6 Things You Can Stop Worrying About Doing For Your Man

April 15, 2012  |  
"Woman hugging her boyfriend"


We’re all busy, so any time you can knock a few things off the to-do list is a good time. Not only do we want to save time, we want to save mental energy—something we spend a lot of on our men, and often, don’t need to. The reality is, we’re more sensitive than they are. It’s the curse of being mutli-taskers. We are also multi-thinkers and are aware of everything, at every moment.

Here are 6 things we put way too much time into for our guys that we just don’t have to…

"Woman looking at her depressed boyfriend"


Checking in

If a woman has something big happening in her life (sick family member, waiting to hear about a job promotion), she will get mad at her man if a substantial amount of time has passed and he hasn’t asked how that thing is going, all on his own accord. For that reason, women make a point of frequently checking in with a guy about something big happening in his life but, the truth is, if he wants to talk about it, he will talk about it. And he won’t notice if you don’t bring it up on your own.

"Woman shaving her legs"



Let’s be real, once you’ve been dating for a while, and things are getting going in the bedroom, his hands just go straight for the goods. The arbitrary leg rubbing goes out the window. Don’t let things get out of control but, you don’t need to keep baby smooth legs every day. (Hopefully men don’t read this article, or they’ll begin paying attention to your stems, even if they didn’t before!)

"Couple on couch"


Planning dates

Women often feel they’re in a rut if their nights with their men consist of eating dinner, watching a movie and going to sleep. We begin to feel disconnected from our guys. But, that fear of getting disconnected comes from fearing that men feel disconnected from us. So, we panic. We get in planning mode and we push to go to the zoo, or go on a hike, or have a double date with friends. We push for it even on nights when it’s inconvenient or you’re both exhausted. Not only does that begin to bother men but, the truth is, they don’t feel anything is wrong if you’re just hanging out, watching TV most nights. Men don’t overthink things like we do. They still like you just the same, with or without a big to-do.

"Couple arguing in bed"


Pushing to bond

This is a sub-part of worrying about planning dates. We also fear men lose interest in us, or their feelings wane, if we’re not having all the extensive, deep talks we had in the beginning of the relationship. So, we push for talks. “Turn the TV off. Let’s talk.” And then, it’s awkward. Conversations don’t start that way. The truth is, if he’s happy just hanging out with you that means he is totally comfortable with you. He probably isn’t thinking it’s a bad thing. Don’t stress too much about it. He probably still loves you just as much as those nights you’d talk for hours. He doesn’t need to be reminded every night how intellectual or kind you are through long conversations. He has that stored info in his head.

"Woman reading book in bed"


Reading Kama Sutra

I’ve done it, studied up on all sorts of positions. And, the reaction I’ve gotten most of the time is either confusion, or major surprise. Or “What are you doing? I liked what we were doing before.” Essentially, men don’t worry about switching things up as much as we think they do. They’re men. If they’re getting laid, they’re happy. Will they appreciate some variety? Sure. But don’t waste time stressing that he will lose interest in sleeping with you if you’re not a gymnast in the bedroom. He is not going to lose interest in sex.

"Woman surprising boyfriend with gift"


Surprise gifts

Since we’re natural caregivers, we think about our men everywhere we go. We pick things up for them in the grocery store, at the bookstore, in the airport. It’s cute. It’s sweet. But, there’s a point at which, the reaction and appreciation you’ll get for those gifts stagnates. It hits a high point, and doesn’t go any higher. What I’m saying is, things aren’t going to die between the two of you if you get him one gift a month, versus one gift a week. He will still look at you with those adoring eyes.

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  • Megan

    I’m not crazy about this article. Keeping up to date with what’s going on in my day isn’t a nuisance. When my boyfriend keeps me up to date with his day I love it. I’d rather him be so excited to tell me than me ask him. I make sure I always ask but yes I forget and it’s good to know he still wants me to know.

    Planning dates is something you should do. For both of your sakes. Sitting around watching tv all day can make a relationship grow distant. So you should mix it up every once in awhile, otherwise you’ll both become bored and think it’s because the other person is boring. Have lazy days but also have date nights.

    Who isn’t shaving their legs for their boyfriend? Don’t do it every day, but don’t be inconsiderate. After a year my boyfriend still grabs onto my legs and feels them up when he’s in the mood. And when they’re hairy he still likes them, but I can tell when they’re soft and lotioned up he enjoys it more, so I do it every once in awhile for him. Just like id appreciate him to manscape down there every once in awhile for me(which he does).

