It Takes Two to Tango: Why Do We Always Focus Blame On The Other Woman?

April 19th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean

 

bossip.com

 

It takes two to tango…and two to cheat, yet some women solely blame the other woman when an infidelity has been discovered. After all, the lion’s share of the blame should be on the betrayer, the one who is actually in the relationship, right?  And although the other woman bears some responsibility as well, especially if she knew the man was married or in a relationship, it can be argued that she doesn’t deserve the majority of it. So why do we sometimes feel compelled to blame the other woman for a man’s cheating ways? Let’s explore these possibilities.

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  • http://kimster-thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com/ Kimster

    The blame solely falls on the one who cheats. That’s a blatant form of disrespect and heartlessness. But a code among women? Heck no. There are women out there whose full time job is to seduce and break up relationships. So, no, I don’t believe in a code among women because I know that some of them are devious and, therefore, beneath me. But that can go for both sexes. When it’s your relationship, it’s your responsibility to be faithful.

  • Guest

    Well, look at Angelina Jolie. She’s constantly called a “home wrecker”, when there is no such thing.

  • Brownielocks

    The author forgot one important reason, I think- financial stability. Sometimes, the household depends upon a man’s income, or the woman believes it does. If a man cheats, the woman may feel she is defending her territory and the things that come with it. Ring the alarm, as Beyonce says. 

  • YSK

    First of all..you would think that these writers would know better than to use generalizations such as “always” especially in these types of situations because it simply isn’t true. 
    I’ve had guys cheat on me and when the female(s) in question informed me of the situation I thanked them for telling me.  Then, I lit into HIM.  Those females don’t owe me anything.  They didn’t make any promises or commitments to me.  HE did. He gets to deal with my wrath and then they can all go screw around on each other..because this one..is done with him…NEXT!!

    • Purpose007

      SAY THAT TRUTH GURL!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

  • SummerGirl

    I’ve played the roles of betrayed girlfriend and the other woman. In both situations it was the man who destroyed the foundation of trust within the committed relationship.

    I’m currently involved with a man who has a girlfriend. We
    have been friends since childhood and over the last four years he’s actively
    pursued me but I did not take him up on his offer. It wasn’t until last fall
    that we started being more than platonic. I tried it with him out of curiosity.
    I would never ever bring any drama to his relationship and I actually feel
    terrible for being involved with someone’s man. Until recently I carried enough
    guilt for me, him and probably every “other woman” in the world. I told
    him about the guilt that I feel dealing with him and his response was “why
    do you feel guilty when I don’t?” After he said that I stopped feeling as
    bad because what he said was true. However, I’ve decided to part ways with him
    because I’m not and have never been the side chick type. My conscience is too
    heavy to continue. I just made the mistake of ignoring my better judgment.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Craig-A-Miller/100001868746400 Craig A Miller

    Why blame the other woman?

    Could it be because it’s easier than accepting responsibility for driving your man into another woman’s arms?

    I would think that would be reason #1.

    • FromUR2UB

      Oh please.  You and I both know men don’t need to be driven into another woman’s arms to cheat.  Many of them cheat because they feel it is their right to have whatever they want, when they want it.  They’re conditioned from birth to think that way.  Some men with beautiful, sweet wives cheat on them too, usually with an ugly chick.

      If a woman cheated on a guy because he won’t go dancing with her, or because he has to be asked to take the trash out…whatever the reason, no man would feel she was justified in going to another man.

      • Purpose007

        AMEN. AMEN.

  • Kkl224

    I know men are shallow and they all want younger, hotter women which is why I no longer date. I blame my ex for cheating but I also blame the female co-worker who got involved with him because she actively pursued him. As a women, I find it a huge violation that another woman would pursue a man who was already in a relationship. Why can’t single women look for single men? Why don’t they think about the woman at home who has invested years in her relationship? How would they feel if the situation was reversed? And why do other women tolerate these horrible skanks who have no morals?

  • FromUR2UB

    I’m tired of hearing that the OW is a victim of the relationship.  Unless she was picked up by a tornado that dropped her in bed with a married man, she is not blameless.  Even if a man lied to her about his status, it doesn’t take much time or effort to figure out that something is going on with him.  

    Cell phones may have eliminated some of the ability to do this now, but remember when OW’s used to harrass the wife/girlfriends by phone?  Some of these women are just foul, and they shouldn’t be given a pass for their role in the affair.  And where does this idea that the man gets off scot-free come from? Believe me, when a woman thinks her guy is cheating, he’s not coming home to bliss and paradise.

  • Truthhurtz

    Point blank, the man or woman that is cheating is the one to blame. They are the ones that are stepping outside of the relationship in the first place. Nobody can MAKE you cheat. Even though the person on the side is definitely wrong for participating, I wouldn’t necessarily say they are to BLAME. The blame is on the person that didn’t have enough self control and didn’t consider the consequences of stepping outside or their relationship. I have been cheated on before, just like millions of other people I’m sure, and even though I may have been pissed at the other chick, I put full blame on the person I was with. Will never fight another woman over a man, especially a man that clearly didn’t care enough about my feelings to not cheat in the first place.

    • Purpose007

      COME ON WITH IT GURL! SAY THAT TRUTH!

    • Guest

      Completely true! By the way, I’m happy that you’re a smart female, I feel like women who use words like “home wrecker” are only holding us back.

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