMEN!!!!!

  • Dhicks1962

    Because women are stupid!!!

  • missaah

    In my own experience.  I’d blame the man first.  However, once “the other woman” knows the truth most times they continue to be blatanly disrespectful.  I have never disrespected another woman in the process, but its almost like she takes the truth as a damn challenge, instead of backing off. I have NEVER dated a married man or knowingly went into a situation with someone who had a girlfriend. No one has ever called my phone and if so that’d be the day I kept is pushing. Many females don’t care and its TRULY DISGUSTING. They wanna argue with you and additional problems in your home, instead of walking away.  Truly women do this to one another.  A man will only do what we allow them to do..period. This is one of the reasons we lead HIV rates.

  • Chicsman

    Whon says that we solely blame the other woman. When I found about my husbands cheating ways, it was the mistress that told me, not only about her but the others as well. I blamed my spouse because he is the one that took the vows, he is the one that I am with. After his mistress clued me in, they still continued to see each other, unbeknownest to me, while we were trying to repair our marriage. No I can blame her as much as him. I’m still married, and my husband still cheats, but I don’t have sex with him, or show any type of affection, no more than common courtesy. I came from a broken home, and I won’t do that to my children, we don’t fuss or fight we just lead seperate lives under the same roof!!! The funny thing is the mistress loves to boast that he will leave one day, and marry her, I find it sad becasue my husband is at home every night, all money is accounted for, so what is really in it for them!!!

    • Mia

       The question is “What’s in it for you?” By your own admission you remain stuck in a sham marriage all  for the sake of your children. Newsflash, even though you are still married, the home is broken and your children see this. Better for your children to have two happy healthy divorced parents, than two miserable ones putting up a front.

      • Purpose007

        HALLELUJAH TO THAT!

    • Kkl224

      I think your life sounds horrible…lonely and dishonest…and I’m not sure that’s the example of marriage you should be giving your kids but that’s your choice. I just hope you are putting money aside to leave your husband because if he is getting nothing from you but housekeeping and child rearing services he will dump you when the kids are grown and if you haven’t prepared you will be left with nothing. A guy who cheats like your husband will not treat you honorably in a divorce.

  • MRS.HULK

    I did confront the other woman and yes my EX did brainwash me and said she meant nothing and this and that and in thee end I looked like a fool for thinking it was HER and actually it was HIM! I vowed never to get that crazy in love again! He regrets it til this day because she played him and I am happily married, Karma it’ll get cha! hah! 

  • Youknowwhatiitis

    This never made sense to me either.  The bond is between MYSELF and MY MAN…if some chick comes between us it’s the fault of all parties involved: Me for messing with a dog in the first place, the man for being a dog and the chick for coming at another woman’s man (if she knew, because sometime’s the fellas lie about being single in the first place).  Either way the side piece is the least responsible, so I’m not even going to come at her sideways, because game peep game. However, if I was MARRIED and some chick came to my door asking to see MY man AFTER she found out that he was married, I’m kicking both of their a$$es and getting a divorce STAT.

  • CaliGirlED

    “Now this woman feels the need to bond with her man in order to “heal” him from his infidelity. Chile please.”…Right!!!

    I’ve never understood the need or desire to beef it up with the other woman, and have avoided such instances. I dialed a number once, ended the convo upon finding out she too was his girlfriend, and went batsh*t crazy on him. I vowed after that to NEVER dial another woman’s number again! When I have been called, I simply stated that I didn’t know and referred them to their respective men. I’m happy to say it didn’t happen often and hasn’t in over 15 years.

    I don’t share men, mine or yours, there’s really no need for much discussion. I will always be the bigger person and walk away…I’ll make note here that I’ve never been married. That’s a whole other ball game y’all! Don’t know what I would do! LOL

    • Purpose007

      EVEN IF I WERE MARRIED, I STILL WOULDN’T LOWER MY WOMANHOOD FOR HIS SCUMMY WAYS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bone-Billions/100002403453633 Bone Billions

    Cause the main chic is mad at the side chic cause the side chic is doing all the things that main chic should be doing.. I would rather be boyfriend num 2. cause bf 1 has to hear all the BS, help pay bills, and all the other stuff BFs have to do.. When you are the num 2 man, we may not see each other all the time, but when we do see each other we F*&KING..

    • CaliGirlED

       O_O

    • Muslimah_1

      *Blank Stare*

    • Youknowwhatiitis

      You svck.

