7 Ways He Wants You To Be Better Than His Last Girlfriend

April 9, 2012  |  
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“She needs to be hot. She needs to be hot and nice. She needs to be hot and nice and smart. Maybe it’s a little more complicated than that…” In a nutshell, there is the progression of a man’s thoughts on what a girlfriend must be from the moment he starts to like girls in his teens to, well, a little bit later. But, essentially, as men move from one woman to the next, they tend to keep an eye out that the next one will be better than the previous in the following ways.



You keep yourself happy

It can be satisfying for a man to be the night in shining armor—the one who picks you up when you are down—for a while, but eventually men learn it’s tiring to be with a woman who doesn’t make an effort to stay positive. If you can roll with the punches, not dwell on negative things too long and say “It will be fine” and mean it, a guy will be seriously impressed. As men get older, they want to be with women who know how to stay positive because life keeps getting harder and a guy can’t be his own and your cheerleader all the time.


You don’t get mad

This is a big one. Men only have the patience to walk on so many eggshells in their lifetime. A guy will pay close attention to how often you get ticked off at him in comparison to the last woman. Essentially, over time, men run out of “I’m sorry’s” and look for women who won’t require many from them.


But when you do get mad…

You tell him. Too many women use getting mad as a way to gain power. They don’t tell a man they are upset because they don’t actually want to work on an issue. They just want him groveling. A man will greatly appreciate and notice if you say, “Hey. You’re being a tool, but before you get upset, let me explain.” Men like this type of efficiency because, well, life is short. And, as it gets shorter, they’ll look for women who are efficient in their fighting methods.


You don’t need a babysitter

When the two of you go out to a bar or to a party, he wants to feel free to wander and socialize without having to check in on you or, even worse, keep you at his side the whole time. Most men at one point dated the girl was great with when they were alone but, she didn’t make the greatest impression on friends his because she kept to herself when out.


You’re sexually generous

Every guy wants a girl who’s game for whatever in the bedroom! Or in the car…in the coat closet at a party…or just whenever and wherever. Most men put up with a few women in their their life who were not sexually adventurous or even interested. Those days of instigating any type of sexual activity—including foreplay—and barely being a pleasure recipient are over. Eventually, he learns it doesn’t have to be that way. You’ll gain major points if you gladly instigate sex, and other things.


You have your own life

A very common reason men state for their relationships ending is that the woman didn’t have her own life, and when a woman doesn’t have her own life, this comes with a whole slew of problems. She gets mad about every little thing because she has nothing else to think about. She is very needy because she doesn’t have friends or a career she is passionate about taking up her time. She can even become depressed and begin to drain a man of energy as he tries to cheer her up. No matter how beautiful or pleasant a woman is, men begin to wise up and ask, “Do you like your job? Are you passionate about it? Do you have a lot of friends?”


He doesn’t have to worry

A man wants to be able to hang out on the couch with you and not worry if you wish you were watching something different on TV, or if you wish you had ordered a different kind of takeout, or if you wish you were doing something else entirely. Guessing games get old, and eventually men just want women who say what they want. Also, they want someone they can just hang out with and not have to entertain, without her getting offended that he isn’t trying to entertain her.

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  • aint too surprised by most the comments on this article. all ima say is: if you expect the whole world & some more outta somebody but you aint bringing a damn thing to the table, dont get pissed when everything go in all kinda directions

  • mytwocents

    this article is crap, and was obviously written by someone who has no idea of what it takes to make a successful relationship…please, stop it…lol!!! this article sounds sooo childish

  • ManOrWoman

    Another bitching session between Man and Woman on who’s fault it is.

  • diva

    All I have to say about this superficial topic is… when you’re with the next person in a relationship just be you and rememberwhat went wrong (on both parties side) and don’t repeat it with the new person. Anyway, why would you talk about the ex with the next one? Keep that in the past where it belongs, unless you STILL have feelings for them?

  • None of this s**t matters , men will still use men and women will inturn do it to men . Sadly what about the ones that still believe love is out there .  

  • Clover

    I just enjoy life, stay away from drama, receive the love I’m getting and give it back. I don’t get involved with marrieds, intimate co-habitants or parents of the young. Using condoms decreases drama, entanglements and distractions from my ultimate goal of living sucker free and long. I’m respected and desired for some basic unwavering standards. My “not beatness” and ability to say no or walk away keePs me from getting played. Pursuing my own interests puts me around like minded individuals that I could potentially date.

