The New Dating Norms: 6 Big Changes in the Dating Game

April 10, 2012  |  
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In a few short years, there have been some major adjustments to the dating game. I can see the difference in the attitude of women in younger generations compared to mine. They have much more of a,  “I want him and I am going to get him” type of attitude. Back in the day, when you liked someone, you kind of played it off until he let on that he was he feeling the same way. But nowadays, women are much more aggressive, and it is clearly the era of the “go-getter.” My mother’s generation viewed women with this “go- getter” mentality with less than pleasant eyes, but today, the women who go for what they want are growing in numbers, and they’re getting respect and the guy for being so bold. Yep,  the times have changed and so has the dating game. Here are a few examples:



Meeting Potential Mates Through Social Media 

When I say social media, I am not talking about The social media I’m referring to is more in the realm of sites like Facebook and Twitter. When I was in high school, Myspace was the popular social media website. You always heard warnings about meeting someone online and that you should use good sense because there might be a “Myspace killer,” or you might find yourself in a “To Catch a Predator” scenario. It was absurd to think that you would meet your future boyfriend on a social media platform like that.

However, plenty of people meet their potential girlfriends and boyfriends on Facebook or Twitter. On Facebook it’s as simple as a friend request, a message or a chat. Anybody can request anybody, so you never know who will end up trying to approach you through your inbox. Don’t act like you have never shown your girlfriends the profile of some guy you thought was cute–we’ve all been there. Twitter is another avenue all in itself. People are more exposed on Twitter. There are plenty of people who fill up your timeline with pictures of themselves and inviting tweets. All someone has to do is direct message you and the ball is rolling from there. Even athletes and celebrities have fallen victim to seducing women (and even men) through their Twitter pages. People really do form relationships through the social networks. Maybe it is that through these venues you actually get time to talk and really get to know a person (or the person they claim to be), which can make for a strong connection. So don’t be so reluctant to accept that friend request, your future could be waiting in your inbox.


The Woman Proposing 

Don’t be fooled into thinking that Chrissy on “Love and Hip Hop” was the first woman to get down on one knee. It may not be a widespread phenomenon but more and more women are taking the bull by the horns when it comes to walking down the aisle. I remember in college, I had this conversation with a couple of friends and we were split in half about whether or not we would or would not take the leap and propose to a man. The thought that I could propose  never even crossed my mind, but I have quickly learned that in the real world, things don’t always go as planned. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. I admire any woman who has the confidence and the gusto to propose to her boyfriend, because from the outside looking in, I’m sure it can’t be easy.



Sex on the First Date 

I remember hearing a song on my Pandora and the lyrics were in reference to a man and woman who had sex on the first date. Contrary to what you might assume, the man actually respected the woman’s choice to go after what she wants. When I heard this song, I was confused. Reminding myself of all the things I had heard my guy friends say, you would think that most men believe that a woman who gives it up that fast can be categorized as being a little bit too friendly. These were the kinds of women that you “hit it and quit it,” as some would say.

But I find that as we get older and more mature there is less room for labels, and more room for people to do what they feel. While some used to be quick to label a woman, now a woman can often get kudos for going after what she wants. A lot of women are saying the double standard is unacceptable (i.e., It is okay for a man to sleep with as many women as he wants, but women who want and do the same get labeled a hoe) and freely being sexual beings. Plus, I know women who’ve had sex on the first date and are now in committed relationships with the same person. It isn’t always so cut and dry.



Women Being the Breadwinner 

With more women in college than men, it’s no surprise that there is an emergence of women bringing home the bread in relationships. Women have become very career driven, and all this hard work and dedication definitely pays off when that paycheck rolls around. With the increase in money-making women, it is only expected that there might be relationships where the woman is making more money than her partner. For the most part, it’s still thought that the man should be the breadwinner in the family, which plays into the whole idea of the man being the protector and the provider. But in these ever-changing economic times there is no telling who will come out on top. It matters less who is the actual breadwinner in the relationship and more about how each person is treated. The emphasis should be placed on the cohesiveness of the couple’s lifestyle.



Women Making the First Move 

This change in particular has been hard for me to adjust to. I’m not the type to walk up to a guy and try to get his number, but more and more men say that they like it when a woman approaches them.When a woman approaches them he already knows that she is interested in him so that aspect of the chase is gone. I think that more women are approaching men because women these days have more self-confidence. We no longer feel the need to act coy and wait for what we want. This attitude has helped us become more successful not only in relationships but also in the workplace. Women have become conquerors. I have seen many women approach men and you can feel their self-confidence perk up as they walk up to him (because in her mind, she’s thinking: “I’ve got him in the bag.”)



 Influence of Technology on Dating 

With such an influx of new technology and gadgets, it’s no surprise that it has affected the way couples communicate. From Skype to FaceTime, there are an array of new options. Even if you are not in a long distance relationship, your significant other may still try to get “digital” with you. It can add an element of  excitement to the relationship, just when things were starting to get dull. People were not always this comfortable with “expressing themselves” through the Internet, but in 2012 things have changed. Do people even talk on the phone anymore?  However, all of this technology is a double-edged sword. Even if you are not using the latest gadgets to explore each others bedrooms, new technology can also be the cause of drama in relationships. The more avenues there are to communicate, the more there is a chance  for someone to do the wrong thing.