    • Kkl224

      You are a pig and no women in her right mind should be sleeping with you!

  • Janay

    Because women just reinforce the bs that men brainwash them into believing…which is that infamous lie that men should never be held accountable for their pen!s. They put blame on everyone else (in other words women)…its another mean’s of divide and conquer mentality that women enable to happen. Instead of coming together they bicker amongst eachother as men hold the puppet strings and refuse to take responsibility for their temptations.

  • Janay

    Because women just reinforce the bs that men brainwash them into believing…which is that infamous lie that men should never be held accountable for their pen!s. They put blame on everyone else (in other words women)…its another mean’s of divide and conquer mentality that women enable to happen. Instead of coming together they bicker amongst eachother as men hold the puppet strings and refuse to take responsibility for their temptations.

    • Purpose007

      EXACTLY!

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  • Jane

    Because women are taught that a piece of a man is better than no man at all – its almost like women cannot separate the fact that GOD is referenced as male – so they attribute god-like stature to all men – which is dumb and stupid.  The person who is in a relationship and steps outside of it is the problem – period.

  • Jane

    Because women are taught that a piece of a man is better than no man at all – its almost like women cannot separate the fact that GOD is referenced as male – so they attribute god-like stature to all men – which is dumb and stupid.  The person who is in a relationship and steps outside of it is the problem – period.

    • Purpose007

      AMEN! THAT’S IT THAT’S ALL!

  • Miss Anonymous

    I agree with the article, but I never really got the whole fighting another woman over a man thing. I know that some men think that they are single until their married and dont tell the truth about him dating alot of women to them. “hey girl I want to let you know that Im dating two other women and got kids with them, I wanted to wait and tell you 9 months later to make sure your here wanting to be with me for me.” *shrugs* I guess some dont want to face the reality that their man was cheating and maybe didnt feel like she was the one.

  • Miss Anonymous

    I agree with the article, but I never really got the whole fighting another woman over a man thing. I know that some men think that they are single until their married and dont tell the truth about him dating alot of women to them. “hey girl I want to let you know that Im dating two other women and got kids with them, I wanted to wait and tell you 9 months later to make sure your here wanting to be with me for me.” *shrugs* I guess some dont want to face the reality that their man was cheating and maybe didnt feel like she was the one.

  • TruthHurts

    Because women know each other & know how sly & deceiving they can be.

    • Miss Anonymous

      Yes because obviously a man always let women know that he is married, keeps his wedding ring on and even shows pictures of his wife and kids before he even tells the woman his name.

    • Miss Anonymous

      Yes because obviously a man always let women know that he is married, keeps his wedding ring on and even shows pictures of his wife and kids before he even tells the woman his name.

    • Mia

      Girl Bye! You got one foot in the nuthouse and the other on a banana peel. As a woman apart of the human race, no one on this earth owes you or your relationships anything. Its up to you and your partner to create rules and boundaries for your relationship and equally uphold them. Its your negative view of the female sex, that keep men so immature when it comes to monogamy.

      • http://www.therapyiseffinexpensive.wordpress.com Zan

         You said it all and then some! ^5

  • TruthHurts

    Because women know each other & know how sly & deceiving they can be.

  • BrownRecluseBeauty

    Why does the other woman feel the need to make her presence known to the wife or girlfriend?I hate when side b@#ches want to play victims when most of the time they volunteered for the bulls.Umm yeah you can’t be a side b#%ch with main b&$ch emotions.

  • BrownRecluseBeauty

    Why does the other woman feel the need to make her presence known to the wife or girlfriend?I hate when side b@#ches want to play victims when most of the time they volunteered for the bulls.Umm yeah you can’t be a side b#%ch with main b&$ch emotions.

    • Jane

       Well – it ain’t that simple sometimes…..particularly if he was a super-liar in the situation – but in the end – right is right and the mistress needs to just walk away – besides, what he will do for you he will eventually do to you.

    • Jane

       Well – it ain’t that simple sometimes…..particularly if he was a super-liar in the situation – but in the end – right is right and the mistress needs to just walk away – besides, what he will do for you he will eventually do to you.

    • CaliGirlED

       “…you can’t be a side b#%ch with main b&$ch emotions.”…*flat lines*

      • Mia

        You can when you’re dealing with a lying manipulating fraud of a man playing with your head and using your body. 

        • Wale

          Sit yo as Down some where……