Dating A Single Dad vs. Dating A Single Man

May 30th, 2010 - By madamenoire

Dating itself is enough to deal with these days, sprinkle a kid on top and you’ve got some challenges ahead of you, Madame, to say the least.

Talking to my friend D, a married dad, he pointed out how his single male friends–mostly in their mid-to-late 30s–couldn’t really wrap their brain around the fact that his kids are the priority once you have them. D and I, and so many parents I know agree that hanging out until 5:00 in the morning and not having a care is just not in the program anymore.

So, I’ve targeted the single dad. He’s comfortable around kids, understands meltdowns, knows the weird things kids eat and is familiar with shows like “Yo Gabba Gabba.”  Jackpot, right? Well, no, as I discovered, he can have a parenting-style that just doesn’t mesh. Or he can be a great dad, and just not a great fit for mom. You can’t just date a guy because he’s good with kids and not good with you.

Then, I’ve dated the single guy. He gives you a taste of the old days, he’s mature, hopefully, but can be more flexible with his time and some of these guys even say they “love” kids. But then you date them. Oops, they’ve got plans this year to ride every ferry in the country, without you. And, oh, they love the kids they teach at school, but as for any in their own life? Um, er, ah, eek.

*Please let me note that these are generalizations, because–for better or worse–I’ve definitely met the exceptions to these rules…so I’ve decided that the real-deal may come as either This or That.

Actress Taraji P. Henson, 39, had some interesting things to say in an interview with Men’s Fitness magazine (September 2009) about dating and being a single mom:

–“Date a woman with children only if you are ready to man up, because it’s a position that comes with responsibility. If you don’t want anything too serious, then stay with women with no kids.”

–“Most men are fragile,” she says. “I’m a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, ‘Damn, how can I have a chance?’” Answer: “Just be a man!”

So, single mom sisters: When dating, do you prefer to date a single dad or single guys with no kids? Why?

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  • LadyDi

    I'm not a single mother. But If I were a single mother I would date a gentleman who is on the same page as me. Everyone comes with their baggage and no one is perfect. In relationships today we expect the other person to be everything we want..we need to just be ourselves and allow the other person to be themselves too…

  • Jaclyn

    I use to think it would just be easier to date a man who had kid’s because HALLO we’d have things in common and a better understanding of our situations. Unfortunately my thinking on the subject was proved wrong when i dated a man who’s values on raising his son where way of from mine. We had a lot of conflict in that he thought that children shouldn’t have a say on the other person’s partner. Um WRONG my child’s opinion is very important and if my child doesn’t like you…their is probably a reason. I agree w/the comment from Kool. I think the way parents are w/their children says a lot and they cant hide their true character. I’ve also dated single guys and my experiences have been great. I mean after all if a man makes a decision to date a single mom he’s already made a decision to man up because he knows what comes along w/it. I’ve never had any problems.

  • Kool

    This article was very poorly articulated and hard to follow?

    But my feedback on the article would be this.

    Date whoever floats your boat?!? We are sooo judgemental about people and their real life situations? Yes we all have preferences so just be with who you like?

    Single dads, or single moms are not freakin aliens who you need special instructions to deal with?

    I personally think dating someone with children is smart. Because men and women lie all day long but when you see how a parent treats a child and or the character and demeanor of that child? That should answer a LOT of questions about the person your dating without even asking any!

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