“Ask A Black Man” Episode 1: Life of A Single Man [EXTENDED CUT]

March 29, 2012  |  

The feedback we’ve received about our new web series Ask A Black Man has been amazing, and we are happy to present you with an extended cut of episode 1!

We know some of you wanted to see the full conversations we had with our panelists, so every week we will include an extended edit. You can expect to see more questions asked, as well as more discussion between panelists. We had a good time during the shooting of this series, so we hope you will enjoy the entire shoots as much as we did!




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  • leilani

    I so love ask a black man so much better than that other show. Forgot the name….

  • Les Mel

    I’m not a black woman, I’m just a woman (in general). I’ve dated black men, tan men, brown men, and white men. These questions are valid, and interesting. They also raise points that do not just affect the black community.
    These questions of how you gage a person when you first meet them, how much of the attraction is solely physical, what you expect for the future, including for a future daughter…these are important issues.
    I want to know what a black man thinks because I want to know what everyone thinks.
    These guys were fairly clear about their midsets and objectives- I applaud them for talking about them openly.

  • RubyJewels

    Third dude from the left… Why is his lips glistening brighter than mine?? Too much lip gloss hun. Straight men only, please.

  • Cam

    Dude with the lip gloss is mad distracting…. Great series nonetheless! 

  • the.me.i.be

    I gotta give it up to Skoob… he may be the ONLY black man on the planet who didn’t list “Scarface” or  “Coming to America” as his favorite doggone movies.

  • Prettime00

    why dude have on something like lip balm? I think half of dudes were gay

    • did you watch episode 2?

  • Z

    The truth hurts. I admit I don’t ever really like the talk about “smash” and “cheeks” either and this is coming from a 24 year old woman (meaning I should probably be desensitized by now). Not to put down any of the men of this panel but there are mature educated men who don’t speak like this and I know a few of them so don’t assume that all men are talking like this. However, I do agree that a great majority do speak this way. 

    I gotta admit it does anger me, when I hear over and over again that a man will play the field and give only half of himself to someone he doesn’t really intend to “wife” or commit to. That’s a lot of broken hearts and baggage for the women who were just discarded before a man decides to settle down. I know as a person who’s looking for a serious long-term relationship this very notion makes dating frustrating and almost pointless. 

  • deejayjay

    What gets me about this whole interview is that these men were of a “certain age,” that is, they were mature, not youngsters and they were still using street language like “smash” and “cheeks.”  What woman (white or black) in her right mind would even consider going out with even one of these guys?   And those nicknames, so childish!  Grow up and quit trying to act like you’re 21.

    These men are still trying to play the field like they are so young and fresh.  Although only one of the men admitted to having a child, I am sure some of the others men on the panel are daddies as well!  And what does that say that these men and daddies are out there trying to pick, choose and discard which women they “smash”and they are not even bothering to “wife” the women who have already had their babies.  It seems that these men want the cream of the crop, but they themselves sound as though they are at the bottom of the barrel!  Slim pickings–argh, it boggles the mind! 

  • Cool kids
  • Tina

    If these men are representative of what is out there for black females or females who are interested in dating, etc…then this is really sad…from what I see and hear they lack intellect and substance, not to mention having a jacked up, typical mentality regarding females…I loved the question of if they would want their daughters to date them…maybe this is why they are still single and may stay that way forever…and nothing is wrong with that. 

  • Hornets46

    How does one become a cast member? Available and willing Single Black Man…

  • tsmith16789

    Ms. Kayla Walker – Ask women that same question you asked the guys on this show: “Are you the type of woman who you would want to date your dad/father”? 

    Corporate Brother

  • bubblinbrownsugah

    I love this!  I’m will be checking this out and letting my girls know about this. Super honest 🙂

  • Perspicacity913

    So, I think this show was entertaining and very well-done!  I laughed and thought about some things, and those are the two things most important to me.  I think the men were honest and (mainly) articulate, and somewhat introspective.  I know the things that they have to say are not things that a lot of people want to hear, and so I appreciate them saying those things anyway.

    As for the comments, I think we should all just allow each other to have opinions, and respect those of others.  While I know that men say things like “smash” and “cheeks” in reference to women a lot, it does not mean everyone has to be comfortable with it.  I am around enough men to know that that is how a lot of them speak, but if someone does have a problem with it, they should not be bashed for that.  Truthfully, those things are disrespectful and demeaning, and I’m happy that people voiced those opinions.  Acknowledging that that is how men speak does not mean it’s ok.  It just means that we all just have to decide what people we surround ourselves with.  As stands with a variety of different issues, there will always be things that are done by the majority that aren’t right; some will be ok with it, and some won’t.  I don’t think those that don’t should be charged with living in a fantasy world, simply looking forward to a reality that does not include those things.

    All-in-all, I will be tuning in again.  I got as much from the comments as I did from the show, so I just encourage everyone to continue to watch and speak out.  I read VSB a lot, and went to the same university as Mo, so I appreciate those shout-outs to my own personal life (lol), and otherwise just like listening to and being a part of discourse around these topics.  

    One love to everyone!  🙂


  • Rachel

    HI! love the idea of this site/ panel.

    towards the end, Kela asked the panel of men an interesting question:
    “would you let your daughter date you”
    and Panama said something along the lines of:
    “at some point” a man hopes that a woman comes “into his life that he wants to be a good man to.”

    I found this interesting, I would like to know why some men think they can “play around” until that woman comes along? (chances are if you’re acting a fool, she won’t be looking at you anyways)
    Why not be a good man all the time, instead of waiting on that miracle woman who sees you as the man she wants you to be?

    Not trying to be crazy/rude
    just curious…

  • You know what would make this more interesting if you have a panel of black woman as well at the same time. So black woman and men could hash out their differences at the same time. But I still liked it.