  • Lynodom18

    Love it!!!!

  • Casey

    Wow, I’m surprised that so many of the women have such strong (negative) opinions about this piece.  Are men not allowed to want better in their next relationship?  It should be assumed that anyone of quality wants quality…that with each new relationship we are wiser and better able to determine what we want and what will make us happy.  Instead of attacking the article and pointing the finger at men who do not deserve a woman of quality, try a more positive outlook and realize that a man who wants his next girlfriend to be better than the last, is a man who wants the relationship to be better than the last.  And perhaps, just perhaps HE wants to be better!  *shocker*  If he has come to the realization that he wants a woman who he does not have to entertain, make happy or argue with all the time, then he has come to the realization that those types of women will not move him to be the best possible man in the relationship that he can be.  I am in a very fulfilling and loving relationship with a man who constantly tells me how happy I make him and how much better I am than his ex (which by the way I feel the same about him), and in turn it makes me want to be an even better woman for him because he deserves it.  He is very loving, smart, generous and seXXY!  I’m a divorcee who decided I was not going to let my last relationship turn me into a negative woman.  I didn’t settle for less than what I deserve and in turn I found someone who also did not let his last relationship turn him into an A-hole, and that he wasn’t going to settle for less than what he deserved.  The result: two positive, happy people for 2 years who are proud to say that our mates are the best ever! 

  • Analyst

    Was this written by a man? Cause I was chuckling at some of the stuff being said…’You won’t get mad’?! Aka you won’t ensure there are consequences to his wack behavior when needed and just let him get away with f***all because you want to ‘keep’ his a**? Bahahahaha talk about being in a relationship that has no standards!

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  • Leonette

    My Bahamian Perspective:
    Had some great points.  Nothng wrong with a woman knowing what her companion needs in order to make the realtionship work, I think we all need some help.  We just need to make sure that our actions are sincere, unconditional and make sure we can continue on that path.  Pretending who you’re not to get what you want, can be tiring.  We both need to be open with what we need from each other in order to have a healthy, lasting and rewarding relationship.Thanks for the tips

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  • Editor

    You need an editor. I can’t read some of this mess. So disappointing. I expect better of you, MN.
    Example: “Most men at one point dated the girl was great with when they were alone
    but, she didn’t make the greatest impression on friends his because she
    kept to herself when out.”
    I think you need to hire me to be your editor.

  • Carlos123621

    I love it.. Not that I compare ex’s but if you’re adding stress you can keep it moving… Cause that ish is for the birds… Women are attention needy by nature, while men just like things to be as simple as possible.. If youre upset say so, don’t be clingy those are instant turnoffs for me

  • Chanda

    There were some good tips here and there but yes, guys you have to pull your weight too. It’s not just about you.

    • Living-life

       Then why not find an article which criticizes men. This article is directed at women. Why not comment on whats in the article rather than what YOU wanted the article to be. Maybe we should add to the list: STFU and listen some times and Stay on topic.

      • Truth

        Women are beautiful and delicate. Change what caused the problem in your past relationship to make him/ her happy in your new found friend. Dwelling on the past prevents you from moving forward. The grass is not always green on the other side regardless of what you think you have in your life. No one is perfect.

  • Ispatbooks

    Wow!  Can’t we all just get along. It is sad to see that this article caused nothing but divisiveness between the men and women that are responding. I am a woman and personally agree with not all, but a lot of the article. I know that if women have a more positive outlook regarding men and relationships they will attract more positive men and relationships, and a little advice never hurt anyone. I am blessed to be in a good relationship with a black man right now, but I decided to not limit myself to men of one race a long time ago for some of the same reasons that the women have mentioned, but I also know for a fact that there are good black men out there. Everyone can use some improvement but by no means, ladies do I think we should take offense by the sentiments of this article.



    • sexxy


    • Analyst

      YES! Well its no secret that men tend to externalize blame, all part of the ‘masculine’ persona in patriarchy…and women are meant to facilitate such delusional habits? HE has responsibilities, can he STEP UP for once?!