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Check out her blog at Ebony Maiden or follow her at @Ebony_Maiden. 

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  • Tcleckley

    Ok…this has to be the dumbest article I ever read on dating…If you go by the article, a woman doesn’t even need a man if she has to pursue & do everything by herself….Ridiculous….

  • Monety17

    I have to disagree with a lot of ladies on this post; I personally think the post is being directed to the INDEPENDANT “Go-Getter” of 2012. Now a days women can do and take care of themselves without worrying if the man is the “breadwinner” or even if she wants to have a night to let loose and do her own thing without worrying if she is being judged or LABLED. These scenarios simply touch on how its 2012 things are different now.  So many women are living in a comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with exploring, and trying new things. Now that’s not saying don’t keep it classy. Know that you will be respected above ALL and have self worth. There is a huge difference between being a hoe and stepping outside the box.

  • Analyst

    I personally don’t  believe in ALOT of this. We’re doing all this stuff that takes the pressure off men but what are THEY doing to take the pressure off us? We’re the breadwinnder, make the first move, have sex on the first date etc but what steps are men taking to make OUR life easier. I think this is such nonsense.

  • LaylaAjmine

    I dislike this article. Old school dating have some respect for yourself. I thought it was he who finds a wife not run a guy down. If a man can’t have a simple conversation yet text you he is not mature. I say just remain a lady and respect yourself and demand it from men.

  • RahTruth

    These are sad and desperate. Being “easy” and throwing yourself at a man is not ok no matter the decade. Let a man be a man.

  • Advine3

    I amwas glad toto seefurther that so many responders have already stated, this is a sad and fictitious way to secure a relationship. In a heterosexual relationship the lady should be persued and acquires. If she is doing this what she has done is paid for some man’s affections temporarily (because it wont last) this is UNnatural even in nature with the beasts the male persues the female, thus a traditional heterosexual relationship still yields that the Man should love the Woman enough to die for her & the Woman should Respect him.
    The person writing this article clearly wants to further effeminate Men & make Women even more a source of a hyper-masculine entity that just shy of developing male gonads, less she’s some down-trodden, desperate female who will do anything to have a man (even if he doesn’t love or value her because she’s not allowing him to exercise his God Given place as being a Man). It really speaks to black women devaluing themselves and Not having a shred of respect for herself…Sad, sin & a shame if someone takes this advice!

  • Thank-you well said.

  • LovelyGal

    yea so this post is about women these days just not giving a damn about morals and such. Im a 90’s baby-but i do what my mother, grandmother and sister has taught/told me. Good men are hard to find and i believe that-and im willing (and want) to wait and take things slowly untill he comes along. He’s not respecting you b/c you “went for what you want” he’s respecting you for not giving a damn. He got the goods w/o a challange. There’s many other ways to be aggressive and assertive w/o giving up your body and proposing. I would NEVER do that-im just to old fashion. Besides if he hasn’t proposed to you yet, then he obvioulsy isn’t ready

  • Shaehatter

    This is a new low for articles directed at black women. This one should be called “If you dont want a quality man then do whats on this list!”  ughh DREADFUL honey smh 

  • Guest

    Madame Noire, when will you learn that having adolescent-minded writers is NOT a glowing recommendation for your website? This article is a pathetic attempt to justify insecurity and ho behavior!

  • Mkp

    I dont believe in the social media hookups manily b/c people portray themselves to be something they are not on these websites. False advertisement.

  • Guest

    So #6. Hmmm….
    As a veteran of the dating game I can honestly say that I’ve never had a black woman who looked like much make the first move. Those who have were all the average looking, overweight, unattractive or non-black women. Pretty sistas may give me the inviting body language and/or the ‘eye’ that will entice me to come and holla but NEVER have they actually kicked things off. I guess that’s making a move indirectly?

  • Guest1234

    Wow.  This list is ridiculous.  I pity any woman who thinks she’s going to find a fruitful relationship by hunting down men, sleeping with them on the first date, accepting texts in place of genuine communication, earning all the money, then getting on her knee to propose to the guy.  This is only going to land you one lazy a$$ knee-gro.  

    Ladies, get a clue and some self-respect.   Don’t ever trust a man who wants a woman to do all of that.  Only a DOG would be okay with this crap.  

    • LovelyGal


      your not gonna get your “Knight & Shinning Armor” doing this bullish. Texting is alright if im to busy to talk or said to text me, but other than that; FOOL-you better stop being a lil boy and call me if you want to communicate. don’t think this is high school



    • Analyst

       Thank you!! Women are doing all this stuff to make life easier for me but what are they doing to make life easier for us! We need to make them WORK for us gaddamit!

  • hmmmm

    “Reminding myself of all the things I had heard my guy friends say, you would think that most men believe that a woman who gives it up that fast can be categorized as being a little bit too friendly. ”

    Just be a ho and be cool with it and stop trying to make it something socially acceptable. Me who sleep with a lot of women dont care what women think, or men for that matter, and they are not trying to make it the new normal in the name of their insecurities. They accept being hoes or dogs. Most heterosexual men who have marriage as a relationship goal subscribe to this rule. Just do you