  • Prosperousnhim

    Dozie had on Lip Gloss! Just Saying!

    • MikaG

      MAC viva glam lip gloss! lol lls

  • I understand that the main goal was entertainment, but I agree with some other commentators that I would have liked to see more diversity on the panel. Varying ages. A blue collar dude. Or different kind of professions – a pastor, perhaps? People in various stages of relationships – single, divorced, engaged, married – shoot I’ll even take a dude in a committed relationship. Because I wonder will the marriage show only feature ‘single’ dudes pontificating on when they think they’ll want to settle down? Or what they think ‘the one’ looks like? How will they know, they ain’t been in it… I want to hear from some folk who have been waist deep in love and been like I knew that I wanted to make her my wife because…

    • Liz

      Keep watching the show. There are other types of guys on the panels. 

  • amthomp7

    I already knew what the responses would be and with that being said i still enjoyed it.  I think that maybe there should be a more diverse panel.  Gentlemen that would of answered, “Yes, I would like a women to approach me”.  I know some men that do not want to meet women in the club. I also understand that there is still a bit of apprehension due to being viewed/judged. And, individual interviews would also be nice, then the men aren’t pressured to go with the majority. IMO 🙂

  • @OhLiveLove

    My goodness. The comments are OUT OF CONTROL. MN commenters do NOT play out here in ‘dese streets. Thankfully (or hopefully), Liz and the other creators and panelists have been in the business long enough to take the good with the bad. Opinions are opinions. I will say, great job to Liz for the hard work she put into creating the show. And I’m a huge VSB follower, so s/o to Panama! As a woman who enjoys having platonic male relationships so that I can get these perspectives, I wasn’t surprised by most of the responses. However, I’m ALWAYS surprised by how little most women know about men, so kudos to the show for shedding this type of light. I thought the show was light-hearted and very honest (especially Mo…call it what you want, but truth is life!). It was mentioned before, but for the women who felt pissed, disrespected, or offended by the use of “smash” or “cheeks,” 1. It doesn’t seem like you’ve been around many men, 2. If you have, they just may not say stuff like this to your face, and 3. Please continue to live and learn. And to my fellow Christian commenters: Sigh. The one thing that should separate us from others is our love…no matter what. Nothing that was said demonstrated love, just judgment and pride. Be careful not to fall into the same trap of religiosity that the Pharisees did (who Jesus despised btw). We all should know that holiness is something you grow into and is only given by the power of the Holy Spirit, not your judgmental comments. Let’s do better…this does not show people the love of Christ.

    In regards to the men…I will say that while I wasn’t surprised by the responses and certainly appreciated the honesty, I do wish there was more accountability and more of a desire to be the men you’d want your daughter to date BEFORE you actually have one (with the exception of the guy who did say he’d be cool if his daughter dated him…that’s awesome). And that’s not a shot at the specific men on this panel, just a desire for men in general. At the same time, I realize it also means that more women should be the women they’d love to see their sons bring home. Men and women date EACH OTHER, so there’s blame to be had on both parties. And lesbehonest…nobody’s where they really want to be, where they think they should be, etc. Life is about the journey, and we can only strive. My desire is just that we all strive to be better together.

    • Missioneagles

      Greetings OHLIVELOVE –

      Love has many components.  Many folks don’t understand the various facets of the demonstration of love.  Lots of people prefer love actions that make them feel good but aren’t inclined to love actions that are painful in applications.  Numerous people enjoy the focus of GOD when He blesses and gives but when He deems it fit to punish when He’s violated, folks aren’t so inclined for that aspect of GOD’S love.    

      The Holy Bible contains examples of variations of love.  It was love when GOD destroyed all but Noah and his family when He shut them in the ark.  It was love when He allowed David’s child to die when he committed adultery.  It was love when He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.

      And certainly, it’s love when GOD tells us to turn to Him and He will turn to us.

      GOD commands us to warn the wicked to amend their ways – Ezekiel 33:8.

      We are to judge righteously.

      Proverbs 31:9
      judge righteously

      That’s full gospel truth love.

      • Jrjenkins

        Must you comment on darn near every comment with scripture. We get it YOU LOVE the lord.

        • Greetings –

          If I’m so inclined…

          The Lord that I love is with a capital “L.”

  • Loved this!  It seemed honest and well thought out.  And there were definitely a couple of lookers on the panel 😉 Can’t wait for the next episode!

  • Illbop

    Good panel…all of them except the Mo guy are kinda cliche ‘college educated black man’..which is  not necesarily a bad thing, but their insight was predictable imo, the other dude was needed to switch it up

    And one large, round, SMH to the bitter women I see replying.  Just…smh…Its 2012, bitter b###s must be irradicated lol    

  • Ms_Mara

    Once again, I enjoyed the insight! Looking forward to more. Ladies, I think some of us are a bit harsh in our criticisms. I think the mocking of the panelists’ looks and other silly superficial things is uncalled for. How about suggesting the type of questions you’d like to see next time instead of just shooting the whole thing down? These guys are giving us their time and honest opinions and I appreciate hearing how “the other side” thinks ’cause you know we’re wired differently. 🙂 

    • Missioneagles

       Hi Ms_MARA –

      Good points.  Thank you

      I have a question for the men.

      “If another man disrespected your lady, how do you believe you’d handle the matter?”

  • So I’m commenting on this after getting to comment #72 or so. And this is what I have to say: f–k you haters. Most of you are low-lifes who actually know what channel BET is through your cable provider, you quote Tamar Braxton daily, you support Tyler Perry plays, and keep up with people like Evelyn Lozada’s life on Twitter. FOH with the nonsense!!! You mean to tell me that a group of positive, young, Black men (and a couple women) who ARE NOT in jail decide to put out some positive media & they receive backlash? I pity you fools. Good luck on your children making it through college.