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  • TEE

    This article should be titled “7 ways he wants you to be PERFECT, while he continues to be Mediocre” or “7 ways society keeps telling Women how to act right to Keep or Get a Man” or 7 ways Men can get away with doing whatever they want to do, and the Women who love them”…I’m just saying, Women are constantly told how to act and what to look like in order to get “Chosen”…well Women are not the ones who need to be taught, we have been taught ENOUGH!!! So that answers all of your questions on “Why aren’t there enough good men”??? Well that’s because we are demanding or asking VERY little of Men, we allow men to get away with being Average, and put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect??? Why? this is the very reason some women continue to complain that there are not enough good men, well hmm i wonder why? because they don’t have to be, because they know you will accept anything.

    • eric mcdaniel

      Not quite. Most of you are women are mediocre as well. You just won’t admit it to yourself. You aren’t nearly as pretty, nice, or accomplished as you would like the world to believe. This article is just some tips. Men don’t need you to be all of these things. Just do a couple right and we’d be good.The fact that you have trouble with men is probably due to the fact that you ask very little of men and what you do ask for is the wrong stuff to ask for. Basically, don’t think that you aren’t merely average because more than likely you are.

      • TEE

        “the fact that you have trouble with men is probably due to the fact that you ask very little of men and what you ask for is the wrong stuff to ask” <- That was my EXACT point Eric… when i said "some women continue to complain that there are not enough good men, well hmm i wonder why? because they dont have to be, because they know you(meaning some women who are complaining) will accept ANYTHING(just to have a man)…I expect out of a man, what i am willing to give. So everything that i have to offer, i expect my man to offer the same, and live up to the same standards that i hold MYSELF to, that's why i'm with a good man now who is also my bestfriend, because i refuse to settle for less than what i feel i deserve!!! And I had no problem with being single until I found him, the one that makes my heart smile in so many ways, I just want other women to know that they can find that and don't have to settle for a dude that is holding her to a higher standard than he holds himself, if he expects you to step up your game, then you should expect him to step up HIS too…  Good day 🙂

      • I said it….and now what

        No. most men dont work or they sell leaves or they have so much child support for the four or five baby mamas out there and of course we need to adjust to make him happy which means put up with the baby mama drama,everytime he gets mad he ends up sleeping with one of them or he makes you feel bad you didny give him all ur $$$$…naw women be more selective stop accepting dead beat men

        • SimplyStated

           Let’s try it like this:

          No. most men [that I don’t think are boring] dont work

          Fixed it for you 🙂

          • I said it….and now what

            Naw you didnt fix anything do leave it alone….like I said most men are has been but think you must worship the ground they walk on…… With all the drama and affairs they want you to overlook …just so not worth it..many men are just tired…moved on and got the $$$

            • Living-Life

               Lets fix this again, “Most men that YOU have dated”… There are about 145 million men in this country. Have you dated most of them to make that statement? If so then, that’s part of the problem.

              • Analyst

                I love how male after male will tell you ‘he’s different’ and then act like the a**hole you just dumped…then you wonder why some of us are hella picky. nkt!



        • Guest

          Pa-reach! Ya preachin’ without reachin’.

        • Analyst

           Exactly! Here we are doing all this stuff that used to define ‘masculinity’ like being breadwinners….while they’re there doing fuckall to make OUR lives easier…not buying that BS man.

    • BlueEyedGemini0803

      If you’re pressuring yourself to be perfect so that you can be “chosen” you’re doin way too much and that’s where you’re goin wrong on finding a good man. I have my own expectations of a man and I don’t settle for anything less! If I put 100% into a relationship I better get 100% back…and I have no problems letting that be known!

    • Msvthoma


    • Analyst

       Thank you!

  • Merriegirl

    “Babysitter?” I think this tip should be rephrased. Men please don’t bring your girl to a bar and leave her alone, and then expect her not to be hit on my other men. Men will perceive her to be single.

  • R.L.

    LOL@ this article.  The new girl always assumes she’s better than the ex. You figure he must’ve moved on because he didn’t want her right? Wrong. Sometimes, in fact MOST times, he’s not with his ex because HE messed it up and she won’t take him back. I wouldn’t spend anytime trying to figure out if you’re better than the ex. You’ll find yourself competing with a ghost. The truth is,you’ll never know how you compare to his ex, because you will only get to hear his side of the story………and chances are he’s lying.

    • SimplyStated

       Chances are she’s lying too. 2 way streets.

      • Guest

        “There are 3 sides to every story: his side, her side, and the truth.” -my sistah said it.