    This article was very disappointing. After reading it I can only assume you aren’t dating someone or have a weak relationship. You should always try in a relationship. Don’t take your SO for granted. Act like you did in the first week of dating sometimes. Don’t become so mundane in your relationship. Because if you don’t try then why will he?

  • CC

    This is one of the dumbest lists I’ve ever read. I honestly don’t think you should force or push anything on anyone but in a serious relationship these things are key!!! If the author is referring to a casual dating relationship then yes these are good tips to keep in mind. But let’s just say you stop showing him concern, support, attention and it’s your long term man or husband, this list will have him laying under some other woman!!!!

  • CC

    This is one of the dumbest lists I’ve ever read. I honestly don’t think you should force or push anything on anyone but in a serious relationship these things are key!!! If the author is referring to a casual dating relationship then yes these are good tips to keep in mind. But let’s just say you stop showing him concern, support, attention and it’s your long term man or husband, this list will have him laying under some other woman!!!!

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  • Godzilla Jr.

    #7 Eyebrow arching. Unless you have a set of Al B. Sure’s, men don’t care that much about your eyebrows. Just keep ’em relatively neat.

  • Phil Theman

    Here it is girls. In the bedroom, be enthusiastic and enjoy yourself. Be clean. We never, never want to smell anything, except light perfume. If things start to heat up, excuse yourself and go clean up. When guys compare notes, clean is always high on the list of attributes. And yes, we guys also need to practice the same behavior. Other than that, don’t ask us what we are thinking! It probably isn’t about you. Don’t hang on us. Give us some space and we will probably keep you around. Don’t criticize our friends. They are not in competition with you. You will get your share of our time. Remember, girls come and go, friends are forever. Love you all! Really. Some of you make it hard though.

  • Guest

    Uh, “your stems”? Seriously?

  • Jungerwitt

    This is probably the most sexist article I’ve ever read

  • Truthbetold

     “Since we’re natural caregivers”
    Well, I’m not. Does that make me any less of a woman? I think not. I, however, think that the “author” of this piece of junk is so incredibly let by oldfashioned stereotypical gender roles that I am beginning to wonder if Ms Jaustin isn’t on the payrole of some conservative “we like out women barefood and pregnant” type of group. How sad, how hilariously sad.

    • Truthbetold

       *pardon my typos but sh*t like that gets me furious

  • Nitty

    Yea not all men are the same n there are plenty out there that are wonderful to their mates
    i never knew a guy could be so selfish until a close family member of mine died.he came over to see me n console me.or so i thought.
    He ate the little food i had n soon wanted to have sex.i couldn’t believe it.i told him i couldn’t.This piece of boy left pissed off n refused to come back.
    I broke it off w.him immediately.never wana see him again.Too selfish for my beautiful self.

  •  There are men who would quickly love each other if
    once they were speak to each other; for when they spoke they would
    discover that their souls had only separated by phantoms and delusions.

  • UpsetBrother

    As a guy, I’m interested in anything my girl has to say and everything that’s going on in her life, specially if it’s an event she feel is big.  I’m just absentminded and sometimes forget to make follow up questions, so I’m grateful and appreciative that my girlfriend gives me updates on her life’s happenings.

     “(Hopefully men don’t read this article, or they’ll begin paying attention to your stems, even if they didn’t before!)” Seriously? What are we, blind? We notice these things.  We just don’t think it’s THAT important.  We know our girls have more important things in their minds.

    I keep up with Madame Noire, but I gotta say, all of y’all’s articles on men are offensive generalizations.    I am a feminist man, but I will admit it’s pretty hard to treat a woman as an equal, as she deserves, when a lot of you out there are still writing articles such as this that perpetuate misconceptions about men as testosterone-driven machines that “go straight for the goods”.
    As a magazine for strong, intelligent black women, I would expect more from you.

    Women, stop reading these articles and just love your man.  If he’s a good man, he’ll love you back.  That’s all you need to know.

    • TiffanyKelly

      I think you are absolutely right!  However, you may be a caring man… not all men are.  There are many men who do “go straight for the goods”, or that fail when it comes to caring about their woman’s feelings.  I’m just sayin… you may be one of those guys who falls into the “great” 10% of men!  That’s good for you, but not everyone is like you.  Keep up the great work 🙂

    • A.E. Harrison

      After reading this…I’m pretty sure I’m more of a “man” in my relationship than the gentleman I’m dating :). All the attributes they described as being “masculine” is one of the (many) reasons people tell me that when I date men, they are not quite sure what to do with me. Which begs the question: Are these behaviors or attitudes restricted to men or just certain types of people with personalities that we have attributed to masculinity.

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