    As for Kela, Panama, Liz, etc. I applaud you all. And I say thanks. Thanks for taking the time to actually excite my brain cells aside from the time I spend reading VSB. I look forward to more episodes regardless of who you were raised by (and whoever said they want to know about the mens’ backgrounds is likely a minor = irrelevant) and I could care less of your religion. This is due to the fact that most ‘Christian’ women go to church each week with their 2.5 kids ALONE and wishing they had an “Ask A Black Man” man beside them. So let’s not throw religion in here at all. *in my VSB voice* Mmm-kay pumpkin?

    That is all.

    • +1000! 

      I truly don’t get what the vicious comments on here are about. I enjoyed it myself. I found it funny, interesting and do not see what is SO controversial about it!Everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions but that comment on Panama being a single dad was so low! Who are you to talk sh*t about someone just because he aired his opinion about dating? That was so disrespectful and downright mean-spirited.Maybe next time they should do “Ask A Black Woman” and the men can go in on you and judge you on your own experiences and dating choices!

    • Missioneagles


      Greetings –


      First to address the moderator:

      I find it quite interesting that the
      “moderator” has allowed a post (R_G_LOVE) to remain that has used
      profanity context f—k and called people low-lifes and fools but the
      “moderator” has removed several of my posts that had no such
      profane comments.

      Also, before their removal, I
      noticed that my comments had some “Likes.”

      Is moderation engaged in “player


      Now to address R_G_LOVE:

      The profanity in your first sentence gives a representation of the quality of
      you.  And in your second sentence you call people “low-lifes”
      that you don’t even know. With the exception of a mere few good points, your
      two paragraphs are of low standards.

      Bunches of Christian women go to church for righteous reasons – the main one
      being to worship GOD.

      I sound a clarion call to all of the keep it real people to not throw religion
      – but to purpose to do what is stated in the ten commandments – Exodus 20 – and
      that is to DO what GOD instructs, according to His Holy Bible.  He’s
      gracious to allow us to breathe His air.  Thank You, dear Lord.

      P.S. Thank You, Lord for allowing R_G_LOVE to be on here even though most of
      what she expressed is nonsense.  Still You in Your grace and mercy let her
      be on here and also You allow her to do other things while she ungratefully
      breathes Your air.

  • Andrea243

    yea i like this show, hopefully MN will also do a version of ask a married black man, bc most black women would b more interested in that then some “single” men that we as black women are familiar with given our marriage rate. 😉 but it wasn’t as bad as some on this comment board would tell it, and I do like that the staff at MN and panel are commenting back.

    • Liz

      I hear you. In hindsight I wish I had casted more of the married men we interviewed. There are married men on this season, though, so stay tuned. 

      • Andrea243

        Liz, i will defiantly….r u surprised at the level of  “hate” this web series has received?

  • That Dozie is a cutiee

  • This was informative. Lower Case P did a good job but I’m biased. 🙂 I like the honesty though. Guy in the plaid made me laugh. I’m looking forward to episode 2.

  • FutureEsq

    While I would agree that most of the topics discussed are common nuggets of knowledge amongst females over the age of 23, especially in New York City, I still enjoyed the show.  I also commend the creators and panelists for attempting to engage with viewers via this comment section, however, I do not think it is a good look.  I find that many times the internet gives a voice to very negative people and you end up looking crazy trying to talk sense into them or arguing with them.  I swear I thought people were a lot more normal before my Wi-fi days.  

    With the exception of Mo’s comment about black women not being down for the struggle, the guys were pretty cool.  Kudos to Kela for the great questions and looking so fabulous!  Looking forward to the upcoming episodes.

    P.S. Bentley you are a cutie.  

  • AKAlicious

    This is hilarious and people are taking this too seriously for real.

    I LOVE PANAMA JACKSON. Love him on VSB and love him on here.

    Question though. you haven’t had a one night stand in years? Thats straight lies unless you you’re celibate, having a baby straight scared you or you’re dealing with someone now. Which one is it?

  • NN

    This is the most depressing display of “educated” black men. Sex, booties, ti****s. There is no hope

  • FromUR2UB

    I thought this was supposed to be kind of fun and entertaining, maybe with a little enlightenment sprinkled in.  People are taking this waaaay too seriously.  They’re not supposed to be therapists, a panel of experts, or the spokesmen for all black men.  BTW, do we ALWAYS have to feel personally represented by black people who appear in some medium?!  That wears me out!

  • Mel

    Great Show!

  • Firefox

    include older men in their 30s, 40s and 50s please for your panel…this panel is not diverse enough…likewise there should divorced men too

  • Guest1234

    I’m going to take a tiny issue with this being “Ask a BLACK man.”  Would it really be so bad to include non-black men to get a more diverse set of men, life experiences and ideas?  I don’t think it’s a good idea for black women to be so singularly focused on black men.  After all, they’ve never been singularly focused on us.  Why not expand the pool and see what’s really out there?

    Okay folks.  Bring on the hate!  I’m ready for it.  But it seriously needed to be said.  

    • Guest1234

      And before the barrage comes.  I don’t think anybody can say with a straight face that the tunnel vision of black women, when it comes to race and our mates, has worked out for us as a whole.  See 74% out-of-wedlock birthrate.

      • doziex

         Yeah ma’am, go check out the” white” chat rooms and leave the rest of us black folks to focus and uplift each other.

        • really???

          why are you hatin though? because she’s not pining away and groveling at the feet of black men?

    • Greetings –

      Actually I had similar thoughts…Why not “Ask a Man.”  And who would like to see “Ask a Woman” here as well? 

