How I Ended My 25 Year Affair with a Married Man

April 6, 2012  |  

From Your 

My affair with a married man lasted longer than most marriages. At 25 years, it certainly lasted longer than mine.

I met Sam in 1981 when I was 39 years old and going through a miserable divorce. My husband had left me and our 14-month-old daughter and didn’t want to pay even basic child support.

I needed a good lawyer. Two attorneys I knew and respected came up with the same name and same prophetic endorsement: “You two were made for each other.”

 Sam was the consummate fixer and rescuer. I kept asking him, “How will I make it? Will I be all right?” He assured me he could take care of everything, and he did.

I began to develop feelings for him. I knew he was unavailable: a married man with a nice wife and grown children. But I was lonely and frightened—I hadn’t experienced a loss like this since my mother died when I was ten—and my heart spoke louder than anything in my head.

I persuaded him to come to my apartment by saying, “How can you make an argument about how much it costs me and my daughter to live without seeing our home?”

Feeble? Sure. But he bought it. Once he was in my bedroom, I reached out and began to unbutton his pants. “Oh no, not that. Anything but that,” he said in a soft but somber voice.

We started having lunch at my apartment, when my daughter and her babysitter were off at a toddler enrichment activity. Sometimes he would take the afternoon off and we’d go out to Coney Island. After we’d been seeing each other for two years, he gave me a custom-made gold and brown enamel ring with “Always” inscribed on the inside of the band.

His wife began to suspect he was having an affair and confronted him about it. It happened to be one of the few times we had quibbled about something and weren’t speaking to each other so he was able to tell her truthfully that it was over. She never asked again and he never updated his answer.

Being The Other Woman
My married friends, Arthur and Lynne, criticized me for settling for the role of The Other Woman. But the other woman was the role I knew best.

Read the rest of A.J’s story at Your

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  • Bellafigueroa

    I couldnt read this either. 25 years. That’s horrible!!

  • Tagirl

    Her dad was a straight up punk for allowing his new wife to excommunicate her from the family. That’s a sad but common trend. If you knew the guy had kids before you married, you should fall in line after the marriage and treat his kids as if they were your own. That’s despicable. 

  • Tagirl

    Wow, she had home-wrecker PHD. Her husband devastated her so she goes and steals another woman’s husband and devastates the wife? 25 years though. That’s disturbing.  SMH.

    That man should have known better than to meet her at her home. He’s a professional and should have met her in another environment.

  • FromUR2UB

    No teary eyes here.  She said she’d told her friends she only knew how to be an OW, and I believe that because going by when she’d had her first child, I get the impression she’d married later in life.  So, had she spent all of those years prior to her marriage as some guy’s OW?

  • Mrsadkiah

    Ok I’m from the Detroit area so I just can’t help but wonder if I know or someone I know knows her lol! All of my cousins went to Mumford High School it’s just so weird. This woman was just wrong. 


    In a 25 year span you couldn’t find a man who’s single and available. In New York of all places. Ok whatever.

  • Grace

    That very well may be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read.

  • Mls2698

    As you could see, she started out making herself the victim by putting her husband leaving and mothers death up front as a diversion (ever seen Crooklyn? who ever didn’t cry was an idiot) Fortunately,  I read the whole article where she states how she woke up from her 25 yr haze. I say she had it coming to her because she was the aggressor. A sixty plus year old dummy.The old, unbutton the pants thing may not work these days. Nothing left for her to do now but STFD and collect SS.

  • Joie206

    Don’t forget about the nasty husband she cheated with!!!!!  Shes nothing but sloppy seconds, doesn’t respect herself at all. Old hag! 

  • She is a female scumbag. That is all

  • Ms_Mara


  • Carly

    im sorry but your dumb lady… just because you had a failed relationship you purpousfully go out and ruin someone elses out of you own selfish gritty needs… like the other person bellow me commented before, stank!!! and in my own words, Rachett!!!

  • Guest


  • Empressking

    Damn that’s a long time!! She too old for anybody else now smh what is she 60 something?! So sad 🙁

    • Mls2698

      exactly!! She’s been bamboozled with a ring that said “Always” just like the dirty rag we throw away.

  • Honeybee30

    Oh My! That is a long time. It is nothing good about being with a married man. This is sad.

  • thegoodluckpig

    My therapist told me not to be so quick to trust my feelings. She told me that just because I felt something deeply didn’t mean it was good for me. — sometimes what you want just isn’t what you need 

  • Nphatnat

    Very sad story.

  • Janeene24


  • Tres123

    so basically you did to some woman, what was probably done to you. After twenty five years, why did you even bother to stop?? Reaction time of your conscious is a bit lagging.

  • Can’t always go with your heart. Now imagine if the woman came and bust her upside her head. It could have gotten real ugly. And her father was wrong for what he did, I wish a new woman would come up in my family and make my father move me to a hotel. All h e l l would break loose.

  • YM

    I am actually more shocked by what her father did to her when he got married again than the 25 year affair…

  • Nefijones1

    Sometimes the situation just gets out of hand.  It’s not a healty thing to get into.

  • Candacey Doris

    No. Just no. Sorry, i can’t read this. It is never ok to do this to someone.

    • Bridge to no where

      I couldn’t read it either…