Esquire Writer Says Women Aren’t As Good In Bed As They Think

March 30, 2012  |  

If you’re one of those women who’s constantly complaining about how bad your man is in bed, a writer for Esquire has some words for you: you’re not as good as you think.

In a short, to the point, let me set these women straight article for their April Sex Issue, Chris Jones gives women a taste of their own, “he’s wack” medicine, by pointing out the fact that contrary to some of our popular beliefs, our bedroom game might not be all that we think it is. He writes:

“The trouble is, most women act as though they’re sexual Olympians, as though they’re doing the men in their lives the greatest of favors merely by presenting themselves like a downed deer strapped to the hood of a car. Some of you are deluding yourselves. Sex is not like pizza. Only blowjobs are.”

Angry much? After giving his own pro-tip, which turned into a five-point rant about positions, odor, and knowing your own body that I’ll let you read at your leisure, he ends with this:

“The bottom line is that if your sex life is bad, you bear at least some of the blame — maybe even an entire half of it. Do you want better, more satisfying sex? Tell your eager man what you’d like him to do to you. And don’t be afraid to let it all out.”

Given that the writer only considers himself “adequate” in bed, falling somewhere between “not totally unpleasant, but not totally pleasant, either,” I don’t know how much weight his advice holds. But he does have a point about women needing to put in as much work as a man. The only thing is if you tell a man what you need him to do and he still can’t do it, I think women have the right to  declare him wack and move on.

What do you think about this article? Is the writer just a bitter lover or is he telling the truth?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Bob

    Most women the problem is they just cant really relax in bed? Thats probably true with a lot of people? Not a lot of people are very confident with the way they look naked. Most women do have that “I have the P***y so I make the Rules” Thing going on. Mostly they are right though. Because, Hold on to your ego ladies, Most guys have NO or very low standards when it comes to sex partners. They ACT like they do but most do not! So dont get Too full of your self cause usually you are “ANY port in a Storm” for a lot of men?  The later it gets the Better You look to them. This can be a good OR a Bad thing for both?  There IS such a thing as BAD Sex!

  • Nisha136988

    I agree, I hate when women (people period) complain about wack sex. If you have a partner that’s wack reverse the roles and you take control. And if your not able to that’s because your wack yourself.

  • Nope

    I read the original article, and it was on point. This is actually a topic that a lot of men quietly discuss or know: a LOT of women are sexual bores. So many of them are so proud of being able to make their man’s soldier salute, but so does the wind when it blows the right way. 
    Initially, a lot of men will ignore, and is just happy to be gettin some. But eventually, if the woman stays in the picture, it becomes a problem. That’s when a lot of men resort to adult films and/or just look elsewhere. Even if he runs into the same problem with another women, ain’t no P like new P

    Nothing worse than a woman that doesn’t know her own body, tires easily, lays there like a dead fish, isn’t flexible, isn’t vocal, etc. If a man needs to be a Sex god for sex to be considered good, then you as a woman are likely just wack in the sack. But this is just one of those other things that even though a woman is present, it’s still all/mostly a man’s fault. Damn, even this blogger implied that it’s the man that is sexually inadequate. smh.

  • B1sexuall


  • Not trying to be a downer but for women sex has an emotional component. So, if a woman comes homes form a hard day’s work and has to look after kids and do housework OR has been berated by her husband OR has had sexual or emotional abuse she hasn’t worked through this can make sex difficult. Men and women should be able to communicate their comfort level because, most men don’t they rather write articles or cheat but not confront the real issues.

    • von

      Thanks for taking this blog to a deeper emotional level (sarcasm)… While obviously your words you wrote are true…What you are talking about is alot deeper than the author was talking about and I think what he says has merit. All women arent sexual Goddesses some are terrible in bed. Some women just dont know what they are doing as is the case with a guy…point blank and it has nothing to with the guy…

  • Dreama41

     He does sound quite bitter and angry. I get the impression this guy has probably been given several thumbs down in the bedroom department. Instead of chastising women maybe he needs to channel his energies into being more than just “adequate”. 

  • LiiSH

    I agree with this guy I listen to so many females go on about wack sex and my response is its only going to be wack if you are. If he doesn’t know how to do you, guide him, if he can’t take instructions stop. There is no excuse for not taking instructions. That alone will get your feeling hurt. Despite what some pillow princesses think, it is a woman’s responsibility to herself to make sure sex is enjoyable on her end. Of course he should want to take care of your needs and vice versa, but if he is ill-equipped to do so (skills or endowment) you have to know how to have fun and let go. (And please don’t lay there like a dead fish.)

  • JD

    Funny!!! LMBO!!!

  • emily

    def had alot of laughs.  what is crush grind

  • wow

  • Thejedeye365

    Oh he’s right because some women truly believe that they can really put it down when in all reality many women can’t perform in the bedroom and simply just lay there getting banged.

    • L-Boogie

      LOL!  This article is hilarious.  It should come with a side of Viagra.  LOL!

  • blah

    It’s a possibility that some women are wack. When the women is insecure and doesn’t explain her wants and needs it can be wack. Its not that hard to explore your body with yourself and with your partner.

    • 4CloverLeaf

       I def agree with this, if she does not seem interested what makes her think her partner is going to get “excited”? Some women look at sex as just a choir, while others make sure they get theirs and you get yours too. Making the person you are with feel like they got the best sex in the world boosts confidence, sorry to say but there are a lot of women who are wiggedy wack in the bed.

  • embee2020

    A lot of chicks do just lie there and expect the grateful man to do everything. You can’t generalize and say all, but to a good share of women I think being aggressive in bed or “taking what you want” makes them feel some kinda way. If you are in a consensual situation, let yourself go a lil bit and get down.

  • EasyPeezy

    This is mis-information at its finest. LOL Unless she is having seizures during coitus, I can’t see why a woman could be bad in bed. First of all in order to please a man in bed you simply have to
     1. Show up. He will dayum near get off just over the fact that your willing to go along with this and not scream rape.
     2. Boost his ego. Say some crap like: “OMG Its so big!” or some other adult film related exclamation to make him think he’s doing a good job. 
     3. Moan a little. Bite him, but NOT hard.
     4. Wiggle a little bit and clinch. 
    He will be putty in your hands. Period point blank. 

  • JustAshley

    Sounds like a couple chicks told him he was wack in bed. LOL

  • FromUR2UB

    Ok, moving at 3mph today: what’s the pizza reference mean?

    • FromUR2UB

      Seriously. I don’t know what that means.

      • GuestDiva

        Some people like all pizza; so the reference means some men like all blow jobs. Horrible or not, its a BEEJAY.

        • FromUR2UB

          Ohrr.   Thank you.

    • LiiSH

      Its an internet meme that says something along the lines of sex being like pizza b/c even if its bad its still enjoyable b/c its pizza and somewhat satisfying

      • FromUR2UB

        and thank you.

  • Kari

    All the things this guy lists as examples of ways women are bad in bed are either things women do to help themselves get off or are clear cases where the woman was not comfortable with him or a there was a lack of communication about his and her expectations.  Maybe he should try treating women like people and take an interest in what makes them feel good and then those women will be more enthusiastic about sleeping with him and pleasing him. he’s lucky he’s even managed to get that far!

  • F3ral Anarchy

    wait….you mean to say every sista is not like vanessa del rio in bed?!  lol