    • Liz

      It’s not really that deep. If you notice the series is titled one thing, but all the promo and language is labeled as men in general. We just know our audience and are trying to signal to them. Nothing more to it than that.  

      If you *wanted* to get deep though, I personally am interested in showing black men in as diverse a way as possible that’s at least different from what we’re used to seeing on TV specifically. This does not mean all of them are going to be Barack Obama types, but at least they’ll be non-monolithic and on some level in a space that is safe for them to be themselves. 

      But like I said, it’s not that deep. 

  • Chandra Harkins

    This was cute. As a woman in my late 30s with men as best friends, I’ve heard all of this before several times. I would also like to add that these answers are not set in stone. Believe me. If a woman approaches them the right way, they’ll fall for it. That’s the beauty about men in general….they change their minds often, especially if a woman is persuasive enough — and she doesn’t have to use sex as her primary weapon. Peace. 🙂 

  • cocochanel31

    I’m clueless
    as to how anyone thought anything these brothers said was disrespectful..its
    like what bubble world do you live in? Men of every race are the same, they are
    all men and think pretty much along universal lines. If you don’t think so ask
    women of other cultures how their men treat them and act smh. They answered all
    the questions honestly and candidly and were not just talking to hear
    themselves speak. The problem with certain people is they can’t handle the
    truth, and those are the people who fail miserably in relationships because
    they are waiting for this perfect man to appear but he doesn’t exist. Also,
    these questions are geared towards SINGLE MEN, so the mindsets are probably
    different from the minds of married men.  If anyone thinks that at some point 90% of men
    explore their options before settling down they are in for a rude awakening.
    Thank you Madame Noir for choosing such an honest panel of men and I look
    forward to future episodes. For the naysayers, go watch Cinderella ins tead to satisfy
    all of your Prince Charming fantasies!

  • Ishpallday


  • probably ….

    • Janet Jackson

      “Why wouldn’t you give your best to everyone you could, showing your literal derrière to all gains you nothing but what comes out of that particular place. ”
      that is true.. 

      & to Panama’s comment about most men “having fun” till a good woman comes along. While I get the gist of what you’re saying, how are you just all of a sudden going to become this “great man” or however you would call it , when this “woman” worth being great to comes along? Are you (or men in general) purposely not giving your best effort in being a good man to a woman until you think she is worth it? Are you just basically waiting for a woman who is worth it enough for you to be good to? Bottom line is if you’re being ratchet or like you said “having fun” till she comes along, how are you all of a sudden going to change. I’m asking this in general, not just of you, cause you might not have been speaking from a personal point of view.

      I enjoyed this show though. I thought it was funny and Liz you did a great job! Although these are questions that all black women ask over and over again, there is no harm in hearing different perspectives from different men. It was engaging, your host is pretty, and this panel was great! 

      • I’m not saying that its an easy overnight change, what I am suggesting is that when men meet a woman that they decide to invest in for whatever reason, they begin to modify their behaviors in order to be the man he wants to be for her and the man he hopes she wants. i’m not saying we all become perfect as we’re all works in progress. but there are substantial changes that men make when we meet that woman who brings out the best in us.

        and it doesnt suggest that we’re not good to other women (good is subjective) but being the man who will put away childish pursuits, etc.

        i think implicit in the “why wouldn’t you give your best” assumes that all women are ready-made wives who bring their A-game to the table and I don’t think thats true either. as we get older and experience more we all learn about ourselves and what we bring to the table. you could easily say that everybody should just not play games but the truth is we all do.

        it can probably easily be summed up by saying that when men meet a woman who makes him want to change…he tries hard to do so. until he does, he’s going to keep doing what he’s been doing because his results are to his satisfaction. i’d argue that women do the same thing with men that they’re not interested in.

  • Pingback: “Ask A Black Man” Series Episode 1: Debut Sparks All Kinds Of Tension Between The Sexes! [Video] | :: Sparxxrx LLC ::()

  • Why is it so many panels like these involve young- unmarried, immature… troubled black males? When I think of a panel of ‘experts’ I think of someone who has acquired wisdom from being in the field a long time. Where are the older married couples to help shed light on what it takes for two people stay together in a loving- Godly relationship longer than a few weeks? Been married for 30 years to a loving black woman and it would be nice to see people my age on panels such as these. Stop relying on people who’re barely wet behind the ears to give you relationship advice.

    • really???


  • Guest

    I am loving the comment section right now.  My thoughts on the show: LOVE IT! My thoughts on the men: they were funny and honest.  I have tons of girlfriends but I don’t have a group of diverse black men that I can pose these type of questions too. I can’t wait to see the other episodes.

    As a black woman I did not take offense to anything that was said. I know who I am. Why would anything someone said on this episode upset me?!?

    • As my fellow panelist/2012 Johnny Gill said “Nothing is sexier than a woman that’s comfortable in her own skin.”

      Preciate u!

      • Bentley Kapten

        Preach my brother. Man, I guess I am coming into the fire late… My turn to be vocal.

  • tiffanybbrown

    I think I am just outside the target demographic for this series, based on the ages of the panelists and my own relationship status (married). But I’m really curious to hear the opinions of some older men. After like 32, the club becomes a far less interesting place to be, let alone meet somebody. So how do men who are 35 or 40 answer these questions, particularly those who might have a failed marriage and some resulting humility under their belt?

    • Liz

      We have one guy over 35, but I really wanted more!! Honestly it was difficult to find more men of diverse backgrounds, per episode as well as for the series as a whole. It’s not impossible to do but given other constraints we were a bit limited. 

  • Is the dude to the right (our right) of Panama wearing lipgloss though?

    That is all.

