Dating A Single Dad vs. Dating A Single Man

May 30, 2010  |  

Dating itself is enough to deal with these days, sprinkle a kid on top and you’ve got some challenges ahead of you, Madame, to say the least.

Talking to my friend D, a married dad, he pointed out how his single male friends–mostly in their mid-to-late 30s–couldn’t really wrap their brain around the fact that his kids are the priority once you have them. D and I, and so many parents I know agree that hanging out until 5:00 in the morning and not having a care is just not in the program anymore.

So, I’ve targeted the single dad. He’s comfortable around kids, understands meltdowns, knows the weird things kids eat and is familiar with shows like “Yo Gabba Gabba.”  Jackpot, right? Well, no, as I discovered, he can have a parenting-style that just doesn’t mesh. Or he can be a great dad, and just not a great fit for mom. You can’t just date a guy because he’s good with kids and not good with you.

Then, I’ve dated the single guy. He gives you a taste of the old days, he’s mature, hopefully, but can be more flexible with his time and some of these guys even say they “love” kids. But then you date them. Oops, they’ve got plans this year to ride every ferry in the country, without you. And, oh, they love the kids they teach at school, but as for any in their own life? Um, er, ah, eek.

*Please let me note that these are generalizations, because–for better or worse–I’ve definitely met the exceptions to these rules…so I’ve decided that the real-deal may come as either This or That.

Actress Taraji P. Henson, 39, had some interesting things to say in an interview with Men’s Fitness magazine (September 2009) about dating and being a single mom:

–“Date a woman with children only if you are ready to man up, because it’s a position that comes with responsibility. If you don’t want anything too serious, then stay with women with no kids.”

–“Most men are fragile,” she says. “I’m a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, ‘Damn, how can I have a chance?’” Answer: “Just be a man!”

So, single mom sisters: When dating, do you prefer to date a single dad or single guys with no kids? Why?

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