  • Q17Scott

    This is very interesting. This really brings to light the irresponsibility and lack of accountability that men in our generation are growing up in. A key question that the host ask, (which I thought was brilliant and should have been expanded on) was, “would you let your daughter date you?” Most said no they wouldn’t. This is where the lack of responsibility and accountability comes it. They are basically saying that it is okay for others daughters to date them, just not their own. Unfortunately, their future daughters first introduction to ‘what manhood, fatherhood, and how a man is supposed to treat a woman’, is from the first man in her life, which is the father. Fathers can tell their daughters what a man looks like, and how one should act, but the true lesson is usually learned by what they see and not so much by what they hear. I bring this up to say that if you want your daughter or future daughters to be with a man that respects her, encourages her, empowers her, does not objectify her, and appreciates her as a human being, the best way to show her that type of man exist is to be that man. I’m tired of men (and women) making excuses to justify reckless behavior. With manhood comes responsibility and accountability. And if you are equipped to take that responsibility, be honest in saying so, but do not take on the title of calling yourself a man without taking into consideration the responsibility that comes with what that is. Age is nothing but a number. over 18 does not deem you a man, you just males. Character and responsibility determines maturity. (now this comment is not based on the entire interview, just some of the key elements that I continue to hear over and over again in relation to single men and women. Having women in categories such as ‘smash’ and ‘wife material’ is degrading and irresponsible. Additionally, it is an excuse not to treat every woman with respect, as it should be. Lastly, referring back to the daughter question, your daughters will one day grow up to also possess ‘breast or booty’ and will be thrown in that same pool of ‘males’ who objectify/rate her based on the ‘size’ of parts of her body. If you as ‘males’ and okay with that, then keep on keeping on. However, if you are not, that man up by being the man you want her to encounter and hold other men accountable as well for the sake of not only your daughters, but your mother, sisters, cousin, nieces, and etc.

    • Q17Scott

      Sorry, for the typos, but you get what I’m trying to say.

    • You said exactly what I think needed to be said.

    • Liz

      I like your input. I think their answers were telling and agree with you….just not sure if people will ever change and look at it from that perspective. 

      • Q17Scott

        I get that. This is why I say. BOYS MAKE EXCUSE, MEN MAKE CHANGES. Know where you are and claim it. But once you begin to classify yourself as a MAN, then I expect Man-like behavior. And if you are not ready for the responsibility and accountability of that title, do not classify yourself as such, or mis-represent yourself as such, until you are there mentally. This way there are no expectations from those that you do encounter. 

    • While I do agree with you in theory, there’s one variable that changes all of this. Having a child. Having a kid changes your mentality on a lot of things. I don’t know how many men on that panel have kids aside from myself, but I acknowledge that I’ve grown because of my daughter and that my perspective on a lot of things have absolutely changed because of it. Only in hindsight have I gained the type of self-awareness to realize that things that I’ve done (not even cheating or lying, just inability to effectivley communicate or deal with emotions, etc) have directly contributed to creating issues for the women I was dating.

      Most people don’t get that until they have a reason. Especially young men. We tend to operate in a selfish vacuum until we don’t have that luxury and are forced re-evaluate our actions and lives, which I’m fairy sure is what evolution and growth is all about.

      So while I agree, I do think you have to give those cats (and let’s be real, a vast majority of guys  are like that) the opportunity to mature and become the man that they would let their daughter’s date.

      • Q17Scott

        I agree with you. My argument is based upon mis-representation. I understand completely about growing and maturing. I understand whole-heartedly, that children have the power to change a persons perspective on life. I am not arguing that at all. My argument is based on the premise that the responsibility and accountability comes with the title of MANHOOD is being swept under the rug as if it is not apart of maturing into a man. Or as if, certain behaviors (whatever they may be) do not count when it comes to maturity. Either you are a man or you a boy. Each level of growth comes with a different set of roles. Unfortunately, with ‘males’ and ‘females’ those roles are being integrated in order to lessen the responsibility that comes maturity. And then we begin excusing behaviors just because its easier than taking responsibility. Also, it’s easier than holding others accountable and being accountable. 

        But I agree with everything you said. Take the time to mature, but don’t mis-represent ones self as being on a level of manhood when in actuality, ones behaviors and actions still are in the realms of boyhood. 

    • You make a few great points. While I responded with a no, my answer was more-so based on past transgressions and not on who I am today. Experience is often the best teacher, so with that said, at the time my (future) daughter is old enough to understand the morals and values I attempt to instill in her, I’ll be the type of man she could bring home.

      However, I had to grow into that individual. If she could meet someone that’s ahead of that learning curve, then cool. This is exactly what Panama mentioned in his response on the panel, which I 110% agree with.

  • Ivy

    Hmm not what I expected 🙁 were these men picked off the street?

    • Liz

      LOL. No. We picked them from a casting call 🙂 

      I actually like that it was not what you expected. 

      • Missioneagles

        Greetings –

        I applaud that you’re doing this series.  It beats some of the abundance of superficial  
        content that is widespread throughout the web and society overall.

        We won’t agree on every point but intelligent dialogue can benefit us all if we’re so inclined.

        • Missioneagles

           Incidentally, you’re holding your own relative to the responses to these varied comments.  Way to go…

    • Missioneagles

       Hi Ivy –

      There are some good men on the streets and beyond.  I met a profound thoroughbred man who lived in a homeless shelter.  Later he became a good government employee for more than seven years…

      You can find good men in some of the least expected places.  And you can find bums in penthouses and basements.  Heart conditions tell the whole story – character trumps…  

      • Ladybug94

        LOL at “thouroughbred man”..I actually needed that laugh.  Thanks.

  • Bejon

    This can’t be the full panel, right? Of all the professional, educated (articulate), good looking, etc black men you could choose from… Madame Noire came up with these folks? You might as well of had Flavor Flav up there. #fail

    • Liz

      No need to throw bows at men. Yes, we do have 18 men in total but….we did a very public casting in the NYC area for several weeks and these guys were the best of the best. *kanye shrug* I honestly like how they are regular guys you would meet in your every day life at work, at social events, through family friends etc. Sure there are a lot of good looking black men out there (not to say these guys aren’t) but if we had a panel full of models and bankers….would this feel or be as relatable? We specifically didn’t want to go after men who are all actors….because they’d be acting. 

      • Missioneagles

         Greetings –

        I’m glad for the panel discussion but am not inclined to engage with men who use words like “smash” and “cheeks” relative to women.  And am not fond of observing women who laugh at such exchanges.

        That said, we’re all works in progress…  And it’s likely that I’ll continue to watch to discover the sentiments expressed. 

        There are lessons in much…regardless of personal preferences.

        • Guest

          You are sadly mistaken if you dont think most men talk like that about women.  They just dont do it to our face.  Think about some of the conversations you may have had with your girlfriends.  I’m sure there were some things said that wouldnt ordinarily be said in front of mixed company.  I feel as women we want men to be real but only in a way we approve.

          • Hi –

            I’m not mistaken.  Am aware…

            Being aware doesn’t require that I habitually engage with such in my network of contacts…  

            • eric mcdaniel

              You are also a very old lady. You may now be on some crusade for the black community but when you were young, you probably were fun and not so condescending. Face it, men talk about women in private company (other men) in ways they might not talk about in front of their grandmother.

              • Missioneagles

                Greetings Eric –

                How thrilled I am that GOD is old, and young.  And how thrilled I am that He favors old and young folks who love and DO His will.  And how precious that heaven has old and young folks. That’s so wonderful and glorious.

                And how wrong you are…I’m indeed fun, lively and interesting.  So says GOD and some others.  That’s more than enough for me.

                Your comments are those of an ignorant rank amateur.

                Better to be old and wise than ignorant at any age!

                P.S. It’s great that all young folks aren’t misinformed…

                • eric mcdaniel

                  I thunk it’s funny how you women tell ME what men say when you are NOT around. I’ve heard pastors say disparaging things about their wives in private company. You have no idea cuz you aren’t in the room. 

              • 2nd reply to Eric —

                Certainly, I’m not on a crusade for the black community. My main aim is doing truth…which is univeral and global for those who are so inclined.

                You expressed, “Face it, men talk about women in private company (other men) in ways they might not talk about in front of their grandmother.”

                My response:
                I never expressed that men don’t do such…however, REAL men don’t use disrespectful terms such as “smash” and “cheeks” in reference to their engagements with women.  REAL men don’t use such demeaning descriptions about women in any setting – with other men or otherwise. 

    • Not Flavor Flav though. LOL. Y’all ninjas over here on MN are brutal.

      but like I say on my own site, this comment is useless without pictures. lol. throw stones if you want…but give me the chance to make sure its a valid criticism.

      • Guest

        lol I’m stilly laughing at the Flavor Flav remark!

    • Guest

      Dang not Flavor Flav! lol 

      I happen to know one of the panelist and he is all the positive adjectives you listed 🙂

    • Flavor Flav huh? That’s crazy. I’m actually a graduate of Penn State University. I have contributed to Ebony, ESPN, & The Source, in addition to holding positions at MTV & CNN. I’ve also appeared on a few popular television programs. Oh, and I’m also a man of KAPPA. 

      My apologies for not meeting your standards, but the Bio-Chemist/Model with the Oxford degree was busy. Next time though!

      Normally I’d say something much more poignant, but I don’t think that’d be very “educated or articulate” of me, and I wouldn’t want to further disappoint you as a Madame Noire viewer. 

      • Liz


      • Missioneagles

         Greetings –

        All that sounds good…but what noble causes inflame your heart?  How do you contribute to the progression of society….caring, sharing, impacting. community involvement… 

        • Honestly, I could sit here and tell you about my mentee who maintains a near 4.0 grade point average in his first year of college, or several other charitable contributions. No matter what I say in response to you, there’ll be someone (possibly you) that won’t deem it “good enough.”

          That’s actually a huge problem with “our people” today. Look at Pres. Obama, four years ago everyone was 110% behind him and the bandwagon was full. Throughout his campaign we’ve seen “our own” attempt to sabotage him by saying he’s not “black enough,” he’s a “terrorist” amongst many other things.

          The point is, I could have re-built a village in Haiti, imprisoned Kony and arrest the person(s) responsible for killing Biggie & Tupac, and it STILL wouldn’t be enough. In that, I’ll just say that I do my part.

  • Just Lissen

    I think this series is hilarious (in a good way). The blatant honesty of the panelists is quite endearing, especially Mo, his forthwith attitude can be rather charming. But I like it best because these are direct questions with direct answers. You ask for their opinion, be prepared to hear their truth. 
    Funny thing is how 5 different men from diverse backgrounds (based on the profiles you posted before the series) can have such similar attitudes. This is the male perspective, and it’s interesting. How many men do you have to poll before you just accept that there are some common truths?
    Sometimes I think we look so hard for the exception or the fairy tale guy, that we forget the good dudes that are around us. Like the single men of the panel said: we are waiting until we are ready to settle down and look for a good woman, until then we are just living life. 
    You can’t judge them for having a good time or experiencing what life has to offer, because in truth you can’t control the actions of another person. You can either choose to mess with them, or leave them alone. 
    I can’t wait for the next episode!

    • Purple Kisses

       Thank you!

      • Purple Kisses

        The show was entertaining. If it’s information you already know then good for you. Either be done with the show or stay tuned for the next episode. But to go out of your way to say you got NOTHING out of it, is a bit petty. **Free hugs**

        If people are expecting some type of deeeeeeeeeppp insight in the span of 15 mins, then you’re probably going to be disappointed. Take these opinions for what they are–opinions of just 5 black men, not all black men of all time.

        And it is a series so there will be more episodes, with different men. Hopefully you’ll find you’ll learn something new…and if not, you didn’t pay for this content so chillax.

        • Liz

          Gold star for you too!

    • Liz


      Somebody gets it. 

      •  These guys are cool. When you get a chance check out my blog called How He Really Thinks. I put a different twist to it.   I have a variety of subjects that describe how men do their thing.

    • Round of applause!

  • Kudos! and it goes back to my first comment on why the background of each panelist is important. If you were raised in a household where women are objectified and disrespected then your “thoughts/opinions” on women is skewed.

    • You’re assumption is that all of us were completely disrespectful towards women? well my background includes two mothers and 3 sisters. all of whom I’m very close with.

      • Missioneagles

         Greetings –

        Glad you’re on here engaging…  Thank you

        I wonder if the other panelists have weighed in on here.   

        • Skoob has weighed in here. On my own site, I stay in the comments all day b/c I’d hate to be one of those folks who just throws his opinions out there and isn’t accountable.

  • Ckalexander06

    If this video was supposed to provide genuine insight into the mind of a black man it failed. Miserably. These men clearly should not be the spokesmen for brothers who are serious about life and relationships. This video was disrespectful to black women and hurtful. You would never see a group of white men get on a broadcast and talk about white women in that way. I’m just tired of seeing black men publicly humiliate black women and themselves. Please provide us with men of character and class next time. I don’t know what this was. I can’t relate at all. 

    • I see your point. I don’t know how this bunch was screened and cast to represent black men.

      • My job was to represent myself, a Black man. Not all Black men. It’s ask a Black man. Not Ask These Black Men To Represent All Black Men. What makes you all any different than white people that come to each individual Black person as a spokesman for the race? We rail against white people for doing that to us, then we do it to ourselves. No wonder we can’t win.

    • Liz

      Five black men would never represent the whole race. That’s just too much pressure for them to handle. I honestly don’t think any one man could and should be the spokesman for any race 🙂 

    • I’m curious as just how you determined that none of us are men of character or class? If anybody gave a crap about how white men viewed white women I’m fairly certain that you’d get responses that went above and beyond. It isn’t even a race thing. It’s a man thing. We responded to the questionst that were asked. But even beyond that, I find it interesting that you feel like we humiliated the race. We’ll just have to agree to disagree. You’re more than welcome to feel that way obviously, and I’m more than welcome to think that’s completely ludicrous.

      • Janelle

        Yeah, I think the “no class” comment is a bit harsh. I thought you guys were all very classy and well spoken and that added credibility to what you were saying (for me at least it did since you are similar to the educated brothers I hang with). It’s a harsh reality we ladies need to hear and maybe it’ll help black women make better choices. Look at the stats people…highest pregnancy rates out of wedlock, highest HIV infection rates…these guys were honest. You may not like it but take that info and alter the way you engage with black men intimately if you want them to respect you. Now I don’t think the brothers are totally off the hook but I think there’s a lot we ladies can do to get better treatment and that’s by believing we deserve it and behaving in a way that demands it.

        • Missioneagles

           Greetings –

          Good point, Janelle, about “believing that we deserve it and behaving in a way that demands it.”

          For real, there is a bunch of conduct from both genders that fails to represent class conduct.

          It’s so pleasant to engage with people who steadfastly respect themselves and others.  

    • Janelle

      I’ve dated an equal number of white guys and black guys and I can tell you they are ALL thinking like this. You are right though, white guys probably wouldn’t get on tape and be this blunt. But I appreciate the forthrightness of the panel. These gentlemen represent a lot of what black men are thinking IMO…even the well educated ones, and yes, even their white counterparts.

      As another person said, now that you know, you can choose to engage with them or not. So when a brother is trying to get in your pants at the club or after one date or maybe not even a date but just you all as friends hanging out in a group, then you can choose to honor yourself and let him know YOU think you’re wife material and you’re not giving it up to get smashed. I think not enough women do this because they fear a guy will leave. Let him move on and you’ll create space to let another man come in who IS ready to treat you like wife material and wine and dine you.

      I will say this though. Black guys won’t spend much on you if they realize you’re not about smash and smash is what they’re looking for at them moment. The white guys I’ve dated are willing to take a girl out 2 or 3, maybe 4, times for dinner before they give up. Don’t think those white guys didn’t already know which bucket you fell into from the get go. Maybe it’s because of cultural differences in how they’ve seen women treated or maybe it’s how we value money differently. I just think black guys are less inclined to “waste” the money entertaining a lady if they know early she’s going to be hard to bed. Again, just my observation from dating both races.

      • Kari

         Trust me – white men can be just as openly misogynistic on camera and off. Have you all heard of tucker max? I’m sure you could easily find white men who would go on camera and say worse than this.

      • eric mcdaniel

        Why should a man take a woman, who isn’t interested in them, out more than once?

    • Missioneagles

       I learned from the book, Celebrating Men by Beverly Niles.  She wrote about men in her life who respected her…

    • eric mcdaniel

      One word on how much white men respect their women….HOOTERS.

  • 1913Lioness

    I love PANAMA JACKSON. I’m hoping I’ll run into him at Pentagon City or somewhere in DC. Hopefully, he’ll this Delta girl a try…..:)

    • 1913Lioness

      Hopefully, he’ll give this Delta girl a try…… 🙂

  • I LOVE PANAMA JACKSON, I really do.

  • I really got NOTHING out of this. I think it would have been substantive to ask the backgrounds of each panelist so one would have an idea of how he grew up. Your environment definitely shapes your opinions and approach to women. Then again maybe men are universal in their basic needs and wants as a single man? Don’t know because the viewer has NO idea what the background is for each panelist. Yes you provided bios..but those bios didn’t tell me if the panelist grew up in a 2 parent or single parent home, or if he has ever been in a long term relationship or married etc.

    • Liz

      Sorry you feel the need to lash out. 

      I understand you wanted to know more about each guy, but by the time we delve into the histories of each man, this episode and the extended cuts would be going on 45 minutes. It’s just not feasible for web viewership. We definitely did our own research to find this info when casting, but there simply isn’t enough time to go through it all for one episode. In the end, we’re not doing a full psychoanalysis of each man nor do we claim to do that. There’s only so much we can pack into a short episode or one full taping.

      • GUEST

        Wow why go in on the person for asking a question? And how is asking a question(s) lashing out? Aren’t we entitled to my opinion(s)? I actually agree with Clarissa.

        In general knowing the background of a person could either add/subtract credibility to what they are saying. I don’t think she was asking for a psychoanalysis, just basic information on the environment each was raised in..If you are a black male raised in a 2 parent home your ideas and approach to women could be vastly different if you grew up in a single parent home. I know for the most part the series is for entertainment purposes, but there is certain responsibilty one should take when representing a group, i.e. “black men” .

        • GUEST

          *our opinion(s)

        • Liz

          I’m not going in! She asked a question and I am trying to clarify the reasons behind her concerns from the perspective of production. Just being servicey.  

      • Wow Liz, don’t see how you took the comment as lashing out lol

        What’s the purpose of the comments section? To give feedback. If you only wanna hear “positive” feedback then what’s the point of it all?

        • Liz

          Sorry if you took my comment wrong. Definitely did not mean to lash out. I do appreciate constructive criticism if the message is on task. your first sentence was a bit much. All good now! 

      •  Odd comment.  She asked a legitimate question. Certainly nothing there to indicate she was “lashing out.”  Please don’t drag in the ‘angry black woman’ meme.  It will give us a sense of bias on your part.

      • Single Brotha

        How can a single brother such as myself, 32, be considered for future panels?

    • I have a question: how woud knowing all of our backgrounds change what you got out of this? Or are you treating them exclusively? Just curious. I’m with Liz on this one…it would be virtually impossible to do a pscyhoanalysis of all of us. But even if was just a short thing, what would knowing how I grew up add to our responses? You can either add validity or discredit I suppose or take it for what its worth, a panel of Black men answering questions that were asked of them.

    • Dee Dee

       I agree with Clarissa, but I would go a step further and say I wouldn’t take advice from a bunch of strangers on a website. In terms of entertainment value I wasn’t entertained. The questions asked were predictable and the responses didn’t shed any new light on what most women already know.

      • Liz

        We definitely have not positioned this series as something you should take advice from. I wouldn’t do that to you with this cast (lol).  All it is is about conversations and asking questions. Nothing more, nothing less!

  • Guest

    I wish the interviewer had better questions. These are the SAME questions women ask men ALL the time! Let’s talk about something else besides dating! And how to get a Black man to marry us! UGH! 

    • really???

      ” And how to get a Black man to marry us! UGH! ”

      wouldn’t this question fall under “…same questions women ask men all the time…”

      jus’ sayin…

      • tiffanybbrown

        I’m guessing it was supposed to be “Let’s talk about something else besides dating and how to get a Black man to marry us! UGH!” Stray punctuation for the loss.  

    • Liz

      Not sure if you’re actually serious, but we do have a whole episode dedicated to the topic of marriage. I think it’s our best episode, so look out for it in the coming weeks. 

    • Not to be funny, but it seems like you could be barking up the wrong tree. It’s Madame Noire and the show is talking about dating and relationships. Believe it or not, folks actaully are interested. Hell, peep the advertising all around you on this page. Motherlovers made Steve Harvey a best seller because of it. STEVE HARVEY!!! lol. Point is…you want to talk about something different, most of your sisters apparently want to talk about this. Majority rule. Also evidenced by the near doubling of the views on the extended cut versus the edited down version indicates that perhaps women really do want to know how men feel about the same ole questions…in droves.

      • Kéla

        Round of applause for that gentleman right there ^
        And the questions may be predictable and the same ol but the point here is 1. they are actually being answered 2. there is no speculation, women are getting the real perspective of black men 
        and both of those are new to a lot of women 

      • Victoria Madison

        Thank you Panama I have throughly enjoyed each of the videos that you were in.  it is interesting to hear it straight from the horses mouth and possibly to change our views on our counterparts that are from Mars. 

    •  definitely predictable questions.

    • FromUR2UB

      I liked it for that reason.  These are usually the questions women want answers for.  Except for women who grew up with brothers, male cousins or male friends who were candid with them, the way men think is a mystery to most women.  Of course, I know enough to know I don’t want to know ALL of what they think.  I’m too squeamish.  haha!

  • Guest

    lol dude with the baldy look like squidward

    • Spartan

      Darn you Guest, lol. Now everytime I look at Panama I will only see Squidward.

    • Liss2002us

      Lol! That’s sooo true!

    • LMAO. That…hurt, but I laughed so hard that I’m okay with it anyway.

      • Liz

        No shade but I kinda laughed too. 

      • Missioneagles

        Greetings –

        What’s funny about it?

        • getting called squidward from Spongebob Squarepants is funny. i have a sense of humor. i laughed.

          • Missioneagles


  • FromUR2UB

    Thanks for posting the extended version.   The questions were good and the answers sounded honest.  The guys appeared to feel comfortable enough with the host, to speak openly.  Looking forward to the future